


Completely Incomplete

by Eternalmomentss



Series: Sun and Moon adventures [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Along the way, Angst, Blood, Death (Losing your heart), Drunken Flirting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Fluff, Fear, Flashbacks, Fluff, Found Family, M/M, Manipulation, Missing Scenes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rating May Change, Romance, Slow Burn, au-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 98,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25423786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternalmomentss/pseuds/Eternalmomentss
Summary: Lea has been recompleted but is still nowhere near complete. Something is missing, there is someone he has to get back. He’s unsure about what the future might hold, scared about connecting it to the past. But Roxas and Xion are there to pave a way, willing to forgive, willing to learn and start anew.Lea is in need for Isa to return and Roxas and Xion want to learn more about their shared past, hoping that they can live their lives as a family; together and whole.Will Isa make it back? And if so, how will the four of them shape their future?
Relationships: Isa & Lea & Roxas & Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Isa & Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Lea & Roxas & Xion (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Sun and Moon adventures [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2082330
Comments: 104
Kudos: 129





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first longer work here so please be kind to me I am just a smol bean who loves to write and is extremely weak for this pairing! I've been meaning to pick up this fic for so long...  
> I just wanted to write the missing Leaisa reunion, but then I also wanted to write teen!leaisa and sea salt family fluff so now we have this!  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun with this prologue!

The days were always beautiful in Twilight Town; bright and cosy and inviting, the light covering the buildings and forests like a golden crown. Everything was rich in colour, the sky was ablaze, the air open and pure. There was a certain feeling to it, that kind of light and soothing warmth you experience when being embraced by a loved one after a long time apart. Everyday anew. He savoured every hour, every single minute spent in the dazzling sunset, together with the kids in this newfound life. It had only been two days since they’d arrived back here, right where their journey as a trio had started. It seemed a lifetime away. The 358 days appeared so hazy in his mind, like he was recalling someone else’s memories. 

Lea let out a heavy sigh, as he placed his chin down on his right hand.

He loved the day, the sun; the time were everything and everyone was just so _alive_ , but there were times where he longed for the quiet of the night, the starry sky, the full moon shining behind a thin sheet of clouds, the sound of the crickets talking. Nights like this one. He needed this time to think, to sort out his scattered mind, put the pieces back somewhere. Even if he had no idea where they belonged anymore.

He rested his heavy head against the cooling glass of the tiny, dusty window next to his bed and looked up at the firmament, counting the stars, tracing patterns with his eyes. He wondered if the kids were awake, if they were able to sleep this night, in their new home.

The three of them had settled in a small, but charming apartment. Two small bedrooms, one up an unsteady set of old wooden stairs (more like a ladder really) and the other down on the main floor together with the tiny kitchen, bath- and living room. It was more than enough for them. Yen Sid had specifically told them not to worry about the munny for now, but Lea couldn’t shake that itchy feeling of guilt. Maybe he could ask for a job down at the bistro, or…whatever really to take care of their own bills. He would do anything for the kids to be happy, enjoy the remaining years of their childhood; to finally _live_.

Lea sat up straight to crack his back and the whole brittle double-bedframe was creaking at the small movement. The redhead started at the sound, his heart almost jumping out of his chest. He snorted at himself. Since when was he that easy to scare? He laid his head down on the rather tiny and quite uncomfortable pillow, trying to move as carefully as humanly possible. He bit his lip, staring at the ceiling. There were quite the number of cobwebs in the corners of the room and between the timber beams. The apartment had probably not been inhabited for a long time. He would definitely have to clean up the place tomorrow; who knew what was lurking under the beds or the sofa.

Lea turned to his side, sighing.

As much as he tried to just close his eyes and fall asleep, there was something keeping him awake. Something weighing heavily on his heart and mind. Truth is, he’d been scared to think about it; scared shitless about the way things might progress from here on.

There was something missing. Of course. He knew exactly what it was. Something had been missing for the last ten years, even though it had always been right there next to him. Concealed under an icy exterior he had found impossible to break through. It had been so painful to see _him_ every day, to hear that strange, unfamiliar voice, see the alien eyes stare straight back at him. Those eyes that used to be so easy to read and understand, that used to be so full of _life_ and _light_. It all had made his skin crawl, because in the end, there had been nothing left of the person he’d once _loved_ so dearly. There had been nothing left of _himself_ too. They’d both changed.

Lea felt the tears sting in his eyes and he wiped them away with the sleeve of his washed-out hoodie.

_See you, Lea…_

The words echoed through his mind. The scene resurfaced before his eyes. His voice, so tender and weak. How _warm_ his gaze had been. How soft. Almost like all these years ago. Almost like he could love him again. Like nothing else in the world mattered.

Lea felt his heart throb and tried to swallow the tears that were still sitting heavily in his throat, before he turned to lie on his other side, pulling his legs up to his torso.

_How long would I have to wait for you to finally return to me? And what then? What are we going to do?_

_Isa._

He started to lightly run his thumb over the white covers, focusing on the friction to calm his trembling nerves, staring into the air. He stayed like this for a few moments, before a sudden noise from down below made him perk up his ears.

There were footsteps. Faint but unmistakable. Two pairs of feet were causing the floor boards to moan, one protected by socks, the other bare, slapping against the wood.

And as they drew closer and clearer, Lea was able to hear the careful murmur of the two young voices as well.

“You think he’s awake?”, asked one meekly.

“Pretty sure…”, answered the other.

Lea sat up with a tired smile, just as the two kids made their way up the creaking stairs. He could tell they were trying to be careful, but the apartment just wasn’t making it easy for them.

Lea spoke up, just as Xion’s messy bedhead appeared through the hole in the floor, “Don’t worry, I’m wide awake.”

Xion turned her head in a flash to look at the redhead, eyes wide in the dark of the room. Behind her, Roxas jumped up the last two steps. They both stood in the opposite corner of the room, small and lost. Roxas was pressing his lips together, while nervously rubbing his flat palm over the side of his pyjama pants. Xion was chewing on her nails, the black nail polish they’d applied only yesterday appeared to be already crumbling.

“Watcha standing over there like this?”, Lea rolled his eyes with a smile, “C’mere …”, he patted his hand on the very empty spot next to him.

The kids shuffled their way over, crawling onto the bed, which was protesting at the additional weight. Lea leaned his back against the headboard, as he watched the two curl up on either side of his body like cats in their nook. Xion let out a long sigh, her breath fanning some loose strands of raven hair. Roxas remained completely still.

After a while, Lea spoke up, his voice not louder than the crickets outside: “Can’t sleep?”

Xion nodded her head indistinctly, before turning to lay on her back, her eyes fixed on something Lea couldn’t see. He wondered about what she must be thinking, what both of them must feel right now. He knew they were happy and relieved at first, but there was no doubt that this whole new situation was quite overwhelming as well. All the freedom, not having to worry about pleasing someone else’s expectations, being independent. It could all be so scary, especially when you’re that young.

“Me neither…”, mumbled Lea, closing his eyes for a second to collect the right words on his tongue, “But I think that’s normal…”

“What’s on your mind?”

Roxas’ question caught the redhead off guard and he knitted his brows, heart skipping a beat. It was patently obvious, wasn’t it?

“Loads of stuff…”, he took the easy way out.

He wasn’t sure how to approach this topic in front of the kids. What they knew was not what he was missing. He was afraid that they wouldn’t understand, though it was unfair to think this way. But everything seemed to be so real all of a sudden. Two realities crushing down on him. The past and future. The last thing he wanted, was to make the kids uncomfortable, confront them with things he knew could wake unpleasing memories. They’ve dealt with enough.

“What was he like?”

His whole body tensed at the question and he dug his fingers into the bedsheet. Of course, they knew. They always did. Maybe they’d sensed his fears, the way he kept looking around like he was searching for somebody in a crowd, how he was checking his phone every five minutes or how he excessively tried not to bring up the topic in front of them. They knew him well enough to know his heart wasn’t complete just yet.

“You don’t have to-…”, he breathed, shocked at how small his voice resonated in his ears.

“We want to.”, Xion turned her head to look him in the eyes, the blue of her own full of understanding and profound sadness. His heart sank. “We thought about it too, you know.”

Roxas hummed, “He’ll come back eventually, so…”

Lea swallowed his tears, “Yeah…”, _eventually_. That was too far away.

“We think it’s time to get to know him better.”, Xion continued carefully, “We want to understand-…”

Understand. Understand the way Lea loved him still. Understand what he’d been through. What they all shared. How they weren’t so different after all. How the broken pieces could still mend into a brilliant kaleidoscope.

“-and forgive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twilight Town has a day/night cycle for aesthetic reasons only lmao  
> I'd love a kudo or comment and you can find me on tumblr @eternalmomentss!  
> Have a wondeful day!


	2. pastel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea recalls a beautiful spring day back in Radiant Garden, a treasured memory about berries, scarfs and honey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is chapter one! Enjoy this taste of what's to come...  
> It is kind of a little introduction on how this fic is going to be structured!

Warmth streaked through Lea’s body like a comet, leaving behind a soft throb in his chest. He could hear the gentle beats of his heart in his ears, excited and hopeful. He very well knew that it would be difficult for Roxas and Xion; adapting, trusting, maybe even learning to love. The fact that they were willing to try made gratitude and happiness unfold inside of him. He wanted nothing more in life than this.

“Thank you.”, he said, every single syllable arising from the very depth of his heart, “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Xion smiled, twisting a strand of hair around her index, never taking her eyes of her invisible point on the ceiling. “We do know…”, she finally whispered.

Lea’s eyes fell shut, as he untensed the muscles in his shoulders and face.

“Don’t think you can just ignore my question by the way…”, Xion mumbled and Lea could tell she was smiling from the sound of her voice, “You have to work with us here.”

“Yeah, we wanna know!”, Roxas pressed, bending his neck so he could look at Lea upside down, “What was it like back then? Where did you live? What were you guys like? And don’t give me that ‘ _I was always sort of the same guy’_ nonsense again.”

Xion chuckled, placing her finger on her chin to strike a thinker pose, “I bet you were the typical class clown type, right? A troublemaker through and through.”

“Excuse me?”, Lea shot up and pressed a hand to his chest, pretending to be violently offended, “This is outrageous!”

Xion crinkled her nose and eyes and it didn’t take long until the small room was filled with soft, hearty laughter. Lea was thankful for the positive mood shift. “No, but seriously…”, Xion was persistent, “Please, tell us!”

Lea rolled his eyes and leaned forward to ruffle the girl’s hair, “You should sleep for now, it’s late.”

Xion batted his hand away with a tiny pout on her lips, “Oh, come _on_!”

“It’s not even that late!”

“Yeah, please Lea!”

The sound of his actual, _real_ name coming from the kids was still an odd feeling. Even though it was definitely the _right_ name now, it sounded so bizarre when they said it. He couldn’t quite grasp it. After he’d been recreated, the name Axel had been what he’d held onto because he’d thought of it as the bridge between him and Roxas and Xion. He had been so scared of being forgotten, afraid that the two wouldn’t recognize him, of being all alone. So, he’d decided to hold onto the coat; the name. Only to keep their connection alive. But now, now that it was all over and they were here, together and _whole_. Now, that he’d finally laid down the burden of the black coat. He felt like himself again. Like _Lea_.

“Okay, okay…”, eventually he had to give in, “But don’t expect a life changing story-telling session here…” Lea lowered his gaze onto his hands that were placed on the covers, as he dove deep into his mind to bring the memories up to the surface.

And he found himself back in Radiant Garden in a beat of his heart.

  


* * *

  


Lea took a deep, calm breath, filling his lungs with the clear, sweet air of spring as he stepped out the front door. “See ya later!”, he called back over his shoulder, as he looked around, a grin forming on his freckled face as he took in his surroundings. The sky was a deep blue, not a single cloud was covering the golden sun. Strands of vibrant light came from up above, painting a pattern on the alabaster stones and a light breeze was making the boy’s bright red hair dance on his head. The flower patches all around town were in full bloom, rich in colour and scent, covered in dewdrops, all glittering like stardust. Birds were singing, tiny insects bathing in the sunlight, the water of the fountains rushing in his ears. Lea tightened his fingers around the straps of his backpack, excitement flowing through his body at the sight of this beautiful new day. Spring had finally, fully arrived in Radiant Garden and it was designing the whole world with an entirely new paint set; soft, pastel colours and delicate brush strokes. He felt instantly refreshed as he started his way over to his best friend’s house to pick him up for school. He walked with a little ecstatic bounce to his steps.

Lea wondered if they could convince the teachers to start class outside today, he sure as rain wouldn’t survive three hours in the science wing. The air was always sticky and sulphury and it gave him headaches every time he entered the rooms. Not to forget, the classrooms were on the second floor, the highest in the whole building, so it was always way too hot up there. But he had biology for the first two lessons, so maybe they could just look at some flowers outside, make a sketch or something? Lea wrinkled his nose. No way that was going to happen, those days of fifth grade science were long gone. But maybe the teachers could give them an assignment to complete outside in the sun, that would be a nice start.

He nodded his head, just as he took a sharp turn into Isa’s street. He loved this particular avenue. The constant falling petals of the cherry trees were stunning to watch and Lea would always find himself mesmerized. It was nice and quiet and pretty; the treetops sheltering the street from above like a see-through roof. It made Lea feel secure.

He was already able to spot the head of blue hair leaving the little house with the purple roof. The house he could easily call his second home. He loved the way Isa’s parents had decorated it. Ivy tendrils were climbing up all sides of the house, covering one side completely, the small, wooden window frames were painted in different colours, flowerpots stood at every corner, fairy lights all over the place. Lea’s parents weren’t that keen on decorating, his mom would place a new pot of flowers in front of the door then and again, but that was about the size of it. They were more focused on practicability. His dad had insisted on getting a herb garden and a little greenhouse to grow their own food, which was pretty amazing. His dad was a spectacular cook, too.

Isa was waving his Ma goodbye, before trotting down the street to meet Lea halfway with a gentle smile on his lips. He seemed to be in good spirits a well. No wonder, since Isa loved spring with every bone in his body.

“Morning!”, he greeted Lea with a soft nod of his head.

“Heya.”, Lea nudged Isa in the side, before twirling around to walk at his side, “I see you’re in a good mood.”

“Yeah well, just look around!”, Isa did just that, before turning his face up to meet the sun leaking through the branches, “Perfect…”

“Mhm yeah…”, Lea tugged at the scarf that was wrapped around his neck, “It’s pretty warm.”

“Then lose the scarf, genius.”

“No!”, Lea curled his lip, as he shot Isa a devasted look, “It’s my favourite.”

Isa smiled at that. After all, the spring-coloured scarf with the paisley pattern that Lea was wearing had been a gift from Isa for his fifteen’s birthday last autumn. The blue-haired had sewed it himself and it was marked with both their initials on the inside. No doubt, it was the absolute best gift Lea had ever received in his life.

“I’m flattered-…”, Isa rolled his head to the side to look at his best friend, “-but I really don’t want you to get a heat stroke.”

“I’ll be fine, Isa!”, Lea insisted, rolling his eyes.

“If you say so…”

They made their way to school, right on time for their first lesson. And just as Lea had predicted, the classroom was unbearably hot and stuffy, making the boys sweat bullets onto their notes, even with the windows torn open. He was dead sure the heater had been broken for years and no one really cared to fix it. For better or worse, Lea found himself forced to take the scarf off after all.

“Will you ever forgive me?”, the redhead dramatically buried his face in his hands, making Isa shake his head with a smile on his face, before he turned his head again to copy the writing on the board.

They spent their break outside, laying on the grass and soaking up as much of the soft sunrays and clear air as possible. Isa had suggested to wear the scarf as a bandana and Lea had happily adopted the proposal. He had his hands behind his head and his eyes closed, while Isa was scanning through the pages of a book, his own head resting on his best friend’s legs.

“Hey Lea-“, Isa broke their peaceful silence, his eyes still fixed on the pages, “Did you know that stomach acid is strong enough to dissolve steal?”

The redhead wrinkled his forehead, before opening one eye to look at his friend, “Really?”

“Yeah!”, Isa smiled, finally looking up to meet his friend’s gaze, “Oh, and Strawberries and Raspberries are actually not berries, but bananas, pineapples, eggplants and tomatoes are.”

“Huh.”, Lea found himself quite baffled, “Didn’t know that.”

Isa grinned, “We should ask your dad if he knows that.”

“He should, huh?”

“Mhm mhm”

Oh, they would totally ask him later. Lea’s dad was quite the know-it-all and most of the time it was funny to see him stubbornly hold onto a statement, even when he was clearly being in the wrong. Quiz night was no fun, but still Isa loved to come over every Saturday to fight over how many earths could fit into the sun.

For the rest of the remaining free time Isa kept reading science facts out loud and making Lea question his place in the universe, before they had to attend class again. Luckily this time, the teacher was actually reasonable and let them do their work outside. They had to prepare a presentation anyways so there wasn’t much keeping them in the funky smelling chemistry room any longer. 

The rest of the day came and went just like that. Literature class was quite tiring and Lea couldn’t really bring himself to follow. The book they were reading was tedious and Lea hated the main character with a burning passion. How could someone enjoy a novel that featured a hypocritical, sinister, selfish asshole as a protagonist? It made no sense to him. He would rather just read a captivating crime novel; his room was littered with those. He and Isa loved to practically _devour_ them together, they always took turns on reading the chapters out loud, took notes and offered their guesses on who would most likely turn out to be the killer. And they were always right.

  


* * *

  


“Do you think we can finish until Wednesday?”, Lea was kicking rocks in front of his feet on their way home, his hands buried in his pockets.

He hated it. Presentations and school projects such like had Lea excessively worried time and time again. Just hearing it alone made him uncomfortable. He was pretty sure that one presentation in sixth grade history class had him traumatized for good. To put it short: randomly assigned partners (not too bad at first, since making new friends was Lea’s specialty; at least he liked to believe it), complicated topics and not enough time had caused Lea to worry and cry about the whole thing for days on end. Normally, he had no problem with talking in front of other people; he actually loved it. Making others laugh and telling crazy stories. But in class, nervous fidgeting and dry lips, being put on the spot with the teacher and students watching, talking about something he was not passionate about in the slightest. All a huge no-no. His mom had told him repeatably that he shouldn’t concern himself with what others thought of him. But he couldn’t help it. As much as he tried not to care, there was always a spark to start a fire in the back of his mind.

“Sure!”, Isa sounded confident, “Don’t worry about it.”

His best friend was always calm and collected, or so it seemed. Lea knew that he was nervous as well every time, but he had found a better way to conceal it under a professional facemask. It was something Lea admired about Isa and he probably didn’t even know that, even though Lea was known for declaring his affection and admiration via speech; loud and boisterous, always a huge, wide smile on his face.

“But it’s only two days…”

“Yeah and it’s only supposed to be three minutes-“, Isa turned to look at him with an encouraging smile, “-so it’s going to be okay, I promise.”

Lea started nibbling at his bottom lip, as they passed Isa’s street. He stared at the floor, as he went on: “You- You’ll help me with my part, right?”

Isa shot him a bewildered glance, as if the answer to the questions was clear as day, “Of course, Lea…”, he sounded a bit sad, “I always do, don’t I?”

“Yes, yes I know-…”, Lea hoped Isa wouldn’t notice the slight tremor in his voice. It was ridiculous really, but still Lea’s mind went into hyperdrive immediately.

_Man, Isa must think I’m the biggest idiot in the world. I can’t do anything by myself, I’m not as smart as he is and I don’t get stuff nearly as fast. I have like zero talent why would he help me anyways? He’s probably so sick of me, of helping me, he’s just too nice to say it._

“Lea-“, Isa’s voice sounded almost strict, as he nudged his red haired friend in the side, “I can virtually hear you think…”

“Sorry…”, Lea started rubbing the back of his head, smiling apologetically. These thoughts were nonsense and he was fully aware of it. Didn’t help him though.

Isa answered with pulling the paisley bandana down his best friend’s red head and over his face. When Lea complained at the top of his voice, there was a snort to Isa’s laughter that the young boy absolutely adored.

When they arrived at the front door of Lea’s house, Ra was already waiting for them. He was sitting on the windowsill, his tail neatly placed over his paws and a poignant look in his green eyes. His ginger fur was shining brightly in the sunlight.

“I see Mom gave you a bath…”, the red head mumbled as he gave the cat a gentle scratch behind his ear. Ra started purring instantly at contact.

“Hey buddy.”, Isa held out his hand for the cat to sniff at, but Ra only arched his back, “Aw c’mon…”

“Bet he smells Luna on you.”, Lea grinned as he unlocked the door, “The two don’t get along well.”

“Mhm, they really don’t.”

“Mom!”, Lea yelled into the hallway, as Ra scurried past him and straight to the kitchen, “You there?”

There was no answer. The two boys left their shoes outside, before closing the door behind them. Lea took a run-up and slid his way over to the kitchen door on his socks to peek inside. No one was there, only Ra was sitting on the counter, waiting for someone to open the cupboard and get his foot out.

“Probably in town…”, mumbled Isa, as he placed his backpack on the floor, before sitting down on one of the two kitchen stools behind the counter, watching Lea reach for the cupboard containing the cat food on his tip toes. The blue haired tried his best not to laugh out loud, since Lea was already pretty annoyed by the fact that his best friend was significantly taller than him. 

_Doesn’t change the fact that it looks kinda cute…_

“There we go…”, after Lea had finally managed to get Ra something to eat, he turned to look at his best friend, “And what should I get you, mister?”

Isa laughed at that, “Don’t tell me you want to cook? We know how that’s going to end, firebug.”

Lea narrowed his eyes, and slowly made his way over to where Isa was sitting to place his elbows on the solid soapstone countertop, before leaning forward to look his friend deep in the eyes. Isa stared back with quite the cheeky smile on his face.

“Are you making fun of me?”, Lea tried to keep his voice low and menacing, “Cause believe it or not, I wanted to serve you the best and most badass pancakes you’ve ever tasted in your entire life.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Little wrinkles started to form on Isa’s forehead, as he seemed to mull over all the possible outcomes of letting Lea get too close to a frying pan, oil and open fire. It was not like Lea was completely incapable of cooking. He was most certainly very keen to learn and definitely showed some improvement over time. Isa was invariably making sure to teach him all his favourite recipes. The bluehead loved to cook and bake. It did run in the family after all, since his Mom owned a tiny bakery in town and was always happy to share the hottest and newest creations with her son. But ultimately, Lea was insanely clumsy; without a doubt the clumsiest person Isa knew (granted, he didn’t know a lot of people, but still it was crazy). Apart from that, Lea had always been pretty impulsive and more of an _I-act-before-I-think_ kind of troublemaker. But that’s why he had Isa.

“Well then-“, he grinned at his freckled friend, “Impress me, I’ll be the judge.”

“Hey, don’t think you can just sit there and watch me do all the work.”, Lea carefully removed the scarf from his head and placed in safely on the dining table on the other side of the room, before tying his wild mane back to save it from collateral damage, “You have to chop the fruit ‘n stuff.”

“Yeah, not letting you get close to a knife”

“Shut it, doofus.”

Lea opened the fridge in a fluid motion to get everything they needed for the pancakes, whereas Isa was ransacking the various cupboards to find a large bowl. All the while, Ra was watching them from atop the longest shelf above their heads, licking his whiskers. After Isa had handed him the bowl, Lea started adding the ingredients and mixed everything together with a small whisk, his tongue stuck between his teeth. The flour had already settled in his hair, nose and all over his clothes by the time he sat the pan down on the stove.

“Lea, it’s been less than ten minutes-”, Isa shook his head at his best friend, who was about to turn on the heat, “-and you already look like a clown.”

“I’m still better looking than you are.”, countered the redhead saucily, a smirk on his lips as he turned to look at the bluehead, “Bit of make-up would suit you good actually.”

Isa didn’t even have time to fully fathom what Lea was getting at, before his best friend attacked him viciously, cupping his face between his two floury hands. Isa immediately pulled his face away with a yelp, before scrunching his nose and letting out a little sneeze as the powder tickled the inside of his nose. The blue haired narrowed his eyes as he watched Lea double up with laughter in front of him.

“You just made a huge mistake, Lea.”, he growled, before scooping up a handful of flour himself and dumbing it on the fiery read hair of his best friend, who was too occupied with laughing to even realize what was happening. He screeched and jumped back, his eyes widening in shock, all while Ra was watching them with a delighted trill.

“You want war?”, Lea teased, a challenging flicker in his emerald eyes, “You can get it!”

Isa fell into a defensive stance, awaiting his opponents next move. Lea didn’t hesitate. He snatched the little bottle of honey off the counter and shot forward. Isa tried to dodge the attack, but Lea caught him before he could bring a secure distance between them, smearing the sticky contents all over his friend’s cheek. Isa protested and wiggled in Lea’s grip but the redhead threw his entire body weight onto him to keep him from running away.

“Eeewww, you suck!”, Isa whined, but couldn’t stop himself from laughing. He pressed his eyes and mouth shut, enduring the process of torture, until Lea finally released him.

“There-“, the redhead grinned triumphantly, throwing the bottle aside to place his hands on his skinny hips, “That should teach you!”

Isa stuck his tongue out, shaking his head in disappointment. He really wanted to wipe that stupid, smug smirk off Lea’s face. He let out a long and heavy sigh.

“You know, Lea…”, he said looking down to the floor, trying to appear all sad and defeated, make Lea believe he gave up the fight, “I never told you that but…”, he slowly walked forward, “I think-…”, he looked up, right into Lea’s eyes, “I think I-…”

Lea’s eyes grew large.

“I know that I-…”, and Isa threw his arms around Lea’s body, pressing his honey-smeared cheek against his best friend's and spreading the substance all over it, “I won’t let you get away with this!”

“Isaaaaaa!”

The rest of the pancake-making process ran comparatively smooth. The two kept teasing one another and one or two rainbow sprinkles did end up on a honeyed cheek, but the overall end result was a full-on success. In the end, Lea and Isa were enjoying their self-made pancakes in peace, with the kitchen unburned and in one piece.

After they’d finished, they sat down to start working on their presentation. After scolding Lea for not wearing his reading glasses all day, Isa carefully explained every little in-depth detail about the given topic to his best friend, making sure to get him to fully understand. Lea listened intently, noting everything down and asking questions when needed. And suddenly, with the fragrant scent of honey still finding its way from his cheek to his nose, the tips of Isa’s soft hair still covered in flour and the sprinkles speckling his nose like gentle freckles, the whole thing didn’t seem so bad after all.

  


* * *

  


He felt like he could still taste the sweetness on the tip of his tongue, smell the honey and hear the soft purr of his ginger cat in the background. The cat that, according to Isa, looked so much like him it was almost scary. His heart ached. And he couldn’t tell if it was a pleasant ache or if it was the most painful sensation he’d ever felt in his life. All he knew was that he missed every second of that day.

“Can we get a cat too?”, Roxas’ mumble was already so faint. He was on the brink of falling asleep, his eyes closed and his face blank. Both he and Xion had listened quietly, never interrupting, soaking up every little detail of Lea’s story.

“Mhmm dog…”, was all that Xion had to say. She was wrapped in the thin blanket, her head resting on Lea’s outstretched arm, “-like Isa had…”

“You should sleep…”, said Lea, his voice so unbelievably thin it made his heart drop, “We can talk about all this later, kay?”

“Not tired…”, Xion said, just as both kids fell asleep.

Lea was watching them with a smile on his face, before slowly closing his own eyes, hoping he would wake up in a dream about the days of spring and the soft, sweet laughter he had been missing for over a decade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll be posting updates as quickly as I can, so stay tuned!  
> Next chapter will be fully in present time again...


	3. grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea, Xion and Roxas visit Radiant Garden to meet Ienzo. Lea discovers there is no feeling of home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my friends!  
> Here is the next chapter! I decided to change the rating on this fic now because I want to dive deeper into serious topics such as ptsd and trauma and I just want you all to be safe and comfortable. Please read the tags and warnings before reading. Thank you and enjoy...  
> (I am still sweating bullets here, I am nervous af)  
> Trigger Warning: Panic attack, mention of blood

There was a deep buzz in the back of his head that made him jolt out of his light sleep. He shot up straight immediately, a sharp pain piercing the back of his neck at the sudden movement. Lea groaned as his hand slowly crept up to his nape. He rolled his head and took a look around, barely able to keep his eyes open. It was bright as midday in his room; the thin, washed-out curtains didn’t succeed in blocking the light at all. The golden sunlight was warm on his skin, so the redhead let his heavy head fall forward so it could reach and untense his stiff neck.

He tried to relax and untense in silence, but realized that the buzz in his skull just wouldn’t stop. He wrinkled his forehead, looking around for the source of the noise. When he finally realized that it was his phone on the nightstand - the vibration making it jump all over the wooden surface - he moved at lighting speed to grab it. He almost fell off the bed and hit his head on the table’s corner. He didn’t even look at the display to check who was calling, but answered immediately. His voice was still slurred and hoarse; his mind only half awake, but his heart was beating at full velocity.

“Yeah- yeah I’m awake!”

“Lea?”, it was a young, calm voice at the other end of the call, “Is that you?”

It took Lea several moments to match the voice to a person; poised and professional, just a hint of tentativeness, could only be one young man.

“Oh, Ienzo…”, he rubbed his temples, “Ienzo, yeah it’s me, it’s me”

Ienzo. Ienzo was calling. Oh, by the stars in the other sky, Ienzo was calling!

Lea felt a wave of nauseating panic roll over him, he could feel his heart beating all around him. This could be major news. This could be what he was waiting for. This could be…about…

“Ienzo, what happened?”, he was wide awake by now, “Everything alright? Did you find something?”

The young scientist maintained his composure as he answered Lea’s nervous questions, “I’m afraid I have to disappoint, Lea. It’s not why I’m calling you, my apologies.”

The redhead closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, as his chin dipped down to his chest. Gut-wrenching disappointment surged through his body as he came down from this high of emotional turmoil. He’d told himself over and over again not to paint the perfect happy ending too soon. He’d told himself to expect the worst-case scenario. He’d tried so hard not to fasten onto hope, the most painful and treacherous feeling of them all. It had only been about a little bit over a week since they’d destroyed the body. They hadn’t been able to locate the heartless or accomplish anything else of major importance. And yet, his heart had incapacitated any form of rational thinking when it came to this topic.

“Oh”, he couldn’t find the right words to express his emotions, “I see…”

Ienzo gave him some time to compose himself, before he contiuned: “I’m just calling to inform you about your check-up routine today.”

“Check-up?”, Lea furrowed his brows in confusion, “What are we talking ‘bout right now?”

Ienzo seemed slightly perplexed, “Well, the check-up we arranged last week, don’t you remember? We thought it’d be of vital importance to verify that the three of you are entirely free of any permanent damage.”

“Permanent damage.”, Lea echoed absentmindedly. He was still not quite on the same level.

It surprised him to hear Ienzo chuckle softly. “Seems like you forgot.”, he said, “It doesn’t surprise me, a lot happened since the war ended.”

“Tell me about it…”

“It’s good that I called you again, then.”, Lea could hear the young scientist starting to pace up and down, “We’ll pick you up at around one o’clock, if that’s a suitable time?”

“Er- yeah sure…”, Lea scratched the back of his head, “Who is _we_ exactly?

“I contacted the Restoration Committee and a man named Cid consented to help us.”, Ienzo explained, “He can use his vessel to bring you to Radiant Garden.”

Lea felt his skin tingle, but tried to ignore it as best as he could. He hadn’t been back since he’d been recompleted. It gave him a feel of heavy discomfort. Maybe that’s why he didn’t remember, maybe he’d tried to suppress it.

“Okay.”

“Perfect!”, Lea was able to hear Ienzo’s smile, “I’ll see you in three hours.”

“Yeah, see you…”

“Until then.”

Lea hung up the phone and tossed it onto the white bedsheets, before taking a deep, long breath. He tried to sort out the mess in his head. A check-up routine. How could he forget about it? He didn’t even remember talking to Ienzo about it. How jumbled was his mind exactly? He felt like there was so much going on, he could never grasp one thought at a time. Was it normal? Did Roxas and Xion feel the same way? He had no idea.

Apart from all that, hearing Ienzo’s voice had brought a whole lot of other feelings back to the surface. The ones that stung like a thousand knives in his guts. Remorse. Guilt. Sorrow. All of it. Of course, Lea was still painfully aware of what he did back in Castle Oblivion, even though he wished he could just wipe the memories away and ease his conscious a little bit. He squirmed, as the images flashed through his field of sight like a scene from a horror movie. The terror in the boy’s eyes. The actual, bone-chilling panic. Lea shook his head. He knew he couldn’t just walk through life as if nothing had happened. Maybe, today was his chance to apologize. Atone. After all this time. He wondered if the kids knew. Did he ever tell them? He couldn’t remember but he felt like they had a right to know about his actions, to learn about _everything_ he did. Not just what they’d seen.

Speaking of the kids…

Lea looked around the room, scanning his bed and lifting the blanket. Roxas and Xion were nowhere to be seen. Well, should have been obvious, but Lea was still a tiny bit startled. He crawled out of bed with a loud moan – his neck was absolutely killing him – and dragged his feet over to the stairs like an undead zombie. Not a morning person. Never would be. On the way down, he could hear the kids talking in the kitchen. Additionally, there was the clang of plates and pots and the faint smell of what Lea identified as cinnamon.

“Whoa, stop! That’s too much!”

“What do you mean? That’s not nearly enough…”

“Bleurgh…”

Lea stepped into the kitchen, rubbing his right eye with the palm of his hand. Roxas and Xion were already dressed and wide awake, bustling around the room like busy little bees. Roxas was watching over a saucepan on the stove, whereas Xion was setting up the little table. When she turned to get some cups out of a cabinet above the sink, Lea announced himself.

“Morning guys…”

The two of them turned around with fresh smiles on their faces.

“Morning, sleepyhead!”, grinned the raven-haired with a wink, before climbing onto the counter to get the mugs. Roxas nodded his head.

“Let me do that.”, Lea rushed over, opened the cupboard, “There you go…”, and handed Xion three coffee cups.

“Thanks!”

Lea grazed the inside of his cheek with the tip of his tongue, leaning against the counter next to Roxas. “What are you cooking?”, he asked and dared to peek inside the pot. There was some kind of purple mush inside. If it weren’t for the sweet smell of the cinnamon, Lea would have scrunched his nose in scepticism.

“Porridge!”, Roxas revealed proudly, “With blueberries and cinnamon. Eating healthy for a change…”

“Smells nice.”, smiled the redhead and nudged the blond boy in the side. He cocked his head, “Where did you get this stuff though?”

“Well, we’ve already been down at market street.”, Xion reported as he filled a kettle with water, “Got some food, tea, coffee, you know, stuff we actually need to buy for ourselves now.”

“What?”, Lea ran a finger through his hair, a tiny hint of embarrassment crawling up to settle in his cheeks, “When did you get up?”

“Around eight I think?”, Xion looked at Roxas, who confirmed her guess with a nod of his head.

Lea blinked a few times, “So early? Why?”

“Habit…”, Xion shrugged her shoulders, before turning on the heat to bring the water to a boil. Roxas pressed his lips together.

“Huh…”

“You look terrible by the way.”, Xion pointed at the mess of hair on Lea’s head with a smirk on her lips.

“Thanks a lot, appreciate it…”, he bowed his head, “Have you seen your bed hair before?”

“He’s got a point.”, Roxas shrugged his shoulders, a teasing flicker in his eyes as he turned to look at Xion.

“But his hair looks like that all the time.”, she objected, “You want to go see the guys at the castle like this today?”

Lea watched the girl get two teabags and coffee powder out of a bag next to the door and blew a raspberry.

“Kinda forgot about that.”

He earned a laugh from Roxas, who was just taking the pot full of porridge off the stove, “Didn’t get it memorized?”

Lea rolled his eyes at the sound of his own catchphrase, “Shush.”

“Come on, let’s eat!”, Xion urged, thrusting the cup filled with steaming coffee into Lea’s hands, “I can braid your hair later if you want to.”

“Sure…”

They enjoyed the self-made breakfast over a lively conversation about nothing in particular. It was nice to just ramble about random topics that were of no actual importance whatsoever. Lea had missed this kind of carefree chatter. Seeing Roxas and Xion joke around and be silly like kids should be really put a smile on his face and he could feel his spirits being lifted higher. It even made him forget about how his coffee was way too watery.

The three of them washed the dished and cleaned the rest of the kitchen together, before Lea rushed upstairs to jump into a relatively clean set of clothes. He sniffed himself and decided that a shower wasn’t necessary just yet. They shared the bathroom time, all squeezed in together to brush their teeth and freshen up a little, all while the tiny room was filled with the sound of Roxas’ Indie music playing over his phone’s speaker. Xion was bobbing her head to the tunes and Lea could hear Roxas sing along under his breath. At some point, he even caught himself humming along.

Roxas was just leaving the room, when Xion grabbed a brush and hair elastics. “Move your butt to the living room.”, she commanded with a wink, “This’ll take some time…”

“But of course.”

Lea sat himself down on the soft loveseat in the living room, rubbing his stiff neck again. Xion climbed onto the backrest to gain access to Lea’s messy hair. Roxas plopped down onto the old armchair on their right and started playing on his phone, immediately sticking his tongue between his teeth in concentration.

“How’d you like it?”, Xion asked, inspecting the thick strands of red, “French, Dutch, Fishtail?”

“I have no idea what you’re saying, Xi…”, Lea snorted, “I thought you wanted to braid it?”

“So uncultured…”, the raven-haired rolled her eyes with a smirk.

“How do you know this stuff?”, Lea wondered, as the girl started to work the brush through the knots. Lea winced at the twinge.

“She’s been watching all kinds of videos online last night…”, Roxas said, without looking up from his game, “From _how to braid hair_ to _setting stuff on fire_.”

“After I got bored of beating you at this game.”, Xion shot back, sticking her tongue out.

“I was tired…”, Roxas wagged his hand, dismissing the topic. Lea smiled, even though right now he felt like his skin was being ripped off his skull.

“Gentle!”, he yelped, right when Xion ran the brush through a particularly unruly knot.

“It’s not my fault your hair looks like this!”, she retorted, but slowed down to a gentler pace.

They sat together like this in the cosy warmth of the morning sun, the windows open so that they could hear the birds calling out to each other and the faint noises of the tram common and market street in the background. It was twelve by the time Xion finally placed the brush down on the coffee table and started braiding the strands into a loose and simple French braid. Lea could hear her curse under her breath then and again and she did have to start over multiple times, but the redhead stayed patient, until finally: “Done!”

Xion slid down the backrest to sit next to Lea, admiring her work from the side with a proud glimmer in her blue eyes. “I think it looks nice.”, she said.

“Let me see…”, Lea got up and jogged over to the mirror in the hallway to catch a look of his reflection. He turned his head from left to right, inspecting the hairstyle carefully, before taking the braid between his fingers and placing it over his right shoulder with a smile.

“You like it?”, Xion asked shyly, her hands behind her back as she came over to where Lea was admiring his appearance.

“I love it, kid!”, he grinned, “Nice job.”

The redhead brought his hand up to give the girl a high five and a very satisfying clap echoed through the apartment, just when Lea felt his phone buzz in the pocket of his pants. His heart jumped against his ribcage as he took a quick look at the display. It was a number he’d never seen before. He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked at Xion, who was staring at him with wide eyes. She gestured to the phone, silently urging him to pick up. So he did.

“Hello?”, he bit his lip and started to nervously fumble around with the braid hanging over his shoulder.

“C’mon out folks…”, a gruff voice greeted him for the other end of the call, “People are starin’ already!”

“Wha-…”

“Station plaza, now get a move on, I don’t have all day.”

And that ended the short call as abruptly as it had started, leaving Lea blinking in bamboozlement. Xion raised her eyebrows, just when Roxas joined them in the hallway.

“Who was that?”, he asked, as he slipped his phone into his pocket.

Lea rolled his neck, before smiling, “I think it’s our ride.”

* * *

The ride to Radiant Garden was awkward to put it nicely. Their driver, the rather assertive and bold man named Cid, didn’t really seem to find a lot of interest in the three of them. He was focused on the road and getting back to whatever he had been up to before as quickly as possible. He was not the guy for small talk. The kids sat quietly in the back, preoccupied with the game on their phones. Once in a while, one of them would mumble something under their breath or complain about loosing a round, but nothing more. Lea kept staring out the window. He felt like drowning in the endless space around the ship. It reminded him of the Dark Corridors, always gawking at one’s coat but never breaking through. Unable to corrupt a heart that wasn’t even there. He really didn’t want to fall back into his fears and worries, but he couldn’t help it. His mind started to wander off and painful memories slithered their way into his mind.

_I’ve been waiting for you, Axel._

_Traitors like you deserve to lose everything…_

He pressed his eyes shut. His fingers started shaking and he felt like he could feel the side of his waist burn. He ignored it, swallowing it all down like a pill without water.

They arrived at half past twelve, right in front of the gates of the castle. Cid bid them his quick goodbyes before leaving them alone. Xion and Roxas were looking around with bright eyes, turning their heads from left to right. It only just occurred to Lea, that the two of them had never been to his former home world. It was all new to them. And weirdly enough, it was strange for Lea as well. Like he shouldn’t be here just yet.

They ascended the stairs up to the castle gates. Lea kept his eyes on the floor in front of him, refusing to look around whereas Roxas and Xion took in every last detail of their surroundings. When the castle gates came into view, Lea could hear them slow down their pace. He turned around to look at the two with raised eyebrows.

“C’mon, what are you stopping for?”, he asked, wrinkling his forehead in confusion at the sight of their startled faces and open mouths. But when the redhead followed their gaze to the lone figure sitting on top of a half wall at the end of the stairs, one leg on the wall and one hanging down, he found himself quite speechless too.

“Is that…?”

“No question.”

“What is he doing here?”

The young man sitting on the wall was all too familiar. Dirty-blond hair, vivid green eyes and of course the constant companion in form of a huge Sitar on his lap. The only thing that didn’t fit the picture were the clothes. He wasn’t wearing the black cloak with the tight sleeves and weirdly pointed shoulder pads anymore. Instead the musician was wearing a guard’s uniform; quite the large fit one might remark. It really didn’t look right, but it was Demyx nonetheless.

“Did they really recruit _him_?”, it appeared like Xion found it hard to believe her eyes.

“Looks like it…”, Roxas looked like he was about to burst into a fit of laughter.

Lea only kept staring. But when Demyx noticed the three standing frozen on their way up, he flashed a crooked grin and waved them hello. Xion awkwardly raised her hand to wave back and Lea slapped on a painful looking smile. Roxas only chuckled.

“Hey guys!”, smiled the blond, after they’d finally made their way up, “Long time no see, huh?”

They nodded in unison, but couldn’t really find the right words to keep the conversation alive.

“I like what you did with your hair, Axel!”

Lea winced at the name, but mumbled “Thanks” anyway. Demyx just kept talking.

“Good to see you made it back!”, he pointed at the two teens, “I mean, if it weren’t for me you’d probably still stuck in that other kid’s hearts, right Roxas? I did a pretty good job, didn’t I? I’m like the official special missions guy now!”

“Huh.”

“Oh, and look at my new outfit!”, he spread his arms wide, “Pretty bad ass, right? I’m a guard now, like, an official royal guard. Ienzo got me the outfit and a phone too! Oh, we have to exchange numbers, we can text and stuff!”

“Totally.”

“Also, also did you know I-…”

“Sorry to interrupt but-…”, Lea pointed his thumb toward the huge front doors, “-we really have to go see Ienzo.”

Demyx nodded his head eagerly, before setting aside his instrument and jumping down the wall. “I’ll take you to see him, I mean that’s what I’m here for now. To help out and stuff.”

“Great, thanks!”, Xion smiled, before exchanging a telling look with Roxas. The blond boy pressed his lips together to hold back his laughter. Lea let out a little sigh.

“Okay, follow me now!”, Demyx started guiding them toward the castle with a confident grin, both hands placed on his hips, “Bet you have a lot of questions, I know I sure do! Like, how are you doin’? Where are you living? Anything interesting happen lately? I’m just hanging out and stuff, nothing great going on, been practising a lot, it’s cool and all, but I feel like I’m not at the top of my game lately-…”

Demyx kept on rambling all the way up to the lab, asking questions but never letting them answer. Lea couldn’t focus on the one-sided conversation anyway. A constant shiver was running up and down his spine. A cold sensation on his skin, his scalp prickling. Heavy discomfort was settling in his stomach, making him slightly nauseous. He felt like an invisible force was holding a knife to his back.

When they entered the study, they discovered it was abandoned. The desk was littered with documents and books. One book was lying open in front of the huge chair, a pen next to it, indicating that someone had been here not too long ago. Lea noticed that the ink was still fresh, so whoever had been working here couldn’t have gone far.

“Ienzo should be back any minute.”, Demyx explained, confirming Lea’s theory, “You’re kinda early.”

“Thank you.”, Xion smiled, making the young musician flash a toothy grin.

“I’ll be leaving then.”, the blond said, “Duty calls, y’know…”

“Of course.”

“See ya later!”, and with that, Demyx vanished, closing the door behind him.

“Duty calls…”, Roxas repeated with a snort, “He just sat there playing his guitar thingy like always…”

“Well, at least he seemed kind happy.”, Xion shrugged her shoulders, “Haven’t seen him like this before.”

“True.”

“Why do you think they keep him here?”, Lea wondered, as he scanned the documents on the desk. He didn’t really understand any of it.

Roxas hummed in thought, “Dunno-“, he walked over to take a look at the bookcases on the wall, “-he did help them bring me back.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t have anywhere else to go.”, Lea turned his head to look at Xion. The girl seemed very serious all of a sudden, “Just like us…”

Lea’s heart skipped a beat at her words. Roxas didn’t respond, he kept on rereading the title on the back of the same huge brown book over and over again. They fell silent, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Did she really believe that? After all this time? He wanted to speak up, to prove her wrong. But he just couldn’t find the right words. He felt like someone had sewed his mouth shut.

After what felt like hours, Lea was able to hear hasty footsteps approach the study. He turned his head just at the right moment to see Ienzo enter the room, a clipboard pressed tightly to his chest.

“I’m so sorry that I kept you waiting.”, he apologized immediately, shaking his head at himself, “Even needed me upstairs and I just-…”

“Hey, no big deal-”, Lea stopped the young scientist with a wave of his hand, “We’re early, so it’s our fault.”

He felt his heart shrivel at the sight of Ienzo’s appearance. He looked exhausted and stressed. There were heavy bags under his eyes and his skin was unusually pale. With a pang of distress in his chest, Lea noticed just how small and _fragile_ he looked. It did not help in easing his conscience at all. He could only image how all of this must feel to the young man in front of him.

“Well then-“, Ienzo nodded his head toward the lab, “Shall we start with you, Lea?”

Turned out, the check-up routine was not much different from what Lea had experienced as a kid in the past. It was the usual paraphernalia. Eyes, breathing, reflexes, all that. It was almost underwhelming. Well, until Ienzo requested, “I need you to take your shirt of, lay down and relax.”

The redhead furrowed his brows as he leaned back, “Why- I mean, what are you doing?”

“I have to take a closer look at your heart.”, Ienzo explained, “It’s the most vital part of this check-up.”

“Oh…”

“It’s alright, I assure you.”

Lea watched intently, as Ienzo reached for a bunch of cables dangling over their heads. He pulled some of them down and stared at Lea in anticipation, like he was waiting for something to happen. Lea only stared back.

“You- Your shirt…”

“Oh, oh yeah sure, sorry.”, Lea peeled off his vest and shirt, feeling slightly embarrassed. The cold nibbled at his exposed skin, as Ienzo started fixing the cables to several points on his chest. Lea noticed the young man staring at the prominent scar on his side, but neither of them brought it up. Lea was thankful for that. He stared at the ceiling through the whole procedure, even when Ienzo left his side and walked over to the computer to check on the results. Lea didn’t want to move, wired up like this. He closed his eyes instead, just listening to the sound of fingers dancing over the keyboard, trying to block out everything else.

After several (too long) minutes, Ienzo cleared his throat, causing Lea to open his eyes and look at him. “You can put your shirt on again, I’ll be right back.”, he said before he scurried off to the study. After putting on his clothes again, he simply waited, forcing himself not to look around.

He couldn’t even begin to describe what he was feeling. This room, so cold and clinical, only illuminated by artificial lights that caused the redhead tremendous headaches. The smell, the air, everything was just the same as all these years ago. Just the mere thought. To sit right next to the spot where he had literally _died_ ten years ago. Where Isa had died next to him, Ienzo, everyone. It was here. Right here.

The weight of all the air around him was torture, it felt like the walls were closing in. It was hard to breathe, like an iron fist around his neck was cutting his airflow. Would he see blood stains on the floor if he looked hard enough? He could smell it. Cold sweat and fear. His hands started shaking again. His heart started hammering against his ribcage. Pleading cries echoed in his ears, sharp breaths and sobs. His whole body started shaking. He pressed his eyes shut, just when his vision started blurring.

_Lea._

There was a sound. Muffled. Far away. Not here.

_Lea, can you hear me? Breathe._

Breathe. Just breathe. He tried.

_Good, like this, I’m here. Count with me._

Air filled his lungs. He focused on the flow through the chest and belly. He was breathing. Breathing.

“Focus on me.”

He looked up and saw black hair and blue eyes. Xion. That was Xion.

“I’m here, okay?”

He nodded hardly noticeable. He focused on his breathing, just in and out, looking at the black splotch of hair in front of him. His head was throbbing.

“Do you want to go outside?”

He nodded again.

“Come on.”

When they left the room, the world around him came into focus again. It almost felt like waking up from a haunting nightmare. He didn’t even fully understand what had happened.

“Sit down for a minute, I’ll get you something to drink.”, that was Ienzo.

“Are you feeling better?”, Roxas kneeled down in front of the chair Lea was now sitting in. Xion came to join him on the floor, looking up with sad blue eyes. 

“Yeah.”, the redhead croaked, “I think so.”

Not a moment later, Ienzo came rushing in again, handing him a glass of crystal-clear water. “You’re breathing easier now, that’s good.”, he said, before taking a step back.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?”, Xion asked carefully, “Or do you want to rest?”

Lea shook his head. “I’m fine, I’m fine-“, he assured shakily, “Just a bit tired, that’s all.”

Ienzo’s gaze fell down to the floor, “I’ll leave you alone for a minute, alright?”

Roxas nodded his head with a thankful smile.

This hadn’t happened to him since...so long ago. For a split second, he felt embarrassed about it; worrying the kids and Ienzo. It was the last thing he wanted. He wanted them to be happy and healthy and okay, nothing more. It shouldn’t be so difficult.

“You did so good, Lea.”, Xion smiled at him, “I’m proud of you.”

Lea blinked a few times, looking up at the girl in front of him. Her eyes were so sincere and true it brought a pleasant warmth to his chest. They sat together for a while, simply talking. It was calming; hearing the kid’s voices. It brought him back to reality.

When Ienzo came back in, Lea was quick on demanding the results, but Ienzo softly shook his head. “It would be best if you could just take a walk.”, he suggested “I can check up on Roxas and Xion in the meantime. Or if you’d like to rest, I can-…”

“Nah, I’ll go for a walk.”, Lea said, “Some air would be nice…”

The fresh air outside the castle was liberating. Lea felt like it was cleansing him from the inside, washing away the remaining traces of his panic attack. He focused on the birds and the rush of the water, it all came together as a pleasant hum in his ears. His legs were still a bit shaky, but apart from that, he felt better. He knew he was ravenously hungry. He was craving pizza right now. He would definitely get the three of them some food on the way home, maybe borrow a movie too.

When Roxas and Xion came out of the front doors, Ienzo was right behind them, several sheets of paper in his hand. The young scientist handed him the documents, stating that the results were all fine. No severe permanent damage or other abnormalities to worry about. Good news at last.

Roxas and Xion were already on their way back down, when Ienzo gingerly tugged at Lea’s sleeve. His voice was considerate, “I attached a list with useful methods to overcome a panic attack.”

Lea stared at him, not answering.

“It helps me.”, he continued, “So I hope it helps you too.”

Lea looked Ienzo in the eyes and understood. They both did.

That all familiar lump was forming in the redhead’s throat. He did his best to swallow it down, before raising his voice: “Listen Ienzo, I-…”, he was at a loss for words, even though there were a million things he needed to say, “I don’t know how to say this-…”

Ienzo waited, looking at Lea with piercing blue eyes. It wasn’t that uncomfortable kind of stare. Just the opposite. There was a warmth to his gaze. Almost like an understanding.

“I’m sorry.”, the words finally found their way, “I really am.”

The young man nodded his head, “Yes, I can see that. And I believe you. We live to atone now.”

_Atone. Atone for what? You were a child. So small, not even ten years old. What should you be atoning for?_

“I’ll call you as soon as I receive any news about Isa.”

Isa.

“Thank you, Ienzo.”

They left Radiant Garden. And as they did, Lea swore that the next time he’d come here would be to bring the man he loved back home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you mean Demyx living with Ienzo in Radiant Garden isn't canon?  
> Thanks for the read, get ready for a second flashback chapter and please be safe! Have a wonderful day <3


	4. gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea recalls one of his happiest memories, the day he became a hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter already, yey! (All I do is write at the moment, so it's no wonder) It is a tiny bit shorter, but I like it a lot, actually <3 enjoy and stay safe and hydrated!

It wasn’t even ten o’clock, when they were already dozing on the sofa, huddled together in a pile. Empty pizza boxes littered the little coffee table and the sound of the TV playing in the background was barely audible. Lea was wrapped up in a blanket to keep warm, a tip he’d read on the list Ienzo had given him earlier the same day. He was drained and tired, but he knew he couldn’t sleep just yet after all that had happened today. He was also craving a hot shower right now, he needed to wash the remaining scent of panic away. That did sound like a good idea to him.

Slowly, he got off the couch with a groan, making Roxas and Xion sit up at the sudden movement. The two had already showered and changed into their pyjamas earlier.

“I’m just gonna go have a shower…”, he said, pointing toward the bathroom, “Be right back.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to just go to bed after that?”, Roxas asked, gracing the back of his left hand with his right thumb. There was a lot to read in the depth of his eyes, but Lea couldn’t focus. Xion nodded her messy head.

“I don’t know…”, Lea mumbled, “I don’t think I can just yet.”

Roxas didn’t say anything. It was Xion who answered: “When you come back-…”, she looked at her hands, “-could you tell us another story? A memory you love to remember, something that makes you happy, to keep your mind off _other_ things, you know?”

Lea stared at her for a moment.

_Something that made him happy._

_Like that day me and Isa helped out in the bakery or the night we slept outside in dad’s greenhouse. That one afternoon Isa tought me how to roll my tongue and how I showed him the newest dance I’d learned in drama and dance club (I sucked at team sports back then, or any kind for that matter, but mom had insisted I should join a club to burn some extra energy.)_

“But-”, Xion looked up immediately after the pause, “-really only if you want to.”

Lea nodded. There was one thing he remembered clearly. One of his favourite memories. Warm and comfortable. The day they became heroes.

The smile on both their faces was worth a fortune.

* * *

Lea pushed the tip of his tongue through the gap between his teeth, as he looked outside the round window. It had started to rain in the middle of their game of frisbee, right when Lea was about to win (for the first time in four rounds). Now the grass was all wet and the ground too slippery to continue, according to Isa’s Ma. So, the two of them were stuck in Isa’s room, waiting for the rain to stop. Though, it didn’t look like that was going to happen anytime soon. Maybe they had to call it quits for today and play inside. They still had the whole evening. And the whole night as well, even though Lea knew Isa wouldn’t make it past midnight.

“Still raining?”, Isa crawled onto the bed to join Lea. The redhead only shook his head with a sigh, before dramatically falling backwards into the cushions.

“I’m bored.”, Lea groaned as he stared at the ceiling, covered in colourful fairy lights, “Can’t we go back outside?”

“Ma said no.”, Isa placed his chin on his hand, “We’d get soaking wet and catch a cold.”

“So what?”, Lea mumbled grumpily, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“You’re gonna be the one to complain afterward.”, Isa said it with a smile on his face, “You never think stuff through.”

“Not true…”, Lea curled his lip and stuck his tongue out to his best friend. Isa rolled his eyes as answer. He was about to say something, when his whole face lit up in a sudden burst of excitement. Lea raised his left eyebrow, when Isa jumped off the bed to crawl underneath, the dark swallowing his tiny figure almost entirely.

“What are you doing?”, Lea wondered, grimacing in confusion, “We checked for monsters already.”

Isa crawled backwards and out from under the bed in record time, in his hands he held a notebook, protected by a self-made fabric cover with a pretty ornamented pattern. He’d also brought up a lot of dust that had settled in his hair. Lea cocked his head, demanding an explanation. Isa grabbed a pen from his desk and hopped back onto the bed to sit next to his best friend.

“A book?”

“It’s not just a book!”, Isa explained, sounding a little shocked, “It’s my thoughts and ideas book. No one is allowed to see it! Not even Ma and Mom know. Just you, okay?”

Lea’s eyes went wide and he fiercely nodded his head. He felt honoured to be allowed to see this book thingy, even though he had no idea why Isa was bringing it up now.

“I’ve read about this game I want to try.”, Isa flicked through the pages of the book until he arrived at a new blank one, “Okay, it’s not really a game. I’ve seen it in an adult magazine, but I thought it sounded fun.”

With a pop, the blue haired opened the pen, letting the cap fall between his legs. “We can’t play outside, soooo…”

“What’s the game? Tell me! I wanna know!”

“We ask a question-…”, Isa turned to look at Lea, gesturing with his hands as he explained the rules, “-like what is your favourite colour. First, we have to guess what the other one is going to say and then we say if we guessed right or wrong. We keep score so we know who knows the other better and write down the answers.”

A bright smile came to Lea’s face. He was always up for any kind of competition. He would totally beat Isa at this, he knew practically everything about him, right?

“Okay! But I’m first!”

“I’m older!”

“I’m younger!”

“I just said that.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I have the book!”

“I can just leave.”

“But you won’t.”

“You had the idea, so I’m first!”

“That doesn’t even make sense! I had the idea, so _I’m first_!”

Lea was about to fire back, when a soft knock on the door interrupted their little banter. The two young boys turned their heads in unison to see Isa’s Ma peek inside the little room. Isa immediately hid the book behind his back.

“Are you two alright?”, she asked, her brow knitted. They nodded their heads, before she continued, “Isa, food is on the counter, we’re leaving now, alright?”

“Okay…”, Isa crawled out of bed to hug his Ma goodbye, “When are you coming back?”

“Later-“, she said, before pointing her finger at the two boys, “When you are already in bed!”

Lea grinned, bright and innocent, right when Isa’s Mom also entered with a toothy grin. She waved Lea goodbye and planted a kiss on Isa’s head, before signing: “ _Have fun and don’t destroy the house_!”

Isa rolled his eyes, but signed back: “ _Thank you_.”

And with that, they were left alone for the rest of the evening. They shared a look, a single look, before grinning and gathering all the blankets and pillows in the room to bring them downstairs.

The pillow fort they set up in the living room was glorious. It was huge and soft and secure, full of blankets and sheltered from the outside world. The only one allowed in their stronghold except for Lea and Isa themselves was little Luna. The pup had started whining the second Isa’s parents had left, so they’d invited her in. She was happily wagging her tail in Isa’s lap, while Lea was running his hand through her soft fur. They’d brought a flashlight too, as well as snacks and Isa’s thoughts and ideas book.

“Okay, first question-“, Isa started chewing on the pen in his hand, “Something easy…”

“How old am I?”, Lea butted in with a crooked grin.

“Nine.”

“When’s my birthday?”

“Hey, it’s my turn!”

They played the game until the rain outside the window stopped, asking questions in turn with Isa noting every answer down in the book with the fabric cover. Basic questions like _What is your favourite animal?_

“No, mine are dolphins.”, Isa answered, after Lea had guessed dogs. The redhead grimaced in disagreement.

“They are boring! Lions are cool!”

“ _You’re_ boring…also you just told me the answer.”

More interesting questions like _If you could have any superpower, what would it be?_

“That’s right! I want to fly.”, Lea spread his arms wide and pretended they were wings, “High enough to get to space.”

“You say that every day, that wasn’t hard.”

The two asked every question that came to mine. _Favourite colour_? _Favourite food? Favourite hobby? What are you scared of_?

“Hah wrong, I’m not scared of anything!”, Lea crossed his arms and stuck his nose up in the air, “Not even spiders!”

“And what about yesterday? Our neighbours heard you scream…”

“I was only warning _you_ , ‘cause I have to protect you!”

They played until there were no more questions to ask. Luna was already sleeping soundly, spread over both their legs. When Isa set the book aside, they had lettered four full pages and the game had ended in a draw.

“I can’t believe you didn’t know I can wiggle my ears.”, Isa sounded seriously disappointed. He thought of this skill as his coolest secret talent.

“Do it again! Do it again!”

Isa did as his best friend requested and Lea almost split his sides laughing.

“How did you know about the arena?”, Lea wondered and started scrunching on two pretzel sticks at once. This time he withstood the urge to pretend they were long teeth.

“You told me.”, Isa shrugged his shoulders, “You said you heard stories about this arena where you can fight monsters and become champion…”

“Yeah, it’s so cool!”, Lea breathed, his eyes glimmering. But only for a short time, before his head drooped, “But I’ll never get there…”

Isa looked at his best friend, at the disappointed expression on his face, the sad veil before the green of his eyes and the way his shoulders hung down. He bit down on the tip of his thumb, before mumbling: “Why is this so important to you? It’s kind of dangerous…”

“Because I would be a champion!”, Lea leaned forward, a fire in his eyes, a heartbeat so loud and wild that Isa could feel it in his own chest, “More like a superhero! The people would cheer me on and- and they would tell stories about me and never forget me- and- and well, that would be pretty- well yeah pretty cool.”

_They’d remember me forever as a hero. Never forget my name._

“Oh.”

“And you’d be there too!”

The blue haired looked up to see his best friend’s excited smile. They’d be there together. As a team? Side by side. Well, that didn’t sound terrible.

“We’d be heroes, Isa!”

Isa didn’t say anything for a long time. It was when Lea’s smile started to fade away, that he jumped up with balled fists and a determined look on his face. He didn’t even mind that he just totally destroyed the roof of their fortress.

“Follow me.”

The red head looked so utterly confused it was almost hilarious. He scratched the back of his head, “What are you doing?”

“Come on!”, Isa held out his hand for Lea to take, “I’ll show you.”

Luna barked in frustration when the boys left the pup alone in the huge pillow fort. Isa took a look out the window. It had gotten darker, but the clouds had disappeared and the sky was clear. Perfect.

“Are we going outside?”, now Lea’s excitement was reawakened.

“Yeah, but put on a jacket.”

Isa pushed the see-through back door aside and stepped outside into the evening. The air was fresh and the smell of wet dirt and asphalt filled his nose. Not perfect for what he was planning. There was also the fact that it was significantly colder than before, but they’d get warmed up. Lea closed the door behind him, to Luna’s frustration. She started barking at the glass.

“Sorry, but you’d get too dirty.”, the red head explained to her, tapping a finger against the glass right were the dog was pushing her wet nose against it. When he turned around, he saw Isa run to the old apple tree next to the little garden shed. He scanned the ground, before bending down to pick up a relatively long and thick branch. The muddy ground was squelching underneath his shoes as he made his way back.

“Here, take this!”, Isa handed Lea the branch with a smile. The red head hesitated for a moment, befuddled to the last bone, before taking the stick in his right hand, “It’s your weapon.”

“I don’t…”

“I know it looks different now-”, Isa went on and positioned himself in front of his best friend “-because I upgraded it for you. Now it’s even stronger than before.”

Lea opened his mouth, but closed it again. He took another look at the stick in his hand, closed his eyes, took a deep breath and opened them again. It happened in a flash, a burst of light. The stick turned into a mighty sword; the silver metal shining brilliantly, even in the dark of the evening. It was sharp and light, the hilt decorated with gem stones. The strongest weapon in the universe. Lea chuckled as he slashed it quickly at the air. He watched in amazement as it left behind a red tail of fire.

“You won last time.”, Isa’s voice made him look up again, “But there are more evil monsters waiting for you in there and they are stronger than before!”

Lea gasped and tightened the grip around the hilt of his sword, “What should I do?”

Isa took a step forward and placed his hands on his best friend’s shoulders, “I’ll be your eyes and ears out there, like always.”

Lea nodded his head in determination.

“Close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Do you trust me?”, Isa’s gaze was piercing. Serious and bold. Lea had never seen this look in his eyes before. He nodded without a second thought and closed his eyes.

“Can you hear them?”

Lea strained his ears, though it wasn’t hard to hear the crowd in the distance. Applause and whooping screams, shrill whistles and loud gasping. _Ah’s_ and _Oh’s._ They were cheering. Cheering him on. His name.

“They are waiting for you.”, it was Isa’s voice above all others, echoing deep in his ears.

Drums. There were drums in the distance, pounding in a steady rhythm, accompanied by the sound of fanfares. Lea took a step forward, feeling the earth shift. The ground was dry, the air full of dust.

“Just one more step through the gates of the heroes' arena.”

So he took one more and the crowd went wild. They were calling out to him and yelling, chanting his name. The name of a hero they would never forget.

“Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for!”, Isa announced in a deep voice, “Your favourite champion returns for the biggest fight of his life!”

Lea looked around. So many people, leaned forward in their seats, waving to him.

“Today he will face his strongest opponents. Undefeated and most powerful, evil and terrifying.”

Monsters. Lea clenched his teeth as he felt a tingle on his skin. And was that his heart beating faster? Fear? No, he wasn’t scared. He was excited, ready to fight as a hero. Defeat evil once and for all. They came out of the gate on the other side of the arena. Dark creatures with sharp fangs, countless eyes and eight long, spindly legs covered in hair. A shiver ran over Lea’s spine.

“I’m with you.”, Isa whispered. He was close to him, when a loud gong announced the start of the battle.

“Your opponents are crawling closer and the first one is about to strike-“, Isa’s voice became a little more hectic, “-quick dodge!”

Lea did just that. He jumped to the side just in time to avoid the first attack.

“Strike back now!”

Lea jumped forward and landed a precise hit on his opponent’s front leg. Sparks were flying on impact and the crowd started cheering louder.

“To your left!”, Isa warned, “Block and parry!”

It was almost too late. The clank of metal filled his ears, when his sword met the claw of the monster on his left.

“Push it back!”

“Now, fire strike!”

“Behind you!”

“Quick, close the distance!”

Lea jumped left and right, dodged, lunged forward and ran as fast as he could. Strike after strike he landed perfectly. But he grew tired. He was breathing heavily, scrunching his nose in frustration.

“Isa?”, he yelled, “What now, I’m surrounded!”

_That is unfair. It’s five of them and I’m alone. How am I supposed to win this?_

His eyes were bouncing from monster to monster, his muscles tensed. They could strike at any moment. All together. That would be the end. The crowd had gone quiet, eyes wide and mouths opened. What would happen next?

With a hiss, all monsters leaped forward to finish him off. He was done. There was no way he could fight them all off. But he stood steadfast and prepared to strike. He hit the monster that was facing him on the head, making it snarl and stumble backwards, all while awaiting a finishing blow to his own back. A blow that never came, but he did feel a presence in his back.

In a beat of his heart, he dared to turn around.

“Isa!”

His best friend was standing right there, shielding his back. He turned to look over his shoulder with a wink, “Told you I’ve got your back.”

Lea smiled wider than ever before. Of course, Isa was there by his side. He never doubted it for a second. So, they fought off their opponents together, as a team of two. Always back to back. A well-known choreography, almost a dance. They were unstoppable. Fireballs flew, the air hissed and the ground was shaking.

“Now, for the big finale!”, Lea raised his sword up into the air, flames licking the metal, right when Isa closed his hand around his on the hilt. A soft, baby blue aura surrounded them, before they brought the sword down and pierced the ground. Lighting strikes and fire tongues, blue light and a battle cry. The ground was torn apart and their opponents vaporized into little clouds of dark dust. The crowd went wild, the air was filled with the sound of pure excitement, their hearts were pounding next to each other.

“This battle will go down in history!”

“Yes, we did it!”

They looked at each other, their eyes so wide and bright, full of life and joy. Time seemed to be slowing down. Lea took it all in. This feeling of adrenaline and happiness. So proud and unforgettable.

Slowly, the world changed. Dust and sand turned to mud and grass, the crowd disappeared, the sword was gone. Day turned to night. But Isa and Lea remained. Side by side, holding the weapon in their hands and bright smiles on their faces. Lea wanted this moment to last forever.

They didn’t even realize, that Isa’s parents had returned. They were standing behind the glass door, watching the two boys stand tall (but actually really small) in the grass, stick tight in their hands, red cheeks and heaving breaths.

* * *

_If only I could relive every second again. With you by my side._

He’d slipped into a dream. The memory before his eyes.

He was standing in that arena again. When he looked around, he saw it was empty. Dead silent. No one was cheering him on. There was no applause. He was all alone. It was cold. The metal in his hand rusty and blunt. He looked down on his arm and saw that he was holding his chakrams. He wondered about who it was he was about to face. He waited for the gate to open. And when it finally did, there was a crowd cheering. Invisible but clearly audible. He stared at the silhouette of his opponent, how it became clearer with every step. They were tiny. Tiny and skinny. Holding a huge sword in one hand. A sword that was decked with red and blue gems.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, he was a monster with sharp fangs, countless eyes and eight long, spindly legs covered in hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry for the angst in the end that's just me. Stay tuned for more! I hope you're enjoying this story! Have a wonderful day!


	5. black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea's anxiety is getting worse with every second, so he decides to set off on a dangerous mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Here's the next chapter!  
> Warning! This one is full on angst, panic attacks and haunting flashbacks! I just want you to stay safe, alright? So don't read if you're not comfortable with these kinds of things!  
> Otherwise, enjoy as much as you can...

“Did you talk to them?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it _talking_. “, Lea looked down at the ice cream bar in his hand. It was already melting away, the blue colour softly trickling onto the sandy paving stone, “I texted Master Aqua a few days ago, you know- to ask if they could keep their eyes and ears open on their missions.”

“Lea, you know you can use this phone for _calls_ too, right?”, Xion smiled as she took a sip out of her tea cup.

“Hey, you gotta admit that it’s so much easier this way…“, Lea shrugged his shoulders, “Anyways, I haven’t heard any news since then. No suspicious heartless, no suspicious anything.”

“Well, we know that is has to be in Radiant Garden, right?”, Roxas chewed on his ice cream stick in thought, “Have they been there?”

“Don’t know…”

Lea shook his head, before he let his gaze wander over the people bustling around the Tram Common. Families, couples, friends running errands, pressing their noses against the shop windows and shouting to each other across the square. Shop owners were drumming up customers, one louder then the other, all while the lone tram was going round and round town in an endless circle. Normally, he’d love the hustle, he’d call it comfortable, a feeling close to home. But now, he felt it was almost overwhelming, maybe even enraging. All these people seemed so carefree and _simplehearted._ Like they had nothing in life to worry about. They knew were they belonged, what they wanted. It was unfair.

“I also _called-_ “, he stressed the word as he looked at Xion, “-Kairi the day after we got here, so the Islanders are also keeping an eye out.”

“Mhm, good.”

Lea shook his head, “But I can’t just sit around here and do nothing.”

“Is this what you wanted to talk about?”, Roxas leaned forward and placed his elbows on the table, “You want to leave?”

Xion was just about to bring up the cup to her lips, but stopped mid movement, staring at the redhead in front of her.

Lea took a deep breath. “I have to find him. On my own.”, he breathed, “You said it yourself, he’s probably in Radiant Garden, so why wait here? I can’t expect other people to take care of this for me…I can’t leave it to chance.”

There was no way he would let the kids get involved. Not after everything they’ve gone through. They’ve fought in a war, for crying out loud. He just wanted them to live a normal life, do whatever kids do. Without a weapon in hand or darkness to defeat.

“So, what?”, Xion balled her fists in her lab, “You just want to go and dive headfirst into what could be huge danger all alone?”

Lea bit his upper lip, “It’s _my_ responsibility.”

Roxas and Xion didn’t say anything after that.

He had to find that heartless and if he died trying. He had to go and search every corner of ever world out there. And he needed to do this without putting any more lives at risk. He had caused enough hurt. There was no other way. It was time to stand up and act. He’d been sitting around, moping for the last few days, afraid to go out there, scared to face the darkness. _Isa’s_ darkness.

He’d be going insane otherwise. He hadn’t been able to sleep properly, couldn’t think straight and he was so tired all the time. He felt miserable and guilty and just plain bad. His heart was always beating too fast and he felt the panic creep up his legs then and again and he couldn’t even tell why. He felt like never before and that was not a good thing.

“Why?”

He was torn out of his bitter thoughts by the sound of Roxas’ taut voice. Lea could only look at him for a moment. The boy’s eyes were stern; a fire was being lit, he could sense it. He opened his mouth, but Roxas wasn’t done.

“Why is it yours alone? If anything, it’s _ours_ …”

The way he said it rendered Lea completely speechless.

“He’s right.”, Xion said, determination bracing the tone of her voice, “We’re a family. We handle things together.”

_Family._

It was the first time he had heard that word in so long. Back then it had still made sense to him. Before he’d lost his heart. Before he’d lost the ability to tell what the love of a family truly felt like. He’d forgotten about it.

Heavy tears in his throat were making it impossible to answer, so he just lowered his head, slowly rubbing his hands over the fabric of his pants.

“Besides-“, Xion leaned back, wagging her hand, “-you wouldn’t stand a chance without us out there.”

“You said it, remember? “, Roxas had a teasing undertone in his voice, “ _We’re the old hands_.”

Lea pressed his lips together. He couldn’t argue with them, because he knew they were right. Both Roxas and Xion were significantly stronger than him, no question. But that wasn’t the point. Not at all. He just didn’t want to force them into danger, into battle. Not anymore. Never again. He’d only hate himself more.

No, his mind was made up.

“I just-…”, he looked up carefully; hoping his eyes wouldn’t give away what was on his mind, “Let’s plan things out tomorrow, alright? Together.”

_Liar. How could you do that to them? They don’t deserve this._

Roxas and Xion both flashed a relieved smile, before they looked at each other with strong-willed expressions. The two pairs of blue eyes were so bright and proud. 

“It’s going to be okay.”, Roxas nodded his head reassuringly, “As long as we’re together, there’s nothing that can stop us.”

“Yeah!”, Xion smiled, “You’ll see Lea, this will be a cake walk.”

“Yeah.”, Lea looked down, there was no hiding his shame, “It will be.”

* * *

Lea remembered the conversation from today’s lunch at the bistro. The way he lied them in the face. Again.

_Friend’s are supposed to be honest with each other._

Not when it meant protecting the one’s you love. Not when it meant keeping them safe.

The night was cold. Unusually cold. Lea was shivering in his bed. He hugged his knees, pressing them tightly to his chest. The wind was howling outside, slithering around the corners of the many houses. It was like the sound of a thousand strange voices whispering in an unknown language. Window shutters were hitting the stone walls in an almost steady, hypnotising rhythm and in the distance, he was able to hear thunder roll over the land, drawing closer. He heard the roar loud and clear in his ears. His heart, like always, was picking up speed. Running. Chasing.

He really hoped the approaching storm wouldn’t wake the kids. It would ruin his plan. He had waited patiently for them to finally fall asleep. They’d been watching videos and playing games until late into the night. The walls were thin enough to hear it all. Were they thin enough for them to hear the constant fear in his breaths? He wondered.

His gaze was empty, searching but never finding. He’d tried to get some sleep, but couldn’t. He’d fallen straight into a nightmare. Blood and scars and heat. He couldn’t take this anymore. Constant fear, no sleep. He had to act right here, right now. He was constantly standing at the edge of a cliff, the tiniest sound or smell or image was able to push him down into an abyss with full force. Maybe it was his sleep deprived mind. Maybe it was something else. Memories, emotions, whatever. His head was pounding.

_I’m even dragging you home._

Tonight. Right now. He heard the clock tower in the distance, calling to him. One strike, meaning it was 1 am. It was time to leave.

He moved as slowly as possible, trying to keep the bed from loudly announcing his furtive departure. Trying his best to ignore his legs shaking, he walked over to the other side of the room to dress himself. He caught a glance at his reflection in a tiny dusty mirror next to the drawer. For a moment, he didn’t know who was staring back at him through these ghostly, pale green eyes. He’d lost the warm colour of his face, the fire behind his appearance. Hollow. Faded. It made him feel sick, he turned around, the quick movement causing him to feel instantly dizzy. He closed his eyes for a moment, only focusing on breathing. This would all just get worse. He had to. He was doing the right thing. He tried to tell himself.

He walked over to the nightstand to grab his phone. When the screen flashed to life, he saw that he had one unread message from Kairi.

**_Hey Lea! Any news about the heartless?_ **

He didn’t open the chat. Instead he tossed the phone onto his bed with a sigh. It was like she knew. Kairi was quite good at reading people, especially him. It was something he’d learned during their training together. He’d told her a lot about himself, maybe even more than Roxas and Xion knew. All this time she’d been nothing but understanding and kind. Even after all he’d done to her. He didn’t deserve this. Nothing of it.

He let out a frustrated snort, balling his fists so that his nails were digging into his flesh. He couldn’t waste any more time. He was aware of the risk he was taking, but he couldn’t care less at this very moment.

He extended his arm, looking at his trembling hand. He hadn’t used the corridors in quite some time. The last time he’s used them had been to retrieve Isa, only to find him on the side of his enemy, once again with strings attached to his back. Without a coat, without the protection of an absent heart, he didn’t know how it would affect him. But his heart could take it. He knew it. It had endured so much, it was probably ironclad by now.

_Or shattered beyond hope._

A bitter smile came to his face at that thought.

It took him some time and concentration to channel his energy, his head only throbbing harder in the process. It was difficult to keep his eyes open, to focus, but eventually he was able to open a black rift in front of him. The darkness was swirling like thick fog, welcoming him inside. It was a disgustingly familiar feeling.

Lea recalled the first time he’d opened a dark corridor himself. Back when he was so hollow and broken he couldn’t even remember his real name. It had felt so exhilarating to dive inside. Not like it felt in this moment. But he gave himself no time to overthink. He had to end this. Or maybe start this, he couldn’t tell. There was a jolt in his heart, when he took a step forward, but he ignored it. He walked on and into the blackness with clenched teeth, hoping he wasn’t making a huge mistake.

He felt the bite on his skin the moment the portal closed behind him. The darkness chewing its way through the thin fabric of his clothes to get beyond flesh and bone and straight to his heart. He just had to hold on and pull it together, even if it all felt like he was being suffocated.

_I died in here._

He tried to shake of the thought, but darkness had its way with people. It could easily find ways to plant seeds of fear, find any vulnerability in their minds and hearts. Lea knew he wasn’t nearly at full strength, but pressed on regardless. He felt disembodied, walking on with vacant eyes; pressure on his ears, a heavy grip around his heart.

_Lea! Lea!_

He stopped, eyes torn open, staring into nothingness. His hand flew to his head as he moaned. There was a voice echoing through the void. Calling his name. It was so full of horror, pleading and begging.

_Stay away from him!_

It was so close. But when he looked around he saw that no one was there with him. He was all alone, trapped in impenetrable darkness.

_Run, run away!_

No, no it couldn’t be. He knew that voice. How could he ever forget it? 

“Isa!”, he wanted to scream, but his voice was gone. It was Isa. Isa was here. He’d been freed already. He was so close, he just had to keep on walking.

_Why are you doing this?_

But no, he’d heard it all before. The pleading, the cries. It wasn’t Isa. At least not the one he was hoping to find. It _had been_ Isa. The voice was inside his head; a memory, dark, twisted, painful. It clawed at his skull, ripping it apart to force him to go back there; force him to remember and see it all again. Images flashed before his eyes once again. The ones he buried so deep, hoping he’d never have to see them again.

_Isa’s hand was holding his. Sweat made it hard not to slip out of his grip. The young teen was standing before him, pushing Lea’s shaking body behind his, shielding him from the threat before them. The tears started to fall right then and there. It was the end, he knew it. But there was no way he would accept it._

_When the flash of metal came down on them, Lea pushed his best friend aside with a cry, letting himself fall onto the floor. Sparks flew as the blade hit the two walls they’d been cornered in. But there was no way to go now. The lights were too bright and his legs too weak._

_“Please don’t!”, Isa was begging the man with the silver hair. The sharp, yellow eyes let go of Lea and fixed on him, narrowed to slits._

_Metal carved flesh and Lea screamed._

He wanted to scream now too, he wanted to run, so he did. But like in a nightmare, he couldn’t move, his legs were too heavy, like he had no control over them. The images grew clearer, his head ached, but just as the darkness was starting to cloud his vision…

He inhaled sharply, gasping for the cold air of the night all around him. It was like breaking through the water’s surface. He grunted in pain, as his knees crashed onto the alabaster stones. His body was shaking, his lungs were burning, but he was breathing. He stayed on his hands and knees for a while, trying to forget what he’d just seen again.

It took him some effort to call Flame Liberator to his hand and when he did, his sweaty hand tightened around the keyblade like his life depended on it. The flash of light gave him at least some sense of security and he found comfort in the flames dancing their way from the hilt to the top. His heart was still out of control and his skin still tingling, but he got up to his feet anyways, pushing all the pain and fear to the back of his mind for him to deal with later. Because now, adrenaline was pumping through his veins.

The night sky of Radiant Garden was veiled, the world was shrouded in mist and the light of the moon and stars was weak. It was dead silent. No crickets, no owls, no sound except for the wind. Lea didn’t like the quiet at all. He hated being alone more than anything in this world, but he knew it was necessary.

 _“_ What am I doing here?”, he murmured to himself as he began to walk onwards with trembling legs, holding his keyblade close.

He didn’t even know what he was searching for. How did it look like? The heartless. Did it look like all the others? Just a tiny little shadow? Or was this something else entirely? Something so much bigger, too big for him? He could hardly imagine how powerful this creature was. All the agony, all the pain and hatred and jealousy and loss. These emotions were all feeding it. He knew how broken his best friend had been. The way he changed, all due to the poison in his mind. He’d hated looking at him every day. He only now realized how selfish it was. 

He made his way out of town, to the forgotten areas that were probably still swarming with the heartless of missing loved ones. It was somewhere out there. He knew it. And he would destroy every single shadow in his way. Eventually, one of them had to be Isa’s, right? Lea looked around, the quick movement of his head causing his vision to blur for a moment. He walked on, faster now, through the entrance gate, into the desolate outskirts. He didn’t even look at all the warning signs.

_Stay away from unsecured area._

He found it hard to see, the darkness was even thicker here. Pitch black, no light, no life. The cold was settling under Lea’s skin. It was like entering a whole different world, making his hair stand on edge. He knew he was unprotected here. He also knew that the heartless would not hesitate one second, they’d start overrunning him, their only instinct was to destroy the keyblade wielders after all.

It didn’t take long for them to appear in front of him, both Purebloods and Emblems. They swarmed the redhead immediately, drawn to Lea’s heart like moths to light. The redhead hissed through his teeth as he swung his blade, vaporizing three shadows with one precise blow. He stumbled backwards to dodge an attack, before hitting the next shadows with a second swing. There were more coming, bigger ones. Lea closed both hands around the hilt of his keyblade, eyes darting from left to right. He gasped as a group of soldiers jumped him from both sides, leaping forward to avoid their claws. He almost fell to his knees, head screaming at all the jerky movements.

He bobbed up as quickly as his body allowed him to, blocking the next attack. In a furry of flames, he transformed his keyblade into the familiar chakrams, hoping it would give him an advantage. He set fire to a pair of neoshadows, before taking out some regular shadows with a blind throw of his chakram. It was getting hard to see. Everything around him was melting into one huge mass of darkness.

A sudden searing pain in his right arm made him wince with a low groan. He didn’t have a lot of time to look at what happened, because more and more enemies were closing in on him. He was dragging his feet over the floor, making him stumble and lose his balance. His legs were so heavy, just like his head. He fought on, growling through his teeth. Blow after blow he dealt, but to no avail. More and more heartless appeared out of thin air. 

He ran. Ran as fast as he could. But they were everywhere, shadows come to life, surrounding him. Small and enormous.

“Shit!”, he growled, just as he saw the shape of an Invisible drawing closer. It flicked its tail angrily, eyes fixed on its target. Lea engulfed his chakrams in flames, tossing them in the direction of the large monster. The shadows were still swarming him, there was no way to escape.

A heavy blow to his hip made him fall backwards, body hitting the floor hard. He didn’t have time to wonder where it had come from. All breath was forced out of his lungs on impact. He gasped and rolled to his side, his hands clawing at the cold floor. He saw a flash of red through his blurry vision. Blood was gashing out of a deep cut in his arm, glistering in the light of the flames around him. His whole body was on fire. Another blow to his abdomen made him wail with pain. He didn’t understand what was happening to him. All he knew was that he had to get away. The pain needed to stop. His heart was burning, the pressure making him believe it could burst any minute. The feeling was so familiar. The grip of darkness.

Tears were streaming down his cheeks, his body way shaking, everything hurt. Panic made it so hard to breathe.

_Isa._

It took all his remaining strength to set the floor around him on fire and he screamed as the flames shot out of his hands. A ring of flames surrounded him like a shield, a beacon of light, burning its way through the darkness.

_Roxas. Xion._

His whole body was shaking as his head hit the icy floor. He was panting for breath, pressing his eyes shut. It hurt so bad. He shouldn’t have left. Why did he leave? What was wrong with him? He knew he wasn’t himself. And now he was paying the price for his own stupidity and carelessness. All he wanted was to get Isa back. Just get him back, nothing else.

He waited for the darkness to swallow him whole, stop this agony, his own gasps and whimpers echoing in his ears.

_I’m not stronger. Not stronger than when it happened the first time._

Those were his last thoughts, before the fire around him died down along with his strength. The last thing he saw, was a huge shadow coming closer and closer, reaching for him.

* * *

_It was so cold. Dead cold. He never thought he’d go out like this. This wasn’t the way he wanted to leave. He wanted to die a hero. And now he would never get the chance. With no one left to remember him. He’d be forgotten. He turned his head, the tears hot on his skin, burning their way through his cheeks. Blue hair was spread over the cold floor. All light extinguished. Eyes staring back at him, lifeless. He didn’t even fight it. No, he welcomed it. Just take me away from here. Fade away._

_He felt his body grow lighter, as he was swallowed by the darkness. It was like sinking down into the depth of the ocean, almost calming. The pain stopped and he felt it was easier to breathe. No, he didn’t have to breathe at all. He opened his eyes, but it made no difference. It was just like falling asleep. Just like floating through a dream._

_When he sensed the light behind him, he turned around. So warm and bright, slowly forming into a circle, revealing a pillar out of stained class, glowing in bright colours. He let his gaze wander over the round platform, letting out a small gasp, as he recognized what was depicted on it. He saw himself with his eyes closed, a calm and peaceful expression on his resting face. Next to him was Isa, that soft, careful smile on his lips. He knew immediately._

_“This is my heart.”_

_He descended slowly, until his feet touched the glass and he stood in the middle of it, looking around. But there was nothing else. So, he waited. He waited until the darkness started closing in on him, swallowing the soft radiance. The glass started to crack, the colour was fading away._

_Run._

_But he couldn’t. There was nowhere to go. All he could do was watch as his heart flickered out. The darkness reached his feet, crawling up to take him forever._

_He didn’t fight it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Lea :( What do you think is gonna happen next, mhmmm  
> Please enjoy your day and drink and stay healthy!


	6. yellow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea and Isa find their way into the castle of Radiant Garden and what they find in the heart of it will change their lives forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again with another chapter! I quite like this one, though it was surprisingly hard for me to write idk ANYWAYS enjoy and don't be scared to leave a kudo or a comment if you like it!  
> ALSO, I'll be on vacation for the rest of the month. I'll still be writing on the train and when I have the time to do so (cause c'mon it's what i love to do) but yeah don't be surprised if the next chapter or the one after that takes some more time! <3

Lea was frustrated. He was biting down so hard on the wooden ice cream stick in his hand that he feared his teeth could shatter at any moment. They’d gotten so far this time, almost past the guards and through the entrance door. It should have been their day of success, but of course, they’d been caught and thrown out like tiny rats. The red head could still feel the burning pain in his elbow and knees from where the impact had ripped his skin of.

Isa was standing next to him, nibbling at his own half-finished ice cream bar and staring into the air in front of him. He was thinking, Lea could tell by the slight twitch of his left eye.

“We have to try again.”, Lea didn’t take the wooden stick out of his mouth, “Maybe there’s another way in.”

“I don’t know about that.”, Isa shook his head, his voice still slightly absent, “I’m pretty sure the most heavily-guarded building in town doesn’t have a back entrance we can just swoop in through.”

“You never know.”, Lea shrugged his shoulders, “I bet there’s something like an emergency exit.”

Isa blinked a few times, before finally looking at his red-haired friend, “I didn’t even think about that…”

Lea’s face was brightened up by a huge grin, “See?”

“Mhm, I wish we had a map of the castle or something…”, Isa took a little bite out of his ice cream.

“There’s gotta be one.”, Lea tapped his chin with the wooden stick, “But it’s gonna be hard to get it.”

“More like impossible.”, Isa corrected bitterly, “Besides, we can’t be sure if the door we’re talking about can be opened from the outside.”

Lea blew a raspberry, scratching the back of his neck, “Right…”

“But-“, the blue haired continued, after he’d finished his ice cream, “-it’s worth looking into.”

“And how are we gonna do that?”

“We just-”, Isa shrugged his shoulders, “- have to examine the castle on our own.”

Lea frowned, before he slowly nodded his head. “But we have to come back at night this time”, he said, sounding very determined all of a sudden, “We can’t risk running around in broad daylight, it’s way too suspicious. They’ll be keeping an eye out for us.”

Isa seemed to mull over his best friend’s plan for a while, turning his head to look at the redhead’s confident smile. Lea knew that his friend wasn’t a big fan of sneaking off in the middle of the night, mostly because he didn’t want to get in trouble with his parents.

“C’mon Isa!”, Lea softly nudged his friend in the shoulder, “They won’t even notice that you’re gone.”

“No, I…- I mean yeah, but-“, Isa took a deep breath, “Promise?”

“Course I promise!”

“Okay.”, Isa looked at him through intense sea-green eyes and Lea felt his heart skip a beat, as he took in the overwhelming amount of trust burning behind them.

“This time, we’ll make it.”, Lea held out his pinky, “You’ll see.”

Isa smiled at his best friend, before he intertwined their fingers.

Lea bounced up and down in agitation on their way back to his place. Before attempting another reckless infiltration mission, they had to hatch the perfect plan for tonight. The young redhead was all too ecstatic about it. The castle was a tantalising mystery to him, to both of them. They’d heard stories about the depths of the black dungeons, whispers about the faint sound of human wails and long forgotten voices at night. No one was allowed in, except if specifically requested by the sage-king Ansem the Wise. Lea and Isa had been dreaming about getting inside these strong walls since their early childhood years, speculating about what they’d find. Gold? Diamonds? Tons of munny? Or a secret super evil laboratory? A throne made of bones? Ghosts? Lea would be happy with any of it. Isa would prefer none.

“Okay so, since our success is all but secured-“, Lea was strutting next to his blue haired friend with a confident grin on his lips, “-let’s make a bet. What do you think it’s gonna look like? Inside I mean…”

Isa shrugged his shoulders, a nervous twitch in his movement, “I don’t know, what do you think?

“I bet it’s super fancy.”, Lea nodded, “I’m talking polished marble and huge crystal chandeliers and red velvet. Oh, oh maybe like- this huge ballroom and- and a dining hall made out of gold, that kind of stuff…”

“I don’t think so…”, Isa snorted softly, “What would they need a ballroom for? Or a golden dining hall? They are researchers, right?”

“Yeah?”, there was a taunting undertone in the redhead’s voice, “Well smarty-pants, what do you think?”

“I don’t know.”, Isa repeated, “I guess we have to see for ourselves...”

Lea kept on bringing up all kinds of new, colourful ideas. Something about ferocious beasts and portals to another dimension and ghosts (he really, really wanted it to be ghosts). He didn’t stop blabbering, face red and eyes huge. He waved his arms, trying to show Isa just how enormous the monster in the dungeon (probably) was.

The blue-haired watched his best friend with a smile on his face. Lea was very easy to amaze and excite. He was always happy about the smallest things, had a vast imagination and a predilection for putting a smile on every stranger’s face. And Isa’s as well. It was something the bluehead cherished dearly, making it ten times harder for him to witness his best friend downcast and in tears every so often. He knew Lea’s heart was a lot more fragile than it seemed.

When they arrived at Lea’s home, they tossed their shoes to the side and rushed up the stairs and into Lea’s room, closing the door behind them and locking it so that no one could disturb their plan-making. Lea immediately started gathering some coloured pencils and some sheets of paper, before plopping down on his bed next to Isa.

The two boys spent the remaining afternoon sketching out the castle and some of the buildings surrounding it. They marked several spots and paths that could be of vital importance later tonight in different colours and pinned the finished drawing on the wall to have a final look at it. Lea was very pleased with their work, nodding his head and chewing on the end of the yellow pencil.

“Okay so…”, Lea turned around to pace up and down his room, “When are we leaving tonight?”

Isa didn’t answer, but kept staring at the self-drawn map on the wall.

“I think maybe around midnight?”

“Mhm…”

“Isa, are you listening?”

“Sure.”

“Then what do you think?”

The blue haired let out a quiet sigh, before giving his answer: “Sounds good to me.”

“Midnight?”

“Yes.”

Lea’s eyes flashed a bright green, “Perfect! Then we’ll meet right here-“, he pointed at a spot on the map that was marked with a thick red circle, “-at midnight!”

Isa nodded his head, “Put the map somewhere your parents won’t see it.”

“Oh, what would I do without you?”

* * *

Lea couldn’t sleep. Obviously. He was checking the clock on his nightstand every ten seconds, clutching his pillow. Time was such a weird concept. One year could pass in the blink of an eye and ten minutes could feel like a lifetime. To say that Lea wasn’t at least a tiny bit scared of it would be a lie.

The redhead was able to hear the wind outside. He reckoned it was quite chilly, so maybe he should bring a jacket. He listened for a while. The house was quiet, so he could hear the rushing outside perfectly; murmurs and hums. It reminded him of his singing lessons. He wondered. Maybe the wind was carrying voices after all? Maybe it was a message of the people he’d heard about. The ghosts in the dungeon. Maybe they knew he was coming tonight.

He checked the clock again. Ten minutes until midnight. It was time to get ready. He jumped out of bed and stretched his muscles, before he started to gather everything he could potentially need. This included his jacket, the map, more coloured pencils, a flashlight and two candy bars. That should do it.

He opened the door to his room with greatest care and snuck through the hallway and down the stairs on his tip toes. He avoided the loose floorboard and the sleeping Ra on the sixth step of the staircase, before putting on his shoes and carefully turning the key that was already stuck in the front door. The clack of the door unlocking was extremely loud in the quiet of the night and Lea pressed his lips together, freezing in place. He listened carefully for a while, making sure his parents were still asleep, before finally slipping outside.

It was indeed very cold, mainly due to the biting wind. Lea put his jacket on and took a final look over his shoulder, before rushing off to meet up with his best friend.

Isa was already waiting for him, hands in his pockets and the zipper of his jacket pulled up all the way to his nose. Lea waved his hand to greet him.

“Hey…”, he whispered, a bit louder than he’d anticipated, “Are you good to go?”

Isa nodded his head, “Yeah, you?”

“Oh yes!”

Lea fished the folded map out of his pocket and the two examined it one last time, before finally setting off in the direction of the castle. On their way, Isa started rummaging around in his own pocket, his tongue stuck between his teeth. When Lea wrinkled his forehead, the blue-haired explained: “I made you something…”

“Oh?”, Lea cocked his head.

“Here…it’s nothing great, just for good luck.”, Isa mumbled, before dropping a little red object into Lea’s outstretched hand.

The redhead turned his flashlight on to take a closer look at it. It was a self-made pin in the form of a tiny fireball.

“It’s like the one on your frisbees-“, Isa explained meekly, “- without the creepy face.”

Lea eyed the pin for a long time, feeling his heart skip a beat, before looking up at Isa, whose nose and cheeks were covered in a soft pink blush. He was looking down at the floor.

“I-…”, Lea closed his fingers around the pin with a smile, “I love it.”

“Now we both have one.”, Isa pointed at the golden moon pin on his jacket.

Lea’s heart swelled with pride, as he fixed the pin onto his vest underneath his own jacket. He felt his eyes sting.

“Thank you…”

_It means a lot to me, now everyone can see that we belong together._

He didn’t say it out loud. Instead he handed Isa one of the candy bars he’d packed earlier with a toothy grin, trying to ignore his wet eyes, “I have something for you too! It’s not as cool though…”

Isa chuckled softly into the dark of the night, “It’s way more useful…”

The two boys made their way around the castle, hopping over bushes and half walls, always following the little path that they’d marked on the scrappy map. Lea was walking ahead, the flashlight secure in his hand, illuminating the way. He was shaking a bit, but he couldn’t say if it was excitement or nervousness. Isa was almost tiptoeing behind him, always looking left and right to make sure they weren’t followed.

After a long while of wandering in the dark and not finding anything remotely similar to a second entrance, Lea came to an abrupt halt. Isa almost bumped right into him, “What’s wrong?”

“Urgh, this is pointless!”

“Shhhh!”, Isa hissed and grabbed his best friend by the arm, “Do you want the whole town to hear you?”

“Sorry…”, Lea slouched his shoulders in disappointment, “But we’ve been walking for ages and haven’t found anything…”

“Lea, we’ve been searching for about half an hour.”, Isa didn’t let go of him, “Just be patient”

The redhead muttered something under his breath, sounding pretty frustrated. Isa pressed his lips together, “Come on, you can’t just give up now.”

“Not giving up…”

“See?”, Isa breathed, before biting his bottom lip in thought, “Maybe we’re looking for the wrong thing.”

“Huh, what do you mean?”

“Maybe there really is no back door we can just walk through.”, Isa elaborated, “But look at that!”

The blue haired pointed his finger toward the strong castle walls, making Lea crane his neck. He grimaced in confusion, narrowing his eyes as he stared at the imperishable brick stones.

“Huh?”

“There, look down.”

“Great Isa, that’s a bush…”

Isa pursed his lips, staring pointedly at his best friend, before he shook his head and rushed over to were he’d been pointing at.

“I mean this right here.”

He pushed the thorny branches aside, revealing a little ventilation shaft covered with a mossy iron lid. It was quite narrow, but definitely large enough for a rather petite person to fit through. Lea’s mouth gaped open as he rushed over to look at it.

“This is perfect!”

“Think we’ll fit through?”

“Yeah, pretty sure.”, Lea nodded his head, closely examining the shaft, “How do we open it?”

“I don’t see any screws.”

“Tear it off?”

Isa bit his lip, “We have to try.”

“On three, we pull.”, Lea felt his heart pounding uncontrollably in his whole body as he took the flashlight between his teeth, before closing both hands around one of the iron bars. They were so close. If they’d get the cover loose…

“One, two-“, he took one final deep breath and pressed his eyes shut, “Three.”

Both of them yanked at the cover with full force, praying it’d come off without waking up every single soul in Radiant Garden. There was a clatter that made the boys jump right out of their skin; to them it seemed just a loud as a meteor crash. They both let go immediately, inhaling sharply through their teeth, just as the iron cover fell down into the grass, exposing the dark and dusty ventilation shaft. They didn’t dare to move, frozen to the floor, their breathing ragged.

Lea raised his voice first, meek and croaky: “We did it.”

“Yeah…”, Isa breathed, staring at the cover on the floor, “Let’s hurry!”

The redhead nodded, making the flashlight disappear in the depth of his right pocket. He crouched down and pushed his head through the opening. When he finally crawled into the ventilation shaft and out of sight, he felt a tiny wave of relief wash over him. Isa waited, eyes darting from left to right, fearing someone could spot them at any second, before following his best friend. Lea was belly crawling as quietly as possible, mopping up the dust and cobwebs with his shirt in the process. He didn’t know where they were going or where they’d end up, but he couldn’t care less at the moment. Finally. They were inside the caste. Really, truly inside and unnoticed. It was hard to fathom just now, but he was proud to say the least. Not long and they’d know what Ansem and his apprentices were keeping here.

“Isa…”, he tried to whisper as quietly as possible (which was still way too loud), “I think I see an exit.”

“Can you see where it leads?”

Lea peeped through the grid and saw nothing but black underneath them. He gulped, before giving his answer: “The endless void of darkness?”

“What?”

“Wait, let me just-…” Lea wiggled his body, so he could reach the flashlight and illuminate the unknow territory.

“I see stairs-”, he explained, “-going down…”

“Can we jump?”

“Yeah, it’s not far.”, Lea murmured, as he slowly pushed the cover aside, “Just be careful.”

The two boys ungracefully dropped down to the floor and took a good look around. It was dark. Not just because the lights were out, but because the walls as well as the floor were all of the same dull, gloomy colour. The walls were naked, no pattern, no fancy decoration. Everything looked clinical and impersonal. It was cold; the icy air was still but powerful, settling on their skin and biting on to it. The deafening silence didn’t help. There was no sound, nothing at all. Lea turned his head. They were standing on a small platform that was connecting two flights of stairs. The one on their left was leading up and the other deeper down into the darkness. Two ways to go.

Excitement and unease were battling inside Lea’s gut. This was real. _This was too real_. They were here. _Way too deep down_. They should keep going. _Keep going up._

“Let’s go this way.”, Lea swallowed his unease straight down and tilted his head in the direction of the flight of stairs on his right. Isa didn’t say anything, but followed his best friend, who was already leading the way down.

Deeper and deeper they dove into the unknown. Lea hunched his shoulders; the ray of the flashlight was shaking along with his hand. He bit his lip, trying to keep it steady. His whole body was throbbing in agitation, as they followed the stairs that were endlessly spiralling downward into the heart of the castle; gaping emptiness surrounding them. They walked and walked in silence. Neither of them dared to speak. The only sound was their footsteps echoing in their ears. _Tap tap tap_ in a steady rhythm.

There was a nameless threat in the cold around them. Lea couldn’t say what it was. A whispered warning in the silence. Maybe it was the sound of his own voice in his head, begging him to just turn around and leave. And when he looked at Isa, he could tell he was feeling the same way. Lea was just about to comment on it, when the flashlight in his hand started to flicker. His heart joined in immediately.

“No, no, wait…”, but the light went out before he could say another word, leaving them in complete darkness. Lea felt a grip of fear around his throat; his hands turned cold and clammy as he came to a halt.

“Is it-…”, Isa’s voice was low, but right there next to him. “-broken?”

“Shit…”, Lea gulped the uncertainty in his tiny voice straight down, “…we should-we should just go on…”

Isa nodded his head or at least the sound of his jacket rustling softly indicated it.

After all that he’d said, Lea didn’t want to leave. He couldn’t. How long had they been waiting for this? How long had they wondered? Too long. Way too long to just run away from the unexplained. But maybe this was getting too real? The daydreams. Maybe sometimes it was just better to keep it all locked up secure in your head, keep it a mystery. All the danger and the threats.

With time, their eyes adjusted to the darkness around them, but Lea’s heart just wouldn’t stop pounding against his ribcage. Isa was breathing shakily next to him.

After an eternity of endless wandering, Isa grabbed Lea by his sleeve and pulled softly. The redhead winced at the touch, but tried to keep his voice steady as he asked: “What is it?”

“There!”, the silhouette of Isa’s arm came into Lea’s view, “It’s a door.”

And he was right. Finally, at the end of the spiral staircase was a door. The two boys didn’t waste another second. They sprinted down the rest of the stairs to get through the heavy iron door. The handle was as cold as ice and Lea hissed as he touched it.

“Wait.”, the shock in Isa’s voice made Lea freeze in his movement. He left the door ajar as he turned to his best friend, who’s breaths were drowned in fear.

“What it is?”

“Did you-“, the familiar composure in Isa’s voice was gone, stolen right from his throat by a fear he’d never felt before, “-did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”, but the answer was in the air around him.

“ _Please. Please. Let me out. Please.”_

Terror stabbed him through the heart as he choked on his own breath. A voice. And not Isa’s.

He wished it was only in his head. He begged for it to be his imagination, but he couldn’t deny it. There was a pleading voice coming from behind the door he’d just opened so carelessly, not knowing that it was just the lid of pandora box. And when he heard it again, he felt all his insides twist and bleed.

“ _Please_.”

His hand clutched Isa’s for dear life and he squeezed it frantically as his eyes watered in horror. Isa closed his fingers around his, holding him secure. Both of them regretted ever coming here. Ever thinking about ghosts and monsters in the dungeons. They’d been stupid, never actually giving a thought about the worst and most terrifying possibility; actual, living humans in the dungeon drowned underneath the silence of the castle.

“Are you there?”, it was a soft voice, not louder than a falling raindrop.

Isa gave Lea’s hand one last reassuring squeeze, before slowly walking on and through the door. They found themselves in yet another dark space. A corridor that went on forever, lined with countless cages. The redhead felt dizzy at the sight of it, shuffling closer to Isa, their arms now pressed together. The warmth of his best friend’s body felt like a safe haven to him, a shelter from the storm that was about to unfold.

“Hello?”, Lea croaked into the dark, looking around. It was too dark to say if the cells were occupied or not. But he felt the warmth of human bodies all around him. He could hear the sound of their hearts beating faintly, smell their fear and sadness. This corridor was _alive_. For a split second, Lea wanted nothing more than to run away. Take Isa and flee together. Forget it all, wake up from this nightmare.

“Hello.”, the voice called, tiny and weak.

But he could never forget the voice in the blackness. So he tightened his grip around Isa’s hand and followed the sound of it blindly. Isa was close, his breath in Lea’s ears, his fear in his heart.

“Are you there?”, the voice was close now, one step away, behind one of the many prison cell doors.

“Yes, yes we’re here.”, Lea found it hard to speak, but the soft brush of Isa’s thumb over the back of his icy hand made it possible.

“Who are you?”, asked the little voice in a broken tone.

Lea found the look in Isa’s eyes in the dark. They were gleaming softly, a deep sadness in the beautiful colour. He read the words in the depth and they nodded their heads at the same time.

“I’m Lea.”

“And I’m Isa.”

Something stirred in the corner of the cell and a small silhouette set itself apart from the darkness. The boys couldn’t detect a face, it was way too dim to spot any features.

“Who are you?”, Lea dared to ask, stepping closer to the cold iron bars. Isa followed.

“I-…”, the voice was trembling, “I don’t know.”

Isa looked over his shoulder, making sure that no one else was with them, before asking: “How did you get here?”

The same answer came, “I don’t know.”

Lea felt a painful sting in his chest. He took a deep breath, “Why are you here?”

“I don’t remember.”, the voice whispered thinly, “I don’t remember anything.”

By now, Lea was quite sure the person in the cell was a girl. He was still unable to see her, no face, no other features. Just her voice, scared and unsure.

The redhead was still holding on to Isa’s hand, seeking the comfort. He exchanged a look with his best friend, before slowly crouching down to be at one eye level with the imprisoned girl. Isa mimicked his motion.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”, asked the bluehead in a gentle voice.

The girl hesitated. Clearly, she was thinking about it and after a while she said: “They came down here and asked me questions.”

“Who?”

“The researchers.”

Lea bit his lip hard. Was she talking about Ansem the Wise and his apprentices? Did they lock her up in this cage? Did they lock up all the others? What were they doing?

“They asked you questions?”, Isa shifted closer to Lea, so that their knees were touching, “Nothing else?”

“Yes…”, answered the girl.

They fell silent after that. The weight of the situation slowly crushing down onto the boys. Lea was numb. His blood was frozen in his veins and he felt sick to the last bone. All this time. All this time they’d been playing in the sunlight, tossing frisbees and cooling down in the fountains, fantasizing about silly stuff, never fully thinking about reality. Blind to the truth, to what had been underneath their feet the whole time.

“Oh…”, Lea breathed. He wanted to say something at least, maybe give this girl a sense of security; assure her they were still right there. Isa didn’t say anything. He was staring at the floor.

“Here…”, Lea put his hand in the pocket of his pants and pulled the candy bar out, the wrapping crackling loudly in the process. It looked a bit pressed by now, but it was definitely still edible, “Bet you’re hungry.”

He gulped, before stretching his arm out through the bars, watching closely, as the girl carefully moved forward to take the gift from his hand. A delicate gleam of light fell onto her frame at her movement and Lea was able to see long black hair.

“Thank you…”, she said and both boys could tell she meant it with all her heart.

“Have mine too…”, Isa handed her his candy bar as well, looking at Lea while doing so as if to ask for permission.

“Thank you…”, she said again, “Really.”

They kept talking to the girl in the cell in hushed voices, leaned against the cold iron bars of her dim cell. Lea never let go of Isa’s hand, the fear and shock still deep in his bones. After a long while, they knew it was time to go. They couldn’t risk being caught. They were witnesses now and Lea didn’t dare to imagine what the people upstairs would do to them. So they said goodbye, pity eating at their skin. They left in the quiet of the night, but they didn’t leave her behind. They knew that they’d never forget. Right then and there, Isa and Lea swore to visit the girl again. They knew their way in now and they could bring food and other stuff that could help her. Help her survive the loneliness.

When they were finally outside again, they breathed. The cold air was streaming into their lungs and it was overwhelming. And something inside of Lea broke. And he cried. The first tear fell silently and after that he just sobbed into the night; his tears were thick and suffocating, sinking deep into the fabric of Isa’s clothes. And all that Isa could do was hold him close, his arms around his beloved Lea and his chin resting on the red head; taking it all in and feeling his own heart break.

* * *

_And if I could go back, I swear I would just give up. Turn around and run so far away. I would take you by the hand and save us. I’d surrender._

He opened his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you! You made it! I hope you liked this one and you are hyped for the following...have a great day, drink your water and untense your muscles!


	7. ash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea wakes up in Radiant Garden and receives momentous news from his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i did it! Finished a chapter on the train! It's a lot of info, but i am very happy with how this one turned out! Turn on the sad music for the beginning and enjoy...

Lea found it surprisingly easy to cast his eyes open. His lids were light as feathers and the world around him perfectly clear and in focus, as if he’d just awaken from a harmless afternoon nap. The rays of the golden sun were gracing the left side of his face, warming it in the soft glow. Warmth surged through his veins, his body was pulsating with life. Everything seemed just perfect.

_I must be dead._

It was the most logical explanation for that peculiar feeling of _aliveness._ Because Lea was aware of the fact that he probably shouldn’t feel that way after what had happened to him. He should feel like death itself, after his stupid attempt of a rescue mission. He’d been touched – no, _mangled_ by darkness. His heart was most probably crushed to pieces, his body nothing but ruins. Or was he a Nobody again? No, he knew all about how that felt like.

He tried to turn his head to the side, but right then and there he realized that he couldn’t move. Not one muscle. He blinked. Then he tried again, but his body wouldn’t listen to him. So, he simply stopped trying and remained still, staring at the white ceiling. As he laid there, unmoving but very incredibly awake, he tried his best to take in his surroundings with his ears alone. Not much to detect. A soft hum and the constant beep of something he couldn’t see. He closed his eyes, but not for a long time.

_“Lea.”_

He didn’t react the first time.

“Lea.”

Slowly, his eyes fluttered open again. And above him, he saw nothing but blue. _Blue._

“Can you hear me, Lea?”

A face and even more blue, moving closer to look him deep in the eyes. He knew those features. The soft glimmer of these ocean-eyes and the silky hair, coloured like the summer sky.

“I-…”, when he opened his mouth, his voice was just a breath of air, “Is-…a…”

“Lea.”, the sound of that voice, so warm and familiar like the lyrics of his favourite song, “Wake up, love.”

_I am awake. And you are here with me. That means I did it. I saved you. I saved us._

He wanted to say it. He wanted it more than anything else in the world. And he wanted to laugh and sing and cry. Because Isa was here. _Finally._ Lea looked up and into the beautiful face he’d missed so much. His Isa appeared so much like he used to. So young and- and so _happy_. Like nothing had ever hurt him, nothing ever touched the light inside of him, never took it all away. It was all there. He was all there. In the most beautiful, ethereal glow. Whole.

“Isa…”, Lea wanted to sob, he wanted to tell Isa how much he’d longed to see him. All this time. How much he cared for him, how he always did. Every single second of every single day he thought Lea didn’t. He wanted to touch him, trace every scar on his body and his in heart and love them all, “Isa, I-…I-….”

But he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t say what he wanted to. He was only suffocating at the words that never came.

“It’s time to leave now, love.”

Isa’s words made Lea’s heart cry out in pain. Leave? What was he talking about? No, no he couldn’t leave. Not again. Never again. Never, never, never….

“N-…no…”, Lea begged with the little voice he had left. He was so desperate to move, hold onto the man in front of him, tell him to stay, “St-…sta-…”

“No Lea.”, Isa shook his head and began to walk backwards. His face along with the loving smile on his lips was blurring, his body faded away with the sound of his voice; out of his reach, “It’s time to wake up now.”

“No…”, darkness took Lea, lulling him into a thick warm cloud of sleep, “You-you can’t…”

_Leave. Just stay. I want to stay._

But it was like the pull of a powerful current was forcing his head underwater and away from the light and warmth of what he’d been seeking; of what he needed.

“No, n-no…”, but he couldn’t fight it, there was nothing he could do. Consciousness swept him away and the last thing he saw was blue.

When he slowly opened his eyes the second time, it was rough work. He managed to lift his heavy lids just a tiny bit, but the blinding light was burning his iris immediately and he closed them again with a weak moan. He felt like his head was being pierced by a thousand razor-sharp needles, making it impossible to move, not even an inch. It could probably knock him straight back into blackness. His limbs were like lead weights, everything hurt, his veins were pumping icy blood through his body. It was nothing like the first time he’d awakened. That must have been a dream of some sort. There was something similar at least. That steady beeping and the low hum, muffled in his ears. He didn’t want to question what it was. Thinking only worsened the headache. So, he let his iron lids fall shut again and drifted off once more.

The third time he awakened was in the middle of the night. Or at least in complete darkness. His head was still throbbing, but the piercing needles were gone and he was able to open his eyes wider now. He turned his head to the side and spotted some little red lights floating eerily in the emptiness of the room. Along with them a long red line going up and down, up and down to the sound the rhythmic beep. He watched the line dance in the dark and gave in to sleep again.

Lea wasn’t alone the fourth time. There were voices close by, hushed and small, whispers about fear and worry. When he stirred awake, the voices died down immediately. The two faces that came into focus were young, but so drained and exhausted, like they’ve lived a thousand years.

“Oh shit, Lea!”, said one of the two, “Lea, can you hear me?”

“Shh, try not to scream.”, urged the other shakily.

“But...”

“Look, he’s waking up! Get Ienzo!”

One of the two jumped up and ran away and out of focus. The other remained in his field of vision, moving closer to look him in the face and whisper: “Hey, hey are you okay?”

“Roxas…”

“Yeah, yeah it’s me!”, the blond boy sighed in relief, “Thank goodness you’re awake! Xion is here too.”

“Xion…”

“Yeah, we’re both here.”

But there was something else, wasn’t there? “Isa…”

Roxas’ expression fell for a moment and he looked incredibly sad, “No, no Lea, he’s not here…”

Lea could only look at the boy with tired eyes and a nod. He should have known. None of these heartless he’d fought so recklessly had been Isa’s. He wasn’t even one step closer to getting him back. Actually now, in this condition, he might have just blocked his own path with a load of heavy stones.

“How long-“, Lea’s voice was raspy, his throat bone-dry, “-was I out?”

“Couple of days…”, answered Roxas, pulling one of his legs up onto the bed to hug it to his chest, “We- we were starting to think that-…”, but he didn’t continue. Instead he just looked down onto the white covers.

There was a powerful pang of guilt in Lea’s chest. He’d worried the two of them, even after he’d told himself that this was the last thing he wanted. He himself had said that they didn’t deserve this. And yet he’d left them. Left them with nothing, not even a message. He clutched the bedsheet under his right hand, making Roxas’ gaze fall to were it was resting on the white cover.

“I’m sorry…”, Lea whispered, closing his eyes again.

Roxas was just about to answer, when the door burst open and Xion barged into the room, followed by Ienzo, whose face and hair looked like a complete mess. The young scientist rushed over to the bed immediately, eyes torn wide open, breathing heavily, “Finally, you’re fully awake.”

Xion took a few steps closer, but came to a halt about a metre away from the bed. She was watching Lea with an unreadable expression, while Roxas was avoiding any eye contact.

Ienzo started meddling with the weird machines next to Lea’s head, checking the numbers displayed on the screens and scribbling everything down on his clipboard with haste, before putting his notes aside to take a closer look at Lea himself.

“How are you feeling?”, he asked, his voice sounding surprisingly calm as he lifted on of Lea’s hands from the bed.

“I’ve been better…”, said Lea bitterly, watching intently as Ienzo pulled a needle out of the back of his hand to replace it with a new one. It was connected to something out of Lea’s field of vision via a thin, long see-through tube. Now he also noticed the many other cables fixed onto his chest that were connecting him to the machines next to the bed. This was all too familiar to the redhead and it made him more than uncomfortable.

“You’re very lucky that Leon was able to find and retrieve you in time.”, Ienzo continued, gently running his thumb over the patch that was covering the needle in Lea’s hand, “You were in a bad state.”

Lea didn’t look at the young man as he told him what had happened, how the Restauration Committee had found him just in the nick of time. He couldn’t even find relief or joy in his words. All he could feel right now was guilt and regret. And it got worse when he looked at Xion and Roxas. Their faces were blank. They didn’t look angry, they didn’t even look disappointed. There was nothing. And it hurt Lea more than anything else could have. And when Ienzo told the two of them to leave them in private for a second, Lea wanted to scream and beg them to stay. But he didn’t and the kids left the room without another word.

Ienzo slowly sank down on the edge of the mattress, his sharp eyes fixed on Lea’s. It was a warning, a lecture on its own and his voice was just as far-reaching, “What were you thinking?”

Lea sure didn’t expect this question from him. Roxas and Xion, yes. But not Ienzo. Somehow it made the whole situation even worse. Because it was just more prove to him that he’d made a huge mistake all alone.

“I-…”, maybe he shouldn’t find excuses anymore, maybe he should just come forth and say what exactly it was that he was thinking, “Ienzo, this is driving me insane. I wanted to bring him back. I wanted to bring Isa back without putting anyone else in danger. I thought I could do it. I really did, but I was wrong. I was wrong and I know it, but I-…”

_I don’t know what to do._

Ienzo heaved a sigh, rubbing his temples to calm himself. He nibbled at his bottom lip, before responding, “I know that this is very difficult for you, Lea. Believe me when I say I understand.”, he gulped, “But this was more than reckless. Lea, you could have died.”

The word made the redhead’s heart shrivel. He knew it of course. He was lucky to be alive, but still, hearing it from Ienzo was like a blow to the head.

“And-…”, Ienzo stood up again. He looked so very tiny and uncomfortable, rubbing the side of his leg with a trembling hand, “Your heart took very serious damage and- and well I’m not sure if some of it is permanent or not…”

“What does that mean?”

“Be careful, Lea.”, Ienzo breathed wistfully, “You have to rest now, let your heart and body heal properly, before anything else. Now that you’ve been touched by the darkness like this, every little blow could tip the scales.”

“Again, what does that mean?”

“It means you shouldn’t fight any heartless for as long as your heart is still damaged.”

“What?”, Lea’s eyes widened and his breath hitched in his throat, causing him to cough. Ienzo rushed over to a little table near the windowsill to pour him a glass of water.

“Lea, it’s for your own good.”, Ienzo continued and the sadness in his eyes showed that he truly meant it all, “Please, do as I say.”

How? How could he do that? How could he sit around and do nothing all day, while Isa’s heartless was still out there holding his beloved prisoner. He just wanted to help, nothing more. Lea wanted to be _good_ and make sure his family can live the life they deserved, not in shackles, not fighting for their minds. Healed and together. But, what he’d done didn’t help at all. He made it all worse. It was all his fault. Everything.

_I’m nothing but selfish and stupid. I will never be a hero and I never was._

Tears sprang to his eyes, mockingly stinging him like hot needles. He shook his head, balling both his hands into weak fists, “I just tried to-…”

“I know…”, Ienzo hugged his tiny form, “But this wasn’t the way.”

Then what was? What was the right way? Wait for a miracle? No, by now Lea was sure they didn’t exist. The only thing he could do now was try to heal as fast as he could, as well as…

“Could you-…”, he tried to sit up straight, though his whole body was aching terribly, “Could you tell Roxas and Xion to come in?”

Ienzo nodded his head, “Of course…”

The young scientist checked the devices next to Lea’s bed one last time, before leaving the room and turning left to walk down the hallway and out of sight. He’d left the door open, so Lea was able to catch voices from the other end of the corridor.

“He wishes to talk to you.”

“Can _I_ go see him?”, a bubbly voice that Lea immeditealy identified as Demyx asked excitedly.

“I think it’ll be better if you stay with me for now.”

“But later?”

“Sure, just let them talk in private for now.”

“Gotcha!”

The sound of their conversation slowly died down, just as the two kids carefully entered the room. Xion closed the door behind them with a soft _clack_ and Lea watched them shuffle closer, until they were both standing in front of him, not able to look up from the floor. No one knew what to say, even though there were a million words on the tips of their tongues. Angry words, disappointment, sadness, hurt and heartbreak. A lot of feelings Lea despised, but knew were on the kid’s minds. Probably. He didn’t blame them. He braced himself for sharp tongues and fiery eyes, feeling the tears already blocking his airflow. But nothing came. Nothing except…

“Shit…”, Xion hissed between clenched teeth, stumbling forward and onto the bed to throw her arms around Lea, clinging onto him with a sob she’d been holding in. Roxas followed short after, attaching himself to the redhead’s side. Lea didn’t hesitate, not for one second, before closing his own arms around the kids, pulling them closer to him and shedding tears he didn’t even try to hold back. And so they remained for a long while, breathing together, crying together, holding one other.

“I’m sorry…”, Lea breathed between tears, wiping the wetness on his cheeks away with the back of his hand, “Sorry…”

Xion only shook her head, a shaky whisper escaping her, “Why did you do that, Lea?”, she tightened he grip on his shirt, her nostrils started to flutter, “You said we’d do this together…”

“I know, but- but I-…”, the uncontrollable sobs made it hard to form a whole sentence, “I just couldn’t- I didn’t know what to do- I just-…”

“But why alone?”, Roxas looked deeply hurt, as he found Lea’s eyes with his, “Don’t you trust us?”

“Of course, I do…”, Lea trusted them with his life, he always did and he always would. He trusted these kids more than himself, “I trust you, but that’s not what this is ab-…”

“Then why?”, Xion asked again, the blue of her eyes drowning Lea in regret, “Why leave us? Why use the dark corridors? Why not think this through?”

Lea shook his head, more tears falling into his lab, “I don’t want this for you anymore. I don’t want the endless fighting, I don’t want you in danger any longer. I just want you to be…just normal kids…”

“Then let us make our own decisions.”, Roxas said, holding Lea in his gaze, “Let us choose what we can and can’t do.”

Lea bit his lip. “I just- I just can’t lose you too.”, he whispered, “Not again…”

“And you won’t.”, Xion assured softly, “As long as we stay together…”

Roxas nodded his head at her words, “Promise we’ll do things as a team from now on.”

Lea nodded his head, “Yes, I promise.”

They stayed together for the rest of the day, chatting in the glow of the setting sun. The two kids told him that they were staying at the castle for as long as Lea was stationed there as well, which was more than good news to him. He needed them close with him after all that had happened. He needed the easy conversation, that feeling of familiarity more than ever before. 

The sound of the fountains of Radiant Garden was filling the room through the open window as Roxas and Xion taught Lea how to play their favourite game on their phones. Even though he was listening intently, he still lost every single round. At some point Ienzo came to check on him, followed by Demyx who immediately started to bombard the redhead with questions. Ienzo scolded him for being indiscreet, causing the blond to switch over to a barrage of apologies.

It was late when Xion and Roxas left him alone in the room, very reluctantly one might add. But Ienzo had insisted, explaining that Lea needed as much quiet as possible to rest and sleep. However, once they were gone, boredom took hold of the redhead, along with an indescribable sadness deep in his heart. He felt his mind drifting off to hurtful thoughts, so he checked his phone to distract himself. He had several unread messages from Kairi, as well as Sora and their shared Sea Salt group chat. He answered all of them with short sentences, before putting his phone down again.

He stared at the ceiling, the beeping of the heart monitor loud and irritating in his ears. His thoughts were bouncing around in his head, scattered and entangled. So many things all at once, but all connected by a thin thread that was tracing back to that one particular matter every time.

_What should I do to get you back? Tell me, Isa._

* * *

He woke up early the next morning. The birds were already singing outside and the light was as bright as ever, even through the thick curtains. Lea rolled to his side to unplug his phone from the charger and check for new messages. There was one, sent about five minutes ago, from Aqua. Lea knitted his eyebrows and felt his heart pick up on speed as he opened their chat.

**Good Morning Lea, I heard that you’re awake and I hope you’re feeling a bit better by now! Yesterday evening, Terra and Ven informed me about several strange occurrences they detected in the outer forests surrounding Radiant Garden on their mission. You’ve asked me to contact you about anything suspicious, so I thought it’d be best to let you know. Maybe we can talk about this in person, when you’re feeling rested enough. Just call me!**

Lea almost dropped his phone to the floor. Strange occurrences? Here in Radiant Garden? That could only mean one thing and one thing only, right? It was here. They found it. The redhead shot up straight, opened the Sea Salt group chat and typed too fast to form a sensible sentence.

**aqua maybe founf heartless inraidant garden pleasecome**

He sent the mess of a text and jumped out of bed at lighting speed. But a sudden painful pang in his chest as well as overwhelming dizziness and nausea made him fall back onto the bed again. His vision blurred and Lea held his throbbing chest in shock, trying to comprehend what had just happened. The beeping of the heart monitor had gone crazy and it only took about a minute, before Ienzo stumbled into the room with wide eyes to make sure Lea was alright.

“What happened? Are you alright?”, he asked, rushing over to where Lea was sitting with his hand pressed to his heart.

The redhead gave him a quick nod and wagged his hand, “Yeah, yeah, m’okay…”

“Oh, alright…”, Ienzo heaved a relieved sigh and drooped his head, “I was just- I thought that maybe-…”

“I’m fine!”, Lea insisted, just as the door burst open for the second time this morning, ramming into the wall with a loud _bang._ Poor Ienzo almost jumped out of his skin at the sudden disturbance, clutching thin air with his fists.

“What happened?”, Xion was standing in the door frame, panting, “What was that message, Lea? Did they find it? Is it here?”

Roxas squeezed his way past Xion and into the room. His eyes were wide as he wheezed, “Did they fight it?”

Ienzo turned around, looking completely lost, “Excuse me asking, but what are you talking about?”

“I got a message this morning…”, Lea explained, letting his hand fall down onto the bedsheets, “About Isa’s heartless. Aqua and the others may have found it here.”

“Oh?”, Ienzo blinked a few times, “Well, that’s good news.”

“Yeah…”, Lea caught himself smiling softly, but Roxas and Xion weren’t satisfied with the explanation.

“We have to call!”, Roxas insisted and Xion nodded her head wildly, “Like right now.”

“Was just about to do that.”

Ienzo cleared his throat, before stammering: “Al-Alright, yes, well then I’ll just-just leave you to it.”

“Thank you, Ienzo.”, all three of them said in unison. And with that the blue haired scientist left the room in a hurry, gently closing the door behind him.

“C’mon now, call her!”, Xion pressed and climbed onto the bed. Roxas followed just a second later.

Lea nodded his head, still feeling slightly dazed from his attempt to stand up earlier. He tried not to let it show as he dialled Master Aqua’s number. His fingers were shaking. He couldn’t tell of it was his weakened body or the feeling of nervousness rushing through his veins.

The three of them were holding their breaths as they waited for the master to pick up. Seriously, what was taking her so long?

“Lea.”, her voice appeared at the other end of the line, “Is that you?”

“Loud!” Xion demanded.

“Yeah, yeah it’s me.”, Lea nodded his head, fully aware of the fact that she couldn’t see him and pressed a button to put their friend on speaker.

“Hello, Master Aqua!”

“Hey there!”

“Oh, so you’re listening too, that’s good.”, the Master said happily, “I guess your calling because of the heartless, am I right?”

“Yeah…”, Lea’s hands were starting to sweat as he answered. His heart was still out of control, but that was nothing new by now. He wondered if it would ever beat the way it used to do.

“Well, Terra and Ven were on a mission in Radiant Garden yesterday. We’ve had several people report to the Restauration Committee about strange noises and general abnormalities in the surrounding forest. So they contacted us to investigate. As far as we’re informed, that forest is located in the unsecured area that is still swarmed by heartless, right?”

Lea was so far gone in his own thoughts, that he almost forgot to answer, “Yes…”

“It’s where you-“, Xion hesitated for a moment and looked at the redhead, “-well, where you went…”

“A bit further away from town.”, Lea corrected meekly.

“It was quite far away!”, a new voice chimed in, before Aqua was able to continue.

“Hey Ven!”, Roxas and Xion grinned in unison and scooched closer to Lea, who was holding the phone.

“Hello! How are you, Lea?”

“Sheesh, I’m fine…”, Lea rolled his eyes, but he made sure to emphasize the amusement in his voice.

“Anyways…”, Aqua continued with a light chuckle, “They didn’t find anything, nothing unusual that is, just the usual smaller heartless.”

“Tons of them!”, Ven added in the background, “But I definitely felt uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure something is there and it was just hiding from us.”

It was him. Lea knew it. He just did. Because there was a sudden feeling deep in his heart that told him. Because right now, he felt it bloom deep inside of him. Something he didn’t dare to feel before, something that was almost strange to him these days. But now that it was there, he knew it belonged. And he didn’t want to drown it this time.

Hope.

“It’s him, isn’t it?”, he breathed.

“We don’t know that.”, Aqua told him very carefully. Her voice had a sad tone to it, “All we know is that it’s highly possible and that we should keep investigating.”

“Thank you so much, guys!”, Xion rested her chin on Lea’s shoulder, “We owe you!”

“Yeah…”, Lea couldn’t put his thankfulness into words, “I don’t know how to thank you.”

“It’s our job!”, Ven’s smile was clear in the sound of his energetic voice. Aqua hummed in agreement.

“Lea…”, Aqua cleared her throat.

“Mhm?”

“Are you in a good enough condition to travel?”

Lea wanted to say yes. He wished he could just go on and lie. He even opened his mouth to do just that, but both Roxas and Xion shot him sharp glances and he knew he couldn’t fool anyone right now.

“No.”, he said, “No, I’m not.”

“I thought so.”, Aqua mumbled, “Well then Lea, I believe what you should do now is rest up. We will continue to look into this matter and keep you updated.”

“Okay…”, once again, the tears were impossible to hold back.

“We’ll call you.”, Ven said, “Promise!”

“Okay.”

“Bye for now!”

“Yeah, talk later.”, Lea stared onto the floor as he lowered the phone.

“Lea, I know this is hard for you-“, Roxas spoke up immediately, “-but it’s the best you can do.”

“We’ll stay here with you-”, Xion smiled reassuringly, “- until you are ready to leave.”

And so, they spent the next three days in the castle together, playing games and telling stories in the quiet of Lea’s room. Ienzo checked on him every other hour, sometimes Demyx would tag along, staying close to the scientist’s side like a lost pup. Well, until Xion asked him to teach her how to play something on his Sitar on the second day in the castle. Lea had never seen the young man this happy in his entire life. Apart from that, Aqua was calling every now and then, sometimes Ven and Terra too. But they were telling the same story every time they reported to them. Nothing to see, nothing to hear.

The heartless kept hiding in the shadows. It kept waiting in silence. Waiting for the day on which the man with the flaming red hair returned to the outskirts of Radiant Garden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo, about the heartless...well guess we'll see after the next chapter! Stay safe everyone!


	8. midnight blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xion and Roxas wonder how Lea really got the marks under his eyes and what Isa had to do with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my dear readers! Told you I'd take a bit longer than usual, I am still on vacation but writing on the train and whenever i have some spare time! So, enjoy this little treat!

Lea tried to breathe calmly through his nose as he took in the soft, pale light of the moon. It was the second night he could recall here in Radiant Garden. The second time that the steady beeping of the heart monitor prevented him from falling asleep. Lea didn’t know just yet that it would be the last one. In this moment, all that he knew was that he felt trapped. Useless. And no matter how hard he tried to shake that feeling off, he couldn’t push it away. It came back every time the room went quiet. Just like now. The moment of vulnerability when these voices in his head were able to numb him completely, when the needle in his hand felt like a shackle holding him down, when his body grew heavy, his heart cold and his mind blue.

_Blue._

The redhead turned his back to the window and reached for his phone. Half past midnight said the numbers on the screen as it flashed to life. And not just that, but also…

**are you still up?**

It was a short message from Xion, that he answered with an even shorter **yup**. Her responds came immediately.

 **coming over and** **bringing Roxas**

With a smile on his face, Lea waited for them to step through the door frame on their tip toes, clad in their pyjamas. Xion with ridiculously messy bed hair, sticking up on all ends just because she’d been tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep. Roxas with a red nose, sore from rubbing it all evening in an attempt to calm his mind. Both wide awake but tired, slipping into the bed next to Lea, just like they did the first nights in their new apartment in Twilight Town.

“You should be sleeping.”, Lea mumbled, as he combed Xion’s black hair with his fingers.

“Yeah, and you?”, Roxas raised his right eyebrow.

“Oh well-“, Lea hummed, shrugging his shoulders, “Got me there, I guess…”

“We suck…”, Xion deadpanned and it came so unexpected that Lea couldn’t stop himself from snorting. Roxas huffed with a shake of his golden head.

“We don’t suck”, Lea objected, “We just- well we just-…”

“We still have some things to learn, mhm?”, Roxas mumbled.

“Yes.”, Lea breathed and closed his eyes for a second. “Yes, we do.”

Learn how to live again. Learn how to feel. Learn how to stop being afraid. They had to figure it all out. And even though they’d come a long way already, there were still a million miles to go.

“For example-“, Xion turned her head and Lea’s hand fell down onto the sheets, “I always wondered how you got the tattoos under your eyes and why they’re gone now?”

Lea blinked, staring at the girl on his left.

“Sai-…” she hesitated, her eyes widening, “I mean…I mean Isa- I mean- well…”

“You don’t know Isa yet, Xion…”, Lea breathed the words so carefully, as if they were knives cutting his lips, “Not- not really.”

“Right.”, she gulped, “Well, _Saix_ mentioned them back then, remember?”

Lea only nodded his head, still feeling like someone had rammed a door in his face.

“What did he mean?”, her eyes were full of unspoken curiosity, “Did he have something to do with it?”, her voice grew quieter as she added, “If you- If you want to tell us.”

Roxas looked up at him, not saying a word, waiting for Lea to gather his thoughts.

Lea hummed, recalling memories from long ago. Memories of dried salt on his cheeks and warm hands on his skin, holding him. Of cold voices and fear; of magic spells and whispers of comfort.

“He had everything to do with it.”

* * *

“Ouch!”

“Shhhh, Lea!”, Isa hissed through his teeth, tensing his shoulders. Even though the way down to the cells deep down in the belly of the castle was a familiar one by now, that didn’t mean the young boy wasn’t cautious at all times. Someone could cross their path at any second. Scientists, researchers, guards, whoever. Isa really didn’t feel the need to meet any of them. Last time had been a close call.

“Sorry, sorry-…”, Lea gulped as he slowly rubbed the forming bruise on his right arm, “I just- I didn’t see the-the…”, he gestured to the pipe sticking out of the wall next to him.

“It’s alright.”, Isa rolled his eyes, “Just be careful and- most importantly- quiet.”

“I’m nervous.”

“I know.”, the blue haired looked at his best friend with a sad, but reassuring smile on his lips, “I am too after what happened last time…”

A shiver ran over Lea’s spine as he recalled what had happened just two nights ago. They’d almost been caught by one of the guards, the one with the short brown hair. Lea had never been this scared in his entire life. He remembered Isa’s hand covering his mouth and how he held his breath, almost suffocating on their fear. Both of them were playing with fire. They knew that. One mistake, one wrong step and they’d end up in one of these cells next to their new friend. Or worse…

“All clear?”, the red head held on to his best friend’s jacket.

“Yes, come one.”

Down the endless stairs they rushed and through the door to the dark hallway lined with cages. They headed straight for the familiar presence. That warmth in the icy cold. Their footsteps echoed in the emptiness, announcing their arrival.

“Lea?”, and there was her soft voice, “Isa?”

“Yeah, it’s us.”, Lea smiled as they came to a halt in front of the door that separated them, “Are you alright?”

They saw the girl carefully nod her head. As always, she sat in the corner of the cell, curled up in a ball, hugging her knees tight to her chest. Lea bit his lip as he sank down to sit on the cold tiles. Her voice sounded hoarse and exhausted tonight. As if she was sick.

“Are you sure?”, Isa asked gently and sat down next to his best friend. He must have noticed it as well.

“I’m tired.”, she mumbled after a while.

Lea turned his head to find Isa’s ocean eyes gleaming in sadness. The young boy looked at their friend without uttering another word. He was used to letting his eyes alone speak for him. Lea was always able to decipher the code in the depths, but he wasn’t sure if the girl would be able to. So, he spoke up.

“I know that feeling…”, Lea sighed heavily, “I’m always tired too. I could nap all day long, to be honest.”

Isa smiled into his jacket. He knew exactly what his best friend was trying to do.

“What do you mean _could?”_ , he rolled his eyes, “You are always napping, even in class.”

“Not true…”, mumbled the redhead with a pout, “Not always.”

“Oh sorry, you’re right. Only the first four lessons of the day.”

A soft chuckle, careful and quiet, filled their hearts with joy. They’d never heard the girl’s laugh before. Never had her voice displayed anything different than fear or uncertainty. A sad song of broken words. But this was a completely different melody. And it made Lea and Isa proud.

Lea grinned, “You, know-“, he pointed at Isa, “-he snores when he sleeps.”

“What?”, the blue head snapped, eyes widening and cheeks flushing red in embarrassment, “That’s- that’s not true…”

The girl laughed again, a bit louder this time. Lea felt his heart flutter in excitement.

“Oh yeah.”, he nodded his head with a smile spread wide over his entire face, “And you should see the way he sleeps-…”

“Lea.”

“He’s always spread all over the bed like a starfish-”

“Lea.”, Isa’s voice was louder this time and sharp, cutting through the stale air like the blade of a knife.

“It’s really cute!”

“Lea!”, Isa grabbed his best friend by the arm and forced the redhead out of his lively blabbering, “Quiet.”

“What? Why?”, Lea knitted his brows, “C’mon, don’t be mad, it’s funny.”

“No, not that…”, Isa shock his head and pressed his eyes shut. He perked his ears and listened, causing Lea to fall completely silent. The girl had stopped laughing the first time Isa had raised his voice. She tensed, as if she knew what was coming.

Lea felt his heart pound against his ribcage in a mix of elation and unease. Why did it feel so familiar?

The redhead waited for Isa to move or say something or _exhale_. He wasn’t sure if his friend even noticed that he was holding his breath. The fingers around Lea’s arm dug deeper into his skin. He felt them sending waves of electric shocks through his entire body. Lea wasn’t sure if it was because of the tension all around him, or due to completely different reasons. Though, he didn’t have time to think about it any longer, because not a second later, Isa jumped up as if he’d been stung by an angry swarm of wasps. He pulled Lea up with him and the redhead almost tripped over his own two feet at the sudden movement.

“Isa?”, he breathed, voice thin, “What are you-?”

“Shut up!”

Isa yanked Lea away from the cell and leaped toward one of the many half-opened iron cage-doors on the opposite side. He slipped through the gap, careful to avoid the door to move and creak and pulled Lea in behind him. When they were both inside and cloaked in complete darkness, Lea turned and was about to indignantly pelt his best friend with way too many questions, when he heard it himself. Footsteps. Coming closer. Down the stairs and toward the corridor.

Lea inhaled sharply, just as Isa nudged him in the shoulder and laid a finger on his lips. His eyes were piercing and his face dead serious. And Lea felt the painful claws of fear around his throat again. A feeling he was getting used to. He clung to his best friend’s arm and took a couple of steps back and away from the door, just as they heard the footsteps enter the corridor. They didn’t dare to breathe.

“There you are, kid.”

It was a voice they’d never heard before. It wasn’t one of the two guards, Lea would recognize their voices anywhere and he was quite sure that it wasn’t that blond scientist either. It sounded like a young man, confident and gruff.

“Feel like answering some questions for me?”

Lea pressed his lips together, trying to swallow the sour words on his tongue. The two boys exchanged terrified glances as they huddled closer together, listening.

“Aw, c’mon now…”, the unknown voice sighed, “I know you can talk, don’t try ‘n fool me.”

“I don’t remember.”, said their friend in her little voice, “I told the researcher already.”

“Really?”, the other man barked, “Four friends and a key…that all?”

“Yes.”, she whispered.

There was a long silence. Lea and Isa heard the man breathe slowly as they held their own breaths.

“Well…”, the stranger finally said, his voice so much lower this time, as if someone else was using his mouth to speak their words, “It does sound familiar.”

She didn’t respond.

“You must be tired of it all.”, said the man “All the questions, the tests, that uncertainty…the pain.”

_Tests. Pain._

“Yes.”

“If that’s so, expect me to be back very soon.”, the cold of these words settled itself on the redhead’s skin.

Lea gulped. Back to do what? What did he mean? Who was that man? What was he planning to do? What did he mean with tests? Were they experimenting on their friend? He mentioned pain. What were the researchers really planning? Where did all the other prisoners go? Lea didn’t dare to think about the answers.

They heard the man huff out a small laugh, before the shuffle of his feet on the ground indicated that he was about to leave the corridor. But there was no sound of footsteps, only a hum coming from deep down the man’s throat.

“I wonder…”, he muttered thoughtfully, “… _may your heart be your guiding key_.”

A gasp in the darkness. It came from her. As if the man’s words reached something hidden deep inside her mind. As if he spoke a language only the two of them could understand.

“May my heart be my guiding key.”, she repeated.

Lea furrowed his brows at these strange words. He felt Isa tug on his sleeve and turned his head to look him in the eyes. His best friend looked alarmed and it made Lea feel distraught himself. They didn’t even realize how their breathing had changed. Wild and uncontrolled. Way too loud.

“I’ll see you…”

Footsteps. One, two and three. And then he stopped.

“Oh, almost forgot…”, Lea could hear the grin in the strangers voice, “ _You_ have to come with me.”

He heard the rustling of a keychain and the creak of a door opening. And a voice. Not the voice of their friend, no. It was deeper. Though there were no words spoken in the darkness, only whimpers echoed in his ears as the other person was dragged out of their cell.

“No…”, was the only word. And it burned itself into the depth of Lea’s mind.

The boy gathered all the courage he could find in his heart and tip toed toward the cage door. Maybe he could catch a little glance of the strange man. Just a silhouette would be enough. But when he peeked through the gap, the man was gone. Like he’d never even been here in the first place. Lea was greeted by gaping darkness and nothing else.

The two boys stayed in the safety of their own cell for a while longer, bodies pressed together. Too shocked to move, the weight of the situation beginning to crash down on them.

They stepped out of the cell with trembling legs, moving as if someone else was controlling every limb and every bone. Panicked.

Their friend had no more words to say. She was staring at the floor. Empty. Lea wanted to talk to her but she didn’t answer to him. She remained broken. He stared at her; so lifeless. Small and far away. Gone to a different world in her head.

They ran.

The moon was pale and powerless in the night sky, too weak to guide them. Lea could only stumble blindly in the dark, trusting the guiding hand he was holding so tightly. He was crying. No sobs, no pants. Only tears falling to the grown. Once again. Like a curse. It was like his heart had stopped beating. He didn’t know where they were going until he recognized the street with the many cherry trees, the safety of the branches over their heads. A shelter from what they were running away from.

Isa’s hand was shaking as he pulled the keys out of his jacket. He missed the lock twice, before he grabbed his own wrist to keep it steady and opened the door. He pushed Lea inside, closed to door and leaned against it, panting.

Lea stood in the hallway, shaking from head to toe. Isa took the light jacket from his best friend’s shoulders and held him by the arm to guide him upstairs. Lea said nothing. He followed Isa with a hollow stare. He looked just like their friend.

They sat down on Isa’s bed and when Isa carefully took both of Lea’s hand in his, his best friend looked up. And Isa felt his heart being ripped apart. He wanted to _weep_.

Lea’s forehead was glistering with cold sweat, his arms were crossed in front of his chest, hugging himself, trying to keep the little warmth that was left in his body. His fingers were digging into his upper arms and he struggled to swallow. And even though he was looking at Isa, his eyes didn’t see. He was gone, the emerald colour fading, spilling over the brim of his eyes along with his tears.

Lea was utterly and undeniably numbed with horror and despair.

“Lea.”, Isa’s own voice was thick and hoarse, “Lea, it’s alright. We’re safe. We’re safe now, Lea, nothing can happen to us, I promise.”

He’d never seen his best friend like this. Yes, he’d seen him cry and shake in fear, but never before had he looked into his eyes and found them empty. It scared him more than anything else in the world. More than what they’d witnessed today.

Lea opened his mouth but no words came, only a broken little sound that drove a knife through Isa’s chest. He pulled the redhead closer with a feather-light touch, as if he were made of glass in this very moment. Lea spilled his silent tears into the crook of Isa’s neck, a hand stroking the back of his own.

“We’re alright.”, Isa said, his breath warming his best friend’s icy skin, “I’m here.”

They sat like this for a long while. Isa was gently running his hand through Lea’s fiery hair, resting his cheek on his best friend’s head, shushing softly every time a sob made them both jump. Whispered words of comfort filled the quiet of the room as the night progressed.

Eventually, Lea cried himself to the point of exhaustion. With Isa’s finger tenderly running over the back of his nose, the redhead finally fell asleep, breathing evenly. But no matter how hard he tired, Isa couldn’t brush the frown from Lea’s face. And he knew that he could never take the pain from his beloved the way he wanted to, the way he needed to. There was no way for him to protect Lea from the sadness engraved so deeply in his delicate heart. He could never stop the tears from falling.

Right?

Isa eyed the bookshelf that was standing across the room. His hand froze as he simply stared for a while. Just thinking. Plotting. And then he stood up, placed Lea’s head carefully on his pillow and rushed over to the other side of the room to grab several books from the shelf.

The young boy stayed up until early in the morning, searching for the answer he knew he could find, despite his throbbing head. These bizarre headaches had become so frequent ever since they broke into the castle. They were so unlike any pain he’d felt before. Not like the ones you get from sleep deprivation or stress and not like migraine. No, it was something else. Something new. But Isa tried his very best to ignore the pain, swallow it down and focus on the words he was reading. And when Lea started shaking and muttering in his light slumber, Isa pulled him closer and covered them both with a soft blanket.

“You’ll be okay, Lea.”, he whispered softly, brushing a strand of hair from the redhead’s forehead, “I’ll make you feel better.”

When the bluehead finally found what he had been looking for, he marked the page with a smile and put the heavy book aside, before finally lying down next to his best friend, their backs touching and their chests heaving and falling in the very same rhythm. And Isa finally knew that he was safe.

And when Lea’s breath quickened and he cried out in an attempt to break free from a nightmare, Isa reached out to grab the redhead’s hand behind his back, staring at the wall as he took it and gave it a ginger squeeze. Lea _inhaled_ and Isa smiled as he fell asleep. They held on tight.

When the morning came, they didn’t wake. Still exhausted and fast asleep with their fingers intertwined. It took them until noon to cast their eyes open at the very same time. They both knew the other was awake. But they didn’t move. Because for the first time since yesterday they felt _right,_ like they belonged. They tightened the grip of their fingers and even though they didn’t see the face of the other, they knew exactly that a smile was gracing both their lips. The sunlight fell through the window, painting the room in golden light and for a second, things were alright. But eventually, Lea sat up and Isa’s hand slipped out of his and the world was real and dark again.

“Isa-…”, Lea croaked, but the bluehead interrupted.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

“I know-”, Lea mumbled and closed his emerald eyes, “-but I feel like I have to.”

“Yeah…”, Isa nodded.

“Who was that man?”

“I don’t know.”

“And what did he want? What did he say to her?”

“I don’t know.”

“She looked so-“, Lea struggled to find the right word as he remembered her hollow stare, “-far gone and- and what happened to the other person? Do you think they- they experimented on them?”

“I-…”, Isa wanted to say it again, but stopped to take a deep breath, before admitting, “I think so.”

Lea shook his head, trying to block out the images that came to his mind. But before he could spill any more tears, Isa took him by the arm.

“Look at me.”

Lea did. He turned his head and green met blue. Isa reached for the side of his face, holding it secure in the palm of his hand. His thumb grazed the redhead’s cheek, tracing every scar that the tears had left, invisible to everyone except him.

_Never again._

“Wait here for a second.”, Isa said and jumped up from the bed to gather everything he needed. The book, a pen and a tissue. All while Lea was staring at him in utter confusion. He didn’t know that his best friend had been staying up late to find a very special spell between the many pages of an old book about magic. One that would save him from the bitter taste of tears for a long time.

“What are you doing?”

“Something magical.”, and with that, Isa had all of Lea’s attention.

“What?”, the redhead’s eyes went wide, “What do you mean?”

Isa sat down in front him his friend again, the book, pen and tissue on his lap. He opened the marked page to carefully read through the instructions again. It seemed almost to easy. Almost. If only the most important ingredient wasn’t one of Lea’s tears. Isa didn't want him to cry anymore, it was the whole point.

“I’ve read about this spell not too long ago-”, Isa looked him in the eyes again, “- and I think it would really help you.”

“With…?”

“Your-“, Isa bit his lip, “-sadness. Look here!”

He pointed at the passage about the reversed tear spell and continued, “It says here that the spell will reverse the flow of the tears, so you don’t have to cry ever again.”

Lea’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. There was a soft pink colour on his nose and cheeks.

“No more tears.”, Isa breathed and his hand found its way up to Lea’s face again, “What do you think?”

“You-“, Lea’s voice was shaky, “You really think this’ll work?”

He couldn’t even imagine it. His tears, the taste of sadness, maybe even sadness itself, gone. He wouldn’t have to worry about it ever again.

“I promise.”, Isa’s hand traced Lea’s jawline down to his chin to hold his face secure and still, the warmth of the gentle touch spreading all over Lea’s face and body, “But only if you want me to do it.”

“Yes.”, Lea didn’t hesitate, “Please.”

His voice gave in after that word and he felt the sting of tears once again. But it wasn’t sadness, nor was it fear. The feeling that arouse in his chest was something warm. Something good. Isa smiled at him, his eyes glimmering so beautifully in the light of the sun. He took the tissue and wiped the tears from Lea’s eyes before they could fall onto the bed. They would be his last.

“Oh, and you know what?”, Isa grinned, as he put the tissue aside to take the pen into his hand, “There’s a side effect to the spell, look!”, the bluehead pointed at the picture of the reversed tear next to the text, “It’ll be like a tattoo on your cheek.”

Lea’s eyes flashed with excitement, “Oh, that is so sick!”

“You think so?”

“Yes, I always wanted some cool tats!”, Lea grinned, “Best side effect ever!”

Isa chuckled lightly, the sound finding its way straight to Lea’s heart.

“Okay, stay still.”, Isa shuffled closer, the pen in his hand, “I have to draw them first.”

Lea wiggled like a worm, pure excitement making it hard for him to stay still like Isa had instructed. It took the bluehead a while, but after a couple of minutes, the rough outlines were done. The rest would come with the spell.

“Hold this in your hand and picture your happiest memory in front of your eyes.”, Isa instructed and handed his friend the slightly wet tissue, before rereading the instructions again to make sure he was doing everything right.

Happiest memory. Lea closed his eyes, but didn’t need to think too long. He could still hear the cheers and the applause to this day, smell the dust and feel the sword in his hand.

_This battle will go down in history!_

“Got it.”, he smiled.

“Hold onto it, okay?”

_Oh, I will. Forever._

Isa closed his own hand around the one with which Lea was holding the tissue. One last look at the words he had to think of, before he closed his eyes as well, focusing. They sat like this in the light of the sun, a warmth slowly pooling in Isa’s chest, magic flowing through every vein in his body and through their connected hands into Lea. The redhead gasped as he felt his cheeks start to heat up. The smudgy ink tear drops started glowing. First red. Then blue. The colours flowing into one. And when the heat died down, the tattoos on Lea’s cheeks were purple.

Isa was the first to open his eyes.

“Lea.”, he smiled.

“Huh?”

“You look so cool.”

The redhead hopped up and out of bed in less than a second to check his appearance in the nearest mirror. When he saw his reflection, Lea all but screeched.

“Isa! Oh, Isa! This is so amazing! Oh shit, look at this! Look at it!”, his forehead was almost touching the glass.

Isa chuckled, “I know, I told you.”

Lea couldn’t stop laughing. Excitement and joy written all over his young face, the traces of fear and grief gone. _Finally._ And Lea _leaped_ back onto the bed and into Isa’s arms. And he buried his nose in Isa’s hair and whispered, “Thank you”, again, again and again like a mantra. Isa smiled as he closed his arms around the redhead’s waist.

And after a huge number of hugs and an uncountable amount of repeated thanks, Lea let go of Isa to look him in the eyes. And Isa could have never guessed what his best friend suggested next in his state of pure elation.

“Isa, let’s save her.”

"Huh?"

"Let's get our friend out of that castle!"

* * *

Lea absentmindedly ran his index finger over his cheek. Xion and Roxas had soaked up every word of his story and were now snoring softly next to him.

 _The marks under your eyes, they’re gone._

_Yeah, don’t need ‘em._

He sighed. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe he still needed them after all.

_Or maybe, maybe all I need is you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you somewhat enjoyed this chapter and i also hope that you are hyped for what comes next! Maybe we'll find out about that heartless in Radiant Garden...who knows!


	9. orange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea, Roxas and Xion get ready to meet up with their friends from the Land of Departure to prepare for a fight that could fix everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again! Took a little bit longer this time, as I said I was still on vacation and also had a bit of a stressful time so yeah. But I finished the next chapter and I am so so so excited to write the next two. I think you'll love them!  
> But now, have fun with the calm before the storm!

Ienzo found the trio spread out all over the small bed in the morning, limbs tangled together and faces free from any trace of worry. They appeared younger in his eyes, bathed in the mellow light of the morning sun. Lea must have forgotten to close the blinds, the scientist reasoned, or maybe he left them open on purpose in an attempt to capture as much of the fleeting light as possible, just like Ienzo himself did every night. The scientist pressed his lips together as he tiptoed closer, unsure if he should wake them up from their deep and also very healthy sleep. But the news he was asked to deliver were vital, were they not? And Lea would want him to tell him as quickly as humanely possible. Apart from that, it was already after twelve o’clock in the morning (or afternoon).

The young man nodded his head as if to reassure himself and padded over to the bed to gently touch the redhead’s shoulder, “Lea?”

All he got as a response was a low and sullen groan. Lea stirred with a frown between his brows, causing Xion to roll over and curl into a tight little ball.

“I’m sorry, but it’s very important.”

Another groan, sounding a little bit like a muffled “What?”

“I received a message from Master Aqua-”, explained the scientist, “- concerning the strange occurrences in the outskirts. She already tried to call you, but you were obviously still asleep at the time.”

And as if someone had delivered the redhead a furious slap to the face, his eyes flew open and he shot up straight, causing Roxas (who’d already been lying way too close to the edge of the mattress) to topple over and flop onto the ground with a desperate yelp.

“Oh shit!”, Lea reached down to help the blond get back up, “Are you okay?”

“Define _okay._ ”, muttered the boy, rubbing the side of his arm as he climbed onto the bed again.

“What the hell are you doing?”, Xion’s head popped up behind Lea, messy as always.

“Ask him.”, Roxas glanced at Lea, who’s heart was beating like he’d already finished a marathon this morning. The redhead’s eyes were glued to Ienzo’s, desperate for him to spill the news.

“My apologies”, the blue-haired’s face was covered in a soft rosy colour, “I didn’t mean to scare you. As I said, Master Aqua called me after her many failed attempts to reach out to you.”

“What did she say?”

“Well, she asked me to tell you that she wants to meet up in person.”, Ienzo said, looking a bit sceptic all of a sudden. Little wrinkles formed between his brows. “As soon as possible.”

Lea couldn’t find the right words to answer, so all he said was “Ah.”

Ienzo bit his bottom lip, his hand sneaking its way up to his arm to hold onto it, “Lea, you’re not-…well, you haven’t recovered yet.” The blue haired was avoiding any eye contact.

“But I’m feeling great!”, the redhead slapped on a smile, but to Ienzo it looked just as fake and uncomfortable as the ones on all these advertisement posters for potions around town.

“Lea…”, Xion muttered behind him, and everyone in the room knew exactly what this one word meant.

Lea shook his head and sighed, “Listen, we can at least call her again, right?”

“Of course”, Ienzo nodded.

Lea reached for his phone immediately. The notifications bar was full of unread messages from Kairi and a ton of missed calls from Aqua.

“I’ll leave you to it.”, with that Ienzo shuffled out the door again, closing it gently behind him.

Xion and Roxas exchanged a glance and gulped at the same time, watching as the redhead searched through his contacts, even though he could recite the Master’s number by heart at this point.

All three of them were thinking the very same thoughts. These news about the occurrences were urgent, maybe just the news they needed. Did they find the heartless? See it? Maybe even fight it? Lea’s finger was hovering over the call button. For some reason, he was hesitant. What if she only called to tell them it was all a false alarm? What if this heartless wasn’t his? What if they were not one step closer to finding Isa? Lea couldn’t imagine what this would do to him. He couldn’t get these hopes crushed. He couldn’t get his _heart_ crushed. Not again. He couldn’t fall back to the ground again.

Xion sensed his unease. The girl moved closer and placed her steady hand on the redhead’s shaking one (he didn’t even notice that his whole body was trembling). It was cold underneath her warm fingers.

“It’s going to be okay.”, Roxas promised on his other side.

“But what if it won’t be.”, Lea’s voice was cracking like thin ice, “What if it will never be.”

“It will be.”, Xion said, “As long as you don’t give up.”

“Yeah, she’s right.”, Roxas smiled as he exchanged a glance with the raven-haired girl, “And we’ll be here the whole way to help. We’re family, remember?”

Lea chuckled softly at their words of devotion, “Yes, I know.”

“Well then-”, Xion and Roxas leaned against his arms on both sides, as the boy spoke in a gentle tone, “-let’s call and find him.”

 _Yes. It’s all I want._

“Thank you, both of you.”

“Now call already.”, Roxas smirked and playfully punched Lea in the arm.

“Ow…”, the redhead furrowed his brows at the boy in slight shock, but the smile on his lips tasted sweet afterwards.

To avoid another punch, Lea quickly pressed the call button and waited with Xion and Roxas breathing close to his ears, until Aqua picked up the phone.

“Finally...”, she signed, “Do you always sleep that long?”

“Nah, had a rough time falling asleep.”

“Well, that’s a straight lie.” Xion rolled her eyes at him, recalling their days in the castle and the redhead’s habit to sleep at any given hour of the day.

“Shush.”, Lea pinched the girl’s ear and she was quick to turn her head away with a weak yelp.

“Well never mind, I take the question back.”, Aqua snorted, “We have to talk in serious, Lea.”

“Tell me what happened.”, it came out a bit more demanding than Lea had intended.

Aqua was quick to ignore the force of his words, “It’s more of a theory really. I sent Terra to observe the area where the heartless is hiding for a longer period of time and what he reported got me thinking.”

Lea kept quiet, a silent plead for her to continue.

“First of all, he said it is tremendous. Not even specifically in size, but-“, she struggled to find the right words, but Lea understood the second she faltered.

“The power of its darkness…”, he mumbled in a whisper.

“Yes, that.”, Aqua confirmed what Lea had already been dreading all this time. That this heartless was no ordinary foe. It was wielding the power of every broken shard of Isa’s heart. A phenomenally strong weapon. 

“And he said that it seemed like it was-“, again, the Master was trying to find the right description and Lea was able to feel his heart trying to escape from his ribcage, “-well it seemed like it was searching for something.”

“Searching?”, Xion grimaced in confusion as she started biting her nails.

“Yes, and there is more.”, Aqua continued, “Terra traced the heartless’ tracks and detected a distinct moving pattern. Its trail was leading closer to the city walls, straight to were the Restauration Committee found you, Lea.”

“Wha-…”

“And think it’s not just looking for _something._ Lea, I believe it’s looking for you.”

_Me. It’s looking for me. Isa. Isa is looking for me? How is that possible?_

None of them said a word. Even Roxas and Xion were rendered completely speechless. He knew they were thinking the same thing as he was. They were trying to find the answer to the very same question. Aqua’s theory spoke against everything they believed to know about heartless. That they have no souls or hearts or memories to follow. Nothing to care about. Nothing at all. And yet…there seemed to be something. Something new and unspoken.

“If this is true-”, Xion muttered, “-then we can be dead sure that it really is Isa’s heartless.”

And then Lea remembered something. A shadow of a memory crept before his inner eye. A literal image of a huge shadow bending over him just as he lost consciousness back in the unsecure area.

“Aqua.”, he winced at the sound of the croak that left his throat, “Do you really believe that…?”

“I can’t be sure, of course.”, she said, “But I believe it’s a serious possibility.”

Lea closed his eyes for second, trying to collect his jumbled thoughts with a shake of his head, “Then what now?”

“Didn’t Ienzo tell you already? That I think we should meet up in person to discuss further approach?”

“But he’s still recovering!”, Roxas chimed in immediately, his hand balled into a fist. A wave of bitter frustration was shooting up Lea’s spine like an electric shock, but he was quick to shake it off with clenched teeth.

“I know.”, Aqua signed, “And I don’t intent to keep his body and heart from healing. We’re not going to fight or put ourselves in danger for now. All I’m asking is for you to come to the Land of Departure so we can plan and discuss things in person.”

Lea was about to ask _how_ exactly they were supposed to get there, when Aqua continued, “We’ll pick you up. We can use our gliders and I’m sure we have some old keyblade armour to spare for the ride.”

“Can’t you just come here?”, Xion wondered and Roxas nodded as if he’d wanted to ask the same question.

“We- or rather I can’t really leave my post for much longer than an hour here. There are incidents in different worlds every day and we must be ready to take care of things as long as the heartless are high in number.”, the Master explained, “And I was also thinking we could equip and prepare here. You know, maybe even make your own keyblade armour. You could really need it.”

“Really?”, the kids blurted out in unison.

“Yes.”

Lea’s vision blurred for second as he realized that this was real. This could be the end of it. The end of what they’d started when they were too young to understand the consequences.

“Are you-“, he cleared his throat with a quick shake of his red head, “Are you sure about this?”

“Oh, I am.”

“When would you be coming then?”, Roxas asked enthusiastically.

“I was thinking about today, the sooner the better.”, said the Master calmly, “We’ll make sure that Lea receives proper care and treatment.”

“What do you say, Lea?”, Xion turned her head to look at the red head’s thoughtful profile.

“I can’t wait any longer.”, it was an unshakeable statement, “If there is any chance of saving him, of bringing him back, then I’ll do whatever it takes.”

A soft huff came from the other end of the line, “Then we’ll be there to pick you up by dusk.”

“Alright!”

“Cool.”

Lea said nothing. It was when Aqua mentioned his name specifically that he raised his head and inhaled a deep breath, before smiling.

“Thank you, Aqua. Thank you.”

This ended the call.

When Lea told Ienzo what they’d discussed with Aqua later on, he was biting down hard on his bottom lip. The redhead was wide aware of the fact that Ienzo didn’t like the idea at all. The unease and concern in those blue eyes was unmistakable.

“Aqua assured I’ll be getting proper medical treatment.”, Lea explained reassuringly, trying to convince the boy that there was nothing to worry about, “And we will not face the threat until I am ready. And to be honest, I am feeling much better than before. I think it would actually be good for me to get back on my feet.”

Ienzo signed, considering the offer carefully as Lea waited for him to answer, trying his best not to interrupt the young man’s train of thought.

“I can’t stop you.”, he whispered eventually and Lea was surprised at the sound of _understanding_ in his voice, “Right?”

“No. You can’t.”

“Then I have nothing left to say.”

Ienzo nodded his head, but the veil before his eyes didn’t fade. He looked small and thin and worn out. His coat was to large for him, the fabric hanging down his skinny physic like a weight he could not possibly carry. Lea had noticed the lack of colour and the bags under his red eyes before. Signs of long and restless nights, of overworking and worrying, of fear and stress.

“Are you alright, Ienzo?”, it was a question he should have asked a long time ago.

Lea was unsure if it was selfish to assume the young scientist would just wave his hand dismissively and tell him everything’s alright. To believe Ienzo would thank him for asking with a forced smile and assure him he was being a good person.

Or if he simply didn’t think about the possibility of tears in the boy’s eyes and a look on his face that made the redhead’s heart shrivel. Because now, all he could see was that nine-year old boy from so long ago. That boy who’d been unsure and afraid the whole time, forced to swallow his feelings down and play along. Someone who had to grow up too fast, who had never been a kid in the first place. Just a tool in a greater scheme. A vessel.

Like we’ve all been.

A tear slipped down Ienzo’s cheek, but he was quick to wipe it away and hide his face from Lea’s devastated gaze.

“Ienzo…”, the redhead breathed, still in shock, hesitant to step forward or reach out.

“I’m- I’m sorry.”, the blue haired sniffled, drying his eyes with the wide sleeves of his coat, “I don’t know why I’m-…”

“Don’t be sorry for that.”, Lea took a step forward to lay his hand down on the young man’s shoulder, but stopped immediately when Ienzo winced at the movement.

“Sorry.”, he repeated quietly, “It’s just-…”, he looked up to the ceiling, as if he was trying to stop the tears from falling down, “-no one ever asked me that before.”

“Oh.”

“It’s ridiculous- _I’m_ ridiculous.”

“No…”, Lea bit his lip, ashamed of his lack of words. Everything stolen from his lips by the look in the young man’s face. 

They stood facing each other in the hallway. Unspoken words of understanding and shared fears between them. They’d both been kids. Nothing more. Kids who listened and were betrayed many times.

“Ienzo…”

“Mhm?”

“Do you need-“, Lea pressed his lips together, “Do you want me to- to give you a hug? Or something? It- it helps me when I’m sad so-…”

Ienzo looked up at him, shocked. Like he never even dreamed of hearing someone suggest such a thing.

“You don’t have to...”

“I’d like to.”, said the young man, so quiet Lea almost didn’t catch it.

“Oh- Oh okay.”

They stood unmoving for a while until Lea reached out to take the smaller man into his arms. They’d never hugged before. And it was awkward and stiff and probably uncomfortable in many ways. But it’s what they both needed. And it was _warm_ and it was _good_. And Ienzo found himself enjoying it more than he’d expected.

“Hey! Hey Ienzo, you got a minute? Or two or five or like a couple of hours?”

The loud voice belonged to no other than Demyx. The now official castle guard was dashing down the corridor and Lea felt Ienzo startle and jerkily slip out of the embrace. The redhead took a step back, discovering a sudden overpowering interest in the ceiling lights.

“I think I messed up the computer or something. I typed in a wrong password, like a thousand times.”, explained the blond with an apologetic smile, trying to play it cool with a wag of his hand.

“Oh, ye- yes I- I should take a look then.”, Ienzo stammered, nodding his head and trying to hide his puffy eyes.

“Mhm hm.”, Demyx nodded.

Lea nibbled at his bottom lip for a while, before turning around to look at the blond musician, “Hey Demyx.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you do me a favour?”, Lea asked, a soft smile on his lips.

“Depends on the favour.”

“Give Ienzo a hug every now and then.”, Lea exchanged a quick look with the scientist in question, whose nose was slowly taking on a light pink colour.

“That all?”, Demyx cocked his head, green eyes narrowed questioningly.

“Yeah.”

“Okay!”

And the blond did what he was told for once in his life.

Lea left them like this, Demyx clinging to Ienzo like a leech and the scientist with a dumbstruck expression on his face. And it looked like they were going to be just fine.

When evening came, Lea and the two kids packed their belongings, before bidding Ienzo and the rest of the castle crew goodbye, thanking them over and over again. Ienzo insisted on one last quick check-up, before they finally left the castle of Radiant Garden in the light of the advancing evening.

They sat down on the set of stairs in front of the castle, watching the sun set in the clear, crimson sky as they waited for their friends to arrive. The sign never failed to mesmerize the trio, no matter the world they were in, no matter their surroundings. In these moments, it was just the three of them and a secret hideout they could always find shelter in, even without the taste of sea salt ice cream on their tongues. Though Lea had to admit that he was graving some of it right now. He’d gone too long without it.

“You think they have ice cream in the Land of Departure?”, he wondered out loud, causing Xion to snort and shake her head at him.

“I hope so!”, Roxas grinned and closed his eyes, “Mhm, how big do you think the kitchen is in the castle?”

“Enormous.”, Lea closed his eyes with a dreamy sign, “Bigger than our apartment for sure.”

“Dorks…”, Xion leaned forward to look at the two of them, “You can’t even cook.”

“Excuse you?”, Lea overdramatically clutched his chest.

“Lea, making frozen pizza does not count as cooking.”

“I told you a whole story about pancakes, remember?”, Lea arched his eyebrow.

“Yeah and without Isa you would have burned the kitchen down.”

“Young lady!”

The two kids burst out in a fit of laughter at the excessive look of outrage on Lea’s face. Not a second later, he joined in, clear and loud. A pleasant warmth streaked through his body and his blood was rushing in his veins as he heard just how real and genuine it sounded. It was almost unexpected.

They joked around for a little while longer until Xion stopped, her eyes fixed on something the other two couldn’t see just yet. She pointed her finger at the sky and her lips curved into an excited smile.

“There they are!”

And she was right. In the distance, Lea spotted a quick flash of light, like a star blinking in the night sky. Then a second and a third one. And the next thing he knew, Aqua, Terra and Ven were jumping off their gliders before them in full, shining keyblade armour. Like knights in a children’s book. It was quite the spectacular sign. He might even call it _majestic_. A bizarre thought? Maybe. But Lea was once again reminded just how remarkable the three of them were and how highly he thought of them only by the way they were standing in front of him; steadfast and confident. Things he’d always wanted to be.

“Hey, guys!”, Roxas and Xion rushed toward the other trio in excitement with bright eyes and wide smiles. Lea followed suit.

“Nice to see you!” “Yeah, you look so cool.”

Aqua chuckled at their astonishment, before exchanging a telling glance with Terra next to her. Then she looked at Lea and bowed her head to greet him. The redhead took a step closer, absentmindedly fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. 

“Thank you for coming.”, he said, nodding his head repeatedly without really knowing why, “You really- I mean- You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

“It’s our duty.”, Aqua said, her voice warm and welcoming, “We help wherever we can.”

They chatted for a while, catching up a little, the teens telling each other funny stories, before Aqua decided it was time to return to the Land of Departure.

“There’s no time to waste.”, she said.

“Right…”, Terra nodded and with a flick of his hand, he summoned a belt and two pauldrons to his hand, “We better get you in armour.”

Lea could only stare, not sure what to say to this. Even the kids had gone quiet next to him.

Terra only chuckled at their dumbstruck faces, “Aqua told you, didn’t she?”, he took a step forward to carefully close the belt around Lea’s waist. It was way too loose, slipping down until it was awkwardly hanging over Lea’s skinny hips. The redhead pressed his lips together and remained unmoving as he watched Terra fix the pauldrons to Roxas and Xion’s shoulders.

“These are old ones.”, Aqua explained, “The one you’re wearing belonged to our Master a long time ago, back when Terra and I were kids.”

Lea opened his mouth, but closed it again. He was wearing their Master’s old keyblade armour? Just like that? As if it was no big deal? As if this wasn’t the most uncomfortable situation he’d ever been in?

“And the other two used to be ours when we were your age.”, she turned to Roxas and Xion as she continued, “They won’t fit perfectly-“, she eyed the belt around Lea’s hip, “- but for the ride they will suffice. Then we will make you your own.”

“Xion you’ll fly with Ven.”, Terra tilted his head in the boy’s direction, “Roxas you’ll join me and Aqua will take Lea with her.”

“Are you ready to-…?”

But Xion and Roxas had already activated their armour and were now clumsily wobbling over to their assigned flying partners. Lea bit his lip and snorted, before pressing the button on his own belt, a sudden flash of light making him squeeze his eyes shut.

And as he was standing there, clad in the heavy, but surprisingly comfortable armour, he really did feel kind of close to what a hero could be.

* * *

The journey through the Lanes Between was a rather short one, it appeared almost like a dream to him. Lea couldn’t really see too much behind the pesky (but very necessary) helmet he was wearing and the utter speed with which Master Aqua was manoeuvring her way past and trough the different worlds and stars wasn’t helping in this case. He held his head in awkward positions and most of the time, he didn’t know where to put his feet, but he couldn’t deny that it was a lot of fun, each twist and turn shooting through his whole body, each little glimpse of a different world more fascinating than the next. All of it causing his heart to beat in a turbulent rhythm.

When they arrived in the Land of Departure and Lea set his feet down on solid ground, he feared that his legs would give in for a second. He tried his very best not to let it show, but he was just as successful as any drunk person trying to deny their unmistakable state of _not able to walk_. He acknowledged Xion’s giggle behind his back.

Ven, Roxas and Xion dashed ahead, immerged in a lively argument about whatever teens thought to be important to talk about. Terra and Aqua were strolling next to the redhead. They too were chatting with each other, probably assuming that Lea was part of the conversation. But their words blurred into a mess in his ears. As he watched the kids in front of him, he could sense a strangely familiar feeling arising in his chest. A longing for something he couldn’t have. A desire for days that were long gone.

He shook his head, just when Terra’s clear voice found its way through the fog in his mind: “What do you think, Lea?”

“Huh, what?”, Lea bit his lip.

“Do you think we should start with the armour today?”, Terra repeated, “Or should we do it tomorrow.”

Lea blinked a few times, “I think you should decide.”

“I say we do it tomorrow and just talk tonight.”, Aqua closed her eyes and nodded.

“Sounds good.”, Lea mumbled.

Talk. Yes, there were quite some things to talk about. Lea remembered what Aqua had already told him and his heart stopped for a split second as he recalled her words.

It was searching for him. _He_ was searching for him. Was it true? Under all that pain, under the hardened iron skin, after all these years and years of feasting on the darkness in human hearts, was there really something else inside that heartless? Was _he_ underneath it all? Was it his voice inside Lea’s head? All this time. Begging him to rescue the soul that had gone lost so long ago. Terra had seen it. It had to be real.

And it took Lea a moment, before he realized. _Terra had seen it._

“Terra.”

“Yes, Lea?”

“Can I ask you something?”, Lea stopped midway up the stairs to the castle, his eyes staring at his feet.

“Of course, what is it?”, Terra asked.

“You saw the heartless-“, Lea gulped, “-and you saw what it looked like?”

“Yes.”

“How-…?”, why was it always so hard for Lea to find the right words when talking about this?

Terra and Aqua both looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue.

“Did it resemble anything?”, he didn’t know why he chose this question to ask in particular.

“What do you mean?”, Terra crossed his arms.

Aqua noticed just how uncomfortable Lea was and stepped in quickly to help him out: “What would you say it looked like? More like an animal, or a person or something else entirely?”

“Oh.”, Terra tapped his chin with his index, curling his lip as he repainted the creature in his mind, “Well, if you ask me I’d say it looked kind of like a snake to me.”, he nodded his head, “Yes, definitely a snake…”

_A snake. A snake?_

“I see...”

* * *

“A snake you say?”, Xion bit her lip as she processed this new information.

It was only the three of them again, sitting on a window seat and watching the star speckled night sky.

They’d had a long and exhausting talk over dinner with the other three keyblade wielders. Mostly about their plans for the next few days, reports they’d achieved on the occurrences in Radiant Garden and the heartless situation all around the worlds. But along with the progression of the night, the conversation had grown lighter. Around midnight, Aqua had accompanied Lea and the kids to their room (which was probably ten times the size of Lea’s current bedroom) , promising to wake them tomorrow morning for breakfast, before bidding them goodnight.

“A snake.”, Lea nodded. He was toying with the handle of the window next to him, opening and closing it in a steady rhythm.

Xion shrugged, “Does it make sense to you?”

“Don’t know...”, Lea placed his head down on his right knee, “I just don’t know.”

_Is it you? Is it really you out there, Isa?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theories? Anyone? Well, we'll see what's up in the next present time chapter! Prepare for tooth-hurting fluff in the next one...  
> Have a wonderful day, stay safe and drink your water everyone <3


	10. red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea recalls his very personal calm before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey again! Here is the next chapter! I promised fluff and it's what you will get (at first, because i love the angst too much to fully ignore it)  
> Also just a sidenote. I try to stick to canon (or what information we are given) but i can also see myself doing whatever the hell i want so idk just try and roll with it lol  
> Enjoy!

Lea was waiting. His eyes were fixed on the string lights above his head, illuminating the old barn in their warm and welcoming glow. Some bulbs were weaker than others, some had given up already, some were flickering. He could hear people complain about it, but he didn’t mind. To him it was a strangely comforting feeling, almost like coming home.

The soft chatter of the many people surrounding him blurred into a calming hum in his ears. The open fire was crackling, giving off heat along with the bodies of the countless guests hustling past each other. A mess of faces and names. At times, a familiar presence stood out, acknowledging Lea with a smile and quick comment about how tall he’d grown. All he did was smile back and nod, even when he had no idea who he was talking to or why they knew him. All while the small school band was raising a mellow song in the background.

New Year’s Eve had always been a huge event in the City of Light. The people would come together to celebrate new beginnings, dance, eat, drink and laugh. Like people did.

Lea stretched his sore muscles and yawned. His legs were still a bit shaky and his body felt slightly numb from all the days he’d spent in bed with a nasty fever. He remembered his parents completely freaking out about it, though it really hadn’t been so bad.

 _“I don’t even feel sick”_ , he had insisted, when his dad had touched his forehead and withdrawn his hand as if he’d been burned.

_“Your brow is on fire, Lea!”_

The redhead rolled his eyes. Parents, right? Always making everything ten times more dramatic. Weirdly enough though, Isa’s reaction had been the exact same. The shock in his blue eyes, the horror written all over his face; all very real. Lea blew a raspberry as he shook the thoughts off. It didn’t matter anyway.

What mattered was that Isa was late. Which had him worried, because it was very unlike his best friend to not be on time. Usually, it would be the other way around. The redhead tried to assure himself that there was nothing to worry about, but he couldn’t help but feel on edge. His hands started fidgeting and he nibbled at his bottom lip. His mind started racing along with his heart.

And as Lea was starting to blame himself ( _Maybe I said something wrong? Did I scare him off?_ ), the winged entrance door opened with a creak and three people entered the barn. It was the blue haired teen alongside his parents, all of them looking quite chilled. An elderly woman with red cheeks and a wrinkly face greeted them and they were immediately engaged in a friendly conversation. Isa didn’t even know the lady’s name, but seeing that his mothers knew her somehow, he too pretended to know exactly who she was. _Pretend_ being the keyword. He was only listening with half an ear. Instead he was looking around, scanning the crowd and hoping to spot that familiar fiery red hair in the sea of people. And when he finally found what he’d been looking for, he tapped his Ma on the shoulder and tilted his head in his best friend’s direction, before scurrying over to were the redhead was sitting.

Lea spotted the head of blue hair immediately and jumped off the bench with a bright smile. His cheeks heated up and his heart turned a quick cartwheel. Isa waved at him and squeezed his way through the crowd. He was forced to dodge several elbows and hands, but in the end, he was standing in front of his best friend with a grin and a warm glimmer in his eyes.

“What took you so long?”, Lea asked, playfully rolling his sharp green eyes.

“Sorry-“, Isa ran his fingers through his hair, “-the headache’s gotten so bad, I had to lay down and take my medicine.”

Lea’s brows drew together in concern and he took a step closer to look his best friend in the eyes, “Really? Are you better now? You should rest if you’re feeling under the weather.”

Isa shook his head dismissively, “Nonsense, I’m fine.”, he paused for a second, “What about you? Are you feeling alright?”

“I told you, it’s nothing.”, Lea sighed, “You were all being so dramatic…”

“You were literally on fire.”

“I’m always on fire.”

“You did not just say that.”, Isa shook his head at his best friend, before both of them erupted in a fit of laughter.

The two boys sat down on the bench and watched the knot of people laugh and dance and have a good time. Lea spotted his parents catching up with Isa’s and felt a quiet contentment spreading though his veins. This was nice. Yes, it was loud and crowded and the stifling air made it hard to breathe at some point, but the redhead didn’t care. Isa was here now, so there was nothing to complain about.

Lea got them two steaming cups of cinnamon apple tea from the counter and they started talking about the stupidest things, played _I spy with my little eye_ and came up with funny voice-overs for several awkward-looking conversations across the room.

And something was different.

Because Lea tried his best not to stare at the tip of Isa’s nose, tinged in the softest shade of pink from being in the cold for too long. He tried not to drown in the endless blue colour of these pretty eyes. And most importantly, he told himself that this tingle in his stomach was a totally normal thing to feel around your best friend. He’d felt this before, right? All the time. Yeah, all the time.

Time flew by as they talked and laughed, just sitting on the bench together. But then the music changed. The somewhat moderate tune was replaced by a brisk song accompanied by energetic drums and violins. Lea found himself tapping his foot to the beat, humming along as the blood rushed straight to his cheeks.

“Mhm, I like that song.”, Isa remarked with a shy smile on his lips.

Lea nodded his head, his fingers now tapping along with his foot. He watched delightedly as couples dragged each other to their feet to dance, older people making way for the younger, now starting to occupy the large free area in the middle of the barn. He bit his lip.

“Hey Isa?”

“What?”

“Dance with me?”, and he jumped up from the bench, holding out his hand for Isa to take. His heart was drumming along to the beat of the music.

A soft red blush spread all over Isa’s nose and cheeks as he stared up at his best friend’s hand. His eyes were torn wide open; the music loud and fast in his ears. He hesitated. But when he allowed himself to look into Lea’s emerald eyes and saw them gleaming like the actual sun, all he could do was smile and take his warm hand into his.

Lea led his best friend to the middle of the barn, his steps feathered by the excitement flowing through his whole body. And when they started dancing, the world was nothing but the rhythm of the song, their beating hearts, their heaving chests and breathless laughter, the spot where their palms were touching in fireworks. The room around them blurred into a mess of warm colours, as they spun around each other. Their dance was fast and effortless; their bodies moving like they’d done this a thousand times before. No steps to remember, no end and no beginning.

Lea felt a burst of joy in his entire body at the sound of Isa’s delighted chuckle as he twirled him. And there was nothing else around him. Only the blue of Isa’s eyes and that smile on his face. Lea felt ridiculously hot in his shirt and sweat was glistering on both their foreheads but they couldn’t care less. Because everything felt so right like this. It made so much sense.

And if it weren't for the purple tattoos on his cheeks, the boy would have spilled tears of happiness. He would have cried at their fingers intertwining and at the way Isa was biting his bottom lip.

The song changed, but the two boys kept dancing like this. One song, two songs and halfway through a third one, until their lungs were burning and their heart racing.

And they stopped in an embrace. Lea was clinging to Isa, both breathing heavily, laughing in each other’s ear as they swayed softly. Adrenaline was pumping through Lea veins as he placed his head down on his best friend’s shoulder. The redhead’s fingers were digging into the back of Isa’s jacket. He could smell his hair. And feel his heartbeat; the heat of his body.

“Lea.”, Isa’s voice was close to his ear.

“Yeah?”

“People are looking at us.”

“Yeah.”

“Why are they looking at us?”

Lea hummed softly, “They’re impressed by your dance moves.”

“I doubt it.”, Isa shuffled impossibly close, trying to hide from the crowd around them.

“True.“, Lea snorted, “They are staring at me cause they’re too shy to ask for an autograph.”

“I doubt that even more.”, Isa chuckled.

“Jerk…”

Isa huffed a laugh into his best friend’s ear.

And Lea asked himself what had changed; what was different. The way Isa’s voice sounded in his ears, the way his eyes looked back at him. His heartbeat, smell and laugh. Every word and every movement of his body. Everything was so familiar, yet it was like he was discovering it all anew. But why? Why was his heart beating so fast? Why was it so hard not to think about Isa? Why was he constantly searching for him in the room?

And why was he thinking about all this right now?

Isa tore him out of his thought again, “Can we go outside? I’m literally melting.”

Lea nodded his head as he loosened his grip around his friend’s middle somewhat reluctantly.

They smiled at each other, before trying to fight their way through the crowd to reach the winged door. On their way, they ran into Isa’s Mom. She gestured over to the table where Isa’s Ma and Lea’s parents were sitting together, informing them that the countdown would start in about ten minutes and that the two should join them. But Isa and Lea insisted on going outside to get some fresh air and she knew there was no way to change their minds.

Isa closed his jacket as they stepped into the cold of the night. Countless little snowflakes were drifting through the air in perfect silence, settling in their hair and clothes. Lea tried to catch some with his tongue, making Isa chuckled into his collar. The light of the streetlamps was reflecting off the wet paving stones of the empty streets. They were all alone, living the calm before the storm.

The two boys walked a bit side by side, their arms brushing against each other. The laughter and chatter were dying down as they moved away from the barn, leaving footprints in the snow. They didn’t speak, afraid to interrupt the calming silence.

After a couple of minutes, Isa finally came to halt right underneath the pale light of one of the many street lamps. Lea turned around and cocked his head at the sight of his best friend staring at the floor in front of his feet.

“Isa?”

The blue haired looked up, nose even pinker now. Lea tried to ignore his heart somersaulting.

“It’s almost midnight.”, said Isa, smiling softly.

“I guess it is, huh?”, Lea bit his lip as he took a few steps forward to stand eye to eye with his best friend.

Isa rubbed his hands together in an attempt to keep them warm, “Should have brought gloves…”

“Here.”, Lea took one step closer and gently closed his own warm hands around Isa’s. And to him, it seemed like sparks were erupting from where their skin was touching.

Why? They’ve touched a thousand times before. Nothing had ever happened.

“Why are you so warm?”, Isa wondered, shaking his snow-flake crowned head with a smile, “You’re not even wearing a jacket. Are you really sure the fever’s gone?”

Lea rolled his eyes, “I told you, I’m fine.”

“Okay, just want to be sure.”, Isa pressed his lips together as he stared down to were Lea’s hands were holding his.

“Hey, Lea?”

“Yeah?”

“Our New Year’s resolution is still set, right?”

“Yes, of course it is.”, Lea nodded his head, “Do you- I mean, are you still up for it?”

“Definitely.”, Isa looked up to meet the redhead’s gaze, a determined glint in his ~~beautiful~~ blue eyes.

Yes. They would find her. They could still _save_ her. Even after what had happened. It was what they both wanted with all their hearts. Lea remembered the night so clearly, not long after Isa had given him the upside-down tears. The night in which their friend from the castle had disappeared without a trace. They’d found her cell empty, like she had never even existed. They’d returned night after night, but in vain. There was nothing but darkness once more.

They’d started to question if it had all just been a dream. Maybe this poor girl veiled in shadow, trapped in the terrifying dungeons of the castle had been nothing but the imagination of two young teenage boys. Boys who were obsessed with myths, ghost stories and conspiracy theories. Maybe, they’d had only painted the story they’d wanted to be a part of.

No. Lea knew better. What he’d felt; what they’d seen and heard had been real. More real than anything else he could think of.

So, it was time for a new plan. A new plan that would change everything. They would find out what happened to the girl. One way or another. Soon they would have the answers. Soon, they’d know.

Once they were apprentices to Ansem the Wise.

“We’ll find her again.”, Lea whispered, “I promise.”

Isa nodded his head, still holding his best friend prisoner in his gaze. Lea tightened his fingers around Isa’s hand, squeezing it softly. Visible puffs of breath rose up to the streetlight above their heads, melting together on the way. They were standing close. Very close. So close that Lea was able to distinguish every single one of Isa’s eyelashes.

The countdown had begun. The people inside the barn were probably chanting right now with their arms draped over each other’s shoulders and glasses of champagne in their hands. But the boys didn’t hear any of it. The only sound was the rapid beating of their hearts.

Lea could feel the tip of Isa’s nose brush against his. Ice cold against his skin. In contrast to what he saw in these turquoise eyes. Familiar warmth. A thousand summer days spent side by side. Stories of the sun and the moon. He could smell his hair again. The scent of lavender, delicate and sweet. 

_Three…_

_Two…_

_One…_

“Isa.”, it was nothing but a whisper. A plead.

“Yes.”, Lea could have sobbed at the feeling of Isa’s warm breath on his upper lip. He could almost taste the cinnamon.

“Happy Birthday.”

“Thanks.”

“And New Year.”

“Yeah.”

“Mhm.”

_Closer. Closer._

_Warm._

Until the fireworks exploded in a burst of colours.

* * *

“WHAT?”

“Ow, Xion what the-?”, Roxas hissed, “Right in my ear.”

But the raven-haired didn’t care one bit. She sat bolt-upright in her bed next to Roxas, staring at the redhead in the bed next to them. He was lying above the blanket with his hands behind his head, the scene of his story crystal clear before his eyes.

“You two _kissed_?”

“Stop screaming…”, Roxas nudged the girl in the shoulder. He rolled his eyes at her, but couldn’t hide that he was smiling.

“I don’t know Xion, did we?”, Lea rolled his head to the side and raised his eyebrows, a smug smile on his lips.

“Well, tell us!”, the girl demanded, eyes wide and looking at Lea in burning anticipation.

“Well you kinda threw me off now.”, Lea sighed overdramatically, “I can’t seem to remember…”

“LEA!”, she growled, before jumping off the bed and right onto Lea’s stomach, causing him to groan at the weight, “Tell us, c’mon!”

“Can’t. breathe.”, he wheezed and tried to push the girl off his body, “Please.”

“Promise!”, she didn’t move, “Promise you’ll tell us right now.”

“He’s not gonna tell you, Xion.”, Roxas smirked, watching his friend trying his very best to wrestle Xion off his bed.

“Shut up!”

“Get off me!”

“You kissed!”

“You’re killing me!”

“Just say it!”

“Never!”

“You were just going to!”

“Oh, really?”

They went back and forth for quite some time, until Xion had enough and climbed back onto her own bed with a pout.

“You suck…”

“Love you too.”

She turned her back on him, but the redhead heard her giggle.

“You’re so weird.”, Roxas smiled, as Lea turned off the little light on his night stand.

The redhead slipped under the covers and turned to his side. He heard a rustle next to him as the kids did the same. And after a little while, Xion spoke up again, more serious this time.

“So, did you do it then?”

“What?”

“Did you apprentice to Ansem?”

Lea bit his lip, before nodding his head, mumbling “Yeah.”

Xion didn’t ask any more questions. The rest of the story was suddenly painfully clear to her. And she didn’t want to hear more from him.

It was better not knowing, Lea thought. He shouldn’t tell them. Not yet anyway.

Oh, how he wished he could just forget. Erase. Go back and stop these two silly boys. But he would never forget. Never.

And his dreams this night were full of memories he’d swallowed down too long ago. His mind drifted off to the day he and Isa stood before the castle gates. Not to sneak in unnoticed, not to break the rules and get caught and thrown down the stairs by the castle guards once again. Not anymore. No, only to become Ansem the Wise’s newest apprentices. The day they felt so small and so powerless. Their heads bowed, wordlessly asking for humble forgiveness, when it wasn’t at all what they were striving towards. It had felt embarrassing, almost like waving a white flag. Ridiculous.

And once they had been invited to an actual audience with the sage-king himself, once they’d been eyed and questioned, once Isa had recited the lines they’d prepared to win their trust…

* * *

“Well, this thing is way too big.”, Lea pouted his lip as he lifted his arms. The sleeves of the white coat he was wearing were way too long, covering his hands and hanging down like heavy weights. The redhead was very skinny to begin with and this coat was definitely not made for someone his age and height.

“Yeah, mine too.”, Isa was just fixing the purple ascet around his neck, looking quite uncomfortable, as if it was about to choke him.

The clothes didn’t fit. Neither of them. They felt wrong, too big, too tight. As if they were not meant to wear them. And the two caught themselves tugging at the fabric more than once during the course of the day.

“Why do we have to wear _this?”_ , Lea gestured down his body, “It’s not like we’re here to be qualified scientist...”

Not at all. They had no interest in any of _that._ Their only goal was to figure out what happened to their friend and what these people were planning to do with all the other poor souls down in the dungeon just underneath their feet, now as before.

“Don’t ask me.”, Isa shrugged his shoulders, “To fit in, maybe?”

“Urgh…”, the redhead rolled up his sleeves, “What are we even supposed to do here?”

“Clean up messes and keep our mouths shut until they find a better use for us.”, Isa said dryly.

Lea swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. _A better use_ sounded so unnecessarily harsh, even though he knew Isa was probably right. He was always right.

“I have a weird feeling about this.”, Lea mumbled and plopped down on a brittle wooden chair in the corner of the small room they were sent in to change.

“Me too, but remember what we’re here for.”

“Yeah, I know.”, Lea pulled one leg up to his chest, “But where do we even start? How are we supposed to do this? I doubt the others are just going to let us sniff around. They’ll be keeping their eyes on us.”

“Yes.”, Isa nodded, “This is why we have to keep playing our part until they trust us enough to show us everything themselves.”

“And how long is that gonna take, huh?”, Lea raised his eyebrows at the blue haired.

“I don’t know-“, Isa walked over to sit on the chair next to Lea’s, -“but it’s our only chance. If they catch us acting suspicious around her, we are going to get in serious trouble.”

Lea kept quiet for a while and averted his eyes. Serious trouble. The only kind of trouble he knew. Well, at least he’d thought so. But now, he was growing more and more aware of the fact that detention and _possibly getting thrown into the castle dungeons and maybe getting experimented on or some kind of scary shit like this_ wasn’t quite the same level of serious trouble.

His mind went racing, just when he sensed something warm touch to back of his hand. When he turned his head, he saw that Isa was looking at him through sharp eyes, holding the redhead right where he wanted him.

“It’s going to be fine.”, said the blue haired, gently running his thumb over Lea’s skin, “As long as we stick together.”

You and me.

Lea nodded his head, almost against his will, mesmerized by the play of colours and the vigour behind Isa’s gaze, “Always.”

_The calm before the storm._

A knock on the door made their hearts skip a beat and Isa winced and withdrew his hand in shock.

“Ey, you two! Are you ready now or what?”

That voice.

“The Master doesn’t have all day, y’know?”

Lea suppressed a shiver as it occurred to him. It was almost like a slap across the face. He could feel Isa tense next to him. He’d recognized the voice too. Gruff. Mocking.

_May your heart me your guiding key._

It was the very same voice that had spoken to their friend the night before she disappeared. The sound caused his skin to turn ice cold. The very same cold he’d felt that night. And for a moment he couldn’t move or speak. Isa was the one who responded.

“We’re coming.”

“Sure hope so…”, said the man impatiently. 

Lea and Isa exchange a glance, before giving each other a brief nod as encouragement. The blue haired bit his lip, before slowly turning the handle of the door.

And then he was standing right in front of them.

The tall man behind the door looked down at the two of them through one sharp gold eye. The other was covered by a black eyepatch. He was dressed in that very familiar guard’s uniform and his dark, shoulder length hair was slicked back, revealing every detail of his face, including a jagged scar running across his left cheek and a crooked smile on his face that appeared like a bad omen.

“There you are.”, the man crossed his arms in front of his chest and rolled his eye, “Took you long enough.”

Lea didn’t answer. He was frozen in place, staring at the man’s face. The voice echoing in his ear again and again. Something started to boil up in his stomach. Confusion, rage, sadness, shock. He couldn’t tell. There was too much at once.

He balled his hand into a tight fist.

“Sorry.”, Isa tried his best to sound unbothered, “We were just-…”

“Never mind.”, the man interrupted and smirked even wider, though it was by no means inviting, “Follow me.”

And without another word, he turned around and lead the way through the corridor. The two boys followed, forced to take long steps to keep up. Isa turned his head to look at Lea, who was staring deep holes into the back of the man’s skull, as if he wanted to read his thoughts and figure out what he’d done to their friend; why he’d said these strange words and what they meant.

Isa noticed his stares and balled fist and slowly closed his hand around his best friend’s wrist. And Lea knew exactly what he wanted to tell him.

“Braig!”

Another voice called out the unfamiliar name from the other end of the corridor and Lea was certain he’d heard it before.

“Braig!”, they called again.

The guard in front of them, Braig apparently, turned on his heels and gestured with his hand, indicating the man to continue. Lea and Isa came to a halt and turned their heads to catch a glimpse of who was calling.

It was that blond scientist, dressed in the very same lab coat as Isa. The two boys had seen him many times before, but couldn’t remember ever hearing someone mention his name.

“What is it now, Even?”, Braig sighed.

“Xehanort has requested your presence.”, the scientist explained and eyed the two boys in the oversized lab coats for a moment. There was a strange flicker in his eyes that Lea couldn’t place, “You should go to him immediately, it is quite urgent.”

 _Xehanort._ There was another name Lea had never heard before.

“And what about our two rookies, here?”, Braig stepped forward and gave Isa a slap on the back. Lea felt his heart burning with rage at the sight of the smug smirk on the man’s face and the slight shock in his best friend’s eyes.

“He said to bring the boys.”

Braig raised his eyebrows, “Oh, really?”

“Yes.”, Even seemed mildly irritated, “Now off you go.”

“Change of plans, kiddos.”, Braig shrugged his shoulders, before leading them in the other direction.

Lea and Isa exchanged one last desperate glance, before lowering their heads for the rest of the way, a thousand unspoken words between them.

Lea remembered that the white marble was colder that day. The hallways were even more narrow and the ceiling seemed to push down on him. He didn’t know if it was just a funny feeling, or if it was a warning cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so SO...i know that's a mean cut, but just...just wait for it  
> oh and the next chapter...ah yes the next chapter...wait what did i want to say?


	11. green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The six keyblade heroes have to face the darkness sooner than expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everybody, i am baaaack! This chapter took a tiny bit more time because it's longer than usual! To be honest, i had a lot of difficulties with this one ( and several crises ), so i'd really appreciate the feedback here! I just hope you like it, because let me tell you, shit is about to go down and PLOT will happen. Put on some good music and enjoy!

“Stay still!”

“I didn’t move.”

“Yes, you did and if you want this to work out you have to stop.”

Lea pouted his lip at the somewhat harsh command, watching intently as Aqua fixed some loose bits and pieces of armour around his chest and torso to check if adjustments were still necessary after taking the measurements. He’d been standing still with his arms up for what felt like an hour, if not more and his limbs were growing heavy.

“Keep your arms up.”, the Master said, as if she’d read his mind, “You’ve been fighting with your chakrams for years and your arms are still so scrawny?”

“Who are you calling scrawny?”

Lea knew she didn’t mean these comments in a serious or nasty way, but rather as a tease. The smirk on her face confirmed this, but that didn’t stop the redhead from acting offended.

“At least I don’t-“, he eyed Aqua for a second, trying to come up with a good comeback. The second turned into two seconds and then three and then the break became awkward real fast.

“What?”, the blue haired grinned with raised eyebrows as she fixed a smaller chest plate around his body.

“Well, I don’t-…”

“Give it up, Lea.”, Xion chuckled next to him. He turned his head to look at her standing with her left arm extended to the side, so that Terra could adjust the vambrace and gauntlet.

“Could you at least pretend to be on my side?”, Lea grumbled.

“Where’s the fun in this?”, Roxas, who was waiting for Ven to return with a fitting shoulder piece, gave Lea a satisfied smirk.

“That’s it. No more ice cream for you two.”

Xion gasped, clutching her chest with her free hand, “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, watch me.”

“It’s not like we can’t buy our own.”

“It’s surprisingly easy to earn munny in Twilight Town.”, Roxas raised his eyebrows as he thought about it, “Put some posters up and you’ve earned yourself a stack of ice cream.”

Xion laughed and it didn’t take long for Lea to join in. Aqua and Terra exchanged a slightly confused glance, but couldn’t help but burst into a fit of giggles shortly after.

“What’s so funny?”, Ven hurried back, shoulder pieces in hand, “What did I miss?”

“Nothing, they are being mean to me.”

“And I missed it?”

Lea shook his head, “Unbelievable…”

And once again, the five of them laughed at the playful pout on the redhead’s lips.

It took them another hour, before they were done with the necessary fitting and measuring. Now, all they had to do was actually put the armour together. _They_ in this case being Aqua, Terra and Ven, since the other three had no idea about forging.

“It should be done in about two days.”, Aqua said, as she scanned the sheets of paper in her hands, containing several notes and remarks.

_Two whole days?_

Lea stopped himself just in time, before he could burst out with it. He should just be thankful to be given this opportunity in the first place and yet he found himself frustrated. Isa was out there and he couldn’t do anything. Were they just going to sit around and do nothing? He hated himself for thinking this way. Aqua, Terra and Ventus had their own worries and problems to deal with, probably bigger ones than he could ever imagine.

“Thank you.”, he finally said and managed a little smile.

Aqua eyed his expression for one second and caught on immediately, “I know it’s hard for you, Lea, but we need the time.”

Lea felt exposed on the spot and his cheeks turned red as he lowered his head, “I know, I know, of course…”

“Until then, we could train some more.”, Aqua suggested, “You know, to get you back on your feet. I bet you could use the practice after such a long time.”

Lea rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah, I guess.”

“You two can join too, of course.”, Terra added and nodded his head to Roxas and Xion.

“I’d love to!”

“Yeah, my magic could really use some practice.”

“Oh, yes!”, Xion’s eyes began to glint in excitement, “You could teach me how to use _sleep_!”

“And _reflect_!”

“Maybe _gravity_ too?”

“Take it easy, you two.”, Lea ruffled Xion’s hair, smiling in amusement, “I think you should let Master Aqua decide.”

“If you’re willing to learn, then I am willing to teach.”, the blue-haired smiled proudly.

“See?”, Roxas nudged the redhead in the side.

“We can start today, if you want to.”, Aqua suggested, before turning to look at Terra and Ven, “Right?”

“Sure!”

“Yeah!”

Lea nodded his head.

Yes. It was time to get back on his feet again. He wouldn’t waste any more time. He would fly straight to Radiant Garden and face that heartless the moment that keyblade armour was ready to wear and put to use. Until then, he would train and regain all his strength. And nothing would get in his way this time.

The six of them settled to have lunch, before leaving for the training grounds outside the castle. Though, on their way, Aqua received a vital call for help coming from the citizens of a world unknown to Lea. Some big city apparently? Lea was vaguely able to recall Sora talking about a world like that. The Master had to leave immediately, alongside Ven as backup. Terra decided to stay with the other three and teach them some effective melee attacks.

During their training, Lea noticed just how rusty his movements had become. Fighting with a keyblade was, to this day, something new to him. Even though he’d been using it for quite some time. But especially now that he was training next to three exceptionally strong keyblade wielders, he felt small and inept. And for the majority of the time, he caught himself switching to his chakrams instead of using the sword. But when Terra interrupted their friendly sparring to teach them some of his favourite short-range attacks, the redhead was forced to switch to the keyblade again.

It felt awkward in his hands. He wasn’t holding it nearly as securely as his chakrams and most of the time, he felt almost defenceless. It was discouraging. Like the world was telling him that he wasn’t even supposed to wield a keyblade. And he wasn’t sure what to learn from this. His brain went to the extreme really fast. Like, maybe he should just give it up and not use it anymore. Stop playing as a guardian of light. It’s what Xemnas had said.

_Still you think you can play as a guardian of light._

_Knocked from the board early in the game._

He failed, right? He failed at fighting Xemnas and protecting his friend. He failed at retrieving Isa. He failed at being a good keyblade wielder and guardian of light. It shouldn’t be so difficult. Sora was managing this every day like it was nothing; fighting huge masses of heartless (way more than Lea had faced) and all that stuff that heroes do. And he was just a kid. Lea wasn’t.

_What’s wrong with me?_

His breath quickened.

It didn’t take long for Roxas to notice his best friend’s unsecure stance and downcast, almost slightly panicked expression. The boy exchanged a worried glance with Xion, before dissolving his keyblade in a flash of light and rushing over to were Lea was standing.

“Hey…”, he cocked his head as he peered into the redhead’s face, “You okay there?”

Lea shook his head, blinking in shock at the sudden voice so close to his ear, “Oh, what- yeah…yeah I’m alright.”

“We lost you for a second.”, Xion took a hold of Lea’s sleeve, “You were thinking too much, huh?”

“Kinda…”

“You mean, he was worrying too much.”, Roxas corrected with a sad flicker in his deep blue eyes.

“Yeah…”

“What’s wrong?”, Terra wrinkled his forehead and crossed his arms in front of his chest, “Was it too much? Should we stop, Lea? You have to tell me if you’re not feeling well.”

“No, No I’m fine.”, Lea insisted, shaking his head, “Really, continue.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”, Lea took a deep breath, before quickly changing the subject, “You were just about to show us something, right?”

Terra pressed his lips together for a second, unsure what to do. Lea noticed the man’s eyes dart over to Xion for a second, seeking help. The redhead wasn’t able to see the girl’s reaction, but Terra’s newly found motivation was speaking for itself.

“Alright, yeah!”, he smiled, “I can teach you some of my favourite moves.”

Lea slapped on a smile, but Roxas and Xion noticed just how crooked and forced it looked. Terra didn’t seem to notice and continued with their lesson. Lea was more than fine with it.

For the rest of the day, Terra taught the trio several useful melee attacks, some easier to understand and learn than others. And even though the redhead had some start-up difficulties, he found himself willing and determined to learn everything he could from today’s lesson and give it his best. Xion and Roxas were talking and joking around for the entirety of their training and a warm feeling of comfort washed over Lea as he watched them. It helped him gather some of his thoughts and calm his trembling nerves. Maybe his mind had gone a bit too far earlier.

Aqua and Ven joined them at sunset, demanding to see a demonstration of what the trio had learned today. Roxas and Xion didn’t hesitate, performing all their new abilities with proud smiles on their faces, earning approving applause and loud praise. Lea kept himself in the background, watching his best friends with a pleasant, warm feeling arising in his chest. He was proud of them too; of how far they’d come. Of course, the two had always been outstanding keyblade wielders from the very beginning, but their skills and finesse never failed to mesmerize him. 

They kept on playfighting and showing off, laughing and goofing around together until the sun was completely gone. When they eventually left for dinner, it was long after dusk and the stars were already out.

Lea was watching Roxas, Xion and Ven dash ahead and up the stairs, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head and saw Aqua staring up at him with a careful smile on her lips.

“How are you, Lea?”, she asked and slowed down her steps to let them fall behind.

Not that again.

“I’m fine, thanks.”, he said and shrugged his shoulders.

Aqua seemed to hesitate for a moment, “Are you sure?”

He gave no response. It was quite the tricky question that he was not able to answer truthfully.

“You seemed tense back there.”, she continued gently, “Is there something on your mind?”

He looked at her wordlessly and she added: “Something _else_?”

Lea huffed a bitter laugh at the choice of words. He lost count of the many times people had asked him if he was _okay_ or _what’s wrong._ Most of the time his answer would be a lie. _Yes. Of course. Nothing is wrong_ followed by the other person not believing him. Maybe, for once he could try and be honest. Maybe it was actually _good_ to tell somebody what was really on his mind.

He eyed the Master for a couple of seconds, softly smiling up at him. And he realized that, maybe she was the right person to talk to.

“You know what-“, he sighed, “Yeah, there is a lot on my mind.”

She waited for him to continue.

“I feel like I don’t belong here. Not yet, anyway.”, Lea bit his lip, “All of you are great keyblade wielders, you really deserve to be guardians of light. You know how to handle yourselves and you have your lives figured out and all of that.”

Aqua didn’t say anything. She kept waiting.

“And I-…I am just a fraud. I was never meant to have a keyblade. It feels wrong. And I was also never meant to be a guardian and I sure as hell don’t deserve it. Do you know how many people I hurt? And killed? Do you know what I did? A lot of shit I am not proud of. And- and even now- now that I am recompleted and all that, I am still unable to help and save the one person I love most in this world. And even if I do, what then? I don’t know if he’s still the same. Or if he still feels the same way as I do. And what about the kids? They deserve a better life and I don’t think I can give it to them. How will I manage? I don’t know how to live myself. I’m just a burden, not a hero or anything like this. I want to be good, I want to help them, but I can’t. I just don’t know how and it kills me.”

Lea was breathing heavily. His heart was racing in his chest and he had to stop for a while. Aqua came to a halt next to him. He didn’t turn to look at her, instead he stared at the grass underneath his feet.

“Lea.”, Aqua said eventually, her voice low and soft. She placed her hand on the redhead’s shoulder, “Try to calm your breathing first.”

Lea nodded, trying to find his breath again. In and out, until he could feel the crisp air filling his lungs.

“Don’t ask me if I’m alright, I beg you.”, Lea managed a smirk.

Aqua smiled back at him, “I won’t.”

He nodded.

“But Lea, listen to be.”, the grip on his shoulder tightened, “You’re not a fraud. You are just as much a guardian of light as I am, or Terra or Ven or Sora.”

“But-“

“No.”, she interrupted immediately, “A guardian of light doesn’t have to be the most powerful and undefeated keyblade Master and- believe me, it doesn’t mean that you have to have your life figured out. Do you think I have my life figured out?"

The question caught Lea off guard, so all he could do was shake his head. And he realized. He saw the shadow behind the Master’s eyes. The remaining scars written all over her face. Invisible, but so clearly there. Hurt, sadness, misery, despair. 10 years trapped in the deepest, blackest darkness.

_Like me._

“What matters is what’s in your heart. Right now.”, she said.

_In my heart. Right now._

“And you know what I see in your heart, Lea?”

He shook his head.

“I see courage and strength. I see a person trying his very best to fix the mistakes of the past and shape a new future not just for himself, but especially for the people he cares about. I see selflessness and I see love.”

Lea gulped.

“What I see is light.”

He couldn’t speak. The lump of tears in his throat made it impossible. The sincerity in Aqua’s eyes was holding him there, frozen and unmoving.

She really thought that? Master Aqua?

Aqua grinned, “I mean, there will always be people who think you’re way too loud and cocky, a bit annoying too…”

That knocked the redhead straight of his sentimental trance, “Excuse you?”

“Mhm, don’t worry I promise it’s not one of us.”, she grinned wider.

“Didn’t know you could be so sassy.”, Lea crossed his arms in front of his chest, a smile plastered on his face, “I’m not sure I like it.”

Aqua chuckled into her closed fist, before giving Lea a reassuring nod, “I’m glad you told me all this.”

“Didn’t think I would.”, Lea admitted, shrugging his shoulders, “Thank you- you know- for the pep talk.”

“Sure.”

“You’re pretty great, _Master_.”

“You’re not too bad yourself.”

She smiled again and the two of them made their way back to the castle to catch up with the other four.

And Lea was just able to hear Aqua say, “We’ll get him back.”

* * *

They used the next two days for training and planning. Terra, Ventus and Aqua taught the trio all of their favourite attacks as well as magic and other useful tricks for combat. And even Roxas, Xion and Lea had some things to demonstrate and teach the other three. With every hour, every second, Lea could feel his strength and energy return to him. They always took breaks when he needed them and never pushed him too far. He felt good. He felt right. And at the end of the day, he even found himself proud of his own abilities and accomplishments. Especially after casting the biggest and strongest _Triple Firaga_ Aqua had ever seen.

"I’ve never been able to make it that powerful.”, Aqua gaped, “Well done, Lea!”

“Well, he’s always been kind of a pyromaniac.”, Xion laughed.

Lea didn’t even object.

And finally, by evening of the second day, they gathered together in the throne room, two trios standing face to face. Roxas and Xion could hardly conceal their excitement, their cheeks red and lips forming uncontrollable smiles. Their eyes were fixed on what the other three were presenting:

A vambrace, made out of deep black metal and covered in various delicate engravings, white lines and symbols that Lea couldn’t place from this far away and two pauldrons, one of a soft orange colour fading into a deep red just like the sunset in Twilight Town and the other scarlet red, the metal shiny and polished and the edges shimmering in silver.

They found themselves speechless when Terra, Ventus and Aqua handed them the pieces of their very own keyblade armour. Xion exchanged a glance with Roxas, her eyes huge and full of marvel as Lea ran his finger over the cool metal of his pauldron.

“It should fit perfectly.”, Aqua said and took a step forward to help Lea fix the pauldron on his shoulder.

“Can we try it out right now?”, Roxas, who had already fastened the vambrace around his forearm, turned to grin at Master Aqua.

"I was hoping you’d do that.”, she nodded her head.

“On the count of three?”, Xion’s hand was already hovering over her pauldron, ready to activate the armour.

“One…”, Lea started and Aqua took a step back.

“Two…”, Roxas smiled wider with every breath he took.

“Three…”, Xion hit the pauldron and Lea and Roxas followed.

A sudden flash of white forced them to press their eyes shut and the room was covered in a blinding light for a few seconds. Lea couldn’t quite fathom what was going on, he didn’t even feel the change. He only opened his eyes when he heard Xion’s loud outburst of awe.

“Whoa, look at us!”

Lea turned his head, now heavier from the helmet on his head. His vision had darkened too, the protective visor in front of his eyes was casting a slight shadow over the well-lit throne room. But still, everything was clear and in focus around him, including Xion and Roxas standing next to each other, clad in their own shining keyblade armour. He felt his chest swell with pride at the sight.

Xion’s armour looked like a soft, crimson sunset. The pieces were gleaming in different shades of red and orange, here and there a speck of gold like sunrays sparkling on the ocean’s surface. Roxas’ armour on the other hand was black and silver. Dark and light in perfect balance all over his body. Lea also noticed that the mask in front of his helmet slightly resembled the teeth of his keyblade, Oathkeeper.

“How does it feel?”, Aqua asked with a smile on her lips, watching as the two kids marvelled at the sight of each other.

“Perfect!”, Xion hopped up and down, the armour jangling at the movement, “Just perfect!”

“Yeah.”, Roxas nodded his head, “It feels amazing, right Lea?”

“Ye-yeah…”, Lea looked down at himself.

His armour was gleaming in many different shades of red, which almost made it seem as if a fire was burning deep within the metal. It was embroidered with numerous silver spikes on the elbows and shoulders, just like the ones on his chakrams.

“Lea, look at the helmet!”, Xion, who’d already taken off hers, dashed over to the redhead to tug at his hand.

“Oh, yeah okay…”

Lea slowly took the helmet from his (now very messy) head and turned it around to take a close look. He let out a happy snort as he saw every little detail of the mask, every silver spike and red curve.

“Guys, this is-“

 _Amazing, too much, the best thing I’ve ever seen, I don’t deserve it…_

“Thank you!”, Xion found the right words.

Terra crossed his arms, a satisfied grin on his lips, “Make the best out of it.”

“We will!”, Roxas promised with a confident nod of his head.

“Oh, almost forgot.”, Aqua stepped forward, “I added a little extra for you.”

“What?”, Roxas and Xion burst out in perfect unison.

“I cast a spell on your armour.”, the Master said, “The very same spell I cast on our wayfinders the night before our Mark of Mastery exam.”

She looked at Terra and Ven, an unknown sadness flickering behind the blue of her eyes for a second. She quickly blinked it away and continued, “It’s called a dimension link.”

“A what?”, Roxas cocked his head.

“An unbreakable connection.”, Aqua explained, “A link between you, to share your powers no matter the world you are in.”

“Oh, so that means-“, but Roxas couldn’t finish the sentence. He was interrupted by the loud and sudden cry of the warning bells. Lea’s heart threatened to jump out of his chest.

“What?”, Xion looked around, biting her lip nervously.

“Someone needs our help.”, Aqua gritted her teeth as she said it, spinning around as fast a lighting before dashing off to check who was calling for them. Lea followed her with his gaze until she disappeared, feeling a sudden shiver running down his spine.

Roxas came jogging over to where Xion and Lea were standing, frozen and perplexed.

“Think it’s something big?”, he asked, clutching the helmet under his arm tighter. He nibbled at his bottom lip. 

“I hope not.”, Lea mumbled bitterly.

He looked over to where Terra was whispering something in Ven’s ear. The blond boy gulped, his eyes darting over to the redhead for a second. Lea’s skin tingled and a sudden coldness spread through his veins as he saw the shock in the boy’s face.

He was about to ask questions, when Aqua came sprinting back to their side. He almost dropped the helmet. Breathless, she came to a halt, her whole body tense and her eyes torn wide open.

“What happened?”

“It’s the Restauration Committee.”, she panted.

“What?”, Lea felt his legs start to tremble.

“The heartless…”, she looked the redhead dead in the eyes, her chest heaving up and down, “It’s approaching the city walls. Leon and Yuffie are already on the field, trying to hold it off.”

“What?”, Xion shook her head, “Why?”

“I think you know the answer.”, Aqua kept her eyes on Lea. And there was no doubt in his mind. Isa was there, drawing closer, looking for him.

“We have to-“

“Yes.”, Aqua interrupted and balled her hands to fists, “I was hoping we’d have more time to prepare. You don’t know how to use the gliders yet and you’re still new to the armour-”, she stopped and took a deep breath,”-but if we don’t go now…”

“The Restauration Committee can’t take care of this threat alone.”, Terra growled, “If we want to free the heart, we have to go.”

“Yes.”, Ven nodded his head in determination. He looked up at Terra, whose brows were drawn together. 

“Lea-“, Aqua breathed, “I know you want to fight, but-“

“No.”, he hissed immediately, holding the Master’s piercing gaze, unwavering, “Don’t even try and talk me out of joining you. We’ll be okay, the six of us.”, he turned to Xion and Roxas, “Right?”

“Of course.”

“Yes.”

Aqua let out a sigh, “Then let’s not waste any more time.”

* * *

They arrived just in the nick of time.

The air in the outskirts of Radiant Garden was still and ice cold. There was no rush of wind or water, no sound at all. The sun was out. Black storm clouds were gathering in the sky above, thunder roared, but there was no lighting to warn them of its cries. Lea was able to overlook most of the city and the surrounding area from where they were hovering high in the air. His eyes darted all over the ground, searching. Panic took a hold of him. Where? Where was it? Where was he?

“Over there!”, Terra’s loud voice came from somewhere on their right, “East from the city gates at the edge of the forest!”

“I see it!”, Aqua tightened her grip around the glider and dashed forward. Terra and Ven followed immediately. Lea craned his neck, trying to see what was going on. His heart was pounding and his hands were starting to sweat underneath the gauntlets.

The first thing he saw were flashes of white light. Some weaker than others. Then he saw tiny silhouettes running. They were coming out of the forest. He counted three.

“There’s Leon and the others!”, he shouted, just when one of the figures stopped hard in their tracks, before turning around to face the forest again. As they drew closer, he recognized the person as Yuffie. Right behind her, Leon and Aerith followed her lead.

“Hold on tight!”, Aqua gathered more speed and shot toward the ground were the three members of the Restauration Committee were just readying their weapons.

“Do you see that?”, Xion’s cry reached his ears, “It’s coming out of the forest!”

And Lea saw the thick, black mist seeping out of the woods. He saw the tree tops shaking, the leaves falling from the branches and several shadow heartless creeping out of the haze.

“Lea!”, Aqua turned her head, “Jump on three!”

He nodded his head, eyes still fixed on the cloud of darkness emerging from the forest.

“One.”

He tensed his shoulders.

“Two.”

One deep breath and, “Three!”

He leaped off the glider and landed on his feet with a grunt. He gritted his teeth and summoned Flame Liberator to his hands, before sprinting over to Leon and the others. He was forced to stop however, when several little shadows arose from the ground in front of him.

“I don’t have time for you!”, he growled, taking the heartless out with two precise swings of his keyblade. The air hissed as the weapon cut through it.

“Lea!”, he looked up to see Xion and Roxas waving to him. They were standing next to Leon, along with Terra and Ven. Aqua was nowhere to be seen. He nodded his head and hurried over to join them, hitting two more shadows with a fire spell on his way. 

“You made it!”, Yuffie exclaimed, a fleeting expression of relief on her face.

“We tried to hold it off.”, Leon snarled, “We tried to keep it away from the city walls, but it just keeps pressing forward.”

“Good thing we’re here now.”, Xion summoned her keyblade, a fire burning behind her eyes.

“Yes.”, Aerith clutched her staff tight to her chest, “It’s coming.”

Lea took a deep breath, staring into the dark of the woods as she said it. He watched the darkness draw closer, the mist swirling and swallowing the ground. He could feel his companions tense and hold their breaths. And then the world was dead silent. Everything stopped. No sound, no movement. Fear fluttered in Lea’s stomach. The quiet was too loud in his ears. He was about to take a step forward when he finally saw it.

Eyes. A pair of poisonous green eyes glowing in the darkness right in front of them. Unblinking, staring at them. At him. Lea supressed a shiver. He pressed his lips together. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat and fought the tears that were starting to forming in the corner of his eye. He wanted to sob. Because as he stared into the depths of these vicious eyes, he couldn’t help but _ache_. All over. They were drowned in hurt. In pain. Betrayal. Nothing else.

And these eyes were nothing like the one’s he knew so well. They held none of the warmth, none of the sharpness, no familiarity. But still, behind the poison was Isa’s agony, all of his despair, the jealousy. Lea knew it was his, there was no doubt in his mind.

He was lost. But just for a second.

“Lea, watch out!”, he felt his body hit the ground and he snapped back into reality. Xion was right there next to him, keyblade at the ready. And when Lea turned his head he saw the heartless on the open field, swinging it’s claws at the others.

It was about two times the size of Roxas, who was just firing a blizzard spell at it. The humanoid body resembled that of an Invisible, strong and tall, its muscles playing under the coat of inky darkness that was dripping down onto the ground. It flicked its long, razor-sharp tale, before striking the ground were Roxas had been standing only a second ago. Luckily, the boy had foreseen the attack and dodged out of the way.

Xion was quick to react. With a grunt, she threw her keyblade at the heartless, hitting it between the shoulder blades.

And the creature let out a terrible cry. A cry so full of anguish and sorrow, that Lea felt his heart crumble at the sound. It was almost like a familiar voice. And Lea hated it.

And it turned around with a snarl, deadly green eyes fixed on the girl next to Lea. It bared its sharp teeth and flicked the slit tongue behind them. Lea recalled Terra’s words - _a snake_ \- and he could feel his heart sink to the bottom of his shoes.

Now that it was facing them, Lea was also able to see the massive hole in its chest, right where the heart should be. A hole in the shape of an X.

“Get ready!”, Xion caught her keyblade securely in her hand and took up a fighting stance. Lea was quick to switch to his chakrams.

And then they charged. Xion and Lea from the front, Roxas, Terra and Ventus from behind. They struck the heartless repeatedly from all angles, clanging and grunting filling the air around them. Spells were fired and flashes of light illuminated the darkness.

The heartless’ cries resonated in Lea’s ears and he clenched his teeth. There was no sense in the hisses and roars, no meaning, but still all that Lea could hear was _traitor._ Again and again and again.

_Traitor. Liar. Failure._

He shook his head, trying to block it out and focus on the fight at hand. He fired a spell at the creature’s horned head, then a second one and a third, until the heartless stumbled backwards right into Terra’s next attack. Three heavy slashes to its back and a powerful lighting spell from Roxas.

With a roar, the creature lunged out at the two of them. They dodged to the side and Xion and Ventus took over. Light flashed again as Xion jumped up high to land a heavy blow on its head. Lea hurled his chakrams at it and the heartless hunched with a bitter growl.

The odds were in their favour. Or so it seemed.

Xion and Ventus were just about to land two precise strikes on their stunned opponent, when the heartless turned around in a flash, sending the two keyblade wielders flying with a swing of a huge sword that had materialized in its claws. Lea recognized the shape of the claymore in an instant.

“Xion!”, he yelled, dashing over to were the girl hit the ground hard. Lea’s heart stopped for a second, but when he saw that she was moving, he let out a sigh of relief. The armour had prevented greater damage. He took her hand to help her get to her feet again. She groaned at the movement.

“Heal!”

“Thanks.”, she gasped, wiping some drops of blood away from under her nose, “That thing is tough.”

“Yeah…”, Lea balled his hands to fists, watching as Terra and Roxas slashed at the heartless from two sides, “We have no idea what it’s capable-“

“Look out!”, Xion’s warning came too late.

The creature turned around at lightning speed to bring the claymore down on them. Lea had no time to react. He pressed his eyes shut and raised his arm instinctively, shielding his head and Xion’s from the heavy blow to come.

Only it never did.

“Defence!”

When Lea opened his eyes again, he saw a spherical shield of light around them. The claymore came crushing down on it, causing it to crack from the force. But it remained whole and strong, protecting him and Xion from the deadly attack.

Lea turned his head and a bright smile came to his face when he saw who’d saved them.

“Aqua!”

“Sorry I took so long.”, she panted, holding her keyblade in front of herself, trying to keep the shield from breaking. Her arms started shaking, but she remained steadfast, “There were more heartless coming your way and I had to take care of them.”

“Thanks.”, Lea nodded his head, before focusing on the heartless again. It dealt a second blow to the shield and a third with its bare claws.

“Get ready.”, Aqua warned them, before thrusting her keyblade forward with a grunt. The shield around them exploded in a flash of light, causing the heartless to stumble and hiss in blind fury. 

“Now, come one!”, Xion was the first to rush forward and attack, alongside Roxas and Ventus. The three of them jumped up to the head and attacked up close relentlessly. Lea, Aqua and Terra remained on the ground, using magic to help them out.

But no matter how many times they hit it, the heartless didn’t seem to take a lot of damage. They’d succeed in stunning it or make it falter, but every time it would come out just as strong as before. It was draining them of their strength and Lea could feel a throb in his chest. A throb that slowly turned into a sting. It was getting hard to breathe; his lungs were burning and his chest aching. He could taste iron on his tongue, smell the blood and sweat. His vision blurred then and again, especially after a powerful attack. He knew that he couldn’t do this for much longer and he resented himself for it.

He could hear the others panting and gasping for air. The clang of metal was everywhere, sparks were flying and the heartless kept crying out in agony. And with every lament, the voice grew more familiar. With every blow he dealt, the creature started to resemble to face he loved so much, more and more. Lea knew this had to end.

“Aqua!”, he yelled, just when the Master landed next to him on the ground, “We can’t keep attacking it like this!”

“I know.”, she hissed, firing several spells at the X shaped hole in the creature’s chest, “I’m running low on items, too.”

“Any ideas?”

“I’m afraid not.”

Lea kept throwing his fire-drenched chakrams at the creature’s horns, mostly out of frustration. Fire was dancing in the air, the flames eating their way throw the inky darkness, but leaving no trace whatsoever. The heartless turned around and with a swing of its arm, it hurled the chakrams away. Lea cursed under his breath and summoned Flame Liberator to his hand.

And then Isa’s heartless looked at him. It stared at the redhead with these bitter green eyes, forcing him to remain frozen where he was standing. Holding him there. And Lea saw so much of his beloved moon in these eyes. In the face. In the way it moved and cried. He took a step back, trying to avert his eyes, but he couldn’t.

And when the heartless moved closer, all he did was raise his keyblade in front of his body in defence. His hands grasped the metal for dear life. And then, he felt a shock wave roll through his entire body. A feeling he had never experienced before. It was warm, almost comforting. Like a touch from someone he loved. The words of a friend. The safety of home.

“What the-…”

The tip of his keyblade started glowing in a golden light. It was a soft glow at first, but every wave of warmth rolling through his body fuelled it, making it bigger and stronger.

“Lea, what are you doing?”, Xion came sprinting toward him, throwing her keyblade at their opponent.

“No idea.”

His eyes darted back and forth between the tip of his keyblade and the heartless in front of him. It was still staring at him, flicking its tongue and narrowing its eyes to slits. He almost missed Aqua gasping next to him.

“Look!”, she pointed at the heartless’ chest.

Lea renewed his grip around the hilt of his weapon and drew his brows together. Right there, in the middle of the X shaped hole, a ball of light formed out of thin air, rapidly growing in size. He moved his keyblade just a tiny bit to the right and watched as the ball of light followed his movement. The heartless whimpered. Something he’d not heard from it before. It was a pitiful. A broken sound. Lea held its gaze. The others had stopped attacking. They gathered around the redhead, staring at what was happening in front of them, bruised and exhausted.

The world had stopped. Time was frozen. Lea closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling of warmth in his body, trying to channel it. But there was something else. That sting in his chest, a burning fire in his bloodstream. He hissed behind clenched teeth at the sudden pain. He opened his eyes again, when he felt a terrible pressure on his heart. He looked down on himself and almost dropped his keyblade. A pool of the blackest darkness was starting to spread from his chest down to his legs and along his arms, numbing him. His arms started shaking, pain made it hard to focus.

Xion cried out. Roxas wanted to dash forward, but Aqua held him back. Her eyes were filled with both terror and hope.

“We have to help him!”, there was panic in Xion’s voice.

“If you get close it will only affect you too.”, Aqua grabbed her wrist, but Xion shook her hand off.

“I don’t care!”

“Xion, wait!”

Lea’s whole body was shaking, the darkness spreading, threatening to extinguish the light he had summoned. Tears were falling down into the grass. He was gasping for breath, holding on to that one thought in his head to keep himself from drowning.

_Isa._

The darkness spread further, all over his arms and legs, crawling up his neck.

_Isa._

His eyes were searching for a spark of familiarity in the depth of the poisonous green.

_Isa._

And just when he thought that all was lost, when he was about to lower the keyblade and give in, the pain stopped. There was a warm touch to his arm. A hand on his shoulder.

He dared to turn his head.

Roxas.

He looked to his other side.

Xion.

The two were standing there, right next to him, pointing their keyblades at the heartless and holding on to him with their free hands. The tips of their blades were glowing in the very same golden light as Lea’s. And the light grew. It grew and grew, dispelling the darkness. The heartless mewled and cried, as the light found a way through its body. And with a final push and a cry slipping from Lea’s lips, three blinding beams of light shot out of the trio’s keyblades and right through the heartless’ chest.

Lea dropped his keyblade and fell to his knees. His eyes fluttered shut for a second, but he balled his hands to fists and forced himself to look up to where the heartless was bending backwards, finally releasing what had been trapped inside for so long. The soft glow washed all of his pain away in an instant. His tears fell and fell, as he watched Isa’s heart break free from the clutches of darkness. It was bright; bright and warm. And beautiful; so beautiful as it rose up to the sky.

_Isa._

And when the heartless was finally gone, when everything was over, when the world was silent, Lea fell backwards onto his back, staring up to the sky. The dark clouds slowly disappeared above him, wind and water started rushing in his ears.

“Lea.”, a blurry face came into view, “Lea, are you alright?”

“No time for naps!”

He chuckled. His hand came up to his face as he wiped the remaining tears away. And then he spread his limbs and started laughing harder. He tried to ignore the ache in his whole body, the warm blood all over his face.

Because he did it. They did it.

“Lea?"

“I think he lost it.”

Roxas and Xion exchanged a worried glance, but couldn’t help it. They joined in, laughing like crazy and plopping down on the floor next to their best friend.

“Shit.”

“No swearing.”

“Shut up.”

Lea buried his face in his hands. And laughter mixed with sobs again.

“We'll finally meet him.”, said Roxas softly. Something Lea would have never dreamed to hear from him.

_Yes. I can’t wait to see you again._

_Finally._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A round of applause for our guardians of light! As I said, i felt especially insecure about this one while writing it. But tbh now that i edited it, i have to say i like how it turned out! I hope you enjoyed reading it! Stay tuned and buckle up for the next chapter.


	12. white 0.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa is forced to remember the painful memories of his past; memories of fear, betrayal and manipulation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, here I am, back with more!  
> I want to warn you, the following two chapters are very angsty and painful so perpare for the hurt and little to none of the comfort. I felt like splitting the chapter into two parts, so the next one will be the final part.  
> I was nervous about this one and it was hard for me to write, so i really really hope i did a good job with it.  
> Please be safe and read with caution. I hope you like what I cooked up.

They say your life flashes before your eyes when you die. All the things you cherish, the faces you love, the precious memories you hold dear. An epilogue, a final farewell. But, what if. What if, in exchange for you to live and to cheat death, you have to face your worst fears, the darkest memories once again. The one’s you swallowed down, hoping you’d never have to see them again.

* * *

“Isa.”

Upon hearing the voice speak his name with such severity, the young boy turned his head just as he was standing in the doorframe. Lea seemed startled next to him, lips pressed together.

“I would like to have another word with you.”, he said and the yellow eyes darted over to the redhead at Isa’s side for a second, “Alone.”

Lea was hesitant, he didn’t want to leave his best friend’s side and Isa knew that. He saw it in the way his muscles tensed and his eyes flickered in concern. But Isa brushed his index finger gently over the back of Lea’s hand and gave him a weak nod, a silent promise that he’d be alright. And Lea believed him. He left Isa with nothing but the image of these blazing emerald eyes in his mind.

“Sit, Isa.”, he said, never taking these sharp eyes from him. He gestured to the empty chair in front of his large wooden desk.

Isa gulped, before taking a careful step toward the man on the other side of the room. He sat down on the very edge of the chair, trying his best to keep his back straight and breath steady. He hid his hands in the too-large sleeves of his lab coat and started fidgeting in secrecy.

The white-haired in front of him chuckled lowly, “It looks like we are in need of new clothes for you and your friend.”

Isa twisted his mouth into a forced smile and nodded, “These are quite large.”

“Well, let us say we did not expect such young and eager company.”, he hummed.

“I see.”, Isa felt his face heat up.

The young boy wanted this conversation to end. Or better, to start. There was a reason Xehanort wanted to speak to him in private and Isa knew it wasn’t merely to small talk. But he could not begin to wonder what it was that he wanted from him.

“So, Isa-“, Xehanort leaned forward to rest his elbows on the wooden surface of his desk, “-I’m rather curious about why you expressed such enthusiasm toward an apprenticeship.”

“Oh.”, Isa said.

This again. Master Ansem had asked him the very same question. They’ve been through all this barely an hour ago.

“I’ve heard some exceedingly interesting stories about the two of you from our royal guards.”, there was a smile on the man’s face, but it was meaningless; empty.

“Sir?”, Isa held his gaze.

“I’ve been informed about the many times you two tried to infiltrate the castle.”, Xehanort continued, “There was quite the number of unsuccessful break-ins, correct?”

“Yes.”, Isa admitted unwavering, “We were driven by curiosity. We’ve always been fascinated by the sage-king’s studies and eager to find out what they are all about. I admit that our methods were reckless and childish and that we caused you unnecessary trouble. I beg for your forgiveness.”

 _Beg._ Isa hated that word. He hated to say it. It tasted bitter and wrong on his tongue.

“Ah, but there is no need, boy.”, Xehanort smiled again and a shiver ran down Isa’s spine, “I am pleased to see you are willing to join us.”

“Thank you.”

“To tell you the truth-“, Xehanort leaned back in his chair again, “-I can see you have great potential.”

“Is that so?”, Isa furrowed his brows.

“Oh yes.”

Isa was hoping this would end the private conversation. He was hoping he could finally escape these piercing eyes. He felt like they were able to look right through him and into his mind and heart, like Xehanort was able to read him like an open book.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking-“, the white-haired started anew and Isa felt his heart sink down to his feet, “-but I couldn’t help but notice these marks under your friend’s eyes.”

“Uhm, yes.”

“They are more than just ordinary tattoos, am I right?”

“Yes, sir.”, Isa tried his very best to keep his voice steady. Why? Why would Xehanort care about that?

“I am quite certain that a magic spell must have been involved.”

Isa nodded his head briefly.

“Were you involved in this magic spell?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Fascinating. “, said Xehanort and that empty smile graced his lips again, “It takes some skill to perform such magic, not to mention a very strong connection.”

“I just-“, Isa started running his thumb over the fabric of his pants, focusing on the friction, “-I just wanted to help.”

“So I thought.”, said the man in front of him calmly, “You care a lot for each other.”

Isa wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement. He nodded his head.

Xehanort hummed and slowly rose from his chair, “Well then, thank you for your time, Isa.”

Isa winced at the sudden movement, cursing at himself in his mind. He forced himself to smile and nodded his head, “Thank you.”, before he finally inhaled.

Isa passed Master Ansem on his way out. He was only able to catch a glimpse of him, but it was enough to spot the man’s features, overwritten by anger and frustration. His eyes were tired and his hair grey. He didn’t spare the boy a single glance or word, instead he barged straight through the door to Xehanort’s study and slammed it shut behind him with a loud crash that made Isa jump. His legs started to tremble as he heard the sage-king’s enraged voice through the heavy door; a voice that spoke of disapproval and betrayal, causing Isa to slowly back away with unsteady steps. The force of it rolled over him like a wave of icy water ready to drown him.

He couldn’t remember the exact words, but merely the hurt behind them, the graveness and the way the voice would break then and again. The idea of pressing his ear against the door and listening in on their fuming conversation crossed his mind, but only for a second. He felt the air shift and heat around him, along with his pounding heart stopping for second and that was enough.

All he could hear when he turned around to flee was, “- _many sacrifices will you tolerate_?”

He pushed it away, a sudden terror numbing his limps as the weight of what had just happened fell off of him and-

_Lea._

* * *

He grabbed the warm hand next to him like he was threatening to slip off and fall. He felt it tremble and sweat. Everything else was a haze.

“Gone?”

“Are you certain?”

“You must be mistakes, Xehanort.”

The yellow eyes held seven glances at once, before the apprentices all broke into heated arguments at the same time. Panic spread through the study they were gathered in.

“Please, my friends.”, Xehanort raised his voice, trying to get the sudden mess under control. No one listened.

Dilan, one of the royal guards started an immediate quarrel with Braig, clenching his fists and teeth. Aeleus tried to step between them, but was shoved aside. Even tried to calm little Ienzo, who broke into something close to a panic attack; his eyes veiled and mind far gone.

“Please!”, Xehanort got up and walked around the heavy desk. He’d been sitting in Master Ansem’s chair this whole time.

The others didn’t stop. Until Xehanort slammed his balled fist down on the wood, “Silence!”.

The force of his voice bounced off the walls and the intense chatter died down immediately. All seven of them stood still. Isa closed his hand even tighter around Lea’s. His mind started racing.

Ansem the Wise left. He left his castle, his apprentices, his world that he swore to protect with nothing. Abandoned all of them just like that. Isa couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe any of it. It didn’t seem right. Nothing did.

“Master Ansem is gone.”, Xehanort stated undeterred, almost indifferent, “He’s forsaken us.”

Isa caught a glimpse of Ienzo, who was frantically holding on to Even’s lab coat, shifting closer to his leg.

“So, this is how much he cared about his legacy.”, Isa heard Dilan rumble.

“Gone mad…”, Even shook his head, a disgusted expression on his face. Ienzo pressed his eyes shut.

“We cannot let his betrayal stop us.”, Xehanort’s eyes were holding them all in place, “We started seeing beyond his visions. He was too blind, too stubborn to recognize our brilliance.”

There was sudden shift in the air between them and Isa felt fear arise in his stomach all the way up to his heart, slowly crawling higher to claw at his throat. He knew that these words were not meant for them and he feared the unthinkable consequences of standing in this room right now. He loosened the ascot around his neck, trying to find his breath. Lea’s hand threatened to slip out of his, but he held on like his life depended on it. He noticed just how warm it was, too warm. It was burning. Isa dug the fingers of his free hand in the fabric of his pants.

“We will dare what Ansem never could.”

Almost everyone nodded their heads, some unsure, others determined. Only Ienzo, Lea and Isa didn’t. The two boys were scared. Scared for their lives. Many other lives.

_Test. Pain. Experiments._

Isa recalled the words, the silhouette of their friend, how thin her voice had become. And he thought about her disappearance, about the other person that had been dragged out of their cell. How they pleaded and whimpered. And he feared for them. And he regretted every single step that led them to where they were standing right now.

“Now, proceed with your tasks.”

That ended the gathering and just like that, as if nothing had happened, the apprentices went about their duties. Isa and Lea couldn’t find it in themselves to move, let alone focus on doing their tasks. Granted, it wasn’t like they were actually needed. All that they had been told to do was tend to the flowers in the garden or maybe even clean up a (already neatly arranged) bookshelf. They were not here to help, Isa had already realized as much. Maybe Ansem would have had a need for the two boys, but not his pupil. Isa had known from the moment Xehanort laid his eyes on him. There was no doubt in his mind that this man knew about their plans. They were playing with an open flame, watching it flicker and grow.

And burn.

“Lea.”

The sound of his name made Lea wince and his hand slipped out of Isa’s. The lack of it in the boy’s grasp made him feel so terribly vulnerable.

“Yeah?”, the redhead cocked his head at the man who’d called. “Sir?”

Xehanort strode over to the two of them with long, smooth steps, the lab coat rustling behind him, “If you don’t mind, I’d like to have a word with you, too.”, he looked over at Isa, “Is that alright?”

_No._

“Yes, sir”.

Lea shot his best friend a worried- almost close to panicked- glance as Xehanort turned around to lead him away. Isa watched him leave the room, his heart weeping at the sight.

“Well, c’mon kid, don’t just stand there.”, Isa pressed his lips together as Braig nudged him in the arm, “Go help Even clean up the mess in the lab or something.”

Isa turned around, his eyes still glued to the door through which his beloved best friend had just disappeared with (probably) the most dangerous person in the castle, maybe even the whole of Radiant Garden. There was no way of knowing what Xehanort had planned with Lea. Maybe he wanted to question him, like he did with Isa just yesterday? Maybe he wanted to make sure that all their answers match. Isa felt his chest tighten as he thought about it. He knew that this was all terrifying to Lea; to both of them in all honesty. All they wanted was to find out what happened to their friend and what these people were planning to do with all the other poor souls down in the dungeons.

“ _-many more sacrifices will you tolerate?”_

Isa recalled Ansem the Wise’s words as he made his way over to the lab to help with the clean-up and shiver ran down his spine. Maybe that was the whole truth. Maybe he’d already found his answer. Perhaps their friend had been sacrificed; used in the name of research and tossed aside once damaged and broken. The idea made Isa feel nauseated.

Or maybe it was just the wave of foul air that hit him as he entered the lab. There was a horrible stench all around; a scent completely unknown to him. Isa covered his nose with the long white sleeve of his lab coat immediately. He pressed his eyes shut and took a step back. This was so unlike any sulfuric smell in the school’s chemistry rooms. No, it was so much worse. It clung to his coat and skin, burning and biting. It hurt in his nose and caused his eyes to water. And it rose up to his head, triggering the pain he knew so well by now. The searing headache was instantaneous and unescapable. Isa’s hand flew up to hold his head secure. It had grown heavy in an instant.

“What is it, boy?”, Even asked, raising one eyebrow as he looked up from the passages of code on the main computer.

Isa shook his head, trying to compose himself, “It’s-“, he suppressed a coughing fit, “I just- I have to go for a sec.” He stumbled backwards and out the door, all while Ienzo’s cold blue eyes kept following his every move. Isa could only catch his gaze for a split second, but what he saw was unmistakably a deep understanding. And it made his heart stop beating for what felt like minutes. He couldn’t feel it beat, couldn’t hear it. There was no blood rushing through his veins, no sound he could hear, no warmth. Nothing. Just the cold, white corridors. The tiles underneath his feet in which he could see his reflection running and stumbling toward one of the many restrooms.

He burst through the door and rushed over to the sink to dig his fingers into the clean marble. His hands were shaking and glistering in sweat. He tried to breathe in through his mouth and swallowed hard as he felt another wave of nausea pulsate through his body. He felt dizzy and closed his eyes to shut the world around him out completely. His legs started trembling and he threatened to sink down to the floor. He took another shaky breath and turned on the tap to splash his face with cold water. He found no relief in it, but at least he felt like he was washing the stench off his skin. Yet it still lingered all around him, causing his head to scream out in raging pain.

He turned off the tab again and focused on the sound of the water drippling down into the sink.

_plop_

_plop_

_plop_

It was loud in his ears, but somewhat soothing.

_plop_

_plop_

_plop_

“Isa?”

The blue haired looked up and met his own gaze in the mirror. He saw eyes that were not blue but grey. Exhausted, sick and horrified all at once. Then he heard it again, but more determined this time.

“Isa.”, and a knock on one of the cubicle doors.

“Yes?”, he knew who it was, but he was still surprised when he saw Lea carefully push the door open. Or maybe it was pure relief.

“Are you okay?”, the redhead didn’t move. He only looked at Isa with sad emerald eyes.

“Mhm.”, Isa didn’t want to lie to his best friend. He never did. He never would.

“That means no, huh?”

He nodded, “My head…”

“Again?”

“Yeah.”, Isa took a step closer, “And you?”

Lea shook his head and it was more than enough for Isa to understand. Or perhaps it was the fear in his eyes and the lack of that warm colour in his cheeks; the fact that his golden freckles lost their ability to glimmer like stardust or the way Lea avoided his best friend’s eyes. He’d never done this before.

“I feel wrong.”, Lea said meekly, before running his fingers through his flaming red hair. Lea blinked and Isa noticed there was no trace of wetness on his cheeks. The marks were still protecting him.

“Me too.”, Isa mumbled, “And I feel really sick.”

“Me too.”, this time it was Lea who said it, “I think the fever’s back.”

Isa’s eyes widened in concern, “Really?”, his heart started pounding against his ribcage.

“I can feel it this time.”, Lea sounded hoarse and weak, “It’s really bad, I think.”

“We should get you home.”, Isa reached for Lea’s hand, watching as his own trembled on the way. His friend’s skin was on fire.

“And you.”, said Lea, blinking, “With the headache and all.”

Isa nodded his throbbing head, “I just-“, he hesitated, looking up into Lea’s glassy eyes and gave his best friend’s hand a squeeze, before he continued, “-I entered that lab and there- there was something.”

“Something?”

“A terrible stench-“, Isa explained, pressing his eyes shut, “It was unbearable.”

“And the others didn’t smell it?”, Isa could sense just how hard it was for Lea to form a longer sentence. He sounded so tired, his voice was frail and thin. 

“I don’t think they did.”, Isa muttered, “Or they are used to it by now.”

“Maybe…”

They didn’t say anything after that for a long time. All they did was hold hands in the dim light of the small room. And for now, that was enough to get through the pain from today. Although Isa wondered about the pain of tomorrow, the day after and all of the time to come. What would happen now? Now that the sage-king had abandoned this world, and all the people with it. Ansem had protected these lands and they’d lived in peace and prosperity for as long as Isa could think. But now this world was in the hands of a man they couldn’t trust. That Isa didn’t trust. A man willing to make sacrifices for something beyond their comprehension.

“Lea.”

“Yes?”

“We shouldn’t stay here.”, Isa spoke in all seriousness, “This is so much bigger than us, Lea.”

“I know.”, Lea bit his lip, his eyes clouded with sadness, “And I think you’re right, but-“

“We’ll find another way to figured out about what happened.”

“One more day.”, these words took Isa by surprise. Lea held his gaze as he said it. His eyes were tired, but his mind behind was wide awake.

“Lea…”

“One more day and then we’ll leave and never come back.”, Lea said.

Isa sighed and his head started to throb harder again. It was only one day, right? One day.

“Okay.”, Isa intertwined their fingers, “One more day.”

One more. It was all that it took. Because _one day they were apprentices, the next Ansem the Wise had up and vanished and the day after…_

* * *

Isa hadn’t been able to sleep that night. Not just because the sharp pain in his head had kept him awake, but also because the fear in his heart had been calling out to him. He’d been shivering, his skin ice cold and limbs numb to his commands, like he didn’t belong to himself anymore. And in the morning his Mom had forbidden him to leave, tears in her eyes at the sight of her son, so weary and sick. But Isa had snuck out despite her (and his Ma’s) harsh warnings the next morning to join Lea at the castle, not knowing that he’d never hear their voices again.

He met Lea at the castle gates, waving his hand weakly. And when the redhead looked up to meet his gaze, Isa froze on the spot and felt his heart stop beating for so much longer then he thought possible.

It was like someone else entirely was standing right in front of him; it was the first thing Isa noticed as he stepped closer. Lea had grown up. There was no other way of putting it. Isa wondered why he hadn’t noticed before; the longer hair, the sharper features, how tall he’d grown. He was proud for a second. But only until a great sadness spread from his heart all the way through his veins into his whole body. He couldn’t tell why at first, but when Lea smiled he understood. It was the first time his best friend didn’t mean it; the first time he faked it. It was the very first time that Lea’s smile was empty.

They didn’t talk on their way up to Ansem’s old study. Isa reached out to hold Lea’s hand and he took it.

To their surprise, the room was empty when they entered. No one was there, no guard, no scientist, none of the other six apprentices. 

“Where is everyone?”, Isa wondered, walking over to the empty chair behind the heavy wooden desk.

“In the lab maybe?”, Lea suggested, blinking his eyes.

“But we are supposed to sign in for the day at this hour...”

Lea was about to answer, when another voice interrupted, “Ah, there you are.”

The two boys gasped in unison and turned around at lighting speed, the blood chilled in their veins.

Xehanort was standing right there in the door, eyeing the two boys like a hawk focused on its prey. The sharp eyes flashing yellow. “I’ve wondered about where you could have wandered off to.”

“Sir?”

“Care to tell me where you two went after out private talk, Lea?”

The white haired held the redhead in place with his tranquil, yet menacing gaze and Isa felt a surge of rage arise from the very depth of his heart. He knew that Xehanort was deliberately addressing Lea because he was easy to unsettle; easier to _break_.

“We-well we-“, Lea struggled with finding the right words, “-we felt very sick.”

“The fever and headache, I assume”, said Xehanort, nodding his head as if to confirm his own guess.

“Yes.”, Lea said meekly.

How did he know? Isa wondered. Did Lea tell him about their recurrent sicknesses? Did he ask about it? Did he suspect anything? Whatever it was, Isa didn’t like it. Just as much as he hated that fear in his beloved’s eyes when Xehanort took a step closer.

“Has it always been this bad?”, he asked, getting too close to Lea. Isa felt his chest burn as he watched the man’s every step.

Lea gulped, gently rubbing the side of his arm. “Uhm-“, he bit his lip, “-no, sir.”

“Do you remember when it got this bad?”

Isa raised his voice, before Lea could: “About a couple of months ago.”

“I see.”, Xehanort hummed, “It must be difficult for you.

They didn’t say anything.

“How about-“, a smile graced the man’s lips, “-I’ll make it all stop?”

Something went off in Isa’s head; a warning bell, a strangled cry. Louder than before. It caused his head to throb again. _Make it all stop._

“You can do that?”, Lea’s glassy eyes widened. Isa could only watch helplessly as his best friend teared his walls down, letting every brick crumbled to the floor. How he started to _trust_ in these hollow words. Because that’s all it was, right? Nothing but lies. Bait. Something to lure them in and gain their trust. Isa knew that. He just knew.

Or did he?

“How?”, Isa couldn’t stop himself.

“Come, follow me.”

And despite the cries of protest in his mind, Isa followed. And so did Lea, doomed to trust in the person that had started the fire. Xehanort held them in his grasp; played them like two puppets on strings. Just the way he played the others.

He brought the two boys to the lab. The stench of _darkness_ hit Isa just as hard as the first time. His eyes watered and his mind went up in smoke. But he clenched his teeth and walked on.

“You know-“, he heard Xehanort hum in a silky voice, “-I never thought it would be so easy.” Long smooth steps carried him to the middle of the room where he stopped, his hands behind his back.

“Hearts are curious things, are they not?”, he didn’t wait for an answer, “We let them guide us, so certain that we will end up on the right path. They say that hearts are power, that the love that binds us is stronger than any force of darkness. Pathetic, really.” A low chuckle arose, echoing through the room, “But look where they lead us to.”, Xehanort turned his head to the side, one eye fixed on the two boys standing small on the other side of the room, “Strong hearts form powerful connections that can just as easily lead us to oblivion. Wouldn’t you agree, Isa?”

Isa couldn’t find a voice to answer with. He shook his head, taking a step back and dragging Lea with him. The redhead stumbled, eyes empty and face blank.

“Fate brought you to me when I needed you most.”

And in this moment Isa realized he was going to die, that there was no way out, no escape. And he blamed himself. And he hated himself. And he was afraid. All he could do now was push Lea behind his back and protect the one he loved from the inevitable. He gathered all his courage to hiss in spite.

“Get away!”

“Now, now.”, Xehanort shook his head, “Is that how you talk to your master?”

“You’re not my master.”, Isa growled back, feeling Lea cling to his arm. He was shaking.

By now, Xehanort had them backed into a corner. “Look a you-”, he all but purred, “-so scared.”

“Not- not another step.”, Isa felt Lea’s hands on his shoulders as he shielded him with his body. He’d lost. He knew that. But maybe there was still hope for Lea to get out of this, “If you- if you want someone for- someone for these sick experiments then take me and let him go.”

“Isa.”, Lea pleaded behind him, struggling to get out of his position, but Isa held him in place, facing the threat in front of them.

“I don’t need more test subjects, we are far beyond that.”, the air hissed as Xehanort summoned a blade to his hand, “I must disappoint you.”, the black blade glimmered in the artificial light, “No negotiations.”

“Please.” Isa begged, “You’ll regret this! You’ll suffer for this!” One last pitiful attempt. All in vain.

Isa grabbed Lea’s hand, sweat made it hard not to slip out of his grip and his tears started to fall right then and there. 

When the metal came down on them in a flash, Lea pushed his best friend aside with a cry, letting himself fall onto the floor. Sparks flew as the blade hit the two walls they’d been cornered in. But there was no way to flee. The lights were so bright and the stench of darkness all around him. It hurt. It hurt so bad.

Isa clawed at the cold marble tiles, sobbing. His knees hurt from when they’d crushed onto the hard floor and he could feel the blood on his skin, warm and sticky. His whole body was shaking with terror. He couldn’t breathe, the room was spinning.

He turned his head and saw Lea on the floor just two meteres away from him. He was crawling toward the wall, pressing his eyes shut as Xehanort was towering over him.

“Please don’t!”, Isa cried, begging the man with the silver hair. The sharp, yellow eyes let go of Lea and fixed on him, narrowed to slits.

Metal cut through his skin and Lea screamed.

And it was the last thing Isa heard; the cold floor was the last thing he felt. And Xehanort stabbing Lea through the chest was the last thing he saw. Blood painted the floor of the laboratory scarlet red. He curled up into a ball, hoping for the pain to end.

There was a small, warm touch to his finger. But he couldn’t see. And soon he couldn’t feel. There wasn’t much running though his mind as he felt his body grow lighter, as the warmth left him for good, changing him forever. Nothing at all, as cold and emptiness swallowed every part of him.

_Isa sank down into the depth of oblivion, loosing track of time with nothing around him; no feeling in his chest. The pain had stopped and he felt it was easier to breathe. No, he didn’t have to breathe at all. He opened his eyes, but it made no difference. It was just like falling asleep. Just like floating through a dream._

_When he sensed the light behind him, he turned around. So warm and bright, slowly forming into a circle, revealing a pillar out of stained class, glowing in bright colours. He let his gaze wander over the round platform, letting out a small gasp, as he recognized what was depicted on it. He saw himself with his eyes closed, a calm and peaceful expression on his resting face. Next to him was Lea, that bright, lively smile on his lips. He knew immediately._

_“This is my heart.”_

_He descended slowly, until his feet touched the glass and he stood in the middle of it, looking around. But there was nothing else. So, he started walking to the edge, until the darkness started closing in on him, swallowing the soft radiance. The glass started to crack, the colour was fading away._

_Run. But he couldn’t. There was no way to go._

_He fought it, kicking and biting and growling but he wasn’t strong enough._

_And darkness took him._

* * *

_Let us welcome our seventh member_

_The Luna Diviner_

_Saix_

_Let us all welcome our eighth member_

_The Flurry of Dancing Flames_

_Axel_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, that's it folks. Sorry for the pain (to come). I am excited for the next chapter though and I hope (despite what just happened) you are too.  
> Also notice certain parallels and differences to a previous chapter, hmmm hmmmmmm  
> Reminder that you can find my tumblr @eternalmomentss!  
> Please stay safe, drink, relax and have a nice day!


	13. white 0.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa is forced to remember the painful memories of the past; memories of fear, betrayal and manipulation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is part two, as promised! I tried my best to keep this chapter as /empty/ as possible. You know, it's hard to write nobodies, because what counts as emotion and what doesn't?? Who knows??  
> Proceed with caution, angst and pain ahead!

He was dreaming in darkness with no control over his body, no sense of time or space. Maybe it was the end, truly and absolute; no coming back this time. And for some reason he thought it would be a good ending. He found what he’d been looking for all this time; his heart. There right in front of him all along with emerald eyes and soft freckles painting the soft skin.

_See you, Isa._

That was the last thing he’d heard, spoken like a promise. Like – maybe – it could be a reality. Maybe he should fight for it. But his eyelids were heavy like lead. He wasn’t strong enough to open them. And it was cold, so cold that his body was numb. He couldn’t move.

Yet still he felt like someone was holding his hand through it all, trying to pull him from the depths.

* * *

The iron under his skin was icy, the hilt too big to wrap his fingers around. He cramped as he held the weapon unsteadily in both his hands. The claymore was too heavy to lift it from the ground, let alone try and deal a successful blow in battle. It had taken him hours to summon it; yellow eyes observing his every move. And now that it was in his grasp – well – nothing. One might think he’d gotten used to it. That apathy.

For days his mind had been a blank page; not a word written on it. He’d been mindlessly wandering the corridors of this empty place, with nothing to hold onto. No memory, no feelings, nothing at all. He’d been alone, passing other dark silhouettes he didn’t know. No faces. No identity; just wandering in a purgatory, between life and death. A very thin line, he’d discovered.

One of the many faceless figures had given him a word to cling to. Nothing else. One word that was supposed to be shaping him into something more than just a shadow.

Saix.

That’s what they’d called him. He’d only realized much later why that word was so important and why they kept addressing him with it.

That word was his name. Saix.

Had it always been his name? Did he forget? Maybe so. It was heavy on his tongue, that name. It was not the right weight. And he kept repeating it like a mantra, desperate for more than just four letters. Images. Sounds. Anything at all. But there was nothing.

And today his mind was a bit clearer. The silhouettes bore faces. And in the mirror, he saw his own. A face to the name. And things were starting to make sense to him.

“Number Seven.”, that was him. Saix. Number Seven of eight.

He looked up, wordlessly. The man with silver hair and yellow eyes was standing tall in front of him. He was the superior. Number one. But Saix had forgotten his name. Maybe because it had been too much in one day. Or maybe he didn’t want to remember.

“Pick it up.”

He tried. But he couldn’t lift the claymore off the ground. He was too small and the iron too heavy.

“Try again.”

Once again, he tried. But to no avail. He wasn’t strong enough; his arms and legs were trembling from the effort.

The superior hummed in disapproval, “How long will it take you, number seven?”

Saix shook his head.

“Maybe we should adopt different measures.”, said the superior lowly, “You will meet me at Addled Impasse after our next gathering, understood?”

Saix nodded this time, even though he didn’t know half the words the superior had just said to him. This place was just the castle. A blurry mess of grey and white. He didn’t know about any rooms or certain areas, let alone the location of the Addled Impasse.

A headache hit him just then. He groaned and hunched with pain. It happened quite often. Like his name it was a part of him. Something to confirm that he was Saix, number seven.

The superior hummed again, this time the sound carried a hint of satisfaction with it, “Do not fret. This will all be over soon.”

 _Do not fret._ Saix thought that to be an odd choice of words. He was a Nobody after all, he lacked the ability to worry. He did not have the heart to do so. None of them did. Eight empty vessels with nothing but names attached, dressed up in black to fit the part. So he’d been told and with these words he’d existed despite all odds.

When the superior disappeared into a smoke of darkness, Saix let go of the claymore and it clattered to the ground. Not a second after it dissolved into thin air. And Saix remained standing still and lost, with no idea where to go from here.

He turned around and walked on. Where to, he didn’t know. His legs carried him through the cold of these endless halls and corridors with no destination. He started thinking again, though there wasn’t much to think about.

 _Saix. Number Seven of Eight. Nobodi_ es _. The Superior. Headaches._

He repeated what he knew. Again, and again but it brought him nowhere. So he stopped, shaking his head and taking a deep breath. Maybe the first one he’d taken in this place. The air was cold and empty like everything else. How dull. It filled his hollow body, but somehow he knew that he didn’t need it. He could just as easily stop breathing. He looked up and saw someone walk past him. Black cloak, hood up. He didn’t catch their features, only a flash of green.

_Saix. Number Seven of Eight. Nobodies. The Superior. Headaches. Green._

He spent his time in the room he’d been given. There wasn’t much to it. A bed, a window and a desk and chair. Most of the time he would stare out the window and down into the neon city. He would watch the play of colours in the darkness, watch the raindrops on the window race to the bottom of the glass. And then he would go to sleep. Although, he wasn’t even sure if he was sleeping at all. There was no day and night here. The sky was always dark in contrast to his room. He’d lost his sense of time.

They were called to a gathering. Saix liked to believe it was the same day, though there was no way of knowing. Eight silhouettes on eight high chairs. Saix looked around and something peculiar struck him. They were eight, yet the number of chairs in the white room added up to thirteen. Were there more to come? Or did some disappear? Saix didn’t even know why they were here for, so this question remained unanswered.

The superior spoke in a stoic tone that reverberated in Saix bones. He couldn’t hear the words behind it. It was too loud; too much. His head hurt. He didn’t listen.

When the meeting ended, the others vanished into clouds of inky darkness before his eyes. Only two stayed with him, the superior and a smaller figure on the exact opposite side of the room.

Number one turned his head to the smaller silhouette. “What is it, Number eight?”, he asked calmly, “Something you would like to share?”

The other one shook their head. Then they turned to glare at Saix underneath the hood.

The superior raised his head, “Ah, I see.”

But Saix didn’t understand.

“Number Seven.”, the superior boomed, now addressing him, “Please make your way to the Addled Impasse. I will follow.”

Saix did what he was told, but not before catching a last glance at the other figure.

_Green._

Saix wandered through the hallways of the castle, searching for a place he didn’t know. He felt like walking through a maze, aimless. Everything looked the same, every column and every wall resembled the next. White. Grey. Sometimes he’d pass a door or a window leading nowhere. His steps were echoing in the emptiness of the long corridors. He was alone.

“Lost, kid?”

Saix raised his head, his long blue hair cascading over his shoulders at the movement. His eyes widened at the sight of the man in front of him. His face was edged and bruised. A jagged scar ran across his left cheek and the eyepatch told the rest of the story. It was the first time Saix was looking at another member (apart from the superior) like this, bare faced and exposed to the artificial light of the castle.

Saix nodded his head carefully.

“Where to, huh?”, asked the man with the scar.

Saix opened his mouth and out came a gasp.

“Didn’t catch that, kiddo.”

He tried again, suddenly remembering how to use his tongue.

“Addled Impasse.”, he muttered lowly. His tone was as stoic and empty as the world around him. It was the first time he’d spoken since he’d woken up in this castle. And he furrowed his brows at the sound of his own voice. For some reason he thought it would sound different.

The man in front of him huffed, feigning amusement with a smirk on his lips, “Through here.”. He flicked his wrist and summoned a pitch-black veil right next to him. Saix stared into the depth, watched the darkness swirl, hypnotized. He stepped in as if he’d done it a thousand times before and let himself be swallowed up without a second thought.

The chamber was enormous. Or maybe Saix was too small to think otherwise. A great window wall allowed him to watch the neon lights of the city belong and so he stood there unmoving, staring empty minded. His head started throbbing again, but by now he’d learned to accept this pain. It was part of him after all. Something to give him meaning. Maybe he should hold onto it.

The superior joined him not long after, his sharp yellow gaze burning like hot iron on the boy’s skin.

“Is it the pain again, Number Seven?”, he asked, taking a step forward. His cloak was rustling in the silence of the room.

Saix nodded.

“Yes.”, the superior hummed, thoughtfully, “Do you understand what it means?”

Saix shook his head.

“It is the awakening of your greatest strength; unnamed power, beyond your comprehension for now. But in time you will understand what it means to wield it; to control it.”

“Power.”, Saix echoed.

“That is right, Number Seven.”, a gloved hand came to rest on his skinny shoulder, “Your strength will be vaster than you could ever imagine, once you have gained command over it.”

“How?”, Saix found himself asking. He slowly turned his head to look at the superior behind him.

“All in good time.”, promised the rumbling voice close to his ear, “For now, I want you to focus on the pain. Never let it go once you feel it arise.”

“Never let it go.”, he repeated.

“Exactly.”

And Saix did was he was told. He really had no other choice. This pain, this promise of great strength was what gave him meaning. It was what made him _something; someone_ in his nonexistence. And so, over the course of several days he let the pain numb his brain and limbs. And every time it hurt more. But he clenched his teeth through the agony, especially when the superior was with him. He couldn’t let number one think he was weak; too weak to endure and control.

At night it was paralyzing. When the moon shone down on him through the window, pale light painting him black and white, a voice would scream inside his head. So loud and shrill that he felt like his skull could burst open at any minute. His muscles would twitch uncontrollably and his body would bend in pain. But he let it happen. Sometimes, he could feel a presence close to him. Some one with the same pains as him. He could sense these waves of heat from the room next to his and heard the whimpers and cries. It was somehow familiar; in a twisted way he didn’t understand.

And on one of these nights, he remembered.

Red hair and bright emerald eyes, freckled skin and the smell of honey. A high, clear laugh; always full of sincerity. Warm nights, stars and the bark of a dog. Fingers intertwined, noses rubbing together, fireworks. Mud under his feet, the _sun_ on his face, rain on colourful windows.

He turned to his side, staring at the wall, wondering who was behind the barrier.

_I know you._

_I need your name._

* * *

One day, not long after that night, Xemnas called him to a private meeting in the Round Room.

At this point, Saix wasn’t sure how many days had passed since his awakening. More than he cared to count for sure. His mind was clearer, he’d learned about the most important areas of the castle as well as most of the other member’s names and faces. He was able to hold his claymore up in the air for more than ten seconds too, so that was a plus. Although he was still rather clueless about that incredible strength the superior kept promising to him. Maybe he meant it in a way Saix didn’t understand. Maybe that strength was solely the ability to bite your tongue and keep quiet through the pain to come. Maybe it was to toughen him up. He wasn’t sure, but he was growing impatient. Apart from all that, Saix remembered. He kept recalling images at night. From a life witnessed by his own eyes. He’d started to write some keywords down into a diary; describe the images with some decorative words that didn’t hold any meaning.

And now, the superior was reading these words from his eyes, watching him from high above.

“You remember.”, he said.

Saix nodded his head, “Bits and pieces.”

“Tell me.”, it was an order that Saix knew to follow without questions.

“I keep recalling a corridor.”, he started in a tiny voice, “It’s dark and empty, lined with cages on both sides. And I keep hearing the same voice, but I don’t know what it says.”

“And?”, Xemnas knew there was more.

“I think I remember my family, too.”, Saix went on without hesitation, “Or, at least people I held dear.”

He kept recalling the same faces. The faces of two women with playful smiles and kind eyes; the face of a boy, with creamy skin and bright red hair and the silhouette of someone entirely different.

“Go on.”

“That’s it.”

Xemnas leaned forward with a hum, crossing his legs. He kept quiet, silently commanding Saix to talk. As if he was only waiting to belittle any following words

“I am-“, the young Nobody bit his lip; a very human thing to do, he thought and found it bizarre, “-I am wondering. Should I seek these people out?”

“And what good would this do?”, asked the superior stoically, “You are nothing more than the mere shell of what they knew. A hollow vessel. You; all of us were never supposed to exist in the first place; without worth or meaning what would it change?”

It made sense. So Saix didn’t speak of it or suggested it again. Worthless. Yet he wondered why Xemnas sounded so sad.

“A nobody belongs nowhere but here.”

“Nowhere but here.”

“That’s right.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?”, it was such an easy question to ask, but impossible to answer.

“I need you to trust in our shared goal, trust in what we are striving toward.”

He’d said it before. But what exactly were they striving toward again? Saix had forgotten all about it. Maybe he had no other choice than to trust in what Xemnas was promising him. It had gotten him this far.

“Once we achieve our goals, we will be whole again. We can exist once more.”

But why did we cease to exist in the first place? His heart had been overtaken by darkness; he’d been too weak to protect what mattered and this was his punishment. A life between light and dark, forever trapped in twilight. Worthless, cursed with a hollow chest and cold blood in his veins. And that was all he knew. And he remembered nothing of it.

He was about to ask more questions, when his skin started prickling. He opened and closed his mouth, unable to find the right words and hindered by the sudden wave of feverish heat that was crashing against him like wild water against the edge of a cliff. He turned his head to the side, away from the superior.

“Number eight.”, said Xemnas, a serene smile gracing his lips as he watched the dark mist swirl around one of the high chairs until it manifested into a person’s (nobody’s) silhouette, “You’re quite early.”

“I’m sorry, superior.”

_I know you._

Saix found himself staring at the hooded figure on the other side of the room, silently craving for them to move; to speak once more; to show their face. The other looked back at him. And there it was again. Green.

“What do you have to say?”, the words drippled down the superior’s lips like wine, mixed with the finest poison; like a dangerous game. And as he said it, the other person finally removed the hood from their head, revealing a head of bright red hair and the eyes of a familiar stranger.

_I knew you._

_I need your name._

“I wanted to talk about-“, the familiar stranger looked down on his hands. They were shaking, “-about what’s happening to me.”

“Very well.”, Xemnas turned to Saix, “Leave us.”

_I need your name._

Saix didn’t move.

“Did you not hear me?”, the superior’s voice was sharper this time, but unable to cut just yet, “Number eight wishes to talk to me alone. Isn’t that right, Axel?”

Saix winced.

Axel. That name sounded like a knife, a double edge blade burying itself in his lifeless chest. It wasn’t right. Although granted, Saix did not know the difference between wrong and right. He didn’t know anything. Just that he used to see eye to eye with that familiar stranger. That he used to feel alongside him. And that right now, he did not feel anything at all.

_Maybe I don’t know you._

He closed his eyes and disappeared into a dark corridor without another word; deeply unsatisfied and not much wiser than before. A whim brought him back to the Addled Impasse. He learned to think that maybe this room was meant for him. Here he kept training; he kept summoning his Claymore; kept letting his mind be swept away by headaches and held on to a promise of power.

Until one day, something changed entirely.

The superior was watching him; as many times before. Standing in the cold shadows of the room, unnoticed and still. Only his voice kept slithering its way into his mind, intoxicating but auspicious; keeping Saix drunk of the words.

This time, it was worse than ever before. With the full moon watching his every step through the windows and his chest so hollowed out; starved and his mind confused and jumbled up, it came easy to him, losing control. Not gaining it. It got worse and worse, the pain so unbearable that Saix could not help himself. Only by screaming, cursing, growling. And then it stopped and there was uproarious silence. At first, he thought he’d lost consciousness; that he’d dropped down to the floor, drained from all his power. But he could see. Everything. He could see his feet moving. His arms spread out wide and the fingers so tense at the end, like claws ready to cut flesh. He could see the world spin as his body turned. His head was twitching. And all around him a pale blue haze, like fog hanging thick in his mind.

He was trapped in this state for too long. Moving but unable to control where to go. He saw himself lifting up his weapon like it was nothing; like he was raising a wooden stick into the air. A promise of strength that was kept.

Eventually, he gained control over his body again, but it was too heavy to keep upright. This is when he fell and stayed down on the ground. And he fainted and didn’t wake for quite some time.

It happened again and again. He was alone more often than not. He would lie on the cold floor, bleeding out every last drop of strength until someone would come to retrieve him (or not). Afterward, his mind was always so clear and sharp; he could recall more and more memories; more feelings he was once able to experience and was now able to wear like a mask. His teeth hurt and his eyes stung, but he ignored it.

And finally, he remembered the name. The real name. Not the one that slit his tongue open, but the one that could mend broken bones.

And the name was Lea.

And Lea had been his best friend. And together they’d lost their hearts. But Saix never remembered how; only a silhouette and a tiny voice. Something they wanted to save.

And pain. He remembered pain.

* * *

Metal clashed and sparks flew as his Claymore met the training device in front of him; a heavy construction made out of iron with the sole purpose of being hit and destroyed by him. Saix watched his weapon dance, his hair sinking to his cheeks covered in sweat. His arms were trembling from the effort, his muscles burning under the coat but he clenched his teeth and kept going. Until he heard a voice behind him.

“Hey.”

He stopped immediately and turned around to see Number Eight stride toward him with long, languid steps.

 ~~Lea~~ Axel.

It was the first time he’d seen him since that meeting with the superior. The first time he’d seen him since he recalled who he truly was. Yet, it did not move him; he felt nothing at the sight of the red head with the tattoos on his cheeks and a deadly flicker in his sharp green eyes.

Saix raised his eyebrow and mumbled: “Hello.”

“You training?"

It was painfully obvious to see. With a heart, Saix would have found that desperate attempt to small-talk amusing, “Yes.”

“Well, then I’m joining you.”, Axel gave him no time to decline. A wave of all too familiar heat rolled through the Hall of Empty Melodies as he spread his arms wide. Tongues of red fire shot out of his hands, licking at the fabric of his gloves and coat as it travelled up his arms and took the shape of two wheels of red and silver. The metal in the redhead’s hand was smooth and clean; unused.

Saix huffed, “So that’s what it is.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

They spent their time together; next to each other. Close. Yet they’d never been further apart. Saix watched intently as Axel whirled his chakrams through the air; felt the heat of the flames dancing around his body. He tried to detect a familiar pattern; a rhythm, but he did not understand the man’s movements.

* * *

Time passed like in a trance.

Saix grew stronger; just like the superior had promised him. Fighting with his heavy claymore became easier; it grew on him like a third arm and he was wielding it with little effort. He lost control and gained power in this state that his superior simply called _berserk_. Driven by the moon, fuelled by the darkness buried inside of him. The darkness that had touched him back in his old life, when he’d set foot in the castle of his hometown.

The coat did not fit him anymore. He was growing taller, more muscular. Soon there was nothing boyish in his appearance, even though he was still young. Not much older than when he’d woken up.

He saw it in Axel too. The man he’d once called his best friend - in a life he could not live anymore – was now taller than him; edged like a sword and with a mouth full of daggers.

They started talking. More and more. About their past, what it had meant to them and how it was all meaningless now. Yet they found themselves seeking each other’s presence. Call it what you want, the illusion of safety, comfort, friendship. Whatever it was, Saix knew it was not real. It’s what he was told day in and out. But they held on to what little comfort they could fake.

It started as a spark in the back of Axel’s mind. _Betrayal._ The idea that – maybe – maybe they did not have to follow every order they were given. They were found with their heads put together more often than not; words of treason on both their tongues as memories resurfaced. Foolish ideas of running away arising from what was left of Isa and Lea; soon to be completely erased.

It happened not a day after. Saix was taken, claimed and shaped.

He did not remember much. Only the pain and his scream that cut off half of the words that were spoken to him as the mark of possession was carved – _burned_ – into his skin; right between his eyes.

“As your flesh bears the sigil…”

Saix never noticed it slither in, another man’s heart soon to replace his completely. He never noticed the rest of Isa bleeding out day after day; how the strings attached themselves to his limbs. He couldn’t remember the day his eyes changed colour. He started moving in a different rhythm, holding onto the last thing that connected him to a life he’d once loved.

_My love for you remained as a shadow. My shadow. And I know it was there but every day it faded, the darker it got. And someday you couldn’t see it anymore. So, it was lost, but never gone._

_I’m sorry, Lea. I’m sorry I gave up the fight._

* * *

“Isa, please, I need you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know, i always wondered how isa/saix got the scar and some part of me believes that he got it before he was turned into a nobody (from xehanort) BUT also, Xemnas clearly gives the members of the organizations their sigils and also the whole quote comes from him so maybe it was him??? idk, and tbh i dont think they'll ever explain it (or at least show it because that would be too dark) so yeah, i was being very vague here lol  
> stay tuned for the next chapter(s)! Probably both in present time because we had two flashback chapters!  
> Also you know, comments give me life so :)  
> Thank you and stay healthy and drink your water!


	14. turquoise 0.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Radiant Garden, Isa resides recompleted but unconscious. Lea swears, he will be by his side when he wakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, yes a new chapter! Thanks in advance for reading and sticking around, I am really happy about every hit, kudo or comment this fic receives. I am still nervous about all this (especially when finding mistakes and editing them out after already posting a chaper, yeah that's fun lol) but at the same time I love writing this fic and I really hope you guys love it as much as I do.   
> Enjoy now! Softness ahead.

Ienzo’s call came barely ten minutes later. Lea was sprawled out on the grass, eyes fixed on the passing clouds and his mind racing behind the emerald green. He totally missed the first time his pocket started vibrating. He felt numbed, frozen in time. Part of that feeling came from the ache in his entire body, the scrapes and bruises all over his skin; the throb in his chest. He tried to fathom what had happened.

_Heartless. Sweat. Blood. Screams. Darkness. Light. Roxas. Xion. Isa._

It was too much and his thoughts were too heavy in his head, it hurt just to think.

The second time, Xion noticed the sound of plastic rattling against the inside of Lea’s armour. She got up from where she was lying next to her best friend, the dried blood under her nose still very prominent.

“Lea.”, she placed her hand on his shoulder, “Lea, your phone!”

“My phone.”, he echoed absently. He was craving a glass of water.

“Pick it up, you idiot.”, there was a breezy playfulness in her voice that Lea had never heard before. Something entirely new.

“Oh shit.”, Lea shot up straight, the world spinning in circles around him at the sudden movement. He felt for the vibration underneath the partially dirt-stained armour, his shaky fingers stumbling over the cool metal. He realized too late that he had no access to his phone. His heart started to pound against his ribcage.

“I can’t get to it!”, there was panic blocking his windpipe and Lea wiggled like a worm, fighting for access to the damn _accept call_ button.

“Then lose the armour.”, Roxas didn’t move as he said it, but Lea detected the smallest twitch of his right eyebrow.

“How?”

“Press the button.”

“Oh, oh yeah.”

The heel of his hand met the pauldron on his shoulder and with a flash of light, his body grew lighter and the armour vanished like it had never been there in the first place. He grabbed his phone with lighting speed and pressed the green icon, but not before nearly dropping the device in the process. He was shaking from head to toe.

“Huh.”, he said.

“I believe you are already in Radiant Garden.”, the young scientist on the other end of the call was quick to connect some lose ends.

“Uh huh.”

“Dilan just retrieved the body from the laboratory.”, Ienzo reported, “Even is just about to examine the damage and how long it will take for him to wake.”

“What?”, thick black dots were dancing into front of Lea’s eyes, threating to block his vision completely.

Ienzo didn’t say anything for a moment, clearly confused at how slurred and dazed Lea’s voice appeared. When he spoke, his words were the only thing Lea heard through the drumming of his heart, the rush of blood resonating in his ears, and the heavy thud of his skull.

“It’s Isa. He’s here, Lea.”

* * *

Lea stumbled his way to the castle and up the stairs; his teeth clenched and his heart aching; calling out to another’s only a couple of hallways away. Roxas and Xion were holding onto him on both sides, keeping his legs from giving in with their arms around his body. Aeleus met them at the front gate, nodding his head in silence before leading them straight to Ienzo with long and heavy steps. The ground seemed to quiver under his feet and the trio had difficulties trying to keep up.

Demyx was waiting in the study, sitting crossed legged on the desk and drawing shapes on the surface with his fingertip. His left foot was twitching. When he saw the royal guard enter, followed by the bruised and beaten Lea, Roxas and Xion, the young musician nearly choked on air alone.

“Oh, you look terrible!”, he gasped, grimacing.

Lea snorted, but a terrible, stinging pain in his chest turned the sound into a grunt. Xion placed her hand on his heart.

“Is Ienzo inside?”, Roxas asked as they came to a halt, blue eyes darting over to the door leading to the lab.

“Yeah.”, Demyx nodded his ash blond head. He scanned them from top to bottom and Lea could have sworn he detected a hint of dark panic in the light colour of his eyes, “You can just go in.”

They didn’t need to hear that twice. As they made their way to Ienzo, Lea felt the adrenaline pour out of his body with every step he took. Every breath worsened the pain; his chest was burning. He felt as if the darkness had left nothing but a gaping hole behind. He hissed through his teeth as a wave of fire surged through his veins.

But he kept going. Because Isa was here. And that was all that mattered.

Ienzo came rushing over to them immediately as they entered the laboratory. He was fidgeting nervously, eyes huge and drowned in anxiety.

“Sit.”, he ordered softly, eyeing the red head up and down like Demyx had before.

It took Ienzo barely a minute to connect Lea’s chest to various screens and devices via several colourful cables and see through tubes. It was an awfully familiar feeling and Lea had to squeeze his eyes shut as he felt the pins and needles ghost over his skin.

“Where’s Isa?”, he breathed through the numbing sensation that was starting to wash the pain away, “Where is he?”

“He’s safe, don’t worry.”, Ienzo promised, his fingers feeling for every bit of damage on bare skin, “Even is with him right now.”

“Where?”, Lea pressed, his heart unable to calm down; refusing, “Take me there.”

“Upstairs.”, it was a brief answer, “Don’t worry.”, he repeated the words almost to himself, as if he tried to convince not only Lea.

“Ienzo.”, it was many unspoken pleas in one word. Lea’s eyes stung as he said it.

The young man looked up at him, eyes filled to the brim with something that made Lea feel nauseous. Uncertainty. Lea felt a bang of pain in his chest and winced.

“Lea, you have to calm down.”, Ienzo tried to breath calmly. “You’re hurt.”

“Tch.”, Lea had to see him. He needed to. It was so much more important than that pesky sting in his chest.

“He’s right.”, Xion edged closer. Her face was clean; the dried blood gone. She must have washed it off in the bathroom. Only the exhaustion in her eyes remained. Lea hadn’t even noticed her absence, or Roxas’ for that matter. He felt guilty.

“Let Even take care of him, for now.”, said the raven-haired girl gently, “We don’t know the damage yet and neither do they. The body has to recover. I bet he needs rest more than anything.”

_More than me?_

He bit his tongue and the words on it back, “But he-…”

_Needs me._

Lea wanted it to be true.

“And he is not the only one who needs the rest.”, Ienzo nodded his head and inhaled, “Lea, you’re not looking good, the darkness got a vast grip on your heart.”

“Tell me something I don’t know, Ienzo.”, the words slipped out just like that and Lea regretted saying it. He immediately added a mumbled “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”, the scientist breathed, “You’re on edge.”

Lea felt a hand on his arms. “Try to relax.”, said Roxas next to him, eyes filled with promises, “You’ll be fine. Both of you.”

“We have to wait for now.”, Xion added with a short nod, exchanging a nervous glance with the blond boy.

Wait. How he hated that word. He’d waited long enough. And Isa was right here with him. Right here. He pressed his lips together.

“We’ll be here, right?”, Xion stared at Roxas and the boy gave her a determined nod. Lea sighed in defeat and took a long, deep breath that made his bones ache.

“Okay.”

Lea sat in silence as Ienzo went back and forth from bandaging the trio’s wounds and tinkering with the devices that Lea was connected to. He watched the man – who he could only ever see as a boy – with a sudden indescribable sadness in his whole body. He’d done so much for them already and all he ever wanted was to help; be by their side when they called for him. He was a good man. And Lea was thankful for his presence. And he felt useless around him. And sorry; sorry for everything.

“Thank you.”, he said, as Ienzo loosened the ascot around his neck. He never took it off.

“Of course.”, smiled the blue-haired, “It’s the least I can do.”

Lea shook his head, but couldn’t find any words to say to Ienzo, except for: “Are you-“, he hesitated for a second, considering if the following words would make things awkward, “Are getting enough hugs?”

It sounded extremely stupid and Lea wanted to punch himself in the face. But to his utter surprise, Ienzo chuckled and looked up, warmth radiating from his gaze.

“Yes.”

Lea smiled back.

And they waited. After what felt like hours, Ienzo allowed them to leave the laboratory. Though he asked the trio not to go too far off or out of reach, until Lea’s condition was stable. They didn’t object.

Lea, Roxas and Xion roamed the gaping corridors, talking with hushed voices. Lea’s skin was prickling, his hair on edge, but he tried to breathe steadily. They talked to Demyx for a while and Lea was happy to see Xion laugh at a very bad joke he made at one point. They passed Dilan and Aeleus in the hallway. Lea asked them about Even, but they could only shake their heads. His heart sank. More and more, he felt like a wild animal pacing up and down in a tiny cage, trapped and hopeless. The castle was huge, endless, yet the walls threatened to squish him to death.

All he could think about was Isa. How was he? Where was he? Behind which of these many doors? Did he pass him already? He was so close. So close.

“Lea, you’re shaking.”, Xion mumbled, looking up at him through some messy strands of hair. It was getting longer.

“And your hair is growing.”, he said it with a smile on his lips, trying his best to be subtle about changing the subject.

“I know…”, Xion muttered bitterly, “I want to get it cut, but I don’t know where.”

“We’ll find you someone in town.”, Lea promised and ruffled the black mess on the girl’s head.

A smile tugged at the corners of her lips, “I hope so, it’s a bit annoying.”

“I think it looks good.”, said Roxas casually and shrugged his shoulders.

“Too bad, cause it has to go.”

“Well, short is nice too.”

“If you say so.”

Lea smiled wider. These kids never failed to cheer him up.

“I just don’t want to end up looking like _him._ ”, Xion smirked and threw her head in Lea’s direction.

“And what’s that supposed to mean, huh?”, he crossed his arms. Roxas snorted.

Xion only grinned wider, “Nothing.”

“I think what she meant to say was-“, but Roxas never finished his sentence. The three of them froze on the spot, when they spotted Even hurry down the corridor, coming directly at them. The scientist’s eyes – covered by a pair of glasses – were fixed on the clipboard in his hands and he almost didn’t see the trio in front of him. Almost.

“Even.”, Lea couldn’t stop himself. His heart had already leaped out of his chest and into whatever room Even had just left.

The man raised his dirty blond head and his eyes widened at the sight of them. There was something hidden behind the green; a short flicker of – was it dread? Lea swallowed. But as quickly as the flicker sparked, it died down again and Even spoke.

“I did not expect to see you here.”

“How is he?”, Lea did not hesitate to ask.

Even blinked at him, before he cleared his throat and answered in a composed voice, “For now, his condition is stable. He is unconscious and I cannot yet tell when he’ll wake.”

It was enough. Enough for now. Isa was safe. Alive. Here. Lea could feel his heart sing, beat in a different rhythm; a tender melody.

“But he’ll be alright?”

“I believe so.”

Lea exhaled; released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. A breath he’d kept inside for a long, long time. Xion shifted next to him, but she didn’t speak.

The redhead pinched the bridge of his nose, “Can I see him?”

It was a simple request. He had to see it for himself. Isa. He had to be sure he was well. As well as he could be. The need was burning underneath his skin.

Even seemed to consider the request, a conflict emerging behind his eyes. After a while, he sighed, “But be quick. What he needs is peace and quiet before anything else.”

He just wanted to see. Look at him.

“Yes.”, it was barely a whisper, “Thank you.”

Even nodded his head, “I will take you to him.”, he then turned to look at the kids, “It would be best if you two remained outside for now.”

They nodded without uttering a word of protest. And Even lead them down the hallway and toward the only thing that mattered in this very moment. The one thing Lea needed the most. The one thing he’d been missing; yearning for. The one thing he would protect with his life from now on and forever more.

“How bad is it?”, Lea brought himself to ask, nibbling at his bottom lip. He was only waiting for Even to enter one of the many doors.

“He is in a much worse condition than any of us were, that much I am sure of.”, said Even calmly, “His body must have taken significant damage.”

No wonder, Lea thought, he’d been going against Sora, Roxas and Xion (and at one point, Lea himself. He pushed that fact aside, though). Three exceptionally powerful keyblade wielders. It would take some time for him to recover. The thought made Lea feel dizzy.

“But, with time the body will heal itself.”, added the blond scientist, “He’s very robust.”

Lea huffed. Xion and Roxas kept quiet, but Lea saw them exchange a telling glance out of the corner of his eye.

“Here we are.”, Even came to a halt, so abruptly that the redhead almost bumped into him, “Be quick.”

Lea’s heart was beating faster again, only picking up speed with every thought that crossed his mind. He stared at the door in front of him and realized. He realized that this was the last barrier to keep him separated from Isa. He realized that it was only one more step. One last step. His hands started shaking. And suddenly he wanted to run and didn’t know why. Run away.

He felt a hand on his arm, “Are you okay?”

He gave Roxas a short nod (and hated himself for the lie, even if it was only a small one). He inhaled. And exhaled. And he entered the room.

Everything was white. The curtains, the wall, the floor, the bed and the sheets on top. It stung in his eyes and they watered, though he wasn’t sure if it was because of the brightness or something completely different. There were splotches of colour here and there. A potted plant. Green. A dull painting on the wall. Different shades of faded yellow. And something blue on the clean, white bedsheets. Blue.

Lea blinked, frozen to the floor as he saw him.

Isa was lying still, the bottom half of his body underneath a thin blanket. His sky-blue hair was flowing over the pillow under his head, cascading down like a waterfall. Lea would have assumed him dead, if it wasn’t for his chest rising and falling softly. The redhead swallowed and edged closer to have a look at the man’s face. And as he did, warmth swelled within him.

Because Isa looked _unscathed._ Peaceful. Like no one had ever hurt him, nothing had ever touched him; nothing had twisted him.

Almost. If it wasn’t for the scar between his eyes. Even if delicate, the X was still there. And it would never vanish, it would never let him go. Lea felt his heart grow heavy as he looked at it. The mark. He knew. He’d seen it on himself. The scars would never fade. Lea himself had plenty of them. Smaller cuts all over his body, from missions gone wrong or simply as prove that he’d been fighting on the open field for ten years. And then there was the big one on the right side of his torso. The one he received when-

He shook his head and forced himself out of his thoughts. His gaze fell on Isa again. Isa, who looked like he was just sleeping. Nothing else. Sleeping soundly.

Tears fell before Lea could even feel them coming. He moved closer; craving to touch and heal. He was shaking as he sat down on the edge of the bed, hand hovering over the one lying still on the blanket.

“Hello, Isa.”, he whispered, tears thick in his throat, “It’s me.”

Isa didn’t stir. He probably couldn’t hear him at all, but Lea did not care, he kept talking. Softly. Only for Isa to hear.

“It’s been one hell of a mess, huh?”, he bit his lip, “I don’t even know if I should tell you about everything that happened. Probably not. To be honest, I’m not sure If I’m even allowed to talk to you, but I couldn’t help it, you know.”

He looked down at his hand and sighed. 

“I miss talking to you.”, he whispered, before placing his warm hand over Isa’s. It was cold under his fingers, so he squeezed it a bit and ran his thumb lightly over the back; soothing, reassuring. It felt good. It felt right. So right.

“I miss you.”

The words hung in the air around him. Meeting no answer. No tease. Nothing at all. Lea swallowed and averted his eyes. He stared at the floor, holding Isa’s hand in his. He wasn’t sure if he could ever let go again; shaking his head at the mere thought.

“I don’t know if you can hear me, but-“, he looked up, trying to prevent his tears from falling. He wanted to touch Isa’s face, trace the scar, trace every feature, feel his body work; _alive_ , “-it’s hard without you. Living. I don’t know.”, his thumb kept stroking Isa’s skin, “And I’m so scared. I’m more scared than ever before and I don’t understand why. I’m free, right? We’re free and whole and happy, but I-…I don’t know how to be free anymore. And- and I am afraid that you don’t know either. I don’t want that for you”

Word just kept spilling out of him.

“I just want to be myself again. And I want you to be yourself. And I want us to be ourselves. Together with Roxas and Xion and-“, he breathed, “-Isa, I just want you back.”

That was all. He wanted Isa. Isa with him. Isa laughing again. He wanted that warm and proud flicker in these turquoise ocean-eyes back. The feeling of his hands clutching his own. The breath on his skin. Everything. He wanted to laugh with him; live together and – oh he wanted to get a cat or a dog (probably both, since the kids would never come to an agreement). It was stupid, maybe. But it was all he needed.

Isa, Xion and Roxas. His family.

“Wait until I show you my new armour.”, he hummed and gently brushed a strand of loose sky-blue hair from Isa’s forehead, “It’s beautiful. I feel like a real champion in it; a real hero. That sounds stupid. Forget that, if you can hear me.”, he rolled his eyes at himself, “Man, if little nine-year-old Lea could see me now, he would-“

A knock on the door interrupted him. Lea winced and withdrew his hand from Isa’s, feeling empty as he did it. Empty like all these years ago.

Even opened the door without waiting for Lea’s permission and stepped into the room. He cleared his throat and blinked a few times. Lea got up from the bed, cheeks hot.

“That should do for today, Lea.”, he said carefully, “I’m sorry.”

It was not enough. Three minutes. Not enough.

“Please.”, he didn’t care about the feeble, pleading sound of his voice. He let his walls crumble without a second thought. Tears streaming and eyes begging. He just wanted to stay. Whatever the cost he wanted to stay and never leave. He couldn’t leave. No way.

“Lea.”, it was a cool warning. It was for the better and Lea knew that but he couldn’t think straight. Not now.

“I’ll be quiet, I won’t say a thing or touch him or anything, I promise, just-“, he wiped the tears of his cheeks, “Let me stay with him.”

_Let me be with him when he wakes. Let me be the first thing he sees. Let me make a promise to him. Let me see his eyes, gleaming in that shade of blue I will never understand. And never want to. Let me heal him with everything I can give._

Even seemed conflicted. He looked at Lea’s pleading eyes and found himself at a loss. Something the redhead had never seen before, “For how long?”

_Until he wakes._

He didn’t say it, but his silence was enough for Even to understand, “And the other two?”

Lea blinked. He hadn’t thought about that. He hadn’t thought about them. How could he not think about them?

“You reside in Twilight Town, as far as I am informed?”

Lea nodded his head, heart leaden. He wanted to stay. And he wanted Roxas and Xion to stay too. He wanted them to be together, simple as that. But there was no way of knowing how long it would take for Isa to wake up. And Lea knew that Roxas and Xion had a right to make their own decisions. He couldn’t force them to stay here with him.

“Could I talk to Roxas and Xion for a sec?”, he asked, nervously biting his lip.

“Of course.”

The two kids were sitting outside in the hallway, occupied with playing games on their phones. Lea smiled at the sight of Xion biting her tongue in concentration and Roxas flaring his nostrils. A clear sign that he was most certainly losing. When the redhead arrived, their heads shot up simultaneously and the game was all but forgotten.

“How are things?”, Roxas asked and cocked his head.

Lea shrugged his shoulders, “Well, he’s unconscious and not responding but- I mean, we knew that.”

“Mhm.”

Lea rubbed the back of his neck, before continuing, “Look, guys the thing is-…”

“You want to stay?”

Lea looked at Xion. The girl held his gaze, a soft sobriety in her eyes. She knew. She always did.

“Yeah.”, he pressed his lips together, “Would you- Do you want to stay too?”

The two kids exchanged a glance. Lea had no way of understanding the secret language they were silently speaking in that moment, but a shift in the air made him shiver for a second.

“For how long?”, asked Roxas and turned his head to look at Even, who was standing next to Lea.

“I cannot say just yet.”, the scientist explained, “But I expect it to be several weeks.”

Lea felt his heart _shatter_. Too long.

“Can we stay in the castle?”, Xion asked, swinging her feet. Lea noticed how small she looked, sitting on that chair.

“We have enough spare rooms.”

“Then I don’t see why we shouldn’t stay.”, the raven-haired girl looked up at Lea and smiled. It might have been the most genuine smile he’d seen from her.

“We can call the others to come over sometime.”, Roxas suggested with a wink, “I need to learn how to use that glider.”

“Yeah.”, Xion’s smile twisted into a cheeky smirk, “I want to beat you two in a race.”

“Dream on.”

“Good.”, Even took a deep breath, “Then I will speak to Master Ansem.”

“Thank you, Even.”, Lea nodded his head in gratitude.

Even didn’t answer. He only lowered his head, turned around and strode down the hallway, disappearing in the endless depth of the castle. The redhead followed him with his gaze, watched him vanish. Lea couldn’t shake the feeling that Even wasn’t pleased nor comfortable with them staying. Or rather, with _him_ staying. Lea couldn’t blame the man. Not for one second. After all he’d done to Even – to Vexen, rather – Lea deserved it. He hadn’t forgotten the fear in his eyes he saw just now, how it had flickered in the depths; a memory of fire and death. A painful memory Lea had caused. And like his scars it would never fade away.

“Are you okay?”, Xion – who was now somehow standing next to Lea – nudged him in the side.

“Huh?”, Lea shook his head as he snapped back to reality.

“Lost you.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“So-“, Roxas tried his very best to lay his arm around Lea’s shoulder. He was still significantly smaller than his best friend, so he had to stand on his tip toes, “-what do we do now?”

_Wait._

“I don’t know.”

“Wanna show us around town?”, asked Xion and took a hold of Lea’s sleeve, “He’s not going to wake up any time soon, you heard Even. He needs the quiet now and I think _you_ need some air.”

Maybe she was right. He was in Radiant Garden and he would stay in Radiant Garden. He would not leave alone. They would not leave alone. They would not leave as a trio. The would return home with much more.

And so, they made their way out of the castle and down into town. And Lea felt his heart hum with something different, something new as he watched Roxas and Xion hop through the streets he used to roam together with Isa. Isa, who was healing. Isa, who was safe and close.

“Hey, Lea.”, Roxas placed his hands behind his head, grinning, “Any chance we could get some ice cream?”

The redhead raised his eyebrows and snorted, “Sea salt?”

“Mhm.”

“I know a place.”

“Is it good?”

Lea smiled as he remembered the many times he’d gone out for ice cream with Isa when they were younger. He recalled the very first time he’d tasted the sweet and salty flavour of the baby-blue bar on his tongue. How weird it had tasted. How happy he’d been, watching Isa scrunch his nose, mumbling something about a brain freeze.

_“What are you talking about? It’s ice cream; of course it’s cold. Got it memorized?”_

It’s what he’d said to him, shaking his head and grinning. Isa had smiled at him that day. Lea remembered that clearly.

“It’s the best.”, he said and laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, the chapter is once again split in two. The next one will be a bit longer, so don't worry if it takes some more time to come out. Don't be afraid to leave a kudo or comment and have a wonderful day!


	15. turquoise 0.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Radiant Garden, Isa resides recompleted but unconscious. Lea swears, he will be by his side when he wakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it didn't take as long as I thought it would ^^ Truth it, I was looking forward to writing this chapter and I got quite emotional in the process. Heads up, this one is /a lot/ of emotion all at once. It may just be my personal favourite...but enough talk. Enjoy, my friends. I think you'll like this one, too...

Lea was tired. His head was growing heavier by the second and his eyelids threatened to fall shut. He’d been waiting in the corner of Isa’s room for several hours now and the arm chair he’d slumped into earlier was not exactly the most comfortable. Lea was wide aware that Isa wouldn’t wake up. Not now, not tomorrow. But he wanted to stay anyway. He wanted to be by his side, simple as that.

The kids had already gone to bed, though they were probably playing games right now, rather than actually sleeping. Lea had noticed a slight obsession. Maybe it was time to revoke some phone rights, make them play outside more.

Lea _tsked_ at himself and cringed a bit. He sounded like a dad. That kind that complained about new technology and lectured kids about how everything was better in the past. Lea grimaced in the dark of the room.

 _Man Isa, if you could hear me now_ , he thought, keeping quiet as instructed, _I sound like my parents. And I’m not even thirty._

He sighed quietly and shifted in his chair, hoisting his legs over the armrest. He stared at the ceiling, counting the stains and cracks.

This was the first night. The first night of who knew how many more. How was he supposed to survive this? During the day it was bearable, granted. But in the night, Lea’s mind had the inconvenient habit of _going places_. There was really no better way to explain it. It was too quiet, too eventless. He had time to think. And he’d grown to hate it.

A shiver ran through his body, as if it was trying to shake the incoming thoughts off and Lea took it as a sight to get up and straighten his spine. He felt his back crack and complain. Was he really getting old? He mumbled incomprehensible complains into his shirt, before taking a step toward Isa’s bed to have a look at him; make sure he was still breathing. He was.

Lea shuffled closer, observing Isa’s face, barely lit by the pale moonlight shining through the window on the other side of the room. The redhead bit his lip, before taking a seat on the very edge of the mattress. Nothing more. Just sitting. Though, the desire to touch and soothe was hard to fight back.

And as his eyes wandered over every inch of Isa’s face, he couldn’t help but notice something peculiar. A tiny crinkle between the eyes, right above the scar; a line of worry. Lea balled his fist in his lap and brought his face closer, unable to take his eyes of that one little crinkle, disturbing the otherwise so pleasingly peaceful appearance.

Isa was dreaming. And by the looks of it, it was not a pleasant dream. Not at all.

And Lea couldn’t help himself. He reached out – slowly – and ran his finger over Isa’s cheek; gently as if he were made of glass. His skin was cold, yet soft under Lea’s touch.

“It’s alright, dear.”, he breathed, eyes dancing over Isa’s face, “I’m here.”

Maybe it was just a breeze, the sound of a bark outside in the streets of Radiant Garden or something else entirely, but Isa’s eyelid twitched and not long after, the line of worry disappeared.

He was just sleeping once again.

* * *

“-how does that sound, Lea?”

“Huh?”

His head shot up and he blinked. Once. Twice. Until Xion’s face came into focus in front of him.

“Could you at least pretend to listen?”, she raised her left eyebrow, before scooping a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

“I am listening.”

“You’re not.”, she rolled her eyes, smiling, “And you have something on your face.”

Lea wrinkled his nose and Xion laughed as he wiped his breakfast off his nose. He’d stayed up late into the night, watching over Isa; reassuring himself that his beloved moon was resting and healing in peace. Sleep had finally taken him mere moments before dusk. That had been maybe three hours ago.

“How long did you sleep last night?”, Roxas asked and pointed his knife at Lea, “Not enough, it seems.”

“Mhm.”, was all that Lea had to say, dismissing the topic, “What did you want to say, Xion?”

“Well, I wanted to remind you _-_ “, she leaned forward, “-that we promised to help the guards tend to the garden today.”

“We did?”

“Well, I did.”, she corrected, waving her spoon around, “We’re gonna stay here for some time, seems only fair we help out a bit.”

“Yeah.”, Roxas nodded in agreement.

“Oh.”, Lea really couldn’t think of something else to say. His mind had already started to wander off. Tend to the garden. He’d done that before. Back then, when he’d been nothing but a pawn, kept as a trophy to put on a shelf together with six others. He’d been scared. He’d felt wrong, even when surrounded by all the pretty and colourful variations of flowers.

_“Hey look, moonflowers!”_

Something ached in his chest as he heard the voice in his mind. His own voice.

_“You should take one with you.”_

_“We’re not here to_ steal _the flowers, Lea.”_

_"_ _We’re not stealing them, we’re just picking them. You’re supposed to pick flowers, right?”_

“Hey-“, Roxas’ voice dragged him out of his thoughts, “-it’s going to be fine. You can visit Isa afterwards, it won’t take too long with the three of us.”

“Have you seen the gardens?”, Xion’s eyes went wide, “They are huge.”

“She’s right.”, Lea mumbled, “Trust me, it will take some time.”

“Well then, let’s not waist any more of it.”

Xion was in good spirits, Lea noticed, as she led the other two down the stairs with a happy bounce to her steps. Lea wondered why; wondered if she was content to be in Radiant Garden again, proud of them for winning a fight, relieved because they survived. Or maybe, Lea hoped, maybe she was excited. Excited to meet Isa.

On their way out the back door and into the largest of the grassed and flowered courtyards, they ran into Demyx. Lea assumed they all had the same destination.

“Morning.”, Roxas was the first to greet the young guard.

“Oh, hey guys.”, Demyx grinned and waved at them, “Where are you going?”

“Help with the flower patches.”, said Roxas and Xion nodded.

“Aw nice!”, a cocky smile was plastered on the young guard’s face, “That means day off for me.”

Lea crossed his arms and raised his brows. Apparently, Demyx had heard the word _help_ and misinterpreted it as a way of saying _we’re going to do all the work._

“Actually, you should join us.”, Lea shot the musician a telling glance; his eyes narrowed and clearly delivering the unspoken message: _or else_.

Demyx rubbed the back of his head and laughed awkwardly, “Sure, I- eh…I can play some music if you’d like that.”

Lea sighed and shook his head. He was about to make good use of a collection of rather unfriendly vocabulary, but Roxas interrupted him before he had the chance to open his mouth (it was probably for the better).

“Sounds good.”

Lea only grumbled, “Whatever, man.”

When they set off again, he felt Xion elbow him in the side. She grinned up at him, “You’re a real sourpuss in the morning, you know that?”

“I slept for like three hours, it’s not gonna get any better today.”

She laughed at that.

Lea breathed in the fresh air, as they stepped outside and into the glow of the morning light. It was already warm enough for them to lose their jackets, birds were singing in the trees and a gentle breeze caused the countless flowers to dance. Lea closed his eyes for a second as drops of golden sunlight painted the freckles onto his nose and cheeks. The flower patches were in full bloom; growing in a burst of colours and scents.

It was mesmerizing. Lea had forgotten that. The memories of fear and heat and betrayal had darkened the image. But now, it was clear and bright in front of him. And Lea felt good. Better then he thought he could this morning.

“Woah!”, Roxas burst out, his eyes the size of watermelons (almost), “It’s beautiful!”

“Yeah.”, Xion breathed, her eyes darting all over the ocean of flowers, “Really pretty.”

“Mhm.”, this time it was a sound of agreement coming from Lea.

Xion and Roxas went straight to work, fetching watering cans and clearing out weeds. Lea was not nearly as enthusiastic about it and Demyx – well, he sat down on the nearest bench and started strumming his sitar as always without so much as looking at the flower patches. Lea rolled his eyes, but let him be and joined the other two. He grabbed himself a watering can and filled it to the brim, before emptying it (very half-heartedly, admittedly) over the nearest set of flowers; pretty things with honey coloured petals.

He let his tired gaze wander a bit, hand frozen in motion. He tried to count the shades of colours all around him, but it was impossible. There were so many. Blue. Green. Red. Pink. White.

White. Moonflowers.

Lea blinked as his heart skipped a beat.

_“Moonflowers are very special.”_

_“Why?”_

_“They open in the evening and last through the night. They bloom in the moonlight, not sunlight.”_

_“No way…”_

A smile tugged at the corner of Lea’s lips, as he stared at the white blossoms, shaped like the full-moon. Isa’s favourites.

“Lea, you’re drowning the poor flowers.”, Xion’s voice made him wince.

“Oh.”

“Maybe you should lay down for another hour.”, Roxas placed his hands on his hips, a judging look in his blue eyes, “Or two.”

“Nah, I’m fine.”

“If you say so.”

The three of them finished their work sooner than expected. The flowers were watered, the weeds cleared and the garden illuminated, drops of fresh water glinting in the sunlight all over the courtyard like stardust. So, they sat down on the bench next to Demyx, listening to his music and soaking up the sun, until Roxas got up with a cheeky grin and beckoned Xion to follow him. Lea watched the kids, as they picked a colourful variation of flowers from the endless to choose from, smiles spread over their faces and a bright red colour in their cheeks.

They came back with their hands full and Roxas started to weave the different flower together into a vibrant crown. Lea and Xion watched him intently.

“Since when do you know how to do that?”, Xion raised her eyebrows.

“Dunno.”, Roxas only shrugged, “I just know. Guess Sora loves to do it.” He said it with a hint of indifference in his voice. Lea and Xion made a silent agreement not to ask any more questions.

Around midday, Lea felt a prickle in his fingers that soon spread through his whole body. A restlessness. A need to make sure that Isa was where he’d left him this morning, safe and sound. So, he got up to his feet and stretched his lazy muscles.

“Are you going?”, asked Xion, not looking up from her own half-finished flower crown.

“I want to make sure he’s alright.”

“Okay.”

But before Lea left the courtyard, he dashed over to the set of moonflowers and picked the prettiest one of all.

* * *

The room was unnaturally quiet. Lea had noticed it before. It was like stepping into a whole other world. The window was closed, the curtains still and the air unmoving. Isa was still there and even though Lea knew he would be, he couldn’t help but sigh in relief. He watched the rise and fall of Isa’s chest, entranced by the movement, the sign of life.

He moved over to the nightstand to pick up an unused water glass and filled it at the sink, before placing the moonflower inside. It stood upright and proud as he set it down next to Isa.

“Hope it survives, so you can see it.”, Lea mumbled and sat down at the edge of the bed. Isa didn’t stir, didn’t twitch. Lea wanted him to. So badly. Like last night.

He wondered if Isa was dreaming this very second. About what? Who? Lea imagined, for a second, that he was dreaming about him. Why, he couldn’t tell.

“I hope where ever you are, right now-”, his finger met Isa’s, “-it’s nice there.”

He started to draw symbols onto the back of Isa’s hand; letters, words. Hoping Isa would feel it. Feel Lea next to him; _know_ that he was here and that he would _stay_.

H – E – L – L – O

He paused for a moment.

I – S – A

No response. It disappointed him more than he’d thought it would and for a moment, he felt childish. But what else was there to do? Wait, hope, try to assure Isa that he wasn’t alone. That he would never be alone again. Not as long as Lea was alive and breathing.

A thought – a burning need – settled in his mind, something that Even would highly disapprove of (and most likely scold him for if he’d ever find out). Something Lea knew he should probably not do. But it was overpowering and now he actually wondered why he hadn’t thought of it before.

Driven by a twist and ache in his heart, he lowered his head – hand closing over Isa’s – onto the bluehead’s chest. He closed his eyes and _listened_. And he didn’t hear anything. No, he _felt_ it. A steady thud against his ear. A familiar melody, soft and yet so powerful.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

In sync with his own heart – now starting to pound in his ribcage, trying to escape – was Isa’s. Isa’s _heart_. Alive. Beating. Pumping warmth through his body. And suddenly the room wasn’t coated in silence any longer. No, it was filled – _thriving –_ with the sound of Isa’s heartbeat. All around Lea it was humming, singing. And he was drowning in it.

He could have fallen asleep like this, with the sound of that steady heartbeat against his skin; in his ears, lulling him in into a sense of security. But he forced himself to draw his head back, though every nerve in his body screamed at him, begged him to linger. But he didn’t. He breathed in, gave Isa’s hand a ginger squeeze and left with tears rising in his throat.

What he didn’t see, was Isa’s finger giving the faintest of twitches, as if to reach out, asking him to stay a little longer.

* * *

Time crawled forward at a torturously slow pace. Days were long, the night’s rest too short. At least for Lea. The trio did their best to help out as much as they could and whenever they were needed (which wasn’t too often, since no one trusted them with professional work. Then again, that was pretty understandable.)

Sometimes, they would go for a stroll in town, check out the many shops or pay Leon and the gang a short visit. Lea never mentioned it, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Radiant Garden was somehow _watching_ him; glaring daggers as if he were a parasite that didn’t belong. He might have just declared himself insane, but the world felt wrong and not at all like home. Maybe because it didn’t look like it had back then. Yes, the central square was there, he recognized many streets and even shops, but too many houses he’d known and loved had been destroyed during the war, including his own and Isa’s. The whole street he’d once called his second home was _dead_. Dead to him at least. It wasn’t the same. It would never be the same. But more and more, Lea couldn’t find it in himself to care. He’d accepted it. Home was not what it had been, not a house, not a world, not a place. Not anymore. To Lea, home began to sound like a feeling, a moment. Every day anew it occurred to him that now and in the future, home would be Isa, Xion and Roxas. And that was enough.

Every day he would sit at the edge of Isa’s bed, mumble words, draw symbols and listen to the thud of his heartbeat. Ever so often he’d fall asleep in his room, curled up in the armchair, unable to leave. Roxas and Xion on the other hand, never entered. And Lea couldn’t tell if they were just nervous or if something scared them. Something he neglected to see with his own eyes. He tried to overlook it, but a voice in his head hissed at him, calling him selfish and stupid.

A week turned into two. Isa did not wake up and Lea started to worry, even though Ienzo and Even assured him that there was no reason for concern.

“Give him time.”, Xion said to him one day, hugging him close after he’d cried himself dry, “He’ll wake when he’s ready.

“I think he’s just waiting for the right moment now.”, said Roxas with a careful smile.

_The right moment._

The words echoed in Lea’s head as he entered Isa’s room that night and he chewed them over. Maybe Roxas was right. Maybe Isa just wasn’t ready to be whole just yet; needed time to bloom and grow after being withered for a decade. It was a terrible thought and Lea bit his tongue, as he sat down to take his best friend’s cold hands into his own. Only they were not cold. Lea felt the rush of warm blood underneath the skin, fast and eager. A will. A _fight_.

The redhead’s heart skipped several beats and for a second, he thought it might stop. He realized that he wasn’t breathing just then and when he inhaled, a wild _thud thud thud_ arose in his chest.

Isa was so close to the surface, so close to breaking through. Lea knew it. Ienzo had told him. Yet, he’d cried and hoped and wished. Because why wasn’t he awake yet? What did he need to come back? A word. A push. A hand.

 _Me_ , Lea thought. He wished. Wanted it so badly. Because after all this time, after all these fights, the cold words, the pain and _death,_ after every blow and hiss and lonely night, Lea still loved him. Of course, he did. He could never stop. Even if they _both changed_. For so long, he wanted it to end. He wanted to stop remembering, couldn’t look at Saix, couldn’t stand his presence, hated it. Because every time he’d only seen Isa trapped in a shell, a prison, crying out to him. Every time he’d seen his own mistakes; what he’d lost and who he’d failed. All of it. And yet, he’d come back for another fight, another cold stare, another word that could pierce an empty chest. Anything to fuel the fire in his veins, dispel the hollowness. Feel. Love. Anything to find Isa underneath that icy coat of possession.

“C’mon…”, he whispered and brought his hand to Isa’s face, thumb tracing invisible patterns on his cheek, “Isa, please, I need you.”

He pressed his eyes shut, holding Isa in his hand, trying to keep his heart from breaking through his rips. Trying to keep himself from shattering. His thumb moved almost on its on, gliding over smooth skin. A wish was all he had. A desire. He felt it. A movement. A shudder. A shift in the air. And when he opened his eyes, he saw the ocean. He was drowning, forced to hold his breath. Turquoise. A colour he did not understand.

And it took him several seconds to realize that he was looking straight into Isa’s eyes. Not yellow, not alien, not someone else’s. No, this colour was all Isa. This warmth was all him. A spark of light, a lifetime spent together. Isa. Isa was looking at him. He was here. He was awake. He was alive – alive – alive.

“Isa.”, it was the only word his quivering lips could manage, before his voice was lost in tears. He sank down – down – down into closeness, intimacy, trust.

It was like falling through this world and landing in another. A word full of honey and stars, dust and gold, fireworks and dance, the sun and moon.

“Lea.”

His voice. It was his voice. Warm but broken, as if it had not been used for years. 

“Lea.”, Isa said again.

“Yes.”, Lea tried his best to sound steady and reassuring, give Isa the feeling of comfort, of safety. But he could only whisper, only breathe, “Yes, I’m here. I’m here.”

_I will not leave you._

“You’re safe.”

Isa was looking up at him, heart beating, blood streaming and pulse strong, eyes warm. _Thump. Thump. Thump._

And all that Lea could do was to start crying – _sobbing –_ as his forehead came to rest against Isa’s. He breathed him in, sparks erupting from where they connected. His mind went blank, the world blurred into nothingness. It was all Isa. He was here.

“I’ve got you.”, he whispered, his body shaking. Isa was warm, he was warm and alive and breathing against his skin. Lea wanted nothing more than to stop time and live in this very moment alone. Stay like this. Isa in his grasp, so close to him. Awake and alive.

“Lea.”, Isa’s voice was so terribly feeble and small, threatening to break at any moment.

“Sshh…”, Lea ran his thumb over Isa’s temple and lifted his head a bit so he could look him in the eyes again. Pools of regret and pain, of warmth and relief and understanding.

“Lea, I’m…”

“Don’t speak.”

They whispered only to each other.

“Lea, I’m- I’m so-“, Isa’s voice broke, “I’m sorry.”

He meant it. And it broke Lea’s heart.

“No, no, don’t-“, Lea shook his head, “Don’t say that, please.”

It was the last thing Lea wanted to hear. The last thing Isa should have said. Not now. Lea’s free hand came to take Isa’s and he felt their fingers intertwine in perfection. He had not yet realized that the world had changed. His world. His entire world.

“I’ve missed you so much.”

They said in in unison, their hearts beating in sync. Side by side. Just like this. Lea held Isa close. And Isa was awake.

Isa was back where he belonged.

_Finally._

* * *

Lea couldn’t tell how much time had passed, before Ienzo came into the room, the wild beat of his heart filling the comfortable silence around them. The redhead didn’t look up. He kept his eyes on the ocean.

“Lea?”, Ienzo took a careful step toward the bed, a million questions in his voice.

And after what felt like an eternity and a mere second at the same time, Lea forced himself to look away and met the scientists bewildered gaze.

“He’s awake.”, he smiled, gently playing with the fingers on Isa’s hand.

“I picked up some changes in his heartbeat and breathing.”, Ienzo nodded, holding Lea’s gaze, “This is why I came to examine him.”

Isa didn’t speak. Lea wasn’t sure if he simply _couldn’t_ because he was too exhausted or if he didn’t want to.

“Should I inform Roxas and Xion?”, asked Ienzo, his gaze now finally finding Isa’s behind Lea. He gave a tiny nod and a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. A welcome back. Lea felt Isa shift in response.

Lea swallowed the tightness arising in his throat. Roxas and Xion. Of course, they didn’t know yet. Didn’t know what had happened. Didn’t know Isa was here to meet them. It occurred to him that this would be it; the moment he’d had waited for. A clash of past and future. And now that he had the choice to see it happen, he realized that – no – it wasn’t his to make. 

“Isa.”, he whispered, turning around to meet the man’s tired gaze. Tired but alive, “Roxas and Xion are here.”

Isa blinked, something swirling behind his eyes. Something Lea could not quite fathom. A storm at sea. Lea bit his lips and took a deep breath, “I am going to talk to them, okay?”, when Isa tightened his fingers around his, he added, “But I will be back. I promise.”

And he felt his heart grow lighter when Isa nodded with a soft smile on his lips. Though, Lea did not miss the flicker of – what was it? Concern, _fear_ in the depth of his eyes. The redhead gave Isa’s hand a squeeze and pressed the knuckles to his lips for a second, before slowly standing up and letting go. It was so much harder than he thought it would be.

When he left the room, he heard one word in the air around him.

“Lea.”

Isa’s voice echoed in his mind, in his flesh and bones as he walked down the corridor. It curled and uncurled in his head as he entered the room he shared with Roxas and Xion (a room he couldn’t remember sleeping in once). It sang in his ears, when the two kids – sprawled out like starfish on one of the beds, staring at the ceiling and talking in hushed voices – shot up and looked at him, their eyes glowing in the dim light of the room.

“Hey.”, he said.

“Hey.”, they answered.

Lea didn’t know how to start.

“Are you okay?”, Xion cocked her head and rose from their bed. Roxas followed.

Lea huffed out a laugh that sounded just a little bit insane. He was exhausted, but happy and these two feelings blended in the tone of his voice in the strangest way that made the kids share a mildly concerned look.

“Lea?”

“Did something-…”

“He’s awake.”

No one spoke after that, though the stares burned on Lea face. He felt his cheeks grow hot. Why were they looking at him like that? Was it something he’d said? Had he chosen the wrong moment? Or were they simply trying to digest what they’d just heard. Lea placed his bets on the latter, because just as he was about to open his mouth, Xion dashed toward him and – he drew in a sharp breath of surprise – threw her arms around him and pressed her face into his shirt. Lea froze on the spot.

“What?”, he breathed, arms hanging uselessly down his body. They’d gone numb to his command.

“I don’t know.”, mumbled the girl into the fabric of Lea’s clothes, “I’m happy for you.”

Lea smiled at that, his heart beating in a sing-song. He found Roxas’ eyes and the boy’s cheeks and nose had gone bright red in – and Lea hoped it was – excitement. He slid down the bed and rushed over to join his two best friends in the warm embrace.

“Did he-“, Xion looked up to him, “-say something?”

_Lea._

“Barely.”

_I’m sorry._

Someone cleared their throat behind them. Lea winced and swirled around, biting the inside of his cheek on accident. He’d totally forgotten that Ienzo was still with them.

“Lea, I want to be honest with you.”, said the scientis, his voice warm, but stern, “I don’t think they should visit him today.”

Lea knew the answer to his immediate “Why?” before Ienzo could give it to him.

“It would simply be too much for him in that state, I fear.”

Lea knew he was right. He knew, but-

“I know you don’t like it, but listen to what I’m saying. For his sake.”, Lea had never heard Ienzo’s voice change to _this_. Determined. Heartfelt. Almost pleading. As if he knew how Lea was feeling in this moment (which, of course, he did).

“Okay.”, it was the only thing he could say. For _his_ sake. For _their_ sake. Both needed the time.

“Thank you.”

“Can I stay with him tonight?”, Lea didn’t know _whose_ permission he was asking for. Ienzo’s or Roxas and Xion’s.

Either way, the answer was given by three voices at ones (or maybe he just imagined it), “Yes.”

* * *

Isa was asleep when Lea walked into the room, his chest rising and falling like the waves of the sea. Lea couldn’t stop himself from smiling, he didn’t want to. His gaze fell onto the armchair in the corner of the room. The one he’d spent most of his (rather short) nights in. Somehow, it appeared too far away. So, the redhead stretched his arms and dragged the chair over to the side of Isa’s bed. He tried to be as quiet as possible, but the chair was heavy and his arms and mind to tired. For a second, Aqua’s voice echoed through his mind. _Scrawny,_ she’d called him. He huffed and by the time he’d hauled the chair to where he wanted it to stand, Isa’s eyes had fluttered open.

“I’m sorry.”, Lea said immediately and sat down, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Isa smiled at him, “I’m glad you did.”

Lea was relieved to hear him talk again. Relieved that his voice was still the same.

“How are you?”, his fingers found their way to brush the hair out of Isa’s weary face, before holding it secure. Isa leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and letting his walls crumble. He looked so vulnerable like this, Lea thought.

“I’ve been better.”

Lea snorted softly, “Can I be honest with you?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve definitely looked better too.”

Lea’s heart sang as Isa _laughed,_ if weak and tired, “Thank you.”

Isa stilled for a second and his eyes drifted in and out of focus, as if he were searching for something in his own mind, “What did they say?”

“They’re happy.”, it wasn’t a lie, though Lea left the _for me_ out on purpose.

Despite the answer, Isa looked sad, “They shouldn’t be.”

Lea flinched, as if someone had dealt him a blow to a fresh wound, “Don’t say that.”

“They have no reason to-…”

But Lea interrupted, “You’re wrong there.”, he leaned forward and placed his chin on the mattress, holding Isa’s gaze, “I told them a lot about you, about us.”

Isa cocked his head as much as he could in his position, demanding further explanation.

“I told them stories about us, stories from when we were younger.”

Isa lost himself in thought and an absent smile graced his lips, as he remembered, _saw_ the images before his inner eye.

“They wanted me to tell them.”

At that, Isa’s eyes shifted into sharp focus, “Really?”

Lea nodded, “They want to get to know you, Isa.”

Isa’s tired eyes closed again. Lea watched as he took a shaky breath and whispered, “I want to get to know them too.”, before sleep overpowered him again.

Lea watched him for some time, letting his steady breathing and the up and down of his chest lull him into dreams about sunsets and laughter.

He slept better than he had in weeks and through the night, even in his weird half-bed, half-chair position. Maybe it was because his sleep deprived body couldn’t stand another night with less than three hours of rest, or maybe it was because – for the first time in a long time – Lea felt like he had nothing to worry about, nothing to keep him awake and on alert. Or at least not as much as before.

When Lea opened his eyes the next morning, the world was warm and golden. Sunlight was leaking through the curtains and Lea could hear the birds sing even through the closed window. He blinked and straightened his spine, his back muscles screaming in protest. To his surprise, Isa was already awake. He was sitting upright with his back against the headboard of the bed and his eyes fixed on the nightstand. When he saw Lea stir awake from his slumber, he looked at him.

“Morning.”

“Heya.”

The ocean eyes went back to stare at the nightstand (or rather, something on it). Lea followed Isa’s gaze, turning his head. A little sound of realization slipped past his lips as he saw what Isa was really looking at. The moonflower, still standing open and round from the night, fed by the moon’s light.

“They still grow here.”, Lea said, his eyes finding Isa’s again, “I saw them and I thought you’d like one.”

“They are my favourites.”, muttered Isa carefully.

“I know.”

“Thank you.”, Lea could have sworn that – for a second – the colour of Isa’s eyes threatened to brim over and spill down his cheeks. It took him a second to realize that his eyes were swimming in tears. He blinked them away before Lea could comment on it.

Neither of them said a word. Until Lea got up and rolled his head.

“When?”

The question caught Lea off guard and he froze. It was only one word, but he understood.

“Whenever you’re ready, Isa.”

But Isa shook his head, before whispering, “No, whenever _they_ are ready.”

* * *

“What should I say?”, Roxas looked up at Lea, wrapping his arms around his body. Xion was pacing up and down in front of the door to Isa’s room. The girl was nervous. It was plain for everyone to see.

“What do you mean?”, Lea didn’t mean to snort, but the noise came out anyway, “Sorry.”

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“I do.”, Xion ran her fingers through her blank hair. It really did grow fast, “Like do we just say _Hi_ or what?”

“I think you’ll know.”

“I really doubt it.”

“Hey, listen.”, Lea looked at the two intently and Xion stopped pacing, “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I can do the talking.”

“Well, that’ll be awkward”, muttered Xion.

“I don’t know, he’s pretty good at talking.”, Roxas shot Lea a sneaky grin and the redhead punched the boy in the arm.

“Ow!”

“Can we just-?”

“Of course.”

Lea knocked at the door, but didn’t wait for an answer before opening it. As if the knock had only been a warning. He stuck his head through the crack in the door, careful as if surrounded by elusive deer, and blinked in utter confusion. Isa wasn’t there. The bed was empty. Lea furrowed his brows as he entered the room, pushing the door open. Roxas and Xion followed shyly. And then he saw that Isa _was_ in the room after all. He was _standing_ in front of the window, watching the play of spring colours dance outside the castle, eyes trying to soak up everything. He was so entranced, that he hadn’t noticed them come in.

He only turned, when Lea cleared his throat. Blue hair danced in the soft sunlight and the ocean eyes fell not on Lea, but directly on his two companions, lingering there as memories swirled behind the colour. Not just that; regret, sadness and for second, there was a spark of shock.

“Hello, Isa.”, Roxas’ voice was steady and calm and so were his eyes as they met Isa’s and saw, that these were not the same cold eyes that had looked down on him every day. Or maybe it was the careful smile on the bluehead’s lips. A smile that changed the shape of the well-known face, softened the edges. A smile that _meant_ something.

Isa lowered his head and spoke, “It’s nice to see you, Roxas.”

Lea could feel the boy exhale, felt the air grow warmer, “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“And I am glad to see that you are, too.”

Roxas took a step forward, shoulders untensing, but eyes still wide open. His voice was balanced. “You helped, didn’t you?”, he asked, “It was your idea to gather replicas and bring me back.”

Isa nodded.

“Then I have to thank you.”

Lea’s heart danced in his chest, fast and effortless, just like he and Isa had on New Year’s Eve in the barn. It was an entirely new feeling. And he loved it.

“It was the least I could do.”, Isa held the boy’s gaze, “After everything, I should have done more for you-“, his eyes wandered back and forth between Roxas to Lea, “-and Xion. Much more.”

Lea wanted to offer his own words of comfort, but something held him back. Something Isa had said. Xion. Lea blinked and turned to look at the girl. But when he did, he saw that she wasn’t there. She wasn’t in the room at all. Xion was gone.

“What? Where is-?”, Lea started with a (slightly panicked) hiccup to his voice, eyes darting through the room and back into the corridor. Roxas turned as well, equally as puzzled as Lea. Only Isa remained unmoving, a grey sadness masking his features. Because he’d seen it. He’d seen Xion take one look at him – eyes widening and memories breaking through the deep blue – and stumble out the door. And he hadn’t tried to stop her, he’d been unable to bring himself to move, couldn’t blame her, _understood_.

“I should-“, Lea shook his head, “I have to find her.”

Emerald and turquoise met for a moment, a silent exchange in their very own language, before Isa gave a short nod and Lea rushed out the door and down the corridor, leaving the other two alone.

He made for their room, hoping the girl would be there, hoping she was okay. His heart was beating all around him and he bit back his tears; hated how familiar it felt. He wanted to call her, but stopped himself. There was no need. Because he could hear her sobs through the door to their rooms, hanging ajar as if she’d rushed in without looking back.

Lea thought his heart actually _withered_ for a second then and there. His hand was trembling as it pushed the door open. He swallowed hard when he saw the raven-haired girl sitting on the bed, hugging her legs close to her chest. Her head was resting on her knees and her body (it looked so painfully small in that instant) shaken by sobs. Xion flinched like someone had struck her and looked up as Lea stepped in. The redhead closed the door immediately behind his back, so that they were secure and safe.

“Xion.”, he whispered softly, edging closer. He forced his voice not to break, give her courage.

The girl only shook her head and buried her face in her hands, tears spilling through her finger.

“I’m sorry.”, she sobbed, shaking her head, “I’m so sorry.”

Lea closed the distance between them, sat down next to Xion and wrapped his arms around her form, so much smaller than his own. He wanted nothing more than to protect her. From what, he couldn’t say. Tears. Sadness. Anger. The world. Everything.

“Don’t be, Xion.”, he breathed, as he felt the girl lean into his hug, “There is nothing to be sorry for.”

“I wanted-“, a hiccup interrupted her and Lea ran his hand softly over her back, “I really wanted to just- I didn’t mean to run."

“I know.”

“But he looked at me and- and all I could think of was- he was-…”, her voice broke as another sob made her jump, “But he isn’t. He isn’t but I couldn’t help it.”

“It’s alright, Xion.”, and Lea meant it; he meant every word, “I know it’s hard. And I know you don’t want to see him like _this,_ but-…”

“I was happy.”, suddenly, she looked up at him and her eyes were drowning in honest sorrow, “I was excited to meet him.”

He ran his fingers through her hair. It was sticking all over her wet cheeks.

“I just wish I didn’t-…”

“Ssshhh…”, he hugged her closer; rocking her softly, like a boat on the open sea, “It’s not your fault, Xion.”

She didn’t say anything after that. She inhaled and let Lea cradle her until all her tears were spilled and she stopped shaking. Roxas came in when she’d already stilled, sleeping in Lea’s arms, exhausted from the crying, the day, the fight, everything. The boy closed his eyes, bit his lip and crawled onto the bed next to his best friends. He placed his head on Lea’s leg and sighed.

“Is she okay?”, he whispered.

Lea looked down on the raven-haired girl. Her face was calm now, the tears had tried, but still a shadow covered her skin. Then he gave his answer, “She will be.”

After a while, Lea got up, slowly and carefully so he wouldn’t wake Xion. He wrapped the girl in a blanket and placed her head on the pillow, before addressing Roxas in a hushed voice, “I’ll go to see Isa.”

Roxas nodded and just before Lea left the room, he said: “He looked so sad.”

“What?”, Lea’s hand froze on the doorknob.

“Isa.”, the boy continued, “He looked sad when you left.”

Lea didn’t answer.

“He looked sad when Xion ran away, too.”

Lea absently turned the doorknob. He just couldn’t find the right words to answer to the statement. Didn’t know what to say.

“I hope he gets to be happy in the future.”, Lea turned around at that and saw Roxas’ eyes gleam brightly, even in the light of the afternoon, full of unspoken wishes, “I hope we get to be happy. Together.”

“Yeah.”, Lea nodded and smiled, “Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally.
> 
> There are six more chapters to come, everybody. So, be ready, stay safe and thank you SO much for reading. I am forever thankful for every single one of you.


	16. bronze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xion and Roxas want to hear one last story. And this time, Isa is the one they wish to hear it from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go my dear readers! This chapter will be a bit of a /calmer/ one, maybe you could even call it a filler but, not really idk haha. It also features the last flashback of this fic! It is a tiny one, but...well you'll see. Enjoy!

Isa was wide awake. He was tired and exhausted and his body was heavy, so heavy he thought it might just fall through the floor. Yet his mind kept him from falling asleep. Maybe it was self- defence, a desperate attempt to cling to the land of the living and push the memories of the moments he’d relived deep down. Maybe it was fear. Fear of what his mind could force him to see once he was unconscious again. Whatever force it was, it was strong. So strong that it kept his eyes wide open.

And then there was what had happened today. Isa felt a painful twist in his gut as he remembered and tucked his legs up to his chest, hoping to retain some of the warmth Lea had left behind. But his limbs grew cold as he recalled the girl standing frozen in the door frame. She’d tried to keep her face composed, but her eyes had betrayed her. The sheer horror and infinite pain in the depth of the colour were unforgettable.

_And all of it is my fault. Mine alone._

A shiver ran down his spine. He’d already closed the window, but the cold was unrelenting, nesting inside of him, spreading from deep within his own chest. And right now, he wished that Lea was still here. Lea, who was always radiating that familiar warmth. Not that feverish heat that had always clung to Axel, no. That soft radiance, the gentle touch. Isa wanted to cling to Lea and dispel the cold, take in the sweet smell of honey and burning applewood and just sleep. But he couldn’t. Because Lea was with the kids as he should be. Isa had asked him to stay with Roxas and Xion himself. But right now – as selfish as it sounded – he regretted ever opening his mouth and sending him away.

Isa felt the sudden urge to call for Lea, beg him to stay, but instead he shook his head, hating himself for thinking like this and turned to lie on his back again. It was too dark to see anything, too quiet to keep his mind from racing, too cold to find comfort on his own.

Isa scoured his mind for something else than darkness. What else was there than empty words and growls and pain and silver-tongues? And he went round and round just to find it was the same answer every time. Promises and whispered words of devotion and warm hands and a beating heart against his own. _Lea._

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

A buzz in his ears caused Lea to wake up in a pile of limbs. There was an arm spread over half his face and another draped over his chest and two pairs of legs entangled with his own, rendering him unable to move. The kids were snoring softly next to him, their breathing steady and relaxed. All well and good, if it weren’t for the fact that his phone was vibrating like fury on the nightstand. The nightstand he couldn’t reach like this.

Lea tried to wiggle himself free, earning a fair number of grunts and groans from the kids. Roxas muttered something under his breath und turned his back on Lea, granting him access to his phone. He rubbed his eyes and took a look at the display. He nearly choked on air alone.

His phone was blowing up with messages. All of them from no one else than Kairi.

**Hello, Lea? Aqua told me everything! Elaborate!**

**Is he okay? Is he awake?**

**Are you okay? How are Roxas and Xion?**

**Call me.**

**Hello?**

**Lea come on**

**Don’t tell me you’re still sleeping**

**I need to know**

**Well, I’m just gonna annoy you**

**Wake up**

**Wake up**

Lea bit his lips as he opened their chat. He’d totally forgotten to tell Kairi about their current situation, so he typed a quick answer.

**Heya, sorry bout that. We’re fine and alive and Isa’s also awake**

**Maybe call later today**

It was the best he could manage. He smiled at the quick answer, imagining Kairi’s tone of voice.

**Don’t you forget it**

“Who was that?”

Lea turned his head and snorted at the sight of Xion laying face down on the mattress, her voice muffled and tired.

“Kairi.”, he answered with a yawn, “She wants to know if we’re okay.”

“Oh?”, Xion looked up.

“I’m gonna call her later.”, Lea said and carelessly tossed his phone aside.

“Wonder what the islanders are up to.”, Roxas mumbled, voice slurred as he forced his eyes open.

“Maybe we can visit sometime.”, Lea looked up at the ceiling as he suggested it.

“Mhm, yeah.”, Xion smiled, “Finally a nice day on the beach.”

Lea smiled and Roxas sighed dreamily at the thought of it. Finally, a trip to the beach. Together. Free and without any missions to worry about. Just like they’d imagined it back then. The sand under their feet, the sun sparkling on the endless ocean’s surface. Colourful seashells, carried by the waves rolling against the shore, the cool water and warmth of the summer evening. A world they could escape to. It sounded perfect.

“I bet Isa would love it, too.”

Lea’s heart fluttered and his eyes flew open. He turned to look at Xion. The girl was lying on her back, eyes closed, painting a picture in her mind.

“He would.”, answered the redhead softly. Xion opened her eyes and turned her head to smile at him.

“I want to check on him.”

Lea didn’t expect to hear it from her. Not now. He bit his lip, feeling Roxas shift next to him.

“Xion, you don’t have to.”

But the look in her eyes was determined. Bold and sharp, “I want to. Now more than before.”

“But-“

“Lea.”, she cut him off, “I want to.”

She said it again. This time with a force behind her voice that sent a deep chill through Lea’s bones. She didn’t sound harsh. She hadn’t snapped at him; her voice was softer than ever. But there was something new to it. Something different.

“Okay.”

“Let’s see if he’s up, alright?”

“Alright.”

* * *

Isa flinched when he heard the soft knock on the door. He’d been looking out of the window, absently watching the sunrise, lost in his own mind. But now his eyes shifted into focus and his heart started pounding in his chest.

“Come in.”, he called, his voice hoarse from the lack of use.

Lea stuck his fiery red head through the crack of the door and Isa tried his very best to ignore his heart somersaulting at the sight of him. 

“Are you up?”, the redhead asked carefully and nibbled at his bottom lip.

“Clearly.”, Isa smiled at the question.

“Can we come in?”

 _We._ For a second, Isa’s heart started _burning_ , _stinging, hurting_ and he felt so violently overwhelmed that his words were knocked straight from his tongue and down his throat, causing him to nearly choke on them. His blood roared in his ears.

“Are you okay, Isa?”, Lea’s eyes went wide in panic and he dashed through the door and toward the bed in a heartbeat.

Isa shook his head and answered in a surprisingly composed tone of voice, “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?”, Lea cocked his head and looked at him with these bright emerald eyes wide open in concern.

“Yes.”, Isa could save his voice from cracking just in time, “You can come in.” The last words were directed at the other two visitors, still standing behind the door, hesitant to enter the room.

 _Scared to see you,_ snarled a venomous voice in Isa’s head that he was quick to force down to wherever the other dark memories lingered. Somewhere he couldn’t reach them again. 

Roxas shuffled his way through the door, followed by – Isa held his breath as she entered – Xion. The girl with raven hair and kind blue eyes. The girl with colour in her cheeks and fire underneath her skin. The girl that was alive and real. The girl that was so clearly not a puppet. The girl that never was one in the first place. The girl that was so much more. Isa could see her now. Clearly and in colour. It broke his heart, the way he’d broken hers so many times.

When she spoke, her voice was strong and unbreakable, “Hello Isa.”

The way she said his name; without the pain drowning out the meaning of it. Without caution or fear of his answer. She said it like it was just a name and not a deadly threat. Like it meant something.

“Hello, Xion.”

And – to his utter surprise – the girl smiled at him. But he knew that he didn’t deserve it. He would never deserve it; never deserve anything more than her –

“You look tired.”, she remarked gingerly and took a few steps forward, arms wrapped around her body, “Did you get enough sleep?”

Isa blinked, catching a quick glance of Lea standing still next to Roxas (he looked like he was going to faint any minute), before answering, “Not as much as I need.”

It was Lea who answered, “We can leave if you want to rest some more.”

“No.”, Isa shook his head immediately. It was a single word that held a thousand meanings. A plea, a wish, a promise, an apology.

“Okay.”

The room went quiet. Lea and Isa exchanged a glance, trying to communicate in silence like they’d done so many times before. A quick flicker of uncertainty in Isa’s eyes was enough for Lea to understand everything he could never bring himself to say. Yet the words that cut through the silence were Xion’s.

“Isa, can I ask you something?”

And there it was again. Isa’s heart was drumming against his ribcage with such force, he thought it might just burst. His hands were starting to feel treacherously clammy and his throat was bone dry all out of a sudden.

He cleared his throat, “Of course.”

“Could you-…”, she pressed her lips together for a second, overthinking her next words, “Would you like to tell us a story?”

Isa opened his mouth. Then he closed it again and blinked. He’d expected her to be disappointed. Frightened. Sad. Furious. He’d expected her to leave and never look at him again. Run away. He wouldn’t blame her for it. Couldn’t blame her for it. But no. No, she actually wanted to _stay_ ; actually wanted to –

“What?”, Isa was just _confused_. And that confusion must have been written all over his face, because Lea snickered into his shirt at his (most likely) very dumbstruck expression.

“Well, when you were still gone-“, started the girl and took another step toward his bed, “-Lea told us a lot of stories about you.”

His eyes found Lea’s. They’d gone soft; a delicate glassy veil in front of the colour indicated that he was diving deep into his memories. He’d already told Isa about it, if only briefly. About how Roxas and Xion actually _cared_. It was so hard for him to believe.

Yet he couldn’t help but smile, “What did he tell you?”

“That you sleep like a starfish.”, Roxas crossed his arms in front of his chest and smirked.

“Excuse me, what?”, Isa wrinkled his forehead and stared wide-eyed at his redheaded friend, who’d started snorting into his closed fist. There was a mischievous flicker in his eyes. One that Isa knew too well.

“Hey I told you, they begged me to tell ‘em.”, Lea raised his hands in the air, as if to say _this time, it’s really not my fault_. And then he explained everything. He told Isa about how Roxas and Xion had come into his room at night, eager to learn more about his past. _Their_ past. How their eyes had gone so wide with awe and how they’d soaked up every word. How it had happened more than once. How excited they’d been. Excited to hear about them.

“For short, we know everything about you know.”, Roxas seemed to be very proud of that.

“Not _everything_.”, corrected Xion, “Which is why I thought you’d like to-…”, she looked down to the floor.

“I’d love to.”

Her eyes were bright when she looked at him again; bright as stars, “Really?”

He nodded, sensing Lea’s gaze prickling on his skin, warming his chilled blood, “Really. If this is what you want.”

“It is.”

And then she came closer, carefully – he noticed – as if she were made out of glass and he could drop the facade and shatter her at any moment. Roxas and Lea followed. Isa felt his muscles tense, his heart beat faster. Yet, he knew that it wasn’t fear this time. That voice in his head wasn’t telling him to _run, run, run_. It begged him to stay right here. Lea sat down next to him, arm pressed against him and Isa would have loved to wrap his whole body around the redhead, but kept his composure. Even though the scent of Lea rose up to his head, and clouded the whole damn world for a moment. Xion curled up in the armchair next to the bed. The one that Lea had spent most of his nights in. Roxas hesitated, before squeezing into the little free space next to the raven-haired girl.

“What do you want to know?”, asked Isa carefully, turning his head to look at Roxas and Xion huddled together in the armchair.

Xion answered immediately, like she’d thought about asking that question before, “How did you two meet each other?”

“Or when?”, added Roxas and Xion nodded.

Lea and Isa looked at each other for a long time.

“I don’t remember.”, said the bluehead eventually, never taking his eyes of the emerald orbs in front of him.

“What do you mean?”, Xion sounded mildly shocked.

“Well, I just-…”, Isa looked down at the blanket, “I was too little. Lea’s been with me-“, and his heart hurt so wonderfully as it occurred to him, “-my entire life.”

“It was probably in kindergarten or before.”, Lea added and Isa felt the redhead press his arm flush against his.

“That is a really long time ago.”, Roxas’ eyes widened.

“Excuse me, how old do you think I am?”, Isa smiled at Lea’s offended question.

“Thirty or something?”

“I’m just gonna pretend you didn’t say that.”

Xion rolled her eyes at the two.

“Hey!”, Lea nudged Isa in the side, so gently the bluehead almost didn’t feel it, “How about your personal favourite childhood memory.”

“We’ve heard that one before.”

“You’ve heard _my_ favourite.”, Lea corrected and Isa knew exactly which one it was without a second thought. Lea had always wanted to be a hero.

“Do you have a favourite, Isa?”, Xion cocked her head.

His eyes were fixed on Lea as he whispered, “Yes.”

* * *

“We jump on three.”

“I’m just saying it’s a bad idea.”

“One.”

“It’s a very, _very_ bad idea.”

“Two.”

“Lea please, I don’t like this.”

“Three.”

Isa pressed his eyes shut as he felt the yank on his wrist and then he was falling, gripping his best friend’s hand for dear life, as if it would somehow soften the impact. He didn’t know where his legs were or his head or anything. The world was a blur, there was nothing but air around him, gravity pulling him _down, down, down_ until –

The water was ice cold, numbing his limbs completely as he dove under, hand closed tightly around Lea’s. For a moment, he didn’t move, drifting through the water like a cloud in the breeze. Utterly and completely relaxed. Everything was so beautifully quiet. And there was only Lea’s hand in his, warm and solid. A waypoint in the endlessness around him.

And then he realized that he couldn’t breathe and that he had to come up for air. And with three strokes, Isa swam up to breach through the surface of the water. He gasped for air, filling his lungs, chest tight from the cold. His heart was pounding so hard he could _see_ it around him on the surface; little waves rolling in a steady rhythm.

A splash next to him made the bluehead turn around. Lea was shaking his head, drops of clear water glittering in the golden afternoon sunlight as he took a deep breath. 

“That wasn’t so bad.”, panted the redhead, a cheeky grin spreading from one ear to the other.

“Could have been worse.”, Isa admitted and tried his best to keep moving his legs (they were definitely, actually frozen right now).

“Let’s do it again!”

“No chance.”

Lea laughed at him, “I’m kidding.”

“You were so _not_ kidding.”

“Maybe not.”, the redhead winked at his best friend, before splashing him with an icy surge of water.

“Hey!”, Isa mimicked the attack, but Lea was too quick and already diving back down and out of reach, “Not fair.”

Isa flinched as he felt Lea’s arm brush his legs and shivered. Maybe from the cold, maybe not. He didn’t care. With a laugh, Lea came up behind him and splashed him again, this time with more force behind it. Isa turned with a growl, meeting the teasing flicker in his best friend’s eyes.

“You never stop, huh?”

“Why should I?”, grinned Lea, “It’s too much fun.”

Isa stuck out his tongue.

“C’mon, it’s our last day, gotta make the most out of it.”

The last day of summer vacation. Isa’s heart sank down to the bottom of the lake at that thought.

“Have you finished homework?”

“Urgh, really?”, Lea rolled his eyes, “Do you _have_ to remind me?”

“You haven’t.”

“I will.”

“Mhm.”

“But I don’t want to think about that now, Isa!”, Lea was smiling again; his eyes bright and saturated in the light of the sun, “I just want to have some fun with you.”

“Well then.”, Isa flopped his arms, “Let’s go again.”

“What?”

“Jump I mean.”, Isa bit his lip, smirking, “Or are you scared?”

Lea snorted, “ _You_ are scared.”, and then he splashed Isa a third time and laughed, “Race you!”

Isa didn’t even have time to complain, before Lea (ungracefully) swam his way over to the massive, old tree they’d used as diving platform; its branches thick and steady and twice as wide as Isa himself.

With only a few strokes, Isa had caught up with the redhead. He knew that his best friend _really_ enjoyed swimming, _even though_ he wasn’t actually very skilled at it. The bluehead tried not to laugh at the sight of Lea’s ~~adorable~~ doggy paddling. There would be plenty opportunities to tease him about it later.

They made their way to the lakeshore and in the blink of an eye, Lea was already climbing back up the tree. Luna – who’d been waiting for them at the edge of the water – wagged her tail happily and greeted them with several loud barks. Isa scratched the dog between the ears and watched Lea with an gentle smile on his lips; he couldn’t help but notice the redhead sticking his tongue between his teeth, the eagerness glinting in his eyes, the little grin on his face as he balanced his way to the end of the branch. 

“C’mon Isa!”, he called, waving his hand, “Or are you scared after all?”

Isa _tsked_ at him, “Just you wait.”

Isa could only assume that he didn’t look half as enthusiastic about climbing the tree as Lea had. It wasn’t like he was scared of heights, but – okay maybe it was exactly that, at least a little bit. More than Lea was for sure (not that he would admit it). But he had to. If only to see the look on Lea’s face in just a second.

“Okay, on three again?”

“Whatever.”, Isa shifted closed to Lea, arm pressing against his.

“One.”

Isa pressed his lips together, trying to hide a cheeky smile.

“Two.”

And before Lea could finish counting, Isa pushed him off the tree and into the lake. “Three!”

The redhead squeaked at the act of utter betrayal, before his head disappeared under the water’s surface with a splash. Luna jumped back and forth in agitation, undecided if Lea needed to be rescued or not. When his fiery hair came up again, she barked once in satisfaction, before trotting off to lie down on her blanket.

“Isa!”, the look on Lea’s face was priceless and Isa burst out in a fit of laughter. Lea’s eyes were torn wide open in shock, “Did you really just do that?”

Mission succeeded.

“Didn’t see that coming?”, Isa was almost surprised at how sassy his voice sounded and how wide his teasing smile was. Lea might have been rubbing off on him. A lot.

“You know what?”, Lea paddled his way to the shore, “I really didn’t.”

Isa laughed again as he climbed his way down and was relieved to hear Lea join in; a sound as high and clear and liberating as nothing else in this world. Isa’s heart starting beating just a little bit faster (though he was sure it was just the residual adrenaline).

The sun began to set over the lake, as the two boys wrapped themselves in towels and sat down on their blanket next to Luna. Lea giggled as she prodded the boy with her snout, wanting to be petted. He was quick on granting the wish, talking to her in a sugar-coated voice one would use to talk to a baby.

After a while, Lea eyes started to wander over the horizon, right to where the sun was about to touch the water and plunge the world into the deepest, warmest shades of red. His hand had stopped, now resting in Luna’s fur, as he sat unmoving and entranced.

And for a minute, the lake was ablaze, fire dancing on the surface. The sky, the earth, the water, Lea and Isa; everything was cloaked in the light of the setting sun. Isa leaned back, soaking up the moment as it burned itself into his memories.

“It’s-…”, Lea started, but lost his words, his tongue lazy and heavy. Isa turned his head to look at his best friend; colours – gold, red and bronze – dancing on his skin and in the depth of his emerald eyes. His freckles shining like stars on his cheeks.

_Beautiful._

“Yeah…”, Isa whispered, as Lea’s head came to rest on his shoulder.

“I don’t want this to end.”, said the redhead softly. Isa wasn’t sure what he meant. Summer vacation? This day? This moment? The sunset? But the first thing that came to his own mind was _us_.

“Hey, Lea…”

“Huh?”

“Do you know why the sun sets red?”, Isa asked, causing Lea to raise his eyebrows and look at his best friend with huge, curious eyes. He shook his head.

“Light is made up of many colours.”, explained the bluehead, “And out of these colours, red is the one with the longest wavelength, so it reaches our eyes even during sunset and all the other colours with shorter wavelengths scatter when passing through the atmosphere.”

Lea blinked at him, seemingly confused, “So, it travels the farthest?”

Isa grinned, “You could say it like that.”

“That is so cool!”, Lea’s eyes lit up, “Red is like the strongest colour.”

“I guess.”, Isa snorted.

Lea closed his eyes and placed his head on his best friend’s shoulder again. It was nice like this, Isa thought. Really nice. But only in a few minutes, it would be over. The sun would set and make way for the moon and stars to shine. Maybe they could star-gaze then, trace patterns and find constellations.

“Isa?”

“Yeah?”

Lea turned his head a bit, nose cold on Isa’s skin, “Don’t ever change.”

It was only three words. Three little words said in a moment of peace. Three words that held more meaning than anything else in this world. And they were meant for Isa. Him alone. And the tears that had formed in Isa’s eyes were the answer. And they were meant for no one else than Lea.

“Promise-”, Lea kept his eyes on the horizon, “- to never leave me.”

“Never.”, the sun disappeared as Isa let his head fall onto Lea’s, “I’ll never leave you.”

_As long as you are Lea and I am Isa._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya, thank you so much for reading! Writing the chapter was...surprisingly calming and I am quite content with how it turned out. I hope you liked it too! Five more present time chapaters to come <3 Stay safe, drink water, rest and thank you a thousand times!


	17. teal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea, Isa, Roxas and Xion make their way back home to start a new life together, only to discover that there are still many things to fix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I am here to feed you!  
> I hope you enjoy this emotional chapter. There are a lot of deep talks and tears and, well read for yourself.  
> Hope you enjoy!

“You should have called us, too! We could have helped you guys.”

“It’s alright, little red.”, Lea smiled and bit the tip of his thumb, “We had it under control.”

“You literally just told me you almost _died_ …”, Kairi shot back.

“Details.”, Lea rolled his eyes, “We survived, we won, Isa’s back and that’s the end of that.”

The girl on the other end of the line sighed into the speaker, “Still, it sounds like it was a close call. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, sheesh.”, Lea blew a raspberry and started to pace up and down the hallway, “Let’s talk about how you’re doing.”

“I’m fine.”

“Really? That’s all you’re gonna give me?”

“Well what else am I supposed to say?”, chuckled Kairi and Lea couldn’t help but grin as he heard a lively voice babble some incomprehensible words in the background.

“C’mon little red, tell me something.”, Lea leaned back against the surprisingly cold wall, “Anything.”

“Well I-…”, Kairi started, but stopped between words, “Shush, Sora.”

The young Hero of Light complained loudly in the background and Lea snorted at the playful banter that erupted between the two islanders. At some point, a third voice chimed in and all that Lea could do was wait for them to sort out whatever little issue they were having.

“Are you good?”, Lea snickered.

“Perfectly fine.”

“Hello, Lea!”, Sora called happily.

“Hey, kid.”

“When are you planning to visit?”, Lea could hear the ear to ear grin in the boy’s voice, “You should all come so we can have a beach party!”

“We will.”, promised the redhead and nodded, “Once we’ve got things figured out.”

“Okay, but promise you’ll come as soon as you can.”

“Promise.”

“So you-“, and the boy mimicked Lea’s own voice, “-got it memorized?”

Kairi snorted out a laugh and Lea shook his head, a red colour spreading over his entire face, “Yeah…”

“Alright, cool!”, laughed the boy, “See you then!”

“Yeah, I should probably start preparing now.”, Lea mumbled.

“You’re going home?”, Kairi asked.

“Yep, Leon said we leave in-”, Lea took a quick look at his phone display, “- one and a half hours.”

“Oh, well then you should get going.”

“I’ll call you once we’re settled, okay?”

“Alright then.”, Kairi cleared her throat, “See you.”

“Be good, little red.”

“You too.”

And that ended the call. Lea stared at the display for another couple of minutes, as his mind wandered off.

 _Home._ That’s what Kairi had said. They would be going home today; to live together in their tiny apartment in Twilight Town. Live together as a – Lea’s heart jumped up to his head – family. Maybe. Hopefully. Lea wanted nothing more than this, but still he was so _scared_. Unsure. Intimidated. For ten years, he’d been _running_ , constantly fleeing, constantly moving, never calling any place home. Because that cold, lifeless castle had never been more than impenetrable walls around him. He was afraid that he would never know how to come home. Have a home. _Be_ home. Live a life with nothing to worry about. No missions, no icky jobs, no traitors to deal with. And wasn’t that a terrible thing? Lea didn’t know how to live or how to function without a threat around him or how to –

“Hey Lea, have you seen my other shoe?”

Lea flinched and accidentally bit his tongue at the sound of Roxas’ voice, “Huh?”

“My shoe.”, repeated the boy slowly, “Have you seen it?”

“No.”, mumbled the redhead, sucking the tip of his throbbing tongue.

Roxas raised his left eyebrow, “You okay?”

There it was again. Lea heaved a long sigh, “Chipper.”

“If you say so.”, the boy stretched his arms, before turning on his heels, “Make sure you’re ready on time.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

Ready to leave Radiant Garden. For how long, Lea couldn’t say. And it wasn’t like he could never return. As soon as he learned how to use his glider, there would be no stopping him. Yet, he felt like this was a great and somehow painful goodbye. He felt like he was leaving something behind forever. Something that was woven deeply into his heart and soul. It was like closing a book. Ending a chapter.

Or maybe he was just being weird, that would make more sense to him.

Lea shook his head and pushed himself off the wall. Maybe he should check on Isa and see if he was ready to go. These last two days, Lea had noticed how much more _alive_ the bluehead seemed now. After Xion had asked him to tell the trio all about his favourite childhood memory, something had changed deep inside of him. Something small but unbelievably powerful. Even though he was still extremely careful, scared to break the things and people around him. Even though he never dared to initiate a conversation with Xion and kept his voice low when talking to others as if his own words weren’t worth to be heard, he was smiling. Isa was actually smiling and laughing, his heart was beating, he was breathing, his eyes were as beautiful as the ocean and he was alive. He was alive. _They_ were alive. That thought kept Lea going.

The redhead rolled his head, neck cracking in the process, before making his way over to Isa’s room. Three quick knocks, a soft “Come in.” and Lea was entering the little room drenched in white light and the smell of lavender.

Isa was standing in front of the window as always, bathing in the light of the sun. The very first thing that Lea noticed was that his hair was tied into a loose ponytail. The second thing he noticed were that some stubborn strands were framing the man’s face, flowing down onto his shoulders. The third and last thing Lea noticed, was that he was _staring_. With a weird sound (very close to a hiccup) Lea averted his eyes, trying to ignore how _painfully pretty_ Isa looked like this.

Wait, what? Lea shook his head as Isa greeted him. 

“Are you ready to leave?”, asked the bluehead softly, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he turned to look at his old friend.

“More or less.”, Lea rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks heating up a bit.

“Me too.”

Lea made his way over to Isa, voice gentle and low, “Are you sure you don’t want to stay a little longer?”

“Yes.”, Isa closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Lea came to stand next to him.

“I just-“, the redhead watched his own reflexion in the window, “-I’m kinda-…”

“Scared?” Isa felt like he’d heard Lea say it before. When he was drifting in darkness, trapped in memory. His voice had been close, his hand warm. He’d pulled him back to the surface.

Lea exhaled, “To death.”

Isa turned to look at his wistful profile, “Me too, Lea.”

Emerald met turquoise and they held each other’s gaze; reading, understanding.

“But I am ready.”, Lea’s heart started drumming against his ribcage as Isa took the sleeve of his shirt into his hand. The back of his finger was brushing against skin and the world was quiet for a moment. He could only stare, cheeks burning.

And in a flash of confidence and determination, Lea intertwined their fingers, holding Isa in place and never taking his eyes off him (and his _freaking_ pretty face).

“We’ll be alright?”, Lea had planned to make it sound like a statement, but his voice had cracked and now the question hung thick in the air around them. His hand tightened its grip around Isa’s.

Isa’s voice was steady and his eyes true, “Someday.”

* * *

_Someday. Someday. Someday._

The word echoed in Lea’s mind, even hours later when the four of them were already flying through the Lanes Between on their way to Twilight Town. It was quiet in the ship. Xion and Roxas were playing their game in the back and Lea, Isa and Leon sat in the (probably) most awkward silence the redhead had ever endured. Lea kept his eyes focused on the endlessness around them. Stars and worlds were blurring into clouds of silver light. Everything connected, yet so far apart. It never ceased to amaze him.

And when Lea turned his head to look at Isa, his heart stopped for a second. There was stardust in his eyes, galaxies swirling in the depths and his lips were parted in amazement. Of course. Isa had never seen it. The world beyond. The Lanes Between. He’d only ever known the corridors. These dark, cold, boring gates were nothing compared to _this_.

Lea took the chance, leaned over and whispered, “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Endless.”, breathed Isa, voice full of wonder.

Lea bit his lip and took a deep breath through his nose, before gently placing his own hand over Isa’s and closing his fingers around it. And with every world they passed, he tightened his grip, holding Isa close so he could never slip away again.

The golden light of the everlasting sunset greeted them as the vessel landed right in front of the clock tower. _Their_ clock tower. Sand coloured stone and red brick walls, the chug of the trains in the distance, orange clouds and people laughing and chatting down at market street. The image of Roxas and Xion in these streets, the sun in their hair and on their skin, blue ice cream bars in their hands. The same ice cream he’d shared with Saix the day before the great battle. Sitting side by side, so far apart yet closer than they’d ever been.

_I’m even dragging you home._

Everything was so familiar and for a second, Lea wondered if this really _was_ what coming home actually felt like.

Leon said his quick goodbyes and then they were alone. Alone together in this world of sunset.

“Wait ‘til you see the apartment, Isa.”, Roxas was the first one to talk. There was a grin on his face, small and careful, but genuine. Xion shuffled her feet and kept quiet.

“What do you mean?”, asked the bluehead carefully as they set off at a slow pace.

“He means-“, Lea ruffled Roxas’ hair, “-it kinda looks like a haunted mansion or something. The number of cobwebs is astonishing, really.”

“It’s not _that_ bad.”

“You’ve been in my room.”, Lea recalled the timber beams and little window covered in dust as well as the very unstable, moaning bedframe.

“Well, why haven’t you cleaned it yet?”, Isa cocked his head.

Roxas and Lea stared at him and even Xion looked up from the floor. They blinked.

“I actually don’t know.”, Lea snorted.

“He’s too lazy, that’s why.”, grinned Roxas and nudged Lea in the side.

“Hang on, what about you?”

“Our room is not as bad as yours.”, the boy was quick to defend himself, “Right Xion?”

The girl shrugged her shoulders, “I guess.”

“Well, first things first tomorrow morning-“, Lea grinned and placed his hands on his hips, “-we clean the place up.”

“Yey, can’t wait.”, Roxas deadpanned and threw his hands in the air, clearly very unimpressed by the idea.

Lea pinched the boy’s ear and laughed, when he complained from the top of his lungs, trying to shove Lea away (with no success). Isa watched the two banter and joke around, eyes soft and smile warm. But when he looked at Xion, the smile faded. Her eyes were glassed over, her mind far away from this moment. She looked around, seeing nothing. Or – maybe – seeing things the others couldn’t. As if she was trying to find something.

Isa watched her, his chest starting to ache more and more with every step he took.

Xion’s eyes focused and she snapped back into reality only when Lea turned the keys in the lock of the front door of their apartment. The click made the girl flinch and shake her head. As they stepped inside the living room, Isa tried to take everything in at once. Sun dust was dancing through the air, golden light was painting chaotic patterns on the wooden floor, the steady tick-tock of a clock sounded through the apartment, along with the creak of the floorboards.

“It’s not much, but-“, Lea tossed his jacket onto the sofa, “-it’s all ours.”

Roxas plopped down the old armchair next to the sofa and stretched his legs, “I think it’s cosy.”

“Better than nothing.”, Xion added with a nod.

“C’mon Isa, I’ll show you our room.”, Lea beckoned Isa to follow him, but froze halfway through the motion as he realized. _Oh_.

“-I mean, only if you want to share a room and a bed. Of course, I could- I could sleep on the couch or-“

“Lea, don’t be ridiculous.”, Isa’s eyes widened, “It’s not like we’ve never slept in the same bed before.”

Roxas and Xion exchanged a telling glance and Lea’s cheeks took on the colour of ripe tomatoes.

“I mean, yeah-“, the redhead rubbed the back of his neck.

“And if one of us was to sleep on the couch it would be me.”, added the bluehead. Lea swallowed hard at the sharp sincerity in the depth of his eyes.

“Oh-okay.”, Lea looked at Xion for a second. The girl winked at him and – okay maybe hiding in the broom closet would be a good idea now.

“Lead the way.”

“Ah-yes, come on.”

Isa followed the redhead up the ~~stairs~~ ladder, trying his best not to comment on the moans and cries of the wood under his feet. Lea nibbled at his bottom lip, hoping the damn steps would hold them both.

“Ta-dah.”, Lea spread his arms wide and grinned at Isa. Though he was sure it must have looked like he stepped on a nail (which wouldn’t be unlikely, so maybe he could get away with it).

Isa let his gaze wander over to the bed, the little window, the lightbulb over their heads, the timber beams, the old wardrobe, the carpet, the dusty mirror. Then he looked at Lea and to the redhead’s surprise, he smiled. Lea felt his heart leap right out of his chest.

“It’s pathetic, really.”, mumbled the redhead and sighed.

“I love it.”

“You’re just saying that to sound polite.”

Isa furrowed his brows, “What’s wrong, Lea?”

“What do you mean?”, Lea cocked his head.

“Stop deriding all of this.”, Isa took a step closer, “This is more than I could have ever hoped for.”

“Come on…”

“And I don’t care about the apartment; how it looks or how big it is.”, Lea felt lightheaded as Isa reached out to grab him by the arm, “The only thing I care about is being with you.”

That was enough to stop time, along with Lea’s heart. He focused on Isa’s lips moving.

“You saved me; the three of you.”, Isa’s voice was softer now, “This is the only thing that matters to me and I am so unbelievably thankful. You risked your life for me.”

Lea pressed his lips together. He hadn’t told Isa about the fight, only that they’d defeated the heartless. He’d never told him about how close he came to being consumed. He hadn’t told him about the night he’d used the dark corridors in a stupid, selfish attempt of a rescue mission. He had not dared to burden Isa with that knowledge, knowing he would start to blame and hate himself. And he never would.

“Of course, I did.”, Lea placed his hand over Isa’s on his arm, “And I would do it a thousand times again.”

The look on Isa’s face sent a wave of shivers down Lea’s spine. The colour of his eyes was bright, vibrant, _intense; s_ o wide open that Lea found himself drowning helplessly. Tears were forming in the corners, glistering in the golden light. 

“Don’t you cry now.”, Lea tried his very best to follow his own words, but his voice cracked pitifully, “ _I’m_ the crybaby, remember?”

Isa chuckled at that and was quick to wipe his eyes with his too-long sleeve. He was wearing some of Dilan’s old clothes; the ones that had shrunk in the drier, but were still way too large for either of them.

“Look at us being sappy.”, snorted Lea and wiped his own tears off his cheek.

Isa laughed this time and it sounded like an escape, a break out, freedom. His hand grasped the back of Lea’s neck and he pulled him into a hug. Lea gasped at the sudden movement, his heart pounding against Isa’s chest. He buried his face in the crook of Isa’s neck and inhaled his scent, fingers clawing at the back of his shirt as if he could slip away at any second.

“I fucking missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, Lea.”

“I’ll never let you go again, I swear.”, at this point Lea had started to cry again.

“Never.”

* * *

The day came to an end and the four of them enjoyed a quickly improvised dinner over a hushed conversation. They washed the dishes together, listening to their favourite songs mixed with the clack of plates and glasses against the sink. The kids were chatting with each other, fighting over which song to play next and singing along under their breaths. Lea enjoyed the sound of their voices, their giggles and hums, all while the warmth of Isa’s body drew the two men closer together.

And after skipping through every TV channel this world had to offer and discovering that they all sucked, the kids decided to call it an early night and go to bed (to watch their own videos or make fun of Lea, surely). And not long after, Isa and Lea made their way up to their own bedroom.

“I wish we had some more movies to watch.”, said Lea as he jumped up the last step and into the room. He turned the light on and watched with a grimace as it flickered.

“I actually liked the cooking channel.”, Isa shrugged his shoulders.

Lea snorted, “Why am I not surprised?”

“That tart looked amazing.”

“Maybe we can try and make one.”, Lea suggested as he walked over the wardrobe to change into some more comfortable clothes.

“I’d like that.”, Isa hummed and walked over to sit down on the edge of the mattress. The bed groaned at his weight and the bluehead inhaled sharply trough his teeth, “Are you sure this will hold us both?”

“It’s actually sturdier than it sounds like.”, Lea said and his head disappeared in the fabric of his shirt as he stripped out of it. “It survived a night holding the three of us.” 

“Well, if you say so.”

“And we’re not that heavy.”, Lea shivered, the cool air of the evening gnawing at his exposed skin, “Even though I should be, considering the amount of ice cream I eat.”

Isa said nothing.

“Did I even eat normal food back in the organization?”, Lea wondered and froze for a second, “I seriously can’t remember.”

Isa stared at him.

“Hey, I’m kidding.”, Lea smirked at the bluehead, but Isa sat still and motionless, staring. Staring at Lea. Staring at Lea’s waist.

“Isa?”

Lea followed his gaze down his own body and – oh no. He’d forgotten about it.

Isa was staring at the long, prominent scar running along the right side of Lea’s waist. The scar he’d received back as Axel. Back when he himself had been a traitor. The scar of the wound that had killed him. The scar that Saix had given him.

“No.”, Lea shook his head. The sheer terror in Isa’s eyes was torture.

“I did this.”

“No, no, no.”, Lea breathed weakly, “Isa, no.”

“This was my fault.”

“Isa, listen to me.”, Lea pressed his eyes shut for a second, before fighting the shock that had numbed his limbs and rushing over to where Isa was sitting on the bed, his ocean eyes veiled by a terrible darkness.

“It wasn’t your fault.”, Lea sat down next to the petrified Isa and cupped his face between his warm hands, “Don’t blame yourself, _please_.”

Isa shook his head; his eyes were drifting in and out of focus. He was sinking. Down, down, down and away from Lea’s touch. Blame. Hurt. Pain. It was written all over his face. Nothing else. It was cold, his face was cold and his eyes – oh, his eyes were grey and brimming with tears. 

“It wasn’t you.”, Lea’s voice cracked and broken, but he kept talking, “You weren’t yourself. You were not Isa.”

He brought his face closer, staring, begging, wishing for Isa to see him.

“I hurt all of you.”, Isa’s voice was far away. Toneless. Dead.

“No. You didn’t.”, Lea pulled Isa closer to brush his nose over the bluehead’s icy cheek, “You could never hurt me. You could never hurt us.”

Isa’s scent went straight to his head. He was impossibly close, but right now it wasn’t enough to reach him. Lea kept whispering, kept pushing closer.

“This is not your fault. Isa, you can’t blame yourself for what others did to you; for the terrible things that happened.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Isa.”

Tears fell, a sob echoed through the room and Isa cried. Isa cried into Lea’s shoulder, pulling him closer, shaking, the glass shattering behind his eyes. Lea held him close and whispered words of truth and love. Isa remembered. Everything came crashing down on him. Every word that hurt, every stare that stung, every slash of his weapon and sharp tongue. He remembered it all so perfectly. Every wrong he longed to right. Every broken heart he yearned to mend.

He tried to breathe. Breathed in the lulling scent of applewood, the only thing that could keep him here. In the moment. On this earth.

“I’m here.”

He held onto to that; held onto these words and that smell and the feeling of skin underneath his fingers. He held onto warmth and everything that was good in this forsaken world in his head; he needed to escape. He held onto Lea.

And after a long time, Isa’s sobs fated as remembered these two boys. Two boys that loved each other. Two boys with bright eyes and smiles. Two boys who wanted nothing more than to protect each other. Two boys who’d been betrayed. Two boys who were not to blame. And he wondered if he was still one of them.

He’d lost so many things. Ten years of his life. His home, his family. Innocence, dreams and promises he’d wanted to keep. Himself. Lea. Everything. He could never be that boy again. Never.

“Keep your eyes on me.”

But then Lea looked at him. Lea whose eyes were burning with devotion; these sharp, sad emerald eyes that captured his heart and soul. He could read the stories behind them, the good things. The gold and honey, snowflakes dancing in the night, magic and sunsets. He looked at it all. His life. Their life. And he knew that he was still Isa. Isa who loved Lea more than anything in this world.

Much later, Isa’s eyes fluttered shut, when Lea started running his finger over the back of his nose. They were facing each other, lying side by side in the dark of the room. Lea watched Isa’s chest rise and fall, watched him drift to safety. Away from the guilt. At least for now.

And Lea follow him, hoping that they’d find themselves in a shared dream.

* * *

Isa awoke in the middle of the night, breath hitching in his throat.

He opened his eyes and was met by the sight of Lea sleeping soundly next to him. His warm breath was steady and Isa realized just how close he was when it grazed his cheek. He kept his eyes on the redhead’s fluttering lashes dancing over his skin. Lea was dreaming, just like Isa had been. Only his dreams seemed to be peaceful. The soft smile on his lips and the calm _thud thud thud_ of his heart was prove enough.

And Isa? Once again, he’d drowned in darkness. Pain and fear and strange voices all around him with nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. Limbs made of lead and skin like glass, easy to shatter, easy to break. And every time Isa closed his eyes he saw it all again. Pale blue light, white and grey, the neon lights, yellow eyes, black coats.

So, he got up, his legs trembling, his forehead sweaty. Isa shuddered as his bare feet met the ground. A shock ran up his spine and into his head, knocking him straight to reality. His throat was raspy and dry. He needed a glass of water.

Carefully, Isa tiptoed down the moaning stairs to get to the kitchen. He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache drum to life in his skull. Pressing his eyes shut, he pushed the living room door open. What he saw next caught him by surprise and he froze, fingers still closed around the doorknob.

There in the middle of the room on the floor – framed by the pale light of the moon falling through the little window – sat Xion. The girl was staring up at the night sky, unmoving and still. Isa knew she’d sensed him coming, yet she remained silent. 

Isa swallowed his uncertainty and whispered in a hoarse voice, “Xion?”

The girl didn’t stir. She kept staring up to the stars even when she whispered, “It was you who told him.”

“What?”, Isa furrowed his brows and took step closer, careful not to scare her away. The way she was sitting there, crossed legged, calm and collected, it sent a shiver up his spine.

“You told Lea why _the sun sets red_.”, she turned to look at him, eyes still so full of twilight, soaked in sunset, “He told us the same thing.”

“Oh.”, Isa felt his fingers twitch.

“You taught him many things, didn’t you?”, the girl asked serenely and started playing with the strings of her sweat pants. Isa moved over to her, almost on his own. She didn’t flinch. She let it happen.

“We taught each other many things. My whole life, I was learning with Lea by my side.”, whispered Isa and lowered himself onto the floor next to the raven-haired girl. Both of them were now bathing in the pale light of the moon.

“You loved him.”, breathed Xion, “You _loved_ him a lot, didn’t you? You were _inseparable_.”

Isa nodded, “I still do. I couldn’t stop if I wanted to.”

“I believe that.”, Xion pressed her eyes shut, “And I want to trust you and I want to learn to love you too, but-“, her voice died before she could continue. Her fingers clawed at the wooden floorboards.

“Xion, you need time.”, she looked at him through teary, blue eyes, “You need time to heal, to forgive. It is not an easy thing to do. It may be the hardest thing to do. It requires strength and courage, qualities I see in you. I see it now. I see _you_ now.”

She looked small like this, looking up to meet his gaze. Isa hoped that maybe, she was seeing him too.

“The world is unfair sometimes. You need a heart of steel, you need iron skin, yet the world itself is so fragile, made of glass.”

To Isa’s surprise, Xion chuckled, “That sounds kinda poetic.”

Isa tsked, “Not really.”

“Oh, it does.”, and with a sudden jerky movement that caused Isa’s heart to stop beating for a split second, the girl jumped up to her feet. There was a bizarre shift in the air, when she muttered, “Wait.”

The bluehead watched in confusion, as Xion rushed through the kitchen door. Isa heard the creak of a cupboard being opened and the crackle of paper, before the girl reappeared with a little book in her hand.

“What is-?”, he started, eyes darting back and forth between the girl’s face and the book.

“My thoughts and ideas book.”, announced Xion proudly, “It’s empty right now, I only bought it and didn’t have the chance to write in it yet.”

Memories poured into Isa, rolling over him like a wave at the sound of that.

_“It’s my thoughts and ideas book. No one is allowed to see it! Not even Ma and Mom know. Just you, okay?”_

“I had one too, you know?”, he whispered, surprised at how fragile his voice sounded.

“I know, Lea told me.”, Xion held the book close, “I thought it was a great idea, so I bought one too.”

“Very smart.”, Isa smiled at Xion. The girl seemed to beam with something – different. To him, she seemed like a bright spot of gold in the silver glow of the night. It wasn’t the timid smile on her lips, nor was it the gleam in her eyes. It was –

“Isa.”

He blinked, “Yes?”

“I’m glad you were by his side.”, Xion closed her eyes, gathering the right words in her mind, “I’m glad he had you all his life.”

Isa shook his head immediately. An instinctual reaction, a rehearsed movement.

“I hurt him.”, he breathed, his hand balling into a tight fist in his lap, “And I will never forgive myself for that.”

Xion said nothing. She held the book close to her chest and stared at Isa.

“He bears a scar.”, words poured out of him, like tears down a cheek, “One that I gave him.”

The girl waited.

“He’ll look at that patch of ruined skin, see his own reflection and-“, Isa clenched his teeth, “-and he’ll remember the pain and the person he used to be. The person he hates. The person he wishes to erase from his memories. It will hurt him. Every time, it hurts _me_.”

Xion flinched. It took Isa a second to realize why. He hadn’t even noticed that he’d switched to _me_.

“Sorry, I meant-“

“Isa…”, finally, she spoke again.

Isa shook his head, “Just, forget I said that.”

“No.”, Isa looked up at the sound of her voice cracking, shattering, a call for help in the depth of it, “I feel the same. Sometimes I walk past a mirror and close my eyes. I even try to avoid shop windows or anything that could show my reflection. Because I am so scared that what I see is nothing else than a blank face. A puppet.”

Isa felt his eyes water.

 _Just like me. You are just like me_ , said a voice in his head. Scared to look into a mirror, terrified that their reflection would be someone else. An image of the past. Something they never wanted to be. Afraid of scars and vacant stares and darkness in their veins.

“Xion.”, he said her name and she answered with a tear rolling down her cheek.

“I see you.”, Isa promised, “I see a girl, not a blank puppet. A girl with black hair – that she may need to get cut – “, Xion smiled at that, “I see blue eyes and the light behind them. I see traces of joy, mischief and laughter all over your face. And traces of pain and sadness. Things that make you human. Things that show that you are alive. That you are real, strong and brave.”

“I don’t-“, the girl started shaking, “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.”, said Isa, “Everyone can see that, not just me.”

And then she dropped the book to the floor and hugged him close; loose ends connecting, iron melting and stone breaking. And they shed their tears together.

"I am sorry, Xion.", whispered Isa into the moonlit night, "I am sorry for everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooff, that one...four more chapters to come! I can't believe we are getting so close to the end. But, maybe with Uni starting it's actually nice to wrap it up soon haha  
> Thank you guys for reading and have a wonderful day!  
> Also it'll get kinda AU-ish in the next chapters I guess...because, well I want it lol


	18. crimson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sea salt four try to figure their lives out. Roxas and Xion meet some friends from the past, Isa makes new ones and Lea gets drunk and has a great idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOY this chapter was fun to write let me tell you. There is so much tender fluff stuffed into that ending i just cried a little bit. These two sappy boys are gonna kill me someday. Also, who's hyped for melody of memory? I sure am. I need some good things happening to me idk what 2020 is anymore it keeps getting weirder. Oh and I just saw that I forgot to copy and paste the last line from the previous chapter OOPS it should be there now...  
> I swear, everytime I find a mistake in this fic i kinda break down. Big shoutout to my best friend Kam for keeping be sane i love you sweety!  
> But anyways enjoy this chapter and get ready for the following! Have fun!

“You sure you can reach that, midget?”, grinned Lea and placed his hands on his hips.

“Shut up, you-“, Roxas growled behind clenched teeth and tried to reach the corner of the living room ceiling even more aggressively, “-you…”, he was struggling to find the right word. (Un)luckily Xion was quick to help out, “-longosaurus!”

Isa chuckled, “I’ve never heard that one before.”

“Well, we have to get creative.”

“Keep it up then.”

“What, you’re on _their_ side now?”, Lea turned his head to glare at the bluehead reaching for the rusty curtain rod above the window.

“He’s chosen wisely.”, Xion gave Lea a satisfied smile and waved the feather duster in her hand, releasing little clouds of dust into the air.

“Did he?”

“I would never.”, Isa fluttered his eyelashes at Lea, which turned out to be a pretty effective way to shut the redhead up and make him focus on wiping crumps, dust and fingerprints from the table- and countertops.

Since this morning, the four of them had been busy with cleaning up their apartment. First the kitchen and now the living room. Xion had been the one to bring it up over breakfast, a fresh smile on her face and bright vigour in her eyes. Lea had noticed right then and there that something was different about her. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but she seemed bolder, somehow brisk. Maybe it was because they were home, maybe it was because they were finally, _actually_ free of obligations. No missions, no fighting. It was a reason to be relieved, at least for Lea.

Like Xion, he felt somehow _lighter_ , like he’d taken off his battle armour and laid down his weapons. He hadn’t felt like that in a lifetime. But now, everything seemed so very much _alright_. Sure, things weren’t perfect right now. They needed time to adjust, to settle down and understand what it meant to be free. But somehow, it all seemed possible.

 _Someday_.

“I think I know the answer already, but-“, Isa started and bit his lip as he tried to remove the hooks from the curtain he’d just taken down, “-do we have a washing machine?”

“Well, what do you think the answer it?”, asked Roxas bitterly, coiling a cobweb around his finger.

“No?”

Lea clapped his hands and let out a long whistle, “Congratulations Sir, you answered the million munny question.”

“We can wash the curtains in the sink, though.”, Xion shrugged her shoulders.

“I guess.”, Lea tossed his cloth into the water bucket next to the sofa, “And we should definitely go and grab some more groceries down at-…”

Lea gasped at the sound of his ringtone going off in the calm quiet of the living room. Even though it was a soft tune, it was enough to make the other three jump in unison.

“-market street.”, Lea finished under his breath, before he picked up the phone from the coffee table.

“That you, little red?”, he plopped down onto the sofa, as he answered the call.

“Uhm, no?”

“Oh, hey there Master!”, Lea greeted Aqua with a knife-sharp grin on his lips, letting his head fall over the armrest, “Good to hear you again.”

Xion and Roxas exchanged a quick glance, before slumping into the pillows next to the redhead. Isa sat down in the armchair, intertwining his fingers, before Lea put their friend on speaker.

“What’s up?”, he asked casually, stretching his legs.

“Oh, just the usual.”, said the Master calmly, “Some minor incidents here and there, but nothing worth the talk. What about you?”

“We’re just, you know-”, he made wild gestures with his hand, perfectly aware of the fact that she couldn’t see him, “Cleaning up the place, all that stuff.”

“I see.”, Aqua mumbled thoughtfully, “Actually, I called to ask you if you’d like to meet up tonight.”

“Oh?”, Xion and Roxas exclaimed at the same time.

“Terra and I have some things to handle in Twilight Town today and I thought since we’re here we could-…”

“Sure!”, Lea burst out eagerly without letting her finish, “That’s perfect!”

Aqua chuckled and to Lea it sounded like that kind of chuckle that was usually accompanied by a shake of her head, “Glad you’re so excited.”

“Course I am!”, the redhead grinned, “It’s time you get to meet Isa, am I right?”

Lea – his eyes wide and filled with sunlight – turned his head to look at the bluehead. Isa, on the other hand, looked quite startled as if Lea had just suggested something utterly outrageous. He blinked a few times, lips parted.

“I mean, only if you want to.”, Lea added quickly, cheeks heating up.

Isa shook his head, snapping out of the trance he’d fallen into, “Sorry, I just-“, he rubbed his hands together, “-It would be my pleasure.”

“Hear that, Master?”, a satisfied smirk spread over Lea’s lips, “His _pleasure_.”

To both Lea’s delight and surprise, Isa actually blushed at that. And it was the absolute cutest thing he had ever seen.

“Great!”, Aqua made a delighted, bell-like sound, “Let’s say eight o’clock at the bistro?”

“Sounds good to me.”, Lea looked at Isa, shrugging his shoulders. Isa quietly nodded his head in response. Roxas and Xion grinned at each other.

“See you later, then.”, Lea could hear the smile in Aqua’s voice. His heart started beating faster.

“Can’t wait!”, announced the redhead in a sing song voice (a very, _very_ bizarre kind of sing song that made Roxas and Xion grimace in what looked like actual physical pain).

“That was crazy scary…”, Xion looked like she’d just seen the ghost of a serial killer in front of her.

“Never do that again.”, Roxas actually _shivered (_ if only to mess with Lea _)_ , looking equally shocked.

“Shut up, you goblins.”, smirked the redhead and started tickling Xion between the ribs with his left foot.

Isa watched the girl burst into laughter, a soft smile gracing his lips and his cheeks still tinged in the softest shade of pink.

* * *

“Oh, that smells amazing.”, Lea sighed dreamily, breathing in the scent of the colourful spices and herbs in the many pots and jars displayed before his eyes.

“What’s this?”, Xion placed her hands on the counter and raised herself on her tiptoes to peek into one of the jars. She pointed at the bright orange-yellow spice inside.

“Turmeric.”, answered the owner of the little stall, an elderly gentleman with kind brown eyes, “Goes best with meat and vegetables.”

“And that?”, Xion pointed at the pot next to the turmeric, eyes wide.

“That would be cumin.”

“And that?”

“Cinnamon.”

“Mhm, we could make great cookies with this.”, the girl looked at Lea with a lively glimmer in her eyes.

Lea smiled down at her, “Sure.”

Isa, who’d been busy examining the garlic hanging from the ceiling, hummed, “I like the sound of that.”

Xion chuckled, voice clear like the clock tower in the distance. Warmth spread through Lea’s veins at the sound of it, at the sight of her. Seeing Xion, _their_ Xion so happy and breezy was more than he could have ever hoped for. He didn’t know what had changed, he couldn’t tell what was different. Nothing. _Everything._ Not just in her. In all of them. There was life and spirit in their veins, strength in their bones, a fire in their hearts. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. It probably was. But Lea would not let go of this feeling. Even if it was just for this moment. He wouldn’t let go of that slither of peace and joy.

Lea shook his thoughts off as he felt someone grab his wrist, “Can we go check out the struggle store?”

“The what now?”

“There’s a shop where you can buy all kinds of cool struggle gear!”, Roxas gestured over to the tram common, beckoning Lea to follow him, “You know, that tournament sport!”

“Of course.”, Roxas pulled hard and Lea stumbled away from the spice and herbs stall, leaving Isa and Xion alone with the cinnamon, “You were champion, how could I forget?”

“Exactly.”, grinned the boy, “Get it memorized.”

The two made their way down the long, winding street, passing more stalls and shops displaying a vast variety of food, fresh vegetables, items, clothes and flowers. The vendors were beckoning their costumers closer with charming words and songs. People were chatting and laughing, pointing their fingers. Some were bargaining with the shop owners, trying to get items and clothes for a better price, shaking and nodding their heads. All of that accompanied by a brisk and breezy melody sounding through the redbrick alleyways.

Lea had never seen this side of Twilight Town. The side that was busy. The side that was _alive_ with the laughter of other people. Of course, he’d been down here. He’d had lunch down at the bistro, had bought sea salt ice cream and groceries, had purchased a potion or two. But never had he _lived_ it all. Never had he _felt_ his heart beat along with the chatter and the music. Never had he experienced this warmth and joy in his body. No, this was new. This was so much more.

_Someday._

“Hold on.”, Roxas stopped hard in his tracks and Lea nearly tripped over the boy with a yelp.

“Whoa there, watch it.”, Lea ruffled his best friend’s hair with a shake of his head, “Did you see a ghost?”

“Kinda…”, Roxas’ eyes were glassed over as he stared straight ahead. Lea followed his gaze and –

“Oh.”, he breathed, “I see.”

Down in the tram common – pinning colourful advertisement posters on the huge message board and laughing at something Lea and Roxas couldn’t hear – were Hayner, Pence and Olette. Lea blinked and bit his lip. He remembered these three kids all too well (especially Olette, the girl who’d literally threatened him with a baseball bat full of nails). He’d met them back when he’d been a traitor, back when his only desperate goal had been to get Roxas back, back when he’d abducted Kairi right from under their noses.

“Well, this is gonna be awkward…”, Lea rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the blood rush up to his face. He turned to Roxas, hoping he’d get a laugh out of him. Instead, he felt his heart stop for a second.

The boy was frozen. Numb. His stare was vacant and distant, memories on display before his inner eye. Lea noticed his fingers twitch, as if he was trying to wake up from a dream or reach out, maybe even hold on.

“Roxas?”, Lea placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder, “You alright?”

The boy shook his head and gasped at the sound of his friend’s voice. He opened his mouth and muttered in a croaky voice, “Ye-yeah.”

“Go to them.”, Lea leaned over a bit and gently squeezed his best friend’s shoulder, “You must have missed them a lot.”

Roxas lowered his gaze onto the floor, clenching and unclenching his fist. He didn’t say anything for a while, not until he whispered, “They don’t even know who I am.”

Lea was about to open his mouth and protest, when he realized. As painful as it was, Roxas was probably right. The version of these three kids that Roxas had been friends with was nothing more than data. Stored somewhere in the main computer in the haunted mansion. Their encounter had not been real. They hadn’t been real. Right?

Lea pressed his lips together and tried his best not to let his uncertainty show. He gathered his confidence and asked, “Does it matter?”

Roxas looked up at him through sad, greyed eyes, “Of course it does.”, there were tears threatening to brim over, “Our friendship isn’t real.”

“It is, Roxas.”, Lea held the boy’s watery gaze, “They may not remember anything. But you do, right? You remember. You remember all the good times and the fun you had. These memories right here-”, the redhead tapped a finger against the boy’s chest, “-are as real as you and them.”

Roxas pressed his eyes shut and shook his head, mumbling, “But what if they don’t like me the way I am now?”

Lea smiled softly and squeezed the boy’s shoulder again, “Don’t be silly, Roxas. Of course, they’re going to like you. They already do!”

Roxas’ lips parted, as if he wanted to say something, instead he pressed them shut again and blinked his tears away, “Okay.”

“Now off you go.”

“Yeah…”

The boy took a step back and Lea’s hand slid down his shoulder. He took a deep breath, straightened his jacket and made his way over to the message board. Lea held his breath, hands balled to fists.

“Lea?”, the redhead flinched and turned around to see Isa and Xion strolling down market street.

Lea waved at them and Xion jogged the last few meters to stand by his side, her cheeks cheery red. “Where’s Roxas?”, she asked briskly, “I wanna show him something.”

Lea didn’t answer. Instead he turned his head in the direction of the message board, where Roxas was about to reach the other three twilight kids.

“Who are they?”, Isa asked carefully and came to a halt next to Lea.

“Friends.”, said Lea absently, eyes fixed on the young blond.

Hayner, Pence and Olette were just about to turn around and jog off, when Roxas tapped the brunette girl gently on the shoulder. Lea’s heart actually stopped when they turned around to look at his best friend. He looked small. Helpless. Scared. And Lea started to fear that he had given the boy some terrible advice. Maybe he shouldn’t even talk to them. Maybe Lea was a terrible friend. Oh no – no, it was wrong, bad –

“Look at that.”, whispered Xion next to him, dragging him up to the surface of his ocean of wild thoughts.

And Lea did. He looked at Olette clasping her hands in front of her mouth. He watched as Pence’s mouth fell open in shock and at Hayner’s eyes lighting up in sheer amazement and joy. He couldn’t believe it. They remembered. They knew who he was. They pulled him into a hug, as if they’d been best friends in real life. In _this_ life. As if nothing had changed.

Lea bit the tip of his thumb as Roxas turned around and waved his hand, signalling them to come over. The smile on his face was worth a fortune. Lea, Xion and Isa exchanged careful glances, before slowly making their way over to the other four. Lea could definitely feel the burning stares. They were getting more intense with every step he took. 

They stopped in front of the three twilight town residents and Olette was the first one to recognize the redhead’s appearance, her eyes narrowing, “Hold on, I know you.”, she pointed her finger at Lea, “Aren’t you that creep that came to kidnap Kairi that one time?”

“The one that set my hair on fire!”, Pence pointed a second finger at him.

“With that black coat!”, and the last finger belonged to Hayner.

Lea clenched his teeth and smiled awkwardly, “Yeah, that- that was me.”

Roxas jumped forward as the other three balled their fists and braced themselves for a fight, “Whoa, hey! He’s good now!”

Lea nodded his head furiously, “I am! Promise!”

“How do we know he’s not bluffing?”, Olette placed her hands on her hips.

“You have my word.”, Roxas stepped forward with a smile on his lips, “He’s a good guy.”

“I second that!”, Xion locked her arm around Lea’s, “He can be a weirdo, but in a good way!”

“Thanks a lot.”, mumbled Lea and rolled his eyes.

“Who are you guys?”, Pence now eyed Xion and Isa, who was standing safe and secure behind Lea, avoiding any contact.

“That is quite a long story.”, Roxas scratched the back of his head.

“We have time.”, grinned Olette, “After all, we have a lot of catching up to do.”

So, they did just that. Roxas took his time to explain their current situation, what had happened to him and why Lea was actually not an evil supervillain who deserved to be beaten up with a baseball bat. He introduced them to Xion, who was beaming with joy and more than excited to meet more kids around her own age other than Roxas and Ven. And, of course Hayner told the four of them all about their encounter with Sora himself. How he introduced them to Roxas, showed them the picture of the four of them together in front of the haunted mansion and asked them to wish for him, to make sure he’d come back safe and sound so they could reunite once again in a life that belonged only to them. Roxas reminisced about their struggle tournaments and how he had come out as champion. Hayner was more than shocked to hear that and suggested an immediate rematch.

“What, right now?”, Roxas snorted, a challenging flicker in his eyes.

“Course, right now.”, Hayner crossed his arms in front of his chest, a confident grin on his lips.

“Here we go again.”, Olette rolled her eyes and turned to whisper into Xion’s ear, “Let me show you how it’s done, so we can wipe the floor with them later.” Xion snickered behind her hands.

“Come on, the sandlot should be free right now!”, Hayner jumped up and down and broke into a run, followed by Pence and Olette. Roxas and Xion smirked at each other and were about to follow, but hesitated. They turned around to look at Lea and Isa with their eyes as huge as dinner plates.

“Can we go?”, asked Roxas meekly. Xion cocked her head, eyes gleaming.

Lea and Isa exchanged a glance and smiled, “Sure, go and have fun, kiddos. We’ll keep Aqua and Terra entertained.”

The kid’s eyes lit up in excitement, “Okay, see you!”

And they were gone in a heartbeat, leaving only dust clouds behind. Lea blew a raspberry and Isa sneezed.

“That was like- the cutest thing ever.”, the redhead turned to Isa who sniffled and rubbed his nose.

“Shut up.”, smiled the bluehead and nudged Lea playfully in the side.

“Hey.”, Lea nudged him back with a mischievous grin on his lips. Isa chuckled, warming Lea’s entire body in a heartbeat.

He sighed, “I’m so happy for them.”, his pensive gaze wandered back to the small alley the kids had disappeared in with lighting speed.

Isa leaned closer and hummed in agreement, “They get to be actual kids now.”

“Not just that-“, Lea took Isa by the sleeve and set off again at a leisurely pace, “-I’m glad they remembered. I’m grateful that Sora told them about Roxas. I know it means the world to him. Have you seen the look on his face?”

“Yes.”, Isa smiled, “It was nice to see him like this. Both of them.”

“Yeah.”, Lea breathed and moved just a little bit closer, “It was.”

Finally, Isa looked at him again. His ocean eyes were full and bright in the golden light, his hair shining, cascading down his back like silk. He looked unfairly pretty like this and – _damn it, Lea don’t stare._

Lea tore his gaze away, hoping Isa wouldn’t notice his cheeks reddening. He smirked to mask the slight panic arising in his heart and head, “So what do you feel like doing? We’ve still got an hour before we have to meet Aqua and Terra.”

Isa chuckled softly, a mellow tune like the jingle of little bells. Lea’s heart almost burst out of his ribcage, as the bluehead linked their arms and hummed, “Lead the way."

Bathed in the orange sunset, Lea and Isa ambled through the streets of Twilight Town, their arms interlocked and their sides pressed together. Signs and fairy lights shed their colourful light onto the sand-coloured stone in front of them to show them the way. Occasionally they’d stop to admire marvellous cakes or clothes displayed in the shop windows. Lea found himself especially attached to a navy-blue skirt with little sun and moon symbols on it. He was scared to check the price tag, so he closed his eyes and forced himself to tear his nose off the glass with a grumble, while Isa watched him with a sad smile.

At half past seven, they made their way to the bistro to grab something to drink and wait for Terra and Aqua. They sat down on a table with four chairs and stretched their muscles, tired from all the walking and carrying bags. They’d bought a ton of important stuff they needed for their apartment and the list was not complete just yet. There was still a lot to take care of. Most importantly, finding a job. Lea was painfully aware of the fact that their fund was at zero and there was no way he could just ignore that they were living off someone else’s money. The pesky feeling of guilt was gnawing at the back of his head.

“What are you thinking about?”, Isa leaned forward and cocked his head, eyes wide with more questions.

“Nothin’….”, said Lea as casually as he could manage.

“Mhm.”, Isa narrowed his eyes, “Is it the skirt?"

Lea snickered, “In a way."

They kept chatting along about nothing in particular, waiting for someone to take their order. The young waiter took his sweet time and when he finally rushed over to their table to ask what they would like to drink, a breezy voice chimed in: “A bottle of your best wine, please!”

Lea jumped in his chair, as two hands came down on his shoulders and he craned his neck to check on who it was behind him. Though the voice had already given her away.

“I like the sound of that!”, he gave the blue haired woman a sharp grin.

“Nice to see you too.”, smiled the Master and ruffled the redhead’s wild mane. Lea protested under his breath with a laugh and ducked away from her hand.

She huffed out a giggle, before her vivid gaze fell on Isa, who’d watched their playful shenanigans in nervous silence. The bluehead was rubbing his feet together under the table and Lea could feel the man’s body tense up; his fragile heart was pounding in the air around them.

Aqua sensed his nervousness immediately and stepped forward. “You must be Isa!”, the smile on her lips made her eyes sparkle and she rushed around the table. With a little nod, she extended her hand for the other bluehead to take, “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

Isa blinked the mist in his eyes away, “Yes-“, his voice was a tiny bit shaky, “Pleasure is all mine.” He reached out to shake hands with the Master, a gentle smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“I’m so relieved to see you’re alright.”, said Aqua as she took a seat in one of the empty chairs next to them, “How are you feeling?"

Isa placed his hands in his lap, “I’m feeling better than I have in a very long time.”

Lea’s heart made a treacherous leap toward his ribcage. He almost gasped at the sensation, but was quick to mask it with a cough. Aqua and Isa turned their heads to look at him with wrinkled foreheads but he waved his hand dismissively and smirked, “He’s got me, after all.”

Aqua rolled her eyes with a snort, “Thank the light.”

“Say Aqua-“, Lea tapped his finger against his chin and let his gaze wander around the tram common, “Where did you leave Terra?”

“Oh, he’s coming any minute now.”, she placed her elbows on the table, “Wanted to check out the item store."

“Huh.”

After a beat of silence, Isa cleared his throat and ran his finger through a strand of sky-blue hair. “What was that about wine?”, he asked carefully, trying to break the ice.

Aqua and Lea pressed their lips together and exchanged a look, before breaking into giggles. Isa blinked in confusion.

“I like the way you think.”, Aqua nudged the bluehead in the side and called the waiter over, while Isa slumped in his chair and blushed.

They ordered their wine and some snacks, talking about missions and adulthood. About ten minutes later, Terra finally arrived with ridiculously messy hair and a beet red face. He clutched his chest with his hand and greeted them breathlessly, panting for dear life.

“What happened to you?”, Aqua grimaced at her best friend.

Terra gestured over to the other side of the square and gasped, “Bees.”

They all cocked their heads in unison.

“Bees in the back alley.”, Terra clarified and plopped down into the free chair, still completely out of breath, as if he’d been running for his life.

The other three exchanged a telling glance and their laughter filled the evening streets, before Aqua introduced the somewhat traumatized Terra to Isa. The two exchanged their introductions and with that, they let the evening commence.

They shared some bottles of wine along with many captivating stories about the past. Aqua told them about the time she’d fought a giant alien on board of a spaceship and made friends with the grand councilwoman in the process. Terra reminisced about that one time he’d accidently picked a fight with this redheaded flying kid in green clothes. Isa taught them some basic sign language words and Lea remembered how he got detention in seventh class because he’d ran outside to pick up this injured stray cat from the street in the middle of class. The same ginger cat that he’d begged his Mom to keep for days on end.

A couple of hours into the night, Roxas and Xion returned from their struggle match to say hello, dirt on their noses and scrapes and bruises on their arms and legs. They were beaming with pride as they announced that they had easily “wiped the floor with the others!” Lea grinned from ear to ear as Xion showed off her new struggle tactics. After about ten minutes, the two teens left the four adults alone again to watch a movie and rest at home, since their “muscles are super sore…”

And as the night progressed and their glasses emptied, the stories they were telling got only weirder.

“Hold up, hold up.”, Lea waved his hand in front of his reddened nose, “You’re trying to tell me all three of you got voted most popular resident in a world you don’t even live in?”

Aqua nodded with a snort.

“And the prize was ice cream?”

Terra nodded.

“Not the weirdest thing I’ve heard today.”, mumbled Isa into his glass. His cheeks were as red as Lea’s hair.

The four of them talked and talked until the stars came out to shine. Around 1:00 am, both Terra and Isa decided to call it a night. Aqua and Lea however weren’t even half way done with exchanging stories and insisted on staying a bit longer. Terra said his goodbyes, packed his items and made his way to their hotel room with wobbly steps and some minor difficulties with holding his balance. Aqua literally tackled Isa with a goodbye hug, causing Lea to spill some of his wine on the tablecloth.

With his cheeks heated, veins pulsating with warmth and a thick fog in his mind, Lea observed Isa as he gathered his hair in a ponytail, before standing up and waving them goodbye. There was a huge dumb smile on the redhead’s face, as he watched the other man leave.

Aqua raised her eyebrows “You’ve got it bad, huh?”, the sharp, knowing grin on her face made Lea take another sip.

He didn’t say anything, so she kept staring, well aware of the situation. It probably didn’t take a lot of brain to see it.

“What do you want me to say?”, muttered Lea into his glass, curling up in his seat.

“You like him.”

“Of course I like him-“, Lea snorted, “-he’s my best friend.”

“Best friend?”, Aqua leaned closer.

Lea pressed his lips together, his entire face heating up. He felt undeniably exposed. Like an open book.

“Well, maybe best friend I’ve had a crush on since middle school and am now hopelessly and obviously in love with.”, he mumbled these words as fast as he could, hoping the Master would miss half of it. She didn’t.

“That’s like-“, she swirled her glass, the red liquid swashing close to the edge, “-the cutest thing ever."

Lea snarled, “I am not _cute_.”

“You’re adorable.”

“Shut up.”

They broke into silly giggles, the warmth of the wine nested too deep in their veins.

“Have you kissed or something like that?”, Aqua asked, after they’d gotten a hold of themselves again.

“Almost.”, Lea’s mind drifted off to the night of New Year’s Eve ten years ago and he leaned back in his chair. “Or did we?”, he paused, “We were super close, like drumroll-ish close. I’m pretty sure he kissed me. Or did I kiss him? Okay, like 80% sure. Maybe 70%. No, I definitely kissed him. I think."

Aqua blinked slowly, trying to comprehend what the redhead was babbling about, “Did you?”

Lea’s head fell forward onto the table as he whined, “I don’t knoooow.”

“You want to kiss him?”, asked the bluehead softly.

“Oh, heck yeah!”, his head shot up again, “I wanna kiss him like right now.”

“Why don’t you?”

“I don’t know if he wants to.”

“You said you almost did it before. Just go for it.”

“Huh.”

“I bet he wants to.”

“Think so?”

“Uh huh.”

A plan hatched itself in Lea’s mind. A very great plan. The best plan ever. Probably.

“Aqua.”

“Yes?”, she set her empty wine glass down on the table.

“I want to kiss him."

* * *

Isa was sitting on the couch in the dim light of the living room, half dozing, half reading the newspaper he’d bought at market street today. There was nothing really interesting to note, except maybe for the job offerings. Some of them, Isa had already encircled with a red marker. He’d have to ask Lea about that tomorrow.

The bluehead nibbled at his bottom lip and caught a fleeting glimpse of the clock. 2:20 am. It was pretty late (early?) and despite his voice of reason, Isa started to worry a bit. Lea wasn’t home yet. He was still out with Master Aqua, who Isa was sure was more than capable of taking care of both of them. Yet still Isa didn’t like it. The fact that Lea wasn’t here right now, safe and secure next to him made his hair stand on edge.

Today had been – Isa took a deep breath – _a lot_. Wonderful, of course. Lovely and refreshing and delightful, whatever adjective was fanciest. Xion and Roxas had seemed so happy and carefree. Just like they deserved. And Lea, Lea had been himself. Cheeky and charming and fun and confident and _adorable._ Isa blinked and realized he was holding his breath. He shook his head, just when a dull _thud_ followed by a muffled, but still very loud “Ouch!” made him flinch.

The paper crumbled under Isa’s tight grip and he felt his heart skip a beat. The sound had come from the front door.

“Stupid lantern.”

That on the other hand, made Isa chuckle and his muscles untensed, when he recognized Lea’s voice. His heart just kept on skipping beats.

The jingle of the keys and the click of the front door opening were too loud in the quiet of the night. And when Lea stumbled into the living room and tripped over some of their shoes standing in front of the door, Isa pushed himself up from the couch and made his way over to the redhead.

“Morning!”, Lea was grinning at him, cheeks flushed red. He was holding onto the coat hook next to the mirror.

Isa raised his eyebrow, “Morning?”

“You are still up.”, observed the redhead and wagged his finger at the other man.

Isa nodded, “I just-I felt like it would be better to wait for you.”

Lea tossed his own shoes onto the pile he almost tripped over. “That is so cute.”, he squeaked, _“You_ are so cute.”

“Ssshh…”, Isa rushed over to take the redhead by the arm, “The kids are sleeping.”

“Oh, oh.”, Lea made a motion with his hand that Isa interpreted as locking your mouth shut with a key and tossing it away.

“So, you had a nice rest of the night, I see?”, Isa tried to be subtle as he helped Lea take off his jacket. The redhead had managed to somehow get his arm stuck in the sleeve.

“Yeah, t’was good…”

“And now I think you should go to bed."

“No, no, no.”, Lea shook his head like a stubborn child and pouted his lips, “I can’t, I want to do something first.”

Isa cocked his head. He was getting slightly concerned. Nothing good could ever come out of a drunk _I want._

“What do you-“

Lea threw himself forward and into Isa’s arms with a silly little giggle. He closed his arms around Isa’s neck and brought his nose very, _very_ close to his own. They were almost touching and the scent of applewood rose straight up to Isa’s mind. His heart started drumming against his ribs. He was close. And warm. Lea was so warm.

“What are you doing?”, Isa’s voice was just a weak whisper. He knew all to well what Lea was doing. But he didn’t understand. He couldn’t understand. Lea brushed his nose against his with a hum.

“I want to kiss you.”, these emerald eyes were blown dark and burning like hot ambers, “Do you want to kiss me too?”

Isa felt his whole body shake. Lea was breathing warm against his lips and it drove him completely insane. A little more, an inch was all it took. But it dawned to Isa that something was not right. Even though this moment, the way his skin was prickling and that perfect shiver running up and down his spine felt better than anything else in this world, it was wrong. He wanted to give in right now. He’d yearned for this to happen. He wanted to let it happen. But not like this. It wasn’t right.

“Lea.”, Isa breathed hoarsely, “You’re not in your right mind.”

Lea curled his bottom lip and furled his eyebrows in frustration, “I am in my rightest mind.”

“No, you aren’t.”

And with these words and every ounce of strength and will power Isa could muster, he gently placed his hand on Lea’s cheek and took a step back, immediately missing the warmth and closeness. Every bone in his body, every fiber of his being was screaming at him to go back. _Kiss him. Kiss him. Kiss me._ His thoughts were running crazy. But he kept repeating that this wasn’t it. Not now.

Lea looked up at him through huge eyes, confusion written all over his face. And Isa wanted to yell and cry. He wanted to curse and punch himself for making Lea look so sad.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

“You don’t want to?”, asked Lea and his voice was so much deeper now. So much more serious.

Isa pressed his eyes shut and brought his finger up to brush it over Lea’s creamy cheek. “I do.”, he whispered, “But not now, Lea.”

“When?”, there was a glimmer in the redhead’s eyes. A glimmer that turned out to be tears.

_Now. Now. Now._

“I don’t know.”, Isa felt a lump in his throat as he wiped a bit of smudged eyeliner off the other man’s cheek, “But I do know you’ll find a better time.”

“Mhm.”, Lea’s eyelids fluttered shut for a second, “But I wanted to…”

Isa placed a hand on the back of Lea’s head and pulled him closer again. His nose was surprisingly cold in the crook of his neck. Isa turned his head, smelling the redhead’s cheap shampoo. It was intoxicating. Everything about him was.

“You smell good.”, Lea’s voice was muffled by Isa’s skin.

“You too.”

“Like lavender.”, continued the redhead dreamily, “You always smell like that.”

“Oh, Lea.”, Isa leaned his head closer and pulled Lea into his arms, running his fingers tenderly through his hair, over his back. Whatever he could reach.

“I’m tired.”, mumbled the redhead and Isa could feel his body grow heavier against his, as if he was falling asleep right then and there.

“Come on.”, Isa grazed his thumb along Lea’s jawline, “Let’s get you to bed.”

“Nghh…”

Isa huffed, before sliding one arm down Lea’s back and the other under his legs to pick him up from the ground in one fluid motion. Lea squealed in surprise and locked both his arms around Isa’s, pressing his face into it. Isa smiled down at him as he carried the redhead up through the living room and up the stairs (which wasn’t as easy as he’d thought it would be).

“You’re such a lightweight.”, mumbled Isa under his breath as he entered their shared bedroom, “You need to eat more.”

“I’m eatin’…”, Lea protested, his voice slurred from sleep. He was already far, far away. It was better this way, Isa told himself. Yet he felt like something had left a hole in his chest. A deep, pitch black hole.

“Ice cream does not count.”

Slowly and carefully, Isa lowered Lea onto the covers and watched as he scrunched his nose and grumbled something into the pillow. The bluehead chuckled softly and ran his hand up and down Lea’s arm, earning a little smile from him. When he was about to pull away, he felt Lea’s weak, sleep-numbed fingers close around his wrist.

“Stay.”, the words were small and thin, “Stay.”

Stay. Never leave. Be with him for the rest of his life. With them. Here. Forever.

And Isa stayed. He lay down next to Lea, who nestled against his chest immediately. The redhead took a deep breath and smiled as Isa slid his arms around his body, holding him close, protecting him. If only he could do that for the rest of his life. Never let go. Keep him there.

Isa stared at the man in his arms. At his eyelashes dancing on his cheeks, at the freckles hiding underneath the warm skin. At the mess of hair on his head and the way it flowed down the pillow. At Lea. Beautiful Lea.

“Good night.”, Isa breathed in his ear, hand running over skin.

Lea mumbled something Isa couldn’t fully understand.

Maybe he imagined it. Maybe it was what he wanted to hear. Maybe he’d said it himself.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when Terra accidentally picked a fight with Peter Pan? Well, at least now he and Aqua are responsible enough not to drunk fly their gliders through space! Also, Lea and Isa are in love, whoops. ALSO let Xion and Roxas be happy 2020 yey  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and you stay tuned for the next one! Get ready for a beach party everyone.


	19. purple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sea salt four meet their friends on the beach of the Destiny Islands. They have time to reunite, catch up and play games. All while Lea and Isa make a promise to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy here we go! I have done a thing!  
> I can't believe we are here already, only two chapters to come after this one...crazy. Well, I hope you enjoy this one! I don't have much to say, except get ready for feelings!

“And then she threw the sword in the air, dodged his attack, caught it again and dealt him the final blow!”, Roxas grinned like the Cheshire cat and swung the knife in his hand through the air, “It was so awesome! You should have seen their faces. Hayner looked so stupid!”

“You too.”, giggled Xion, before scooping a spoon full of cereal into her mouth.

“I was just surprised, you know.”, the boy shrugged his shoulders, “I didn’t expect to see a move like this from you.”

Xion curled her lip and dug her fingers into the edge of the table. Her voice grew louder, “What’s that supposed to mean, huh?”

Too loud. Way too loud.

“Pssshhhh.”, Lea growled and closed his eyes, head falling forward onto the table, “No screaming today.”

Xion rolled her eyes and gave Lea a suggestive smirk, “It’s not my fault you’re hungover, noodles.”

Lea answered with a grunt that made Xion laugh out loud.

Shit. The sound pierced his forehead like a cold iron bar. Just the tapping of Xion’s fingers against the table felt like earthquakes rocking the whole apartment, causing his head to pound like a damn drum set. Lea had never been exceptionally good with holding his liquor, mostly due to his body weight and inability to listen to his voice of reason. The wine had left him with nothing more than a crack in his skull, a dry mouth and the desire to bury himself in the backyard and stay in the dark for at least a century. The room was too bright, the voices too loud and his head too heavy.

It didn’t help that he fully remembered every little detail of what had happened last night. Even though it had been surprisingly pleasant to wake up wrapped in Isa’s warm embrace, the memories of how he’d gotten there were heavy on his mind. Too heavy. And he couldn’t even begin to string them all together. Honestly, he didn’t want to. He just wanted to lower himself into a coffin or something and never talk to anyone ever again.

“When did you come home last night?”, Roxas leaned forward, showing no intention of _shutting up_ , “Must have been pretty late.”

“Ngh.”

_Shush. No more words. Silence._

“Around half past two.”, said Isa calmly from behind his newspaper.

Perfect. Let him do the talking.

Xion snorted into her cup of black tea, “That’s about how you look right now.”

“I’m actually a bit sorry for him.”, said Roxas benevolently and reached out to pat Lea’s hair, “I think I’ve never seen him like this before.”

“Like what?”

“So pitiful.”

“-and quiet too.”, smirked Xion.

Lea didn’t like the sassy comments at all. Not now, when he was unable and not willing to defend himself.

“How about-“, the rustling of paper suggested that Isa had put the weekly down, “-we make ourselves a nice quiet day at home today and get rested up for tomorrow?"

“Oh, I almost forgot about that.”, Xion tore her eyes wide open.

Lea made a sound of agreement. With all these drunken shenanigans and near love confessions going on, the redhead had almost forgotten about the huge reunion on Destiny Islands tomorrow. Kairi had invited them all to come and celebrate. He’d been looking forward to this since she’d mention it during one of their calls.

“Good plan.”, muttered the redhead and gave Isa a weak thumbs up, head still heavy on the table’s surface.

Roxas scratched the back of his head, “Well, Xion and I kinda promised to meet the others for another struggle tournament today.

The raven-haired girl nodded her head and looked at Isa, “Is that okay?”

The bluehead chuckled lightly, “Of course it is.”

Lea blew a raspberry (and regretted it seconds after, because the whole table started shaking and his skull actually split open for a second there).

Isa hummed under his breath and brought a hand to Lea’s head, holding it gently, “I’ll go get you something against that headache and then we can relax, alright?”

That sounded like the best idea in the entire world. Lea nodded his head and managed a grateful smile, eyes warm as they met the turquoise of the ocean.

* * *

Lea was safely curled up in a blanket, dozing on the couch and trying not to focus on the drum circle in his head, when Isa returned with a package of headache pills. Lea desperately downed the medicine with a glass of water, before slumping back into the pillows with a groan. The bluehead watched him from where he was standing in the door frame between the kitchen and living room. Lea sensed his uncertainty. Even with his head heavy as a whole brick wall, he could see Isa’s hesitation. And it drove him mad, made him feel even more nauseous. Maybe he’d really messed up last night. He’d gone too far. Scared him away. Stupid, stupid, stupid –

“Do you need anything else?”

Lea blinked at the question; at how soft and sincere it sounded. Not at all mocking or ironic. Not at all distant.

“No.”, mumbled Lea, slightly confused.

Isa nodded his head, bit his lip and was about to turn around, when Lea (despite his head screaming at him to stop) called out to him, “Stay with me.”

Isa cocked his head, yet his eyes displayed not confusion, but – Lea swallowed – relief. Like he’d waited for Lea to hold him back. Waited for him to say something and make him stay. His eyes were bright, as he made his way over to the couch and sat down. Lea offered him the other end of the blanket and with a gentle smile, Isa slipped under so they could share the warmth and comfort. Lea shifted closer and sighed. For a long time, they sat in a bizarre silence. It was good for Lea’s head, but terrible for his mind.

He needed to say something. He just had to address what had happened between them. Even though this was probably the worst time, he couldn’t help it.

“Look, Isa-“, he started, trying to stop himself from biting his fingernails, “-about last night, I just-“

“Don’t worry about last night, Lea.”, Isa said immediately, as if he’d known Lea would bring it up, “It’s alright.”

Somehow, that was a weird thing to say. But Lea didn’t know exactly what he wanted to hear right now. A confession? A clear and ultimate rejection? Something to confirm that he wasn’t the only one feeling _this_ ; so torn and confused and dead sure at the same time.

“Okay.”, he said.

“I don’t know if you remember, but-“, Isa put his arm around the redhead’s body, pulling him closer. Lea’s heart fluttered and a shiver ran up to his throbbing head. For a split second, the pain stopped and the world looked just a little bit more colourful, “-last night I said to you that we will find the right moment."

The right moment. When would that be? How would he know? Was it now, that Isa was so close again, breathing warm against his skin? Now that he was feeling his headache fade away and his confidence grow instead?

Isa’s words echoed through his mind again. _Someday_.

Lea looked up at his beloved moon and smiled, “Yeah.”

It wasn’t right now.

Right now, Lea snuggled up against Isa underneath the blanket and lay his head down on his chest. He felt the other man’s arm tighten around him, just like last night. He breathed in the scent of lavender and felt safe in this moment. Safe and better.

They stayed huddled together on the couch, watching the cooking channel and drinking tea in the golden light of the passing day. And when Roxas and Xion returned, tired and aching, they crawled onto the couch right next to them. They yawned, stretched their sore muscles and curled up at their sides.

Maybe this wasn’t so bad. Maybe this was all he needed to heal.

Someday.

* * *

“Lea!”

“Huh?”

“Come and look at this!”, Xion called from across the living room.

“Ust a inute!”, answered Lea with a mouth full of toothpaste. He’d been taking his time in the bathroom, getting ready for their journey to the Destiny Islands this afternoon.

He brushed his teeth just a little bit faster, ran a comb through his hair and checked his appearance in the mirror, before rushing out of the bathroom and straight to Xion, who was crouching in front of the entry door, apparently looking at something on the floor. Lea couldn’t see what it was.

“What’s up?”, he leaned forward to peer over her shoulder and took a sharp breath as he saw what she was examining.

“Seems like someone left us a present.”, said the girl and smiled up at the redhead, “Well, maybe just Isa.”

Lea huffed, feeling a rush of warmth in his veins, “Yeah.”

The two exchanged a glance, before Lea picked up the pale blue suitcase with a tingle in his fingers. He was able to feel the traces of magic all over it. The traces that Master Yen Sid had left behind.

“He should try it on right now!”, grinned the girl, before looking down on her own clothes, “You think it’s going to fit just as perfectly as mine?” She swayed on her feet and her white skirt rustled softly underneath the black vest.

“I think it’s gonna be-“

* * *

“Perfect.”

Isa shifted his weight from side to side, looking down onto the floor, “Be honest.”

Lea shook his head, eyes wide and lips parted at the utterly heart-stopping sight in front of him. “I mean it.”, he breathed, completely mesmerized, “You look amazing.”

The pink colour on Isa’s cheek was the final touch. Lea felt lightheaded. The world seemed to be shifting around him. Everything was blurring into nothingness; everything except Isa. Isa was clear and bright in front of him, glowing softly like the moon in the night sky. The only thing worth looking at. 

Lea took a step closer to run his fingers over the dark, knee-long jacket. It was close fitting, every edge and every curve exposed. Elegant black and navy blue cascaded down Isa’s body, making the sharp colour of his bright eyes stand out like the stars. Carefully, Lea traced the grey pattern along the sides, felt the soft fabric pulsate with magic. Then his gaze fell onto the emblem on the left breast, a polished crescent moon shimmering in perfect gold. It remined him of the self-made badge Isa had worn ten years ago. Only now it gleamed proudly in the twilight sun, almost like a mark of survival, a token of triumph.

The sting of tears was almost too painful in Lea’s eyes, burning so perfectly on his cheeks. He held onto Isa’s new jacket, overwhelmed as it occurred to him just how much they’d been through. How much they’d endured and conquered. The pain and uncertainty. The hollowness and empty rage. Nothing had ever made sense to them. Feelings, love and joy. Jealousy, hatred and despair.

And now, now they were here. Together, standing eye to eye. And everything made so much sense.

Lea let his forehead rest against Isa’s, holding on to the fabric covering his arms. They didn’t speak, didn’t need to.

This was the beginning of a whole new life.

A better life.

A good life.

* * *

Isa had missed the taste of sea salt ice cream. As a Nobody, he’d only tried it once. On the day before the war, right here on this clocktower next to Lea. He remembered how different it had been. Weirdly unfamiliar. He’d tasted nothing of its sweetness.

But right now, the taste was just the same as all these years ago. It felt the same. A tingle of nostalgia cold on his tongue.

Lea was sitting right next to him, laughing at something Xion had said. The sound made Isa feel secure in his skin, like he was meant to be. There were a thousand words of happiness hidden in the way Lea was squinting his eyes and scrunching his nose. He looked beautiful like that.

It took Isa several seconds to realize that he was crying. His tears were mingling with the salty taste of the ice cream and somehow, it felt like he was growing lighter.

He smiled into the collar of his jacket, just when the sun was blocked by a huge shadow above their heads.

It was time to go.

* * *

Lea had to squint his eyes in the light of the bright yellow sun shining in the clear blue sky of the Destiny Islands. The change in temperature caused his skin to tingle for a moment, as he stepped outside the ship and onto the glimmering, golden sand. It felt like setting foot on a set of clouds and the redhead took a deep breath, salt and seaweed on the tip of his tongue. The rush of the waves was hypnotising, carrying memories of longing and regret. So close and loud, yet worlds away, accompanied by the cry of the sea gulls in the distance.

Lea let his gaze wander over the trees and the waterfall flowing calmly down into a crystal-clear pool. The leaves were dancing in the warm breeze, high above their heads. Everything was pulsating with life, one heartbeat underneath their feet.

“Lea!”

A familiar voice, as clear as the water of the ocean, called out to him.

“Look, it’s Kairi!”, Xion tugged at the hem of Lea’s shirt. Behind her, Roxas was shielding his eyes from the powerful sunrays. Isa took a step closer toward Lea and inhaled deeply through his nose. Riku, who had picked them up and was now leaving the ship, waved at the red headed girl standing on top of the wooden bridge connecting the main island to the little islet out on the sea.

“She’s been looking forward to this for so long.”, smiled the islander and came to a halt right next to Isa. Lea looked at him and felt a pang of oddly sweet melancholy in his chest. It surprised him and he felt his lips part against his will. It was strange, but looking at Riku, who was almost as tall as Isa by now, made him feel incredibly aware of how much time had passed since _everything_ began _._ Precious time they could never get back.

It occurred to him every time he looked at Isa. At how his hair had grown, at how toned and strong he was, at the old scar between his eyes. It had been there for so long and Lea hated how familiar it appeared to him by now. He remembered the very first time he’d seen it so clearly. The blood hadn’t even dried, the pain had still lingered on Saix’s face. And his heart had been silent. No cry of despair, no rage, no thoughts of revenge. Nothing. Only the trace of a little boy sobbing somewhere deep within the hollowness of his chest that he’d locked away.

Even Xion and Roxas looked so much older, taller and more mature. In the span of not even a year, not even a month, their faces had aged. Their features had sharpened. They’d grown. It made Lea feel too many things at once. He just wanted them to never grow up. Never lose this valuable time of their lives as he had.

His only wish was to just –

“Lea?”

Lea’s vision unclouded and he flinched, when a hand came to rest on his shoulder. Isa was leaning forward to look him in the eyes, his own wide open and full of concern.

“Are you alright?”, asked the bluehead softly.

They were alone. The other three had already dashed off to greet Kairi. Lea hadn’t even noticed it, hadn’t even seen the world around him anymore.

“Yeah, yeah…”, Lea shook his head and shrugged his shoulder dismissively, “I was just thinking…”

“Alright.”, Isa smiled, shuffling his feet in the warm sand, “You should go and say hello.”

Lea rolled his eyes, smirked and linked arms with Isa, before he winked, “Yeah we should.”

The two didn’t get very far, because not a second later, the red headed girl with the beaming indigo eyes was already sprinting in their direction. She didn’t show any intention of slowing down or stopping, so naturally Lea braced himself and prepared for the impact. With a laugh and her arms wide open, Kairi crashed into him and nearly tackled the perplexed redhead to the ground. He let out a yelp, before closing his own arms around her, stumbling a few steps back.

“You made it!”, she giggled, squeezing Lea’s waist so hard that he had difficulties breathing.

“Need air.”, he gasped, ruffling the girl’s bright hair with a breathless chuckle, “It’s good to see you too, little red.”

“You finally put you clothes on.”, sang Kairi, after she’d finally loosened her arms around him, letting him inhale, “You look great!”

“Huh, yeah…”, Lea rubbed the back of his head and smirked, tugging at his tight pants, “It’s a perfect fit.”

“And you!”, Kairi was full of enthusiasm, bouncing on the spot as she turned her head to finally acknowledge Isa (Lea could have sworn he’d shrunk significantly in the span of the last minute), “You’re back!”

Isa winced, visibly shocked at how happy Kairi was to see him. Lea could only imagine what he was thinking, now that he was standing face to face with the princess of light. Person to person. Heart to heart. Lea saw the hesitation in Isa’s movements, when he lowered his head and gave Kairi a shy smile. There was regret swirling in the depths of his serene eyes.

“I’m so glad you made it.”, Kairi’s cheeks were cherry red with excitement. The girl was beaming.

Isa blinked, trying to gather the right words, “Thank you.”

“Now come on!”, the fellow redhead took both of their hands and dragged them toward the little islet where the others were already chatting and exchanging stories, hugging and laughing.

Everyone was here.

“There you are!”, Sora’s cheeks were just as red as Kairi’s, as he welcomed them with open arms.

He immediately started babbling without pausing for breath, asking them about Twilight Town, their apartment, the weather and much, much more. Lea answered all of his questions with a bright smile on his lips, feeling the boy radiate with happiness as they dove into the cluster of people. He’d always been like that. Positive and bright like the sun in a cloudless sky. Just a boy with a heart the size of the ocean around them. Lea had never met anyone quite like this.

Isa kept quiet, still overwhelmed with the amount of people and voices all around him. It was new to him, Lea knew that. For years, he’d only ever truly enjoyed the company of himself or Axel. And Lea wasn’t even sure if one could call these meetings genuinely enjoyable. More like a desperate attempt to cling to the last thing that had connected them to a life worth living. Lea was determined to make this reunion as pleasant for Isa as it was for him. Show him that this life – the one they’d started anew together – was worth every step, every hazard and every tear. He’d make this worth their while.

He moved closer, letting his hand slip into Isa’s, before squeezing it reassuringly. Isa answered with a twitch of his finger, a little thank you that caused Lea’s heart to flutter against his ribcage.

He counted the many familiar faces. Roxas, Xion and Ven were engrossed in a lively conversation right next to the three Twilight Town kids, who’d immediately hogged Kairi and bombarded her with questions. Lea could feel Olette’s gaze on him at some point, followed by Kairi giggling into her hands. Sora was talking to Terra and Aqua, flailing his arms around, probably in the midst of a captivating story. And Riku had walked up to a small figure dressed in all white, a waterfall of flaxen hair flowing down her shoulder and a sketchbook pressed tightly to her chest. Lea felt his cheeks being lifted by a bright grin, as he recognized the girl as Naminé.

He immediately made his way over to the two of them, Isa leeched onto his side. Somehow, it gave Lea a boost in confidence. He could feel a hot ball of proudness burning in his chest.

When he called the girl’s name, both her and Riku turned around. Her face lit up in a heartbeat and she clutched her sketchbook even tighter.

“Hey kiddo.”, Lea came to a halt right in front of her, “Its good to see you again.”

“Yes.”, a delighted chuckle like the jingle of bells filled the warm air around them, “It’s nice to see you too, Axel.”

He bit his lips and felt Isa tense at the sound of the name. He tried not to let his discomfort show as he corrected, “It’s Lea now.”

“Oh.”, Naminé tore her eyes open, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“No, it’s alright, don’t worry.”, Lea wagged his hand in front of his nose, “I mean I made sure you wouldn’t forget it before, so that one’s on me.”

Both Riku and Naminé laughed at that and even Isa cracked a smile. They started talking away, reminiscing about the time they’d teamed up as a little trio of outsiders who’d nothing to share but ice cream and sarcastic jokes. It felt incredibly easy to talk to them and Lea was more than excited when Isa joined in, shyly and quiet at first, but with a genuine smile on his lips that sent Lea’s mind skydiving.

The sun was slowly crawling down toward the horizon, when Kairi suggested a game of volleyball down at the beach. A wave of nods washed over the group of the people gathered on the islet.

“Should we make teams?”, Ven placed his hands on his hips. 

“I call dibs on Lea!”, Xion pounced and threw herself at the redhead, holding onto him.

“Why me?”, Lea furrowed his brows, “I suck at team sports.”

“But you’re a two-meter giant.”, grinned the raven-haired, “All you have to do is stand in front of the net.”

“Well, then I call dibs on Isa!”, announced Roxas and crossed his arms in front of his chest, a smirk on his lips and a challenge in his bright eyes. Xion extended her tongue.

“Can I call dibs on Terra?”

“I want Aqua!”

Kairi rolled her eyes and pursed her lips, before interfering, “I think we should draw lots.”

“That seems fair to me.”, Lea shrugged his shoulders and bumped his hips into Isa’s with a wink. The bluehead was crinkling his forehead and he crossed his arms tightly in front of his own chest, as if he tried to hide or protect himself.

As the others tried to decide who should be responsible for drawing the lots, Lea sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and leaned closer to whisper in Isa’s ear, “You don’t have to play, you know that.”

Isa twisted a strand of sky-blue hair around his finger, “Maybe I should play as referee.”

“Good idea.”, Lea smiled softly, “You need to make sure that these gnomes play by the rules.”

Isa chuckled into his high collar and batted his eyelashes. Lea’s throat went dry at the sight and he wondered if his best friend was doing that on purpose only to mess with his head, “I think I’d rather keep my eyes on you.”

Lea blinked, letting that comment fully sink in. For some reason, he felt like he’d just run face-first into a door. He was probably overthinking this. He was _most likely_ totally overthinking this. But was Isa flirting with him? Lea wasn’t sure and it killed him just a little bit.

“Ye-yeah.”, croaked the redhead, “Well I’m- really bad at this, so yeah you should-you should watch me.”

He was also a lot less gifted in being smooth.

“Okay, you know what?”, Kairi’s clear voice broke through the jumble of arguments, “First one to reach the field gets to assign the team members!”

“Not fair!”, Sora complained from the top of his lungs, after the girl had already sprinted off at full speed. He chased after her with a growl, followed by the Twilight Town kids, Roxas and Xion. Terra and Aqua exchanged a smirk and sprinted off as well, Ventus hot on their heels.

“Come on, Lea!”, Naminé giggled and took him by the hand, “I bet you can still catch up."

“I doubt it.”, Riku huffed, watching Aqua and Terra overtake Roxas.

Lea chuckled and set off at a nonchalant pace, Naminé on one side and Isa on the other. Riku followed slowly and the four of them watched Aqua celebrate her victory in the distance.

The young Master set up two teams of equal strength (and combined height) and they played until the sun came down to set the ocean ablaze. Kairi and Lea were a matchless duo, even though their skills were rather unevenly distributed. Kairi was exceptionally good at volleyball, her eyes vigilant and her accuracy unbeatable. Lea on the other hand was – well, tall. But it was enough to score a high amount of points for their team.

“Terra you can hit the ball with your feet too!”, Aqua growled at some point, sweat glistering on her forehead and her hair standing up from all angles. She was taking this game very, _very_ seriously. Who knew the Master was so competitive?

“No, he can’t!”, protested Xion breathlessly, “It’s against the rules!”

“Of course, he can. This is beach volleyball!” countered Aqua and balled her fists. Lea took a step back when he saw the fury in the woman’s eyes.

“Can we not fight about that and talk about Lea using magic?”, Ventus placed his hands on his hips and tapped his bare foot in the sand.

“I didn’t do it on purpose!”, Lea raised his arms in defence.

“You set the ball on fire!”

“Accidentally.”, corrected the redhead casually.

“Let’s just continue playing.”, Sora chuckled and served the next ball.

Over the entire course of their game, Lea felt a prickling heat dance over his skin and not just because the sun was burning down on them. It was something else. _Someone_ else. A pair of eyes was following his every step, never letting him go. His heart was pounding in response, along with the pure exhilaration rushing through his veins.

In the end, they all collapsed onto the soft sand, breathing hard and sweating rivers. Naminé, who’d decided to stay out of the competition, watched them gasp for oxygen with a giggle, before lowering herself into the sand next to the groaning Xion to present the many pictures she’d drawn of the highly competitive match.

“Can I keep that one?”, Ventus jumped up and pointed at a sketch of himself and Roxas.

“Oh, that looks so pretty!”, Xion squealed and clutched her chest at a drawing of Aqua.

“Can you teach me how to draw hair? I always struggle with that.”, Olette leaned over and traced the outlines of a sketch featuring Lea and Kairi.

Naminé blushed at the sheer amount of admiration and praise and she hugged her precious sketchbook closer as she nodded.

Lea leaned over to his right and was about to whisper something into Isa’s ear, when he realized that the bluehead wasn’t even sitting next to him. With a soft gasp, Lea frantically craned his neck to look around only to find that Isa wasn’t there. He couldn’t seem him at all.

Roxas, who’d been joking around with Pence, sensed his confusion and nudged him in the side with his elbow. Lea cocked his head and the boy pointed at the large, crooked palm tree on the smaller islet out on the sea. Lea’s heart ached, as he saw the lone silhouette sitting on the curved trunk, watching the sunbeams reflect off the ocean’s surface.

Lea hadn’t noticed him leave. It sent a wave of chilling embarrassment through his body, along with something else. The icy sting of disappointment. Hurt. His mind started racing, trying to come up with explanations.

_Why didn’t he tell me he wasn’t feeling right? Why doesn’t he want me to come with him? Is he sick of me after all? What’s wrong with me?_

“I’m gonna-…”, Lea stood up without further explanation.

* * *

“You should go back to the others, Lea.”, said Isa calmly without turning around.

Lea stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the back of his best friend’s head. Isa was sitting upright, his legs crossed and his fingers grazing the old wood of the palm tree.

“Why?”, breathed the redhead, his voice nearly swept away by a sudden breeze carrying salt and mystery.

“I don’t want to keep you from them.”, Isa’s was speaking in a monotone voice. Lea hated how strange it sounded, how unfamiliar. He hated how Isa had said the word _them_ like he wasn’t a part of it. Like he would never be.

“What are you talking about?”, Lea crinkled his forehead and took a step forward. He watched in pain, as Isa lowered his head.

He didn’t get an answer.

“Isa-“, Lea’s voice was a hoarse whisper and he stepped closer, until he was standing right next to Isa. The man’s hair had fallen forward like a curtain, hiding his face; hiding whatever emotion he wanted Lea to ignore.

“Go back, Lea.”

“No.”, Lea balled his hands to fists, “I won’t.”

Isa shook his head, his hair swaying ever so gently, “Why?”

“Because-“, Lea hoisted himself up on the tree to sit down next to Isa, “-I want to be with you, simple as that.”

Isa scoffed, “I wish it was that simple.”

“Isa, what’s wrong?”, Lea leaned forward, trying to look him in the face, “Tell me, please. I just want to help you.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“I want to.”

Isa sighed, clenching and unclenching his shaking fist, before he finally looked up. His sad expression was painted in gold in the light of the sun. A beautiful melancholy.

“Lea-“, he breathed, “I don’t belong here.”

The words pierced Lea chest like a cold, deadly iron sword. Painful and quick, leaving no time to brace for the attack.

“Of course, you belong here.”

 _Where else should you belong than at my side?_ Lea didn’t say it out loud.

“It doesn’t feel right.”, Isa pressed his eyes shut, “I don’t feel right standing next to them. These people who are so full of light. They know each other and they trust each other. They are good.”

Without hesitation, Lea took Isa’s hand in his and held on tight, “You are good, too.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”, Lea furled his eyebrows, a fire lighting up in the depth of his heart, “You are and you’ve always been a good person.”

Isa clenched his teeth at these words and was about to shake his head, when Lea squeezed his hand tighter and continued, passion fuelling his voice, “You are loyal and kind, you’ve protected me my whole life and you’ve never left my side. You’ve never betrayed me, you’ve never forgotten.”

“I’m nothing but a burden on you; on them.”

“No.”, Lea shook his head violently, hot tears stinging in his eyes, “You’re not. You could never be.”

“Lea, I just-…”

“Isa listen to me.”, Lea’s voice was a low, desperate whisper. He brought his hand up to cup the right side of Isa’s face, turning his head around so that they were sitting eye to eye. He moved closer.

“I know how you’re feeling right now. I know what you’re thinking. That you don’t belong, that you’re a fraud. All you can see are the scars you carry, the pain and the darkest memories.”

Isa closed his eyes, a silent tear slipping through his lashes and down his cheek.

“But Isa, that’s not the real you. The real you is here right in front of me. Alive and breathing. The real you is a man who’s fought for too long and who’s heart has been damaged by others.”

Lea’s finger brushed the tear from Isa’s soft cheek.

“But that doesn’t define who you are now. I can see just how good you are. How brave and kind and wonderful. You want nothing more than to atone, atone for things that were out of your control. Every day, you show me your true colours. You show me why I love-”

Lea stopped and watched Isa lean into the palm of his hand, his lips parting at the feeling.

“You show me why I love you.”, he breathed, the waves of the ocean suddenly too loud in his ears, the sun too bright, the world too real, “Why I’ve always loved you and why I always will.”

A second tear fell from Isa’s lashes and onto Lea’s hand.

“Lea.”, Isa whispered and closed his hand around Lea’s wrist, “You’re-…I don’t deserve you.”

“You deserve so much more, Isa.”, Lea lifted Isa’s face a bit, so that he could see the colour of his eyes, “You deserve to be happy and safe.”

“Not without you.”

Lea let his head fall forward, gently connecting their foreheads, “I won’t leave you. Ever.”

Isa nudged Lea’s nose with his own and their eyes fluttered shut.

“I’ll protect you now.”

For a second, the world wasn’t moving. No leaves were rustling in the breeze, the waves were voiceless, the sea gulls frozen in the sky. There was only the sound of their joined heartbeats and the feeling of their breaths mingling under their noses.

Lea dared to open his eyes again, watching Isa breathe and _live_ right there in front of him. And then his gaze fell upon the huge green palm leaves above their head and the bright yellow star-shaped fruits hanging from the branches. The paopu fruits.

When they’d trained together, Kairi had told him many stories about her home world. About her past life, about Riku and Sora, the ocean, the beach, the memories connected to them. And she’d told him about the paopu and its magical properties.

_“When two people share one of these fruits, their destinies become intertwined. No matter where they go or how far they are apart, they will always be connected.”_

Lea wanted nothing more than this. To share his life, his existence, his happiness and comfort and everything he had to give with Isa. Be with him forever, protect his smile and the colour of his eyes. Because Lea loved him. He loved Isa more than anything else in this world and any other. More than he knew.

So, he reached for the fruit dangling above their heads like a mistletoe and plucked it carefully, his hand shaking and his heart stopping.

“Do you want this, too?”

Isa cast his eyes open and focused on the star in Lea’s hand. He knew. Isa knew what it meant to share the paopu. Lea could tell from the way his eyes softened and his lips opened in a silent promise. There was a low gasping sound that brought more tears with it.

“I promise you, Isa.”, Lea brought the fruit up to his lips. It smelled like oaths and light, “I promise that we will heal together and that one day, you will see just how strong you are. In every way.”

The paopu was sweet on his tongue. Lea would have never guessed that fate tasted just like pancakes and rainbow sprinkles. Yet there was a hint of salt on the surface, a part of the endless ocean carried by the wind. An unbreakable connection.

Lea watched, mesmerized, as Isa took the fruit from him and sealed their destiny. Their eternal bond. Two fibres intertwining. Colours mixing to create something new. Something better.

“I love you too, Lea.”

The rest of the day was sunsets, seashells, sand sculptures and a game of frisbee that felt like a journey to the past.

The rest of the day was perfect.

* * *

“You know-“, Kairi pulled Lea aside, as the others boarded the ship that would take them back to Twilight Town, “I forgot to tell you one thing about the paopu.”

Lea scratched his head, feeling like he’d been caught in the act. He couldn’t stop his blood rushing up to his cheeks, “Mhm?”

“If you don’t ask the island deity for permission first, your destinies will be cursed for all eternity.”

Her indigo eyes were piercing as she told him and Lea felt his heart actually drop down to his feet. He tore his eyes wide open, feeling the blood rush and his pulse throb in his ears.

Cursed. No way. He couldn’t be cursed. Not now. Not after everything they’d been through. He made a mistake. He dragged Isa into it too. He was –

Kairi started laughing. She started laughing so hard she doubled over. “Oh, your face.”, she cackled, “Your face is so priceless.”

Of course. Of course, she’d been messing with him. He should have known better.

With a snort-growl, Lea pulled the girl into a headlock and ruffled her hair so intensely, he felt his hand starting to burn from the friction. The girl squealed and wiggled like a worm, trying to escape, but Lea didn’t let go until she looked like a little scarecrow.

“Worth it.”, Kairi smiled and extended her tongue. Lea mimicked the silly gesture, right when Sora joined them to say goodbye.

His smile was as bright and real as ever, yet there was a sad glimmer in his eyes as he spoke, “Thank you for coming, Lea.”

“Thank you for inviting us.”, said the redhead and nodded his head.

“I’m just glad-“, Sora looked him deep in the eyes, the blue of his own the very same colour as Roxas’ and Xion’s, “-that I was able to see you all again.”

Lea crinkled his forehead. What was that supposed to mean?

“We can come back anytime.”, the redhead grinned.

Kairi lowered her gaze and Sora… – Sora placed his hand on his chest and said, “I hope to see you again.”

And to Lea, it sounded like their journey was far from over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I looked up the character heights for this and came to the realization that LEA IS A DAMN GIANT. This man is 210 cm / 6'9" WHAT??? I AM BLOWN AWAY  
> Well, anyway I hope I can get the next chapter done as quickly as possible with uni going on. Also, eventually I will get MoM and then I will also be playing that like...a lot. (But my preordered copy is already two days late I hate it here...)  
> Well, see you next time! Stay healthy and drink your water, my lovely readers!  
> Oh and yes I changed the ending because- I want to I will not go into detail on that or anything but Sora's fading process is a lot slower here that's all bye


	20. pink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa finds out the truth about Lea's failed rescue attempt and the redhead is forced to make a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for this one? I bet you're not...  
> It took a while longer, since I had a lot to do and also my mind was all jumbled AND i was playing MoM a lot, so yeah ^^  
> Enjoy!

Lea felt the bones in his back shift and crack as he stretched his arms up to the sky. He inhaled the sweet scent of the afternoon breeze, filling his lungs with clear air. It was still pleasantly warm outside and Lea hummed as he felt the sunset spread over his cheeks and nose.

It had been a busy day at the bistro and even though the redhead was impressively fast on his long legs, the customers had kept him on his toes. Lea couldn’t wait to collapse onto his semi-soft bed or maybe even take a long, relaxing bath (then again, that was fairly impossible without a tub). The redhead heaved a long sigh. At least the guests were generous tippers. The lot of them, every day. Lea wondered if it was because he looked pitiful and in need of munny, or if it was the charming, buttery smile he put on every time he came up to a table to take orders.

Both. Probably both.

The way home felt longer than usual. Lea was tired, his tight bun was slowly giving him a headache and his legs were starting to feel all wobbly. Fighting giant heartless was no big deal, but to work as a waiter was too much for him? Lea tsked under his breath. He was in desperate need of a shower. And food. And the kids. And Isa.

Good thing he was almost home. He could already see the old, walnut door that was so easily overlooked, as well the little lantern with the dancing light inside. The redhead bit his bottom lip, fishing for the front door keys in his pocket.

With a clank, the door sprang open and Lea announced his arrival with a loud “I’m back!”

The tired redhead tossed his jacket aside and kicked his shoes of, feeling his feet ache and his back moan. By the light, it had been one week. One single week at the bistro.

“In the kitchen!”, the familiar voice put a little smile on Lea’s face, as he shuffled through the living room, ruining his socks in the process.

A mouth-watering scent reached his nostrils and Lea followed it all the way to Isa, who was standing in front of the stove with his hair tied up and his eyes fixed on a pan in front of him.

“What do I smell here?”, purred the redhead and took a step closer to peek over his moon’s shoulder.

“Salmon.”, answered Isa calmly, not taking his eyes of the sizzling fish.

Lea made a hiccup-like sound of delight, “Have I told you that I love you before?”

“Several times, Lea.”

“Can’t stress it enough.”

Isa chuckled softly, “How was work? Busy?”

Lea groaned and placed his chin down on the bluehead’s shoulder, “Yeah. My feet are killing me.”

“Poor you.”

Lea rolled his eyes at the smug comment and started poking Isa’s waist with his finger, right where he knew his best friend was the most tickling. He giggled, as Isa flinched and grumbled something incomprehensible into the collar of his shirt.

“Well, the tip was pretty decent though.”, grinned the redhead, ceasing the banter so that Isa could prepare their dinner in peace.

“Mhm?”, the bluehead cocked his head to the side.

“I made sure to lay it on thick today.”

“Today?”, there was that cheeky smile again, gracing Isa’s lips like it belonged.

“Can you stop?”, Lea shook his head with a snort.

“Ask again in a few minutes.”

That made Lea laugh out loud, “Isa!”

The redhead closed his arms around Isa’s waist and closed his eyes, letting the light of the sun warm his skin and body and the scent of lavender shroud his mind. For a second, his body grew lighter. The pain and exhaustion were gone. It was just Isa and him in the peaceful quiet of the receding afternoon. Until –

“You won’t believe what Xion pulled today!”

“Stop screaming, sheesh.”

“Do I smell dinner?”

The _pat pat pat_ of two pairs of feet grew louder as the two kids dashed over to the kitchen.

“Shoes!”, Lea called over his shoulder and the sudden pause and rustle of fabric made him grin.

Xion was the first one to stumble into the little room, followed by Roxas who bumped into her with an annoyed grumble. Both kids looked their two friends up and down and raised their eyebrows. They exchanged a suggestive look and it took the redhead several second before it occurred to him why.

With a humph, Lea let go of Isa, feeling the blood rush up to his cheeks as he realized that he’d pushed himself flush against him (But who could blame him, right? It wasn’t his fault that Isa radiated this soothing warmth and that he smelled like nostalgia and dreams).

What?

Lea cleared his throat a second time, “How was your day?”

Very smooth indeed.

“What did Xion _pull_?”, Isa asked and eyed the kids up and down. His gaze lingered on the patch of torn skin on Roxas’ elbow, “And what happened to your arm?”

And thus began the longest rant about skateboarding Lea ever had to endure. He kept on nodding and mumbling sounds of approval, without understanding half of what was going on. Something about glides and heel flips and falling flat on one’s arse. Xion only rolled her eyes throughout the whole tirade.

When the boy was done, Lea said “Ah.” and started cleaning the wound on his arm with a wet cloth, before patching it up with colourful band-aids. Roxas groaned and complained but sat through the whole procedure without resistance.

“You have to be more careful.”, muttered the redhead as he applied the last band-aid to the fresh wound.

“Who are you, my dad?”, Roxas raised his eyebrows.

“Urgh.”, Lea cringed at the word, “How dare you? I’m like twenty.”

“Lea, you’re 28.”, Isa reminded him calmly, an innocent smile on his lips, as if he hadn’t just ruined Lea’s entire life with that comment.

“I know, I know-“, moaned the redhead and threw his head back, “My life is over.”

“Idiot.”, Xion snorted and rolled her eyes yet again, right when Lea’s phone started buzzing in his pocket.

The redhead furrowed his brows as he checked the name on the display. It was Ienzo. And usually, a call from Ienzo signified important news. If good or bad, Lea couldn’t tell and it made him feel weirdly uneasy. For a split second he was scared to answer the call; tempted to let it ring. But when Roxas coaxed him to “Pick up already!” he got a hold of himself.

“Hello?”

“Good evening, Lea.”, Ienzo sounded unusually cheerful, “It’s nice to hear you again.”

Lea blinked in confusion, trying to digest the bizarre tune in the young man’s voice, “Ye-Yeah, nice to hear you too.”

“How are the four of you?”

Lea leaned against the kitchen counter and let his gaze wander from Isa to the kids and back, “We’re good. How are things in Radiant Garden?”

“Better with every day.”, reported Ienzo proudly, “There’s less and less incidents and the number of missing people is decreasing significantly.”

“That’s good to hear.”

_Though I doubt this is why you called._

Lea bit the words back. He shouldn’t jinx it.

“So, eh-“, he ran his fingers through his thick, red hair, “What’s up?”

“Well actually, I would like to speak with Isa, if that’s possible?”

* * *

“Hello, guys!”

The castle gates swung open with a moan, revealing the head of dirty blond hair and beaming green eyes of the youngest (unofficial) member of the royal guards. He approached Lea and Isa with a feathery bounce to his energetic steps, his sitar – strapped over his shoulder – was bouncing on his back.

Isa lowered his head as greeting and Lea was about to open his mouth, when the young musician waved his hand and crooned, “Come on, Ienzo’s waiting!”

Lea blinked in confusion, taken aback by Demyx’s vigour. The blond twirled on his heels and led them through the hallways with a confident poise, humming a merry tune under his breath. Lea noticed how his fingers were twitching, as if he was mentally plucking the strings of his beloved instrument.

Had something changed? Lea wondered. Yes, Demyx had always been loud, he’d always been a boisterous ball of briskness, but something was definitely different. In a weird way.

Lea nudged Isa in the side, grinning and rolling his eyes, trying to convey a wordless message. But the bluehead didn’t react to it. He didn’t even flinch. He was staring straight ahead into the air. 

“Hey…”, Lea brushed his finger over the back of Isa’s hand, “You okay?”

“Mhm…”, Isa blinked the veil before his eyes away, “Yes.”

“It’s just a check-up.”, Lea reminded him calmly and took his moon’s cold hand into his, warming it, “Ienzo wants to make sure you’re alright and healing, that’s all.”

“I know.” 

“We’re gonna be done here in no time-“, Lea smirked, “-and then we can go home and you can read me a story from that new book you bought yesterday.”

Isa huffed, a soft smile lifting his cheeks, “I doubt you’d be interested in that.”

Lea bit his lip, smirking wider, “You make everything sound intriguing, even though you never do the voices.”

“It’s a history book, Lea.”, Isa shook his head, “There are no voices to do.”

“Of course, there are!”, Lea wrapped his arms around Isa’s, leaning closer with a blazing fire dancing in his eyes, “There are all these heroic quotes and stuff.”

“Then how about you do the voices?”, Isa raised his left eyebrow.

“Nooooo!”, Lea whined, curling his bottom lip, “You have to – …”

“We’re here!”

Demyx came to such an abrupt halt, that Isa – with Lea leeched onto his arm – nearly bumped into him.

“Ienzo’s inside.”

Isa cleared his throat and straightened his back, trying his best to adopt a steady posture. Lea supressed a silly little giggle.

“Thank you.”, the bluehead’s voice was very serious all of a sudden; the playfulness from seconds ago washed away like footprints on the shore. Lea pursed his lips and let his arm slip out of the tight embrace, before straightening his vest.

“Have fun!”

And with that, Demyx rushed off to take care of whatever duties he had to fulfil (which, Lea believed were few to none) and Lea and Isa entered the room to meet up with Ienzo.

Lea had never been to this part of the castle before. The room they’d entered was smaller than the main laboratory and stuffed full of odd technical devices and books and cables and a lone bed in the corner. The walls were naked and painted in a washed-out shade of baby blue. Some darker imprints and patches here and there indicated that this room used to be full of paintings and posters. A single lightbulb was bleakly hanging down from the ceiling and Lea was quite sure that it wasn’t actually working anymore. The only reliable source of light was a curtainless window on the right side of the room, right above a little, messily arranged desk.

And at that little desk sat Ienzo, hunched over a pile of documents and murmuring some words to himself. The scratching of a pen on parchment told them that he was in the middle of some (probably very important and scholarly) paperwork.

Lea cleared his throat to attract the young man’s attention and the head of soft blue hair jolted up at the sound of his voice.

“Oh!”, Ienzo turned around and – Lea wasn’t entirely sure why he was surprised by it – smiled brightly, “I’m sorry I didn’t even hear you coming.”

“No problem.”, mumbled Lea absently.

Ienzo stood up from his chair and rolled his shoulders, “I’m glad you made it.”

“Of course.”

“Isa.”, the young scientist nodded his head before the bluehead, who was standing calmly next to Lea, “Before we begin, I would like to ask you a question.”

“What is it?”

“Well, I was wondering-“, Ienzo grabbed a piece of paper and pen from the pile of pure chaos on his desk, “- if you are still able to activate your powers.”

Isa drew in a sharp breath and for a second Lea imagined he could feel it in his own throat. His heart started to beat faster. Only – it wasn’t. The redhead bit his lip and supressed a gasp. There was something else. It wasn’t his own heart that was pounding. Loud and wild. It wasn’t his own shock rocking his chest. It was Isa’s. Isa’s heart as a faint echo, a gentle call for help in Lea’s own chest.

The redhead swallowed, just before Isa cleared his throat and answered in a low voice, “I haven’t tried.”

And Lea could feel the words Isa was biting back in this very moment on his own tongue.

_And I don’t want to._

“Alright.”, Ienzo nodded, “That’s perfectly fine, I wouldn’t want to force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“Thank you.”, Isa lowered his head, hair gently falling over his shoulder.

“Oh and I almost forgot-“, Ienzo opened the bottom drawer of the old desk and rummaged around in the search of a document, “-I would actually like to check on you too, Lea.”

For a second, the redhead could hear a heart pounding wildly in his ears. This time, it was his own. This was his very own moment of discomfort. His hands started fidgeting and he swallowed, before asking, “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

Isa’s whole body tensed next to him.

“No, no I think it is.”, said Ienzo, before pulling a stack of paper out of the drawer with a hum and holding them up for the other two to see, “I’d like to compare your results.”

“I’m feeling great.”, Lea tried his best to sound nonchalant.

“Maybe.”, Ienzo tapped his finger against his chin, “But you never know. After all that happened to you, I’d like to be sure. Your heart could still be damaged.”

At that, Isa looked at Lea. He could feel the man’s burning gaze on his skin, the questions behind it. The redhead pressed his eyes shut and hoped that he would just stay silent. That he wouldn’t ask. That Ienzo would _stop talking_ right this second.

Because Isa didn’t know. Lea never told him. He never told his moon about the night he’d so foolishly tried to run headfirst into danger for him. Back when he’d been desperate and anxious and haunted by his voice and eyes at night. And Lea had sworn to never, ever tell Isa. Because Lea knew that he would only blame himself. Hate himself.

Lea had been stupid. Stupid and blind. He’d plunged himself into the dark corridors, into a sea of heartless. For Isa. Only for him. To get him back. It had been his choice. Lea’s alone. But Isa – Isa wouldn’t see it that way.

“What do you mean, Ienzo?”, the sound of his moon’s voice burned on his skin like the blade of a knife.

“Nothing.”, it was a desperate answer. Lea shook his head and took a step back.

But Isa furled his eyebrows and repeated, sharper this time, “What do you mean?”

And Ienzo. Poor Ienzo had no idea. No idea about what he’d just revealed. But now, now something shattered behind the blue of his kind eyes and he _realized_. Too late.

“I didn’t-“, the young man stood frozen to the ground, his eyes torn wide open in shock, “I’m sorry, I thought you-“

“No, Ienzo.”, Lea shook his head furiously, “It’s alright, I just-“

“I thought you knew about this.”

“About _what_?”, Isa snapped as his eyes darted from Lea to the terrified Ienzo. Poor, poor Ienzo who was standing in the corner of the room, unmoving like an animal playing dead in front of a predator.

“Isa, let’s talk about this later.”, Lea hissed behind clenched teeth, feeling the shame rise up like hot bile in his throat.

“Lea, please.”, cold fingers wrapped themselves around Lea’s wrist, “Please, tell me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Lea.”

“Maybe I should go.”

“What happened, please I need to know.”

And Lea knew it was time. It was time for the truth. Isa deserved it. And Lea had been stupid for not telling him before. He’d put Ienzo in a terrible position and – worst of all – he’d been lying. Lying to the person he loved the most.

His skin started prickling and his heart threatened to break through his ribcage. Everything was a haze; the world had gone still. There was nothing. Only his own spiteful thoughts. His own voice growling at him, calling him names. It was too much. The world came crushing down.

And so, Lea did what he thought was best. He broke through the door and ran, the word _coward_ echoing in his mind along with the sound of his footsteps.

_Coward. Coward. Coward._

Everything was too bright. White hallways and polished marble underneath Lea’s feet. Artificial lights cold above him, making his skin ache for the warmth of the sun. He felt dizzy. His body was too light, as if he’d escaped from the shell.

_Cold. Cold. Coward._

“Lea."

Something caught his wrist. Someone. But Lea couldn’t take it. He tore his hand away.

“Please, Lea talk to me!”

The redhead shook his head, tears so hot and sharp and painful on his cheeks, burning their scars into his skin.

Why? Why? Why was he running away? When all he wanted was to be close. So close. Next to Isa.

“I beg you-“, Isa’s voice shattered into a million pieces, “-wait.”

And Lea stopped. He stopped, watching as his tears fell down onto the floor. Hearing no sound, but his own voice calling him a coward. Feeling nothing but shame and guilt. Until Isa took his hand and pulled him closer. Until the warmth of his body was all around him. Until their heartbeats adjusted.

“Come on-“, whispered the moon to the sun, “-let’s go outside for a moment.” 

* * *

Even in the smallest of the many courtyards, the moonflowers were growing in high numbers. A sea of beautiful, white blossoms in the middle of a gigantic stronghold. An oasis. A place of peace.

The sun was low in the sky, the last rays of gold dripping down onto the grass as it made way for the moon to shine. A breeze made the pink leaves of the giant cherry tree rustle gently. It was only one here, standing tall and old in the middle of the ocean of moonflowers, providing shade for them to bloom.

Right here, Lea and Isa came to a halt. Face to face. The echo of the other’s heart in their chests.

“What happened, Lea?”

Isa held Lea safe in his turquoise gaze. And Lea gave in and revealed everything.

Sleepless nights and selfish thoughts, dark corridors and a flame extinguished by suffocating darkness. About days of weakness and praying for change. About a fight for a better future. Every feeling, every tear and desperate plead.

Lea told a story about love. Because this was really what it was all about. The story about the sun loving the moon. The beautiful moon.

Isa listened. Speechless. He listened to the story without interrupting once, even though Lea could tell he wanted to speak. He needed to. The redhead could see it in the moon’s eyes. Shock and sadness and pity in the depths, an eclipse darkening the colour.

When Lea was done, silence spread between them. Terrible, piercing silence that was too loud in the redhead’s ears. For a second, Lea regretted ever opening his mouth, until Isa finally spoke.

“You could have died.”, was all he said. Nothing else.

Because Isa didn’t care about anything else. No. If Lea were to die, were to leave – it was unimaginable.

Lea wrapped his arms around himself, knowing he’d made a mistake, wishing he could undo it, “I know.”

“You used the dark corridors?”

“Yes.”

“You went all alone?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”, whispered Isa voicelessly, “Why did you do that?”

He wasn’t angry. Isa wasn’t fuming or yelling or turning his back on him. He was – he was _crying_. Beautiful, precious tears were spilling from his glistering eyes and Lea wished he could catch them all. He wanted to look away, but something compelled him to hold Isa’s gaze.

“Because-“

Why? Why did he do it? Why had Lea risked his life to get Isa back? All the sleepless nights, the tears and the blood. The pain, the wait. This whole story. For what?

“Because-“

For so long, they’d been spinning around each other like the planets round the sun. They’d shared their warmth, even when there had been so little to spare. Clung to each other, lost each other in the dark and found each other in the light. And for what? Where were they now?

_Someday._

“Because-“

_Now…_

The sudden overpowering scent of lavender and moonlight was hypnotic; hypnotic and intoxicating and then –

Lea was kissing Isa. Their lips and bodies were melting together, sweet and rich like caramel. Every thought of concern was swept away, as the taste of Isa’s breath started to cloud Lea mind; as he swallowed every unspoken word. This could have been a dream, a wish in Lea’s head, a figment of his imagination, if it wasn’t for Isa’s arms wrapping around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer. If it wasn’t for Isa’s body pushing up against his. His lips moving warm against his own.

Lea’s legs were shaking, but just before they could give in, Isa was there to hold him upright. His arms were locked around Lea, always closer, closer and closer. Lea sighed and brought his hands up to cup Isa’s face, pull him closer yet, closer than they’d ever been. This was so much better than a dream. Lea could never even imagine a moment like this.

They parted after what felt like a lifetime to come up for air, before plunging straight back into a second kiss. A third. A fourth. Lea gasped at the feeling of Isa, of Isa kissing him. Again, and again and again. Lea doubted there was a better feeling than this. This heat in his chest, the way his stomach plummeted, the shiver running up and down his spine. The taste of Isa and the warmth of his sweet breath on his cheeks.

Lea was panting when they parted for good, his voice lost. His hand travelled down to brush against Isa’s jawline, then his cheek, before he ran his thumb over his soft lips.

“Isa-“, Lea whispered hoarsely, resting his forehead against his lover’s, “- do you understand?”

Isa came closer again, lips only brushing ever so slightly against Lea’s, “I love you.”

And Lea couldn’t stop himself from crying again. Sweet tears, no trace of salt at all. The redhead felt lightheaded, as Isa leaned forward to kiss them from his cheeks. What was happening?

“I love you so much.”

Lea all but mewled, “Isa-”

And then he pressed his nose into the crook of the other man’s neck and sobbed, taking this moment in, getting it memorized forever. He was suddenly so very aware of every little moment that brought them to where they were standing right now. He cherished every step and thanked his lucky star for every day. Every single day.

“-never leave me again.”, Lea dug his trembling fingers into Isa’s shirt as he cried, “Please.”

Isa wrapped himself around Lea, holding his head, smelling his hair. Applewood and cinnamon. The smell of childhood stories.

And finally –

twilight came.

* * *

They stepped back into Ienzo’s office with their fingers intertwined, Isa leading Lea through the door. The redhead’s heart was still beating wildly. He was somehow convinced that this was all a dream. It had to be. This couldn’t be real. It had all happened so fast. Too fast.

He realized it wasn’t when they found Ienzo sitting on the brittle bed, curled up into a little ball, staring at the wall with puffy eyes.

He had cried. Undoubtedly.

Lea wanted to rush to his side, tell him nothing of this was his fault, reassure him, when he saw that the young scientist wasn’t alone. Next to him on the bed, arms wrapped around Ienzo’s tiny form, sat Demyx, following Lea’s orders from what felt like ages ago. He was hugging the young scientist close and running a hand over his back in an attempt to calm him down.

From the looks of it, he’d already succeeded.

When Ienzo noticed their presence, he flinched and rubbed his eyes with the sleeve of his lab coat. The bed frame creaked when he stood up. Demyx’s arms slipped from his body and fell to his sides, his green eyes blinking in confusion.

“I’m sorry.”, said Ienzo in his tiny voice, “I didn’t mean to-“

“Ienzo.”, Lea took a step forward and lifted his hand up. He let it ghost over Ienzo’s shoulder, wordlessly asking for permission to place it down. Ienzo nodded and Lea smiled, “Don’t worry. Not about this.”

“But I shouldn’t have-“

Lea shook his head, “No, you should have. I shouldn’t have lied. I shouldn’t have kept this a secret. This was my fault. Mine alone. All you ever want to do is help us, I know that.”

Ienzo looked down to his feet, his cheeks heating in shame.

“I am actually really grateful.”, chuckled the redhead, “I feel so much better now that- you know…”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

The faintest hint of a smile ghosted over Ienzo’s lips. Yet he looked sad. And Lea knew why.

“Don’t torture yourself like this Ienzo.”, said Lea, looking deep into the scientist’s eyes, “I know you say you need to atone, but you don’t have to. Without you, I wouldn’t be alive. Without you, Isa would probably not be here and – “

Lea turned his head to catch a glance of his moon.

“ – I wouldn’t know what to do without him. You saved us all. And you get to breathe now, Ienzo.”

Lea’s eyes darted over to Demyx, who was still sitting on the bed, cocking his head like a lost puppy.

“You get to live now.”

* * *

“Where to?”

“What do you mean, where to?”

“I could take you anywhere you want.”, Lea threw his arms around Isa’s neck.

Night had fallen. After their scheduled check-up and their final farewell, the two had made their way down into town, not quite willing to leave yet, but finding no reason to stay. 

“Anywhere?”

Lea nodded, looking up at Isa with dark emerald eyes, “In a heartbeat."

“I don’t trust you on that glider thing.”

“What?”, Lea tore his eyes wide open, “I got us here safe and sound, didn’t I?”

Isa hummed and a cheeky smirk played on his lips, “Barely.”

“Shut up, before I kiss that stupid grin off your pretty face.”

“By all means.”

And Lea did just that, grinning into the kiss. He even snorted against Isa’s lips when he felt the other man playfully squeeze his side.

“Home?”, Lea asked eventually.

“Home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, huh? Yeah, finally.  
> Okay so I decided to split the following and last chapter into two that I will post in one go, just because I think it will flow better! So the next time I post will be the last...  
> But if you want more of my leaisa content, you can always check out my other three little fics! I am actually quite proud of these too haha!  
> Thank you a lot for reading and have a wonderful day!


	21. kaleidoscopic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every story must come to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, the last chapter (before the epilogue) of this story!  
> Warning: Little bit of angst in the beginning.

Lea was running, a layer of sweat on his skin and death breathing down his neck. He could feel it draw closer, a terrible stench and a numbing cold reaching out for him. He didn’t dare to look over his shoulder, he couldn’t look it in the eyes. The sound of its spiteful voice was too much already. It was calling his name, beckoning him into its claws. But Lea kept on running, until his legs threatened to give in. He didn’t stop, until –

_“Lea!”_

This time it wasn’t the vile creature chasing him that pleaded. It was someone else. Someone who sounded so terribly and painfully familiar.

_“Help me!”_

Another voice. Young and clear and scared to death.

_“Help us, Lea!”_

A third one, like the chime of bells in a deadly storm, distraught and shaking.

Lea stopped, panting and clutching his pounding heart. It hurt with every beat. When he turned around, the darkness had already swallowed him whole.

* * *

Lea started awake with a terrified gasp, his legs twitching in an attempt to run from the nameless threat from his nightmare. His whole body shook with the force of fear, before he realized that nothing of what he’d seen was real. He wasn’t being chased. He was safe. He was safe at home, in his bed, bathed in the morning light of the golden sun. Nothing could ever touch him here. Nothing could hurt him.

Lea tried to calm his breathing, focusing on the soft sounds and motions around him. Birds were singing outside in the trees and on the rooftops, windows were being opened, people were already chatting down in the streets of Twilight Town. Lea could see the shadows of the curtains dancing on the wall through his blurry morning vision, carried by a gentle breeze. Everything was just like the other times he’d woken up in this bed. Just like always.

Well, maybe not everything. There was more.

There was the steady sound of _thud, thud, thud_ of another’s heartbeat in the air all around him, a melody of something precious. The feeling of it against Lea’s bare back was sending waves of pleasant warmth through his tense body.

There was the sound of another’s calm breathing close and warm against his ear, together with the rise and fall of a strong chest.

There were two arms wrapped tightly around Lea’s waist, holding him secure, protecting him from harm. Fingers were absently dancing over his skin, feathery and gentle, like straight out of a dream.

Lea untensed his muscles, his body melting into Isa’s embrace. He was so warm and soft from sleep, the perfect place to escape to. Lea sighed as he felt Isa’s body stir and meet him halfway. A soft murmur slipped from the man’s lips as he shifted from sleep to consciousness.

“Lea.”, Isa’s voice was thick and slurred as he buried his nose into the redhead’s neck, “Are you alright?”

Lea bit his lip, head falling back onto Isa’s shoulder, “It’s nothing.”

Isa answered by taking both the redhead’s hands into his and wrapping his whole body around him, “It was something.”

“Just a nightmare.”, mumbled Lea, the scent of Isa already washing the traces of the dream away, “Don’t worry.”

Isa planted a gentle kiss on the shell of Lea’s ear, “Are you sure that you’re okay?”

“Positive.”, Lea turned his head to finally take a look at the man behind him. Isa was looking at him through dark, gleaming ocean eyes. His hair was messy from sleep and spread all over the white pillow, sky-blue and silky. He had the softest little smile on his (very kissable) lips. A smile that belonged only to Lea. Right now. In this moment. It was only him and Isa.

“Okay.”, said the bluehead, eyes fluttering shut again. The smile remained.

Lea leaned forward to give him a peck on the nose, then the cheek, then the eyelid. Isa’s smile grew and a peaceful hum slipped from his lips. He was beautiful like this. So calm and happy. Lea had seen pretty things. Lea had seen many precious gemstones and treasures. He’d seen many people smile, shyly and brightly and sassy. He’d seen it all. But nothing could ever compare to this.

“Hey-“, Isa whispered into the quiet morning atmosphere, “-today is your free day.”

“Hmm…”, said Lea turned around to be face to face; chest to chest with Isa, “Yeah.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know-“, Lea started combing Isa’s hair with his fingers, his free hand holding onto his shirt, “Stay in bed and sleep?”

Isa scrunched his nose, “You want to waste your free day in bed?”

“Where else?”

The bluehead chuckled, “Good point.”

Lea was about to open his mouth to suggest a full-day in bed reading session, when he heard the unmistakable footsteps of Roxas and Xion approaching the stair leading up to their bedroom.

“You think they’re awake?”

“Who cares.”

Somehow, this moment was all too familiar. He’d been here before. A long time ago. The wood was moaning under the kid’s socks as they ascended to stairs and not a second later, their messy bed heads appeared in sight.

Lea sat upright, immediately missing the warmth of Isa’s arms around him, “Well, this is deja-vu.”

“Would you get up already?”, grinned Xion, shaking her head.

“Yeah, we’re hungry.”

“Excuse me?”, Lea shook his head with a perplexed chuckle, “You can make your own food.”

“I think you misunderstood.”, said Roxas, a flicker of proudness in his friendly blue eyes.

“Huh?”

“Breakfast is ready!”

Led by the two kids, Lea and Isa made their way to the kitchen, following the smell of freshly brewed coffee. The redhead froze as his gaze fell on the little dining table. It was set nicely and decorated with little flowers and self-folded napkins (Lea assumed they were supposed to be some type of bird, but he really couldn’t tell by their deformed state). There were eggs and toast and fruits and even a stack of pancakes.

“What?”, Lea couldn’t really think of anything else to say. He was in fact rendered speechless. And so was Isa next to him.

“Oh, you know.”, Xion shrugged her shoulders and walked over to pot of coffee on the stove, “We just thought you could need it.”

“Yeah!”, Roxas grinned and nodded his head, “Consider this as our thanks!”

“Thanks for what?”, Lea shook his head in confusion.

“Are you kidding?”, Xion grimaced in disbelief and almost poured the coffee over her hand instead of into the cup in it, “For everything!”

“You’ve done so much for us!”, Roxas beamed as he said it.

“From the very start, you’ve taught us so many things.”, Xion continued, “And you never stopped. Every day, you show us how to live and – well, you know, do stuff.”

Roxas nodded, “We’re just glad to have you.”

And just like that, the dam broke and Lea was crying – no, sobbing. He tried to stop himself for a second, clasping his hands in front of his nose and mouth, but it was too late. Tears were falling and his face was heating up.

Isa chuckled softly next to him and took the redhead’s shaky hand into his own to squeeze it.

“Oh, and congratulation.”, smiled Xion as she handed Isa a cup of steaming coffee.

“On what?”, asked the bluehead, running his hand up and down Lea’s back. The redhead was a puddle of tears at this point.

“Getting together.”

Isa blinked and opened his mouth, only to close it again. How did she even –

“We’re not stupid, you know.”, grinned Roxas and winked.

Isa felt like melting into the floor. The sight of his whole face growing redder next to Lea who was sobbing into his hands was quite the extraordinary one.

Xion smiled, before exchanging a telling glance with Roxas and rushing over to their redheaded guardian to tackle him with the biggest, warmest hug.

“You’re the – you’re the be – you’re -…”, it was too early and Lea was crying too hard to form a complete sentence. Never in his life had he felt like this. Never in his life had the redhead felt this loved.

_Today._

“No words needed.”, assured Roxas with a soft smile.

“Almost forgot!”, Xion exclaimed after a minute of hugging and combined sobbing, “We got you a little something. Nothing too great, but eh – let’s say someone told us it would make you very happy.”

Lea wasn’t sure he could take more. He wiped the tears off his face and held onto Isa’s shirt for support as Xion squeezed her way past him and through the door into the living room.

“Did you know about this?”, Lea sniffled and turned his head to Isa, who shook his own.

“Well, I knew about one thing…”

Lea cocked his head, but before he could ask, Xion came back into the room, holding a little paper back in her hand that she offered the redhead proudly.

“Happy – eh…”, she bit her lip, “Happy being-a-functional-family day!”

“We hope it fits you.”

Lea didn’t even have to take the piece of clothing out of the bag to know what it was. He recognized the shop label, caught one glimpse of navy-blue and knew. It was the skirt with the sun and moon symbols on it.

The redhead squealed in delight, “You did not!”

“Yeah, we did.”, laughed Xion and held her hand out for Roxas to high-five, “With a little help one might mention.”

Isa smiled as the girl blinked at him.

“No way!”, Lea pressed the bag onto his chest, “How did you even-?”

“Our secret.”, Roxas placed a finger on his lips.

“You are- you guys are just the best.”, oh and there he was, crying again.

“Okay, let’s eat before I start too.”, Xion took Lea and Isa by the hand and dragged them over to the kitchen table to finally have breakfast.

And so, they enjoyed their meal together, laughing and talking about what they’d planned for the day (which was nothing, so they had enough time to come up with new plans). They washed the dishes together, listening to music and dancing to their favourite tunes. Xion told them about this new flavour of ice cream they could get at the shop down at the tram common. Lea could only roll his eyes as she mentioned how good it was supposed to me.

“Better than sea salt?”

She turned her head to look at him. Roxas followed.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”, smiled both at the same time, “Nothing is better than sea salt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't judge me, I needed some tender fluff. Are you ready for the end?


	22. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every story must come to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!  
> 

**_Four years later_ **

Isa watched the cherry petals dance through the air. The sun was leaking though the branches high above, casting specks of gold onto the white stone. It was early, yet he could feel the street coming to life with every new breath he took. It felt familiar. Nostalgic. Even though everything was so different by now. This street, this house. Radiant Garden.

Today was his big day. The wait was finally over. Isa felt weirdly unprepared, even though he’d been training for so long. His fingers were prickling, his legs were shaking and his mouth was bone dry. Ridiculous. Many people had done this before him. Many had passed before him.

His vision started to blur as he dove into his own mind. He was about to lose himself, when –

“Hey, no! I said no! Stay here, damn it!”

Isa shook his head and blinked, before turning away from the window.

Lea came stumbling into the hallway, holding onto little Sage’s collar and trying to get her under control. The young dog was wagging her tail in anticipation and dragging the redhead through the house with mighty strength. She barked happily at the sight of Isa, her claws scratching the floorboards.

“No, we have to go now and you-“, the dog finally managed to break free from the redhead’s grip and shot toward the bluehead to lick and nudge his fingers, “-have to stay.”

Isa chuckled lightly and crouched down to run his fingers through the soft, dark fur, “What are you doing, huh?”

Sage gave a loud bark.

“Are you bullying Lea?”

Another bark.

“I love you too.”, Lea rolled his eyes, as he watched Isa coddle the young dog.

“Me or her?”, Isa smiled up at his husband, a challenging flicker in his eyes.

“Let me think for a second.”, Lea tapped his finger against his chin, “Haven’t decided.”

Isa hummed, before standing up and locking his arms around Lea’s waist, pulling him closer. Sage waddled in circles, nudging their legs and hips.

“Are you nervous?”, asked the redhead softly, tugging a strand of loose hair behind Isa’s ear. His emerald eyes were blazing.

“You can’t imagine.”, mumbled Isa and ran his thumb over Lea’s jawline.

Lea chuckled, “Believe me, I can.”

Of course. Lea had gone through the whole procedure himself only about a year ago.

“Sometimes, I sort of forget that you-“

“That I’m a Master?”, Lea’s smirk made Isa blush.

“No, no.”, Isa shook his head, nibbling at his bottom lip, “I mean-that you- well, that we-…”

“Got here?”

“Yes.”

“It’s amazing, huh?”, hummed Lea and gave Isa a gentle peck on the nose.

Isa nodded, closing his eyes and enjoying the softness of his sun’s lips on his skin.

“Just imagine it.”, Lea purred and shifted closer, “ _Master_ Isa. Doesn’t that sound fancy?”

“Shut up, _Master_ Lea.”

“I love when you say that.”, chuckled the redhead and a lovely shade of red started to spread all over his nose and cheeks.

“Dork.”

Lea responded with kissing his husband on the lips. Even after four years, every touch and every kiss felt like the first one. Exciting and new and thrilling. An adventure every time anew. Exploring each other every day.

“Are Roxas and Xion coming?”

“Of course!”, grinned Lea, “They can’t wait to see you perform!”

“I just hope I don’t embarrass myself.”

“You won’t.”, Lea took Isa face between his hands, “I’ve seen you in action. You are one of the best keyblade wielders I know.”

Isa averted his eyes as he felt his cheeks heat up. Lea only chuckled.

“Oh and by the way-“, Lea’s eyes lit up in excitement, “Xion asked me if we want to visit the kids in Twilight Town after the ceremony.”

 _The kids._ Isa’s heart skipped a beat at that word. After all, Roxas and Xion weren’t kids anymore. They’d been living alone in Twilight Town for quite some time, organizing and managing their lives and standing on their own two (four) feet.

“Of course.”, Isa smiled softly, “I’d love to see what they’ve done with the apartment.”

“Xion begged me to take Sage, but-“, Lea’s gaze fell onto the dog pacing up and down the hallway in excitement, “-I don’t think that’s possible.”

“The two can visit anytime, they know that.”, said Isa.

“Yeah, yeah…”

They stood in silence after that. Face to face. Eye to eye. Their arms around each other’s body, until Lea kissed Isa and mumbled against his lips, “We should go.”

“Yes, Master Aqua is going to kill me if I’m late."

Lea chuckled and nodded his head.

And so, the two put on their gear, said goodbye to Sage and summoned their keyblades, before leaving the house with the yellow roof and painted window frames.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it. We're at the end. After 22 chapters, we're here.  
> And all I can say is thank you. Thank you to everyone who has read, is reading or will read my story. I never thought I could pull through with this. I never thought I would find the courage to even start. English is not my mothertongue and I am anxious about my writing 24/7, but /you/, all of you showed so much appreciation and support that I can't help but be proud and content with my work. So, thank you. Without you, this wouldn't have been possible. Special thanks to my best friend Kam. Sunshine, without you I really wouldn't know what to do. Thank you for believing in me.  
> I hope all of you lovely people are happy and safe. I don't really know what else to say. I am a bit shaken and emotional right now, so just thank you again and may your heart be your guiding key!  
> Also, if you want to read more leaisa stories, I still have three older baby fics you can enjoy! You can also find me on tumblr @eternalmomentss!  
> You guys are the best!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thanks for checking in on this fic! I hope you'll stay along for the ride!  
> I'd love a kudo or comment and you can find me on tumblr @eternalmomentss!  
> Have a wondeful day!


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